If you didn’t watch the Olympics on Monday, August 8, you missed the hottest, most scandalous night in television of the year.

It started with the men’s synchronized diving competition. And look out, Tom Daley, there’s a new hot boy in town. Meet Daniel Goodfellow.


Openly gay Daley certainly knows all about Goodfellow’s hotness already. They’re platform diving partners for Team GB. And they are a stunning, fat-free pair.



Although Goodfellow (below, right) has Daley (below, left) beat in the junk-in-the-trunk department.





In addition to being delectable to watch, as they writhe around in the air doing flips and twists in sync, they are also legitimately talented: Daley and Goodfellow won the Bronze, which is wonderful, so congrats to them.


But the fun was just beginning.

After leaving the diving pool, we joined the swimmers and watched this tall drink of American water bring home a gold medal in the 100 meter back stroke.




His name is Ryan Murphy, and it is so much more fun when the Olympians are gorgeous.

Then U.S. breast stroke swimmer Lilly King taught everyone a lesson in how to read a bitch, when she publicly called out Russian competitor Yulia Efimova for talking too much game. Efimova had been one of the Russian athletes suspended from the Rio de Janeiro Olympics for using performance-enhancing drugs, but was reinstated at the last minute and allowed to compete. Then she had the audacity to proclaim herself as “#1,” waggling her finger in front of everyone in the pool like the typical Russian villain Americans loved to hate in the 1980’s. And Miss King, being a red-blooded American champion, wasn’t having it. The children must be schooled. So King stood in front of every news camera she could find, informed the world that she didn’t need drugs to win, and boom, she zoomed across that pool and snatched the gold. Atta girl. Although Efimova got the silver. Did the drugs make a difference with the Russian earning a medal? It doesn’t matter now. Because as a group Americans celebrated King’s spectacular win, this guy on the left adjusted his Speedo beneath his towel and nothing else mattered.




Who is he? We are dying to know.

A few races later, Michael Phelps served serious stink eye realness to South African swimmer Chad le Clos, who beat Phelps in the London 2012 Olympics in the 100 meter butterfly.




Le Clos was bouncing around the waiting room, obviously taunting Phelps, and it apparently didn’t sit well with the champ.




They did make it to the pool, but this was just a preliminary race. Both guys qualified for the 100 meter butterfly finals, which will occur on another day. Fingers crossed Phelps wins this time around and squashes le Clos like a bug.


But enough of the water. Let’s finish out the evening with the men’s gymnastics team competition. The boys in red, white and blue made a flurry of errors, so they didn’t come close to earning a team medal, but they will still compete in individual events later in the week. And they earned perfect scores for finding the camera and serving face.



Yes honey.


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