Holiday Queens

The Five Gayest Things That Happened This Thanksgiving

Was this year’s Turkey Day the most homosexual in the history of the holiday? With an ice-skating princess rocking a massive fur cape that would make Liberace blush during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and Mother Monster hosting a “Very Gaga Thanksgiving” on national TV, we think T-Day 2011 might take the gay cake with flying colors. But the gayest thing of all had to be the words I exchanged with Aunt Judy at our family dinner…

5. A Gay Turkey Named “Gobble Gobble Gurl” Came Out of the Closet

Leave it to “Gay Pimp” Jonny McGovern to take to the radio and turn a Thanksgiving story into a gay coming-out bildungsroman — a hilarious one at that.

4. The Annual Lighting of the Pilgrim Monument Went Down in Provincetown

Yeah, that thing looks poised to penetrate a hole into the Cape’s fluffy cloudscape. Also, it’s P-Town, strong contender for gayest place on earth.


3. Somebody at ABC Decided to Give Lady Gaga a Thanksgiving Special

Gay sainte Lady of the Gaga went on the air to have a good cry with lesbo-coiffed Katie Couric and sing duets with lizard-whisperer Tony Bennett. She even posed nude for a sketch that will appear in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair and cooked a deep-fried turkey and waffles with openly gay chef Art Smith. “A Very Gay-gay Thanksgiving” indeed.

2. Macy’s Let Johnny Weir Dress Up as an Ice Princess and Ride a Giant Horse


Relish these golden words because you will never hear them spoken again on ABC: “Aboard the rocking horse is Johnny Weir, posing as this year’s Winter Monarch. At the age of 27, Johnny Weir, a three-time U.S. champion, two-time Olympian and world medalist, is one of the superstars of figure-skating and a pop-culture icon.” Another thing you may never see again: Johnny Weir topping something!

1. I Explained What Santorum Is To Aunt Judy, Because GLAAD Told Me To

Pretty gay, huh? I decided to keep it real with Aunt Betty when she brought up her love of anti-gay Senator Rick Santorum, and asked her to Google Santorum. It’s always good to expand your relatives’ horizons during the holidays! Tell us your gay Thanksgiving stories in the comments. Here’s one from Mattew Rush—who retired from porn for love, only to get quickly dumped—to get you inspired.


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