There’s nothing hotter than understanding the term “enby”
By Ian Helms · 72 comments· Updated on January 26, 2024
In episode 10 of Season Two of And Just Like That…, Che Diaz finds comfort outside a comedy club, where a potential love interest affectionately refers to them as “enby.”
“There’s nothing hotter than a strong enby person…sh*t—now I’m sorry. I didn’t even ask if you were open to being called enby,” the character named Toby said.
This scene caused many reactions on X, including confusion, as many viewers had never heard of the term enby before.
Prepare for the sure-to-be fabulous Season 2 of ‘And Just Like That…’ by taking our quiz to unveil your inner AJLT diva.
…So what is enby and why is it an important label?
The term “enby” is pronounced as “N-B” (en-bee) and is a combination of the sounds from the letters “NB,” representing “non-binary.”
Coined in 2013 by a Tumblr user named revolutionator, it serves as an inclusive term for individuals who identify as non-binary, much like the words “boys” and “girls.”
Non-binary individuals, also known as enbies, do not exclusively identify as male or female. They may experience a combination of genders, a complete absence of gender, a fusion of both, or something entirely unique. Rejecting the confines of traditional binary gender systems and labels, non-binary people express themselves in ways that feel most comfortable and authentic to them.
As a result, the term “enby” has become increasingly popular among individuals who identify as non-binary, allowing them to better express their gender identity.
In fact, according to Pew Research data from 2021, 5.1% of adults under the age of 30 identify as transgender or nonbinary.
In this complete guide, we’ll define what a demi boy is and talk about some of the characteristics associated with this identity.
Enby people can use any pronouns
Enby people often use gender-neutral pronouns like “they/them,” “xe/xyr,” or “ze/zir” to affirm their gender identity. But it’s important to note that not all enby individuals use gender-neutral pronouns exclusively.
Some may prefer to use a combination of gendered and gender-neutral pronouns based on their personal preferences. It is crucial to respect and honor their chosen pronouns as a way of acknowledging and validating their unique gender identity.
The nonbinary flag
The nonbinary flag, which consists of yellow, white, purple, and black stripes, was designed by Kye Rowan in 2014 and has since become an international symbol for those who identify as nonbinary or genderqueer.
Yellow represents individuals whose gender falls outside of the traditional binary.
White is for individuals who embrace multiple or all genders.
Purple symbolizes those who identify with genders that combine aspects of both male and female.
Black represents individuals who do not identify with any particular gender.
People across the LGBTQ+ community can identify as enby, and many have also adopted the nonbinary flag as a way to show solidarity and recognition with one another.
Enby is more than just a label
The term enby serves as both an identity label and an act of resistance against gender norms. As non-binary representation grows in pop culture, discussions on gender fluidity and diversity increase. Enby representation in media helps reduce stigma and encourages authenticity among non-binary individuals.
With the growing acceptance of non-binary people, the practice of separating sports competitions and awards based on binary gender categories is being questioned.
Advocates for gender-neutral categories argue for inclusivity and a fair platform across sports, movies, and music, regardless of gender identity. However, controversies arise regarding potential advantages or disadvantages, such as the debate over transgender women in women’s sports.
We can use terms like AMAB or AFAB to discuss gender identity in a respectful way, while also recognizing the diversity of each others’ experiences.
Be an ally rather than a bystander
While some may not be familiar with the concept of non-binary individuals or the term “enby,” their existence is. valid and has the power to significantly impact a future that values inclusivity. It’s crucial to acknowledge and respect all gender expressions in order to build a society that embraces diversity.
Let’s ensure everyone has a safe space to express themselves, regardless of gender.
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This nonsense needs to stop. There is no such thing as being “non-binary”. A person might feel whatever delusion they want, but that doesn’t make it reality.
You’re telling half-truths there, Matt in SD. Being gay relies on biological reality, whereas being nonbinary or trans relies on surgery, hormones, and validation from others. This BS identity also has a negative impact on gay people. No matter how much you try, you can’t gaslight us into accepting it.
Attitude and dress do not make a gender. The lie they are teaching that gender is fluid is just plain wrong. Your attitude and dress is fluid. Your approach to sexual attraction may change – really it is more to do with coming to terms with your feelings and not a change at all. You are not fluid – your penis does not change based on your outfit or makeup.
I know so many people believe this mistake that gender is a social construct – it isn’t. There are social constructs based on gender, but gender is not a social construct – wrap your head around that. The deluded were taught it in school, after all. This is why so many parents aren’t happy with schools on this topic.
My impression is about 90% of enbies are female – oops I mean ‘assigned female at birth’ – and they’re usually stocky and have short haircuts and they look, act and dress like lesbians. Che Diaz is a classic example. The Miranda/Che relationship was a mystery to me, but I suppose this kind of enby has sexual appeal to some women.
The 10% of enbies who were ‘assigned male at birth’ almost always have beards – Ezra Miller, Farhad Manjoo of the NY Times, even Sam Smith – and if I ever meet a bearded dude who says his pronouns are they/them, I’ll assume he is joking. If he insists he’s serious I’ll just edge away slowly… slowly…! Enby identity is probably going to be a sexual turnoff for most gay guys.
There’s the possibility that a lot of enbies are just trying to AVOID sex entirely, which is a valid preference of course but it seems a convoluted way to go about it.
@still_onthemark: I suspect otherwise, as they/them are pushing to make nonselection of enbys on dating apps to be the same as outright discrimination. Like, against the law. Same as people of color who think they can guilt people into matching with them.
“Non-binary individuals, also known as enbies, do not exclusively identify as male or female.” Well, they’re one or the other, because those are the two Sexes. One cannot identify as having or lacking organs. Though I’m sure it would be possible to not exclusively identify as boy, man, girl or woman which are Gender Identities. Sex is biological fact and Gender Identities are constructions which can exist in many forms.
Also, I find it IRONIC how we get a full breakdown of the “meanings” of the colors in the Nonbinary Flag, when the Rainbow Pride Flag’s universal colors get studiously ignored so that it can be attacked for being “non-inclusive” of Transgenders Nonbinary and Blacks.
I hate to say this, but after reading this article I understand why so many conservatives mock gender identity. Breaking it down to this level of division (specific colors for gender combos?) just adds fuel to doubt of the sincerity of the gender identity discussion. I am not telling anyone to stop being themselves in any way. It’s just getting very complicated to be an ally here.
It really isn’t that complicated. Just respect people when they tell you who they are. And there’s no placating conservatives. They’ll always hate us no matter how “normal” we act. If it’s getting that hard for you to be an ally, maybe it’s time for you to question if you really are one.
Gay men and lesbians spent decades convincing the straights that we’re “Born This Way.” People with gender dysphoria are apparently born that way. Intersex people are also born that way. Nonbinary people aren’t born that way,
I believe you were born NB and i support your journey and am an ally. However when you crash the english language, on that I am your enemy. You over stepped our boundaries that we all obey. On that I will not budge.
They has been used singularly for centuries. You’ve used it that way countless times yourself without realizing it. Although I do agree that a new pronoun would be pretty cool. Also, you can’t “crash” a mutt language like English. Its strength as well as its difficulty lies in its flexibility and ability to absorb new words and concepts. And for the record, I’m a cis gay man. I just realize that our fight is essentially the same. We all have the same common enemy who can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t fit with their idea of masculine or feminine, be it a man who loves other men, a person born into the wrong body, or someone who doesn’t fit into any particular gender. And whether they’re born that way or not doesn’t matter to me. Very sad that experiencing discrimination doesn’t lead to broader empathy for some people.
It really is more complicated than respecting people when they tell you who they are.
Because as part of their evangelism, they tell other people what they “really” are. And they’re daft.
Sigh…when I saw the headline to this article I instantly knew what the comment section would be like. I have 3 points to make: 1. gender and sex are different concepts; in the past they were often used interchangeably in most of Western culture, but they aren’t the same thing; sex organs have nothing to do with gender; there are MOSTLY two sexes, but that doesn’t mean there have to be only two genders; 2. I understand why people, including gay people, would oppose how the concept and the terms are evolving, but why the need to be SO angry, SO dismissive, and SO unwilling to even think about the issues; 3. even if you disagree vehemently with the concept/movement, why can’t you be the sort of “live and let live” people that ha e dominated and defined gay culture for decades now?
Dennis, I agree with your points, especially the unnecessary anger. I also agree with your “live and let live” point, however, IMHO, that means let me continue to “live” with the proper English I was forced to learn by allowing me to continue with commonly accepted pronouns. Is it really too much to ask a LGBTQ+ person to choose and tolerate using the taught pronouns? It has been my experience with the handful of people I have met that use non-typical pronouns, that they are quite confrontational about all aspects of their gayness. I’ve yet to meet someone (or should that be sometwo?) that uses they/them pronouns that I have enjoyed being around. I’m all for people having the right to express themselves, but forcing these unusual pronouns only makes the battle harder to win.
Dennis, what is the name of the third sex? And fourth sex? Go on, we’ll wait.
But you can’t say, because there is only male and female, and accidental mixtures of those two and no other sexes.
S.anderson, I’m not quite sure of the point you’re trying to make. As I said, there are “MOSTLY” two sexes. I had to use the “mostly” because of the existence of the “third” sex: intersex people, which constitute a unique category. I’m not aware of anything that could be called a “fourth sex.” So we have male, female, and intersex (the latter of which is quite rare). If that doesn’t answer you, could you re-phrase the question?
Openminded, as I just said on another thread, I agree that too many “alternate gender” people and their supporters are too confrontational. As an observing human being that seems to me to be counter-productive to their goals, and just represents basic over-sensitivity. However, I have a question for you. Since we know that gender and sex are different, and gender is increasingly evolving to be seen as not being a strict binary, that means that people exist who identify on a gender basis as neither male nor female. For them the “traditional” pronouns simply wouldn’t apply. (And in some cases when observing from the outside, i.e., someone you don’t know, you can’t tell what “traditional” gender they are or were born as.) So why would you feel compelled to use the traditional pronouns you grew up with? Would it really be an affront to you (and to your terrific screen name!) to adapt to a changing world?
As I said in the other thread, my straight best friend’s child (17 yo) appears to be trans, and prefers he/him pronouns. But at one point he preferred they/them. If you and I were together with my friend and his kid, would you really want to refer to the kid as her or she, knowing the preference for they/them? Would your adherence to your “tradition” take precedence over the desire of the human being involved?
@DennisMpls: intersex people are not a third sex. They are a mixture of male and female. Or they can look like they are even if they are genetically just one sex. People are either one sex or a combination of the two existing sexes. There are no additional sexes. Furthermore, your apparent lack of understanding does not invalidate my point. It invalidates your intellect.
S.anderson – your personal attacks tell us everything we need to know about you. However, I’ll respond rationally anyway. Your point is just semantics, and I’m guessing if we consulted an expert (biology, linguistics, anatomist?) your position would lose out. But it’s all moot anyway. The point is that true intersex people can’t be put into either the male or female bucket. They don’t fit in either. Ergo, referring to them as a “third sex.” If you want to refer to them as a combination of “the two real sexes” go for it. It’s moot to understanding reality.
I’ll make one further argument. There are various sex organs and sexual characteristics that a person can have. One combination produces what we call a male. A second combination produces what we call a female. It seems logical that a third combination would produce a third category, i.e., a third sex, which we label as intersex.
Because their insistence on pretending they’re not just men or women affects actual men and women who have to bow down to all the stupid stuff they want introduced. Mixed changing rooms, mixed toilets, the butchering of language, mixed toilets and changing in schools just because someone (usually a grand total of one person) wants to pretend they’re not a male or female. And so the whole population has to bend down, change and comply
@DennisMpls: I think you just shot yourself in the foot, complaining about “my personal attacks”. People will go looking for these, and they’ll see I haven’t been doing that.
Linguistics does come into this, as I see people here demonstrating poor skills at that. Possibly deliberately. Slipstreaming “gender” into a sentence that should use “sex” and vice-versa. And worse, people confidently stanning for a certain point of view based on the blurred lines they’re trained to follow.
You don’t create additional sexes by CULTIVATING AN IDEA in the mind of a male or female or intersex person.
Sex is not a state of mind. Gender Identity is. One’s sex, genetics and anatomy are not. You CAN. NOT. “identify” as male or female. You just ARE male or female. It IS a strict binary. You can however, identify as any gender identity, which are constructions based on Gender Stereotypes. Boy, man, girl, woman, and many others are Gender Identities.
This is NOT something only “an expert” can resolve for us. You’ve tried to argue that there are third and more sexes by perhaps “combining genitals in various ways”. Well, you’re speculating about combining the penis and vagina in more than one way, when there is only one: is intersex. Intersex is not a third sex. It’s an error occurring in fertilization where the embryo somehow survives. Intersex people are either genetically male or female, but look like a combination of the two sexes, or are a mixture of the two sexes. It’s not evolution, it’s a birth defect.
This is some liberal BULLSHIT agenda to confuse already confused youth and ram this abomination down our throats that a confused young man can become a female and vice versa. There’re only 2 biological genders, male and female, have been since creation and no amount of gender reassignment surgery or therapy will change this, only confuse people who don’t need to be confused.
Butch, femme, genderqueer, drag queens…haven’t we been enlightened to the follies of gender roles for GENERATIONS now? Nobody’s binary. No one. So I don’t really get distinguishing nonbinary. I feel like it’s ironically restrictive, as if you’re supposed to be like “ooop! I like to paint my nails but I have a penis! Guess I don’t qualify as male and you will refer to me otherwise”. I don’t think the key to breaking down barriers is saying everyone else is “binary”….they aren’t! You can’t be. Even the most adamantly male or female “presenting” individual is, by some definition, contrary.
The fight about whether one is male or female is a futile one.
We ARE binary. Binary actually refers to whether one is male or female. Gender Identities are based on Gender Stereotypes, AKA Traditional Sex Roles, which are traits assigned to either sex.
We should instead reform these GS/TSR which are assigned to us, as it is THESE which often do not fit actual human beings well. We should reject the attempt by GS/TSR, and the tyrants who use these standards to declare some people “men” and “women” and to deny others the right to hold these identities.
The debate about nonbinary identity is confused by the implication that a concept which one carries in their head can affect whether they are male or female, when this is impossible. A concept that one carries in their head, a construction, may certainly shape their Gender Identity.
So, respect people’s pronouns; hell yeah. Gender identity is cool. In this modern age, Men and Women can look, act, dress and pursue lifestyles that fit them no matter what GS/TSR say. But don’t demand that people literally believe that someone’s sex has changed.
The whole reason we now have to mix all our toilets, changing rooms and remove gendered categories and less opportunities for women at awards shows because a handful of people who know full well what sex they are have to pretend they aren’t either and have no clue what bathroom to use or what category they belong in ? just like Sam smith ensuring no woman was nominated for best artist because he wants to pretend there’s no category for him.
My take on all of this is to just respect people’s pronouns and identity even if I don’t understand it. I see no reason for rage or conflict. I don’t feeling I am “bowing down” to anyone either. Its not like a non-binary person is forcing me to clean a military latrine with only a tooth brush. Some people are SUPER melodramatic.
The rule seems to be that if you’re a good person, you respect a person’s pronouns (except for uppity cishet people who aren’t on board with the littany, tee-hee) AND agree sincerely when a person says they identify as MALE or FEMALE when they were born the opposite. There’s a pathological push to blur one’s identity with their actual anatomy and to call all these Gender Identities “additional sexes”.
“In fact, according to Pew Research data from 2021, 5.1% of adults under the age of 30 identify as transgender or nonbinary.”
The link clarifies that about 2% identify as trans and about 3% as nonbinary.
The recent trans figures are mostly social media driven, where teenage girls become convinced *en masse* they’re really F-to-Ms.
The nonbinary fad among young people will begin to fade after they realize they’ve doomed themselves to careers as baristas or in the grungier low-paid nonprofits.
Non-binary is a fad – plain and simple – it’s the new screw the patriarchy folks with a new spin. News flash – the patriarchy is already dead. The real problem is and always has been wealth inequality.
The trans surge is a misunderstood realization that many children are deeply upset about puberty – which is not gender dysphoria. The problem is this is dangerous to any child who is given gender drugs without proper diagnosis for gender dysphoria. Being a lesbian in college hurts no one when she changes her mind later. Change your mind after you have been chemically castrated, big problem.
When Chez was introduced season 1…after 2 episodes I found her so obnoxious I have not watched that AJLK and it was ‘so hip it hurts’ or trying to be. I do not give a hot patootie your gender or preferences….do what you want …. leave me alone and I do not go by any person or things labels.
Che, in some ways, is a great example of the non-binary fallacy – in the end she is just a bisexual woman – the rest is appearance and attitude. She’s clearly a butch woman, who dresses badly, is totally selfish, and treats people with contempt. What I do not like most about the character is she is a terrible person -being non-binary just puts a label on it.
Why the husband is still in the picture is a mystery.
Don’t care so much about how she choses to appear to the world – I just don’t like Che.
It used to be we had Gay ,straight lesbian bisexuality. Now there are 500 different ways to define oneself and many interchangeable. It’s confusing and members of the lgbtq community get mad if you use the wrong one like society has to remember them.all and not call you the wrong one.when one fits ypu one day and another the next..I personally find it a bit much. Be queer be gay or bi. Anything else is confusing shpuldnt need explaining…should i carry a dictionary pamphlet explaining them ??
@Terrycloth: keeping in mind, that some folk feel that part of their mission is to relabel people past, present and future to bolster their own movement. Not the LGB people, mind you, some of whom are unbothered about being relabeled “queer” but many literally fought to prove to the world that they are NOT oddities That LGB is perfectly normal behavior for boys, girls, men and women. But they’re laughed at when they request not to be labeled queer. And they’re sneered at or even cancelled when they request that all the historical LGB folk not be re-labeled queer. Now the “official” word is that yeah, we ARE a bunch of weirdos whose identities are tightly connected to gender issues.
These things are ATTACKS on LGB people by the very people who claim to be the LGBTQIA++ people today.
Like the lie about Marsha P. Johnson starting the Stonewall riots, the claim that pronouns always referred to “gender identity” and not sex is just another activist-created lie.
Marsha declared himself to be a gay man who was either a transvestite or a drag queen. He also stated that he arrived at the riot about an hour after it started. It is generally acceptable to refer to a transvestite or drag queen as “she”, especially while in costume. Some people are trying to retcon these folks into being “queer” and “transgender” because it makes their own movement seem more important.
I didn’t know that some people claim that pronouns ALWAYS referred to “gender identity”. Though, traditionally, “sex” and “gender” have been used to mean the same thing, and it was simply assumed that males and females would conform to the Traditional Sex Roles of their community.
I do know that some people claim that “they/them” and other pronouns were always used in a singular form as well as plural. This lacks firm support other than an example or two of this use going back a century or two. What I do know is that it has long been accepted to use the pronoun “he” by default.
Actually there’s no proof that they them was ever used as singular if the sex was known.
This bs about using it everyday as singular if the sex is known is the big lie. They tried to slip or by without the intelligent noticing.
“Queer” and “sis” were also trans and NBs cook ups brought onto LGBs and str8s, something that never would have happened if we LGBs would have had our eyes open.
Trans and NBs have cost us dearly with all their bs.
I’m not sure I understand this concept. It seems a reaction to cartoonishly polarized sex roles. Like saying if you’re not a Kim Kardashian ultra-femme type female or a Chris Hemsworth ultra-masc type male, you must be NB.
We each were born with half our genes coming from a woman (mother) and half our genes coming from a man (father). It is the intermingling of these genes that creates our individuality. You might have your mother’s eyes and your father’s elbows. Your mother’s sharp hearing and your father’s laugh. Your mother’s capacity for math and your father’s artistic talent.
We are each a complex mix of both masculine and feminine traits handed down to us by our parents and ancestors. There is no need to create a brand new “political identity” over this fact.
@bachy: I am among those who agree with you. Though, I would tighten up that last point like this; “We are each a complex mix of traits which our culture considers masculine, feminine or many other things…”
There is a struggle among certain minority groups to evangelize “updated” definitions, and even assign labels, while demanding reform and justice for others allegedly assigning labels upon them.
We are, none of us, “nonbinaries” in that none of us are something other than male or female (and yes, including 1.7% who are “intersex” and are a bit of both), but we all have at least slightly different Gender Identities, meaning none of us are fully compliant with Gender Stereotypes AKA Traditional Sex Roles.
Some of us are quite noncompliant, but that should not empower others to deny us our right to self-identify as Girls, Women, Men, Boys or something else. Those who are confused into thinking their anatomical sex is wrong are being bilked by people who are just as bad as, if not worse than, homophobes who assert that LGBTQ folk are “confused about their sex”. Furthermore, no leader of representative of any LGBTQIA++ community should continue to assign their identity to others, especially against their will or counter to historical documentation.
Nobody’s “assigned” male or female; instead, one is observed to be so. The crime is that traditionally, we’re assigned strict roles according to our sex. The opportunistic crime that follows that is when a militant minority runs the current in reverse and essentially evangelizes the idea of determining our sex according to the dominant gender stereotypes we may exhibit.
Gay and lesbian civil rights organizations have been hijacked – turned into a string of letters that can only be understood as Narcissists Anonymous. Can you imagine the outcry if the media – the ENTIRE media – referred to Barack Obama as “the nation’s first BIPOC president’ instead of the our first black president? Or if they posted articles about historic figures like Harriet Tubman, “the BIPOC hero who helped enslaved BIPOCs escape to freedom”? But wimpy gay men think nothing of it as gay heroes living and dead have their sexual orientation erased as they’re called “LGBTQIA+ People” or “queers.” This is on purpose, guys. It’s to put you in your place because you have all that “cis white male privilege” and to soften you up for the QT takeover.
Having all society validate your fashion choice with “they, them” or other atrocious “neo-pronouns” is not a human right. It’s a power play by attention-seekers who are no longer satisfied with just sucking all the oxygen out of the room, but are claiming the furniture, walls and anything else they can get their most-marginalized hands on.
Nailed it man. That’s why trans and NBs have been called the rainbow mafia.
Trans slowly infiltrated the gay community to take over. “They them cis queer” etc are all trannie stink bombs to force theit agenda. No self preserving gay man would ever have voted to be called queer if there had been a vote. It was force fed. And then there’s schools. Trans NBs fund schools to run their “you can be a boy or girl” agenda. Gays are wimps to allow all this to happen. You couldn’t have said it better. Thank god the clean up has begun.
Nothing hotter than understanding enby? Lol, my broken toaster oven is hotter than understanding enby.
When someone tells me they are non-binary I appreciate them doing so. It tells me their are ego-centric, over-bearing, demanding, broke and someone to avoid. Makes it easy to remember I have somewhere else to be.
Curious, Queerty and other sites seem to refer to Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals under the one term “Queer”, but when it comes to non-binary, trans, 2 sprit, etc… the site is very specific to name their specific label and not just refer to them as “Queer”.
So is Queerty segregating Trans and non-binary people out, or is it that Queerty has no respect for people who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual?
@Cam: I’ve noticed this too. I guess “Lesbians, Gay Men and Bisexuals” is such an old boomer thing and using these terms just keeps them on life support. You see, there are “queers” and there are Queers. Anyway, the lesbians and gays just need to embrace transgender and the bisexuals need to upgrade to “genderfluid” or “pan” or “nonbinary” out of loyalty to those who don’t believe in binary sex. Lol
No, when they use “queer” it includes those categories. But, there are a lot of very conservative trolls who regularly post here who really only have issues with trans, non-binary, etc… You see a lot of them on this post.
For my part, I’m anything but conservative. I believe in empowering people to pursue whatever their calling is. But I draw a hard line at having my life’s work undone, being assigned labels and having screwy kids take on an authoritative voice and explain to me what the new rules are.
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ShaverC
This nonsense needs to stop. There is no such thing as being “non-binary”. A person might feel whatever delusion they want, but that doesn’t make it reality.
Wentz
“Tell me you don’t understand Gender without telling me you don’t understand Gender”
KissBananaPeels
I have to agree…the identity politics need to stop…
You are either: gay, straight, asexual, bisexual…sorry transgender is NOT a sexual identity it is a personal identity and so is non-binary…
Matt in SD
That’s exactly what they said about gay people.
Gabby
I have to agree. We are now living in a world being populated by juvenile immature adult babies.
monty clift
You’re telling half-truths there, Matt in SD. Being gay relies on biological reality, whereas being nonbinary or trans relies on surgery, hormones, and validation from others. This BS identity also has a negative impact on gay people. No matter how much you try, you can’t gaslight us into accepting it.
LumpyPillows
Attitude and dress do not make a gender. The lie they are teaching that gender is fluid is just plain wrong. Your attitude and dress is fluid. Your approach to sexual attraction may change – really it is more to do with coming to terms with your feelings and not a change at all. You are not fluid – your penis does not change based on your outfit or makeup.
I know so many people believe this mistake that gender is a social construct – it isn’t. There are social constructs based on gender, but gender is not a social construct – wrap your head around that. The deluded were taught it in school, after all. This is why so many parents aren’t happy with schools on this topic.
Vince
Funny how all this comes from the usual types that you’d have figured out 100 feet down before they even approached you.
PubisHairus
Well, great! If you can have them “figured out” so easily it shouldn’t be that difficult to use their preferred pronouns.
Diplomat
Regarding pronouns: unless NBs want severe backlash, stick with pronouns other than they them.
Matt in SD
Dude, don’t be a jerk. You sound like all the straights who used to sneer at us gays.
still_onthemark
My impression is about 90% of enbies are female – oops I mean ‘assigned female at birth’ – and they’re usually stocky and have short haircuts and they look, act and dress like lesbians. Che Diaz is a classic example. The Miranda/Che relationship was a mystery to me, but I suppose this kind of enby has sexual appeal to some women.
The 10% of enbies who were ‘assigned male at birth’ almost always have beards – Ezra Miller, Farhad Manjoo of the NY Times, even Sam Smith – and if I ever meet a bearded dude who says his pronouns are they/them, I’ll assume he is joking. If he insists he’s serious I’ll just edge away slowly… slowly…! Enby identity is probably going to be a sexual turnoff for most gay guys.
There’s the possibility that a lot of enbies are just trying to AVOID sex entirely, which is a valid preference of course but it seems a convoluted way to go about it.
S.anderson
@still_onthemark: I suspect otherwise, as they/them are pushing to make nonselection of enbys on dating apps to be the same as outright discrimination. Like, against the law. Same as people of color who think they can guilt people into matching with them.
FreddieW
“They may experience a combination of genders, a complete absence of gender, a fusion of both, or something entirely unique.”
Give me an example of something entirely unique. Is it gross or terrifying or just delusional?
S.anderson
I think they mean such as cloaca and ovipositors.
S.anderson
“Non-binary individuals, also known as enbies, do not exclusively identify as male or female.” Well, they’re one or the other, because those are the two Sexes. One cannot identify as having or lacking organs. Though I’m sure it would be possible to not exclusively identify as boy, man, girl or woman which are Gender Identities. Sex is biological fact and Gender Identities are constructions which can exist in many forms.
Also, I find it IRONIC how we get a full breakdown of the “meanings” of the colors in the Nonbinary Flag, when the Rainbow Pride Flag’s universal colors get studiously ignored so that it can be attacked for being “non-inclusive” of Transgenders Nonbinary and Blacks.
Matt in SD
So many gays sounding like Anita Bryant today. Gender and sex are different. You don’t like it? Fine, you’re free to mind your own business.
FreddieW
Anita Bryant? Sorry, but you’re appropriating gay history for something that isn’t gay.
Jack
I hate to say this, but after reading this article I understand why so many conservatives mock gender identity. Breaking it down to this level of division (specific colors for gender combos?) just adds fuel to doubt of the sincerity of the gender identity discussion. I am not telling anyone to stop being themselves in any way. It’s just getting very complicated to be an ally here.
LumpyPillows
It is nonsensical. It creates something out of nothing – all in the hopes to make weird people feel better about their choices.
Matt in SD
It really isn’t that complicated. Just respect people when they tell you who they are. And there’s no placating conservatives. They’ll always hate us no matter how “normal” we act. If it’s getting that hard for you to be an ally, maybe it’s time for you to question if you really are one.
still_onthemark
Gay men and lesbians spent decades convincing the straights that we’re “Born This Way.” People with gender dysphoria are apparently born that way. Intersex people are also born that way. Nonbinary people aren’t born that way,
Diplomat
Then you respect us by not crashing the english language with insane “they them is singular” malarkey.
Diplomat
I believe you were born NB and i support your journey and am an ally. However when you crash the english language, on that I am your enemy. You over stepped our boundaries that we all obey. On that I will not budge.
Matt in SD
They has been used singularly for centuries. You’ve used it that way countless times yourself without realizing it. Although I do agree that a new pronoun would be pretty cool. Also, you can’t “crash” a mutt language like English. Its strength as well as its difficulty lies in its flexibility and ability to absorb new words and concepts. And for the record, I’m a cis gay man. I just realize that our fight is essentially the same. We all have the same common enemy who can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t fit with their idea of masculine or feminine, be it a man who loves other men, a person born into the wrong body, or someone who doesn’t fit into any particular gender. And whether they’re born that way or not doesn’t matter to me. Very sad that experiencing discrimination doesn’t lead to broader empathy for some people.
S.anderson
It really is more complicated than respecting people when they tell you who they are.
Because as part of their evangelism, they tell other people what they “really” are. And they’re daft.
DennisMpls
Sigh…when I saw the headline to this article I instantly knew what the comment section would be like. I have 3 points to make: 1. gender and sex are different concepts; in the past they were often used interchangeably in most of Western culture, but they aren’t the same thing; sex organs have nothing to do with gender; there are MOSTLY two sexes, but that doesn’t mean there have to be only two genders; 2. I understand why people, including gay people, would oppose how the concept and the terms are evolving, but why the need to be SO angry, SO dismissive, and SO unwilling to even think about the issues; 3. even if you disagree vehemently with the concept/movement, why can’t you be the sort of “live and let live” people that ha e dominated and defined gay culture for decades now?
Openminded
Dennis, I agree with your points, especially the unnecessary anger. I also agree with your “live and let live” point, however, IMHO, that means let me continue to “live” with the proper English I was forced to learn by allowing me to continue with commonly accepted pronouns. Is it really too much to ask a LGBTQ+ person to choose and tolerate using the taught pronouns? It has been my experience with the handful of people I have met that use non-typical pronouns, that they are quite confrontational about all aspects of their gayness. I’ve yet to meet someone (or should that be sometwo?) that uses they/them pronouns that I have enjoyed being around. I’m all for people having the right to express themselves, but forcing these unusual pronouns only makes the battle harder to win.
S.anderson
Dennis, what is the name of the third sex? And fourth sex? Go on, we’ll wait.
But you can’t say, because there is only male and female, and accidental mixtures of those two and no other sexes.
DennisMpls
S.anderson, I’m not quite sure of the point you’re trying to make. As I said, there are “MOSTLY” two sexes. I had to use the “mostly” because of the existence of the “third” sex: intersex people, which constitute a unique category. I’m not aware of anything that could be called a “fourth sex.” So we have male, female, and intersex (the latter of which is quite rare). If that doesn’t answer you, could you re-phrase the question?
DennisMpls
Openminded, as I just said on another thread, I agree that too many “alternate gender” people and their supporters are too confrontational. As an observing human being that seems to me to be counter-productive to their goals, and just represents basic over-sensitivity. However, I have a question for you. Since we know that gender and sex are different, and gender is increasingly evolving to be seen as not being a strict binary, that means that people exist who identify on a gender basis as neither male nor female. For them the “traditional” pronouns simply wouldn’t apply. (And in some cases when observing from the outside, i.e., someone you don’t know, you can’t tell what “traditional” gender they are or were born as.) So why would you feel compelled to use the traditional pronouns you grew up with? Would it really be an affront to you (and to your terrific screen name!) to adapt to a changing world?
As I said in the other thread, my straight best friend’s child (17 yo) appears to be trans, and prefers he/him pronouns. But at one point he preferred they/them. If you and I were together with my friend and his kid, would you really want to refer to the kid as her or she, knowing the preference for they/them? Would your adherence to your “tradition” take precedence over the desire of the human being involved?
S.anderson
@DennisMpls: intersex people are not a third sex. They are a mixture of male and female. Or they can look like they are even if they are genetically just one sex. People are either one sex or a combination of the two existing sexes. There are no additional sexes. Furthermore, your apparent lack of understanding does not invalidate my point. It invalidates your intellect.
DennisMpls
S.anderson – your personal attacks tell us everything we need to know about you. However, I’ll respond rationally anyway. Your point is just semantics, and I’m guessing if we consulted an expert (biology, linguistics, anatomist?) your position would lose out. But it’s all moot anyway. The point is that true intersex people can’t be put into either the male or female bucket. They don’t fit in either. Ergo, referring to them as a “third sex.” If you want to refer to them as a combination of “the two real sexes” go for it. It’s moot to understanding reality.
I’ll make one further argument. There are various sex organs and sexual characteristics that a person can have. One combination produces what we call a male. A second combination produces what we call a female. It seems logical that a third combination would produce a third category, i.e., a third sex, which we label as intersex.
nope1
Because their insistence on pretending they’re not just men or women affects actual men and women who have to bow down to all the stupid stuff they want introduced. Mixed changing rooms, mixed toilets, the butchering of language, mixed toilets and changing in schools just because someone (usually a grand total of one person) wants to pretend they’re not a male or female. And so the whole population has to bend down, change and comply
S.anderson
@DennisMpls: I think you just shot yourself in the foot, complaining about “my personal attacks”. People will go looking for these, and they’ll see I haven’t been doing that.
Linguistics does come into this, as I see people here demonstrating poor skills at that. Possibly deliberately. Slipstreaming “gender” into a sentence that should use “sex” and vice-versa. And worse, people confidently stanning for a certain point of view based on the blurred lines they’re trained to follow.
You don’t create additional sexes by CULTIVATING AN IDEA in the mind of a male or female or intersex person.
Sex is not a state of mind. Gender Identity is. One’s sex, genetics and anatomy are not. You CAN. NOT. “identify” as male or female. You just ARE male or female. It IS a strict binary. You can however, identify as any gender identity, which are constructions based on Gender Stereotypes. Boy, man, girl, woman, and many others are Gender Identities.
This is NOT something only “an expert” can resolve for us. You’ve tried to argue that there are third and more sexes by perhaps “combining genitals in various ways”. Well, you’re speculating about combining the penis and vagina in more than one way, when there is only one: is intersex. Intersex is not a third sex. It’s an error occurring in fertilization where the embryo somehow survives. Intersex people are either genetically male or female, but look like a combination of the two sexes, or are a mixture of the two sexes. It’s not evolution, it’s a birth defect.
LumpyPillows
The angry people are the ones defending this non-binary mistake. They are down right terroristic in their approach to any disagreement.
winemaker
This is some liberal BULLSHIT agenda to confuse already confused youth and ram this abomination down our throats that a confused young man can become a female and vice versa. There’re only 2 biological genders, male and female, have been since creation and no amount of gender reassignment surgery or therapy will change this, only confuse people who don’t need to be confused.
kevin57
Question: Are you gay?
Pistolo
Butch, femme, genderqueer, drag queens…haven’t we been enlightened to the follies of gender roles for GENERATIONS now? Nobody’s binary. No one. So I don’t really get distinguishing nonbinary. I feel like it’s ironically restrictive, as if you’re supposed to be like “ooop! I like to paint my nails but I have a penis! Guess I don’t qualify as male and you will refer to me otherwise”. I don’t think the key to breaking down barriers is saying everyone else is “binary”….they aren’t! You can’t be. Even the most adamantly male or female “presenting” individual is, by some definition, contrary.
S.anderson
The fight about whether one is male or female is a futile one.
We ARE binary. Binary actually refers to whether one is male or female. Gender Identities are based on Gender Stereotypes, AKA Traditional Sex Roles, which are traits assigned to either sex.
We should instead reform these GS/TSR which are assigned to us, as it is THESE which often do not fit actual human beings well. We should reject the attempt by GS/TSR, and the tyrants who use these standards to declare some people “men” and “women” and to deny others the right to hold these identities.
The debate about nonbinary identity is confused by the implication that a concept which one carries in their head can affect whether they are male or female, when this is impossible. A concept that one carries in their head, a construction, may certainly shape their Gender Identity.
So, respect people’s pronouns; hell yeah. Gender identity is cool. In this modern age, Men and Women can look, act, dress and pursue lifestyles that fit them no matter what GS/TSR say. But don’t demand that people literally believe that someone’s sex has changed.
LumpyPillows
Everyone is different! Go figure. Everyone does not get a gender.
fab0497
Non binary?, sorry, I only know the binary code
nope1
The whole reason we now have to mix all our toilets, changing rooms and remove gendered categories and less opportunities for women at awards shows because a handful of people who know full well what sex they are have to pretend they aren’t either and have no clue what bathroom to use or what category they belong in ? just like Sam smith ensuring no woman was nominated for best artist because he wants to pretend there’s no category for him.
DarkZephyr
My take on all of this is to just respect people’s pronouns and identity even if I don’t understand it. I see no reason for rage or conflict. I don’t feeling I am “bowing down” to anyone either. Its not like a non-binary person is forcing me to clean a military latrine with only a tooth brush. Some people are SUPER melodramatic.
S.anderson
The rule seems to be that if you’re a good person, you respect a person’s pronouns (except for uppity cishet people who aren’t on board with the littany, tee-hee) AND agree sincerely when a person says they identify as MALE or FEMALE when they were born the opposite. There’s a pathological push to blur one’s identity with their actual anatomy and to call all these Gender Identities “additional sexes”.
still_onthemark
“In fact, according to Pew Research data from 2021, 5.1% of adults under the age of 30 identify as transgender or nonbinary.”
The link clarifies that about 2% identify as trans and about 3% as nonbinary.
The recent trans figures are mostly social media driven, where teenage girls become convinced *en masse* they’re really F-to-Ms.
The nonbinary fad among young people will begin to fade after they realize they’ve doomed themselves to careers as baristas or in the grungier low-paid nonprofits.
LumpyPillows
Non-binary is a fad – plain and simple – it’s the new screw the patriarchy folks with a new spin. News flash – the patriarchy is already dead. The real problem is and always has been wealth inequality.
The trans surge is a misunderstood realization that many children are deeply upset about puberty – which is not gender dysphoria. The problem is this is dangerous to any child who is given gender drugs without proper diagnosis for gender dysphoria. Being a lesbian in college hurts no one when she changes her mind later. Change your mind after you have been chemically castrated, big problem.
Winsocki
When Chez was introduced season 1…after 2 episodes I found her so obnoxious I have not watched that AJLK and it was ‘so hip it hurts’ or trying to be. I do not give a hot patootie your gender or preferences….do what you want …. leave me alone and I do not go by any person or things labels.
LumpyPillows
Che, in some ways, is a great example of the non-binary fallacy – in the end she is just a bisexual woman – the rest is appearance and attitude. She’s clearly a butch woman, who dresses badly, is totally selfish, and treats people with contempt. What I do not like most about the character is she is a terrible person -being non-binary just puts a label on it.
Why the husband is still in the picture is a mystery.
Don’t care so much about how she choses to appear to the world – I just don’t like Che.
Terrycloth
It used to be we had Gay ,straight lesbian bisexuality. Now there are 500 different ways to define oneself and many interchangeable. It’s confusing and members of the lgbtq community get mad if you use the wrong one like society has to remember them.all and not call you the wrong one.when one fits ypu one day and another the next..I personally find it a bit much. Be queer be gay or bi. Anything else is confusing shpuldnt need explaining…should i carry a dictionary pamphlet explaining them ??
S.anderson
@Terrycloth: keeping in mind, that some folk feel that part of their mission is to relabel people past, present and future to bolster their own movement. Not the LGB people, mind you, some of whom are unbothered about being relabeled “queer” but many literally fought to prove to the world that they are NOT oddities That LGB is perfectly normal behavior for boys, girls, men and women. But they’re laughed at when they request not to be labeled queer. And they’re sneered at or even cancelled when they request that all the historical LGB folk not be re-labeled queer. Now the “official” word is that yeah, we ARE a bunch of weirdos whose identities are tightly connected to gender issues.
These things are ATTACKS on LGB people by the very people who claim to be the LGBTQIA++ people today.
inbama
Like the lie about Marsha P. Johnson starting the Stonewall riots, the claim that pronouns always referred to “gender identity” and not sex is just another activist-created lie.
S.anderson
Marsha declared himself to be a gay man who was either a transvestite or a drag queen. He also stated that he arrived at the riot about an hour after it started. It is generally acceptable to refer to a transvestite or drag queen as “she”, especially while in costume. Some people are trying to retcon these folks into being “queer” and “transgender” because it makes their own movement seem more important.
I didn’t know that some people claim that pronouns ALWAYS referred to “gender identity”. Though, traditionally, “sex” and “gender” have been used to mean the same thing, and it was simply assumed that males and females would conform to the Traditional Sex Roles of their community.
I do know that some people claim that “they/them” and other pronouns were always used in a singular form as well as plural. This lacks firm support other than an example or two of this use going back a century or two. What I do know is that it has long been accepted to use the pronoun “he” by default.
dbmcvey
No one claims Marsha P. Johnson started the Stonewall Riots.
Diplomat
Actually there’s no proof that they them was ever used as singular if the sex was known.
This bs about using it everyday as singular if the sex is known is the big lie. They tried to slip or by without the intelligent noticing.
“Queer” and “sis” were also trans and NBs cook ups brought onto LGBs and str8s, something that never would have happened if we LGBs would have had our eyes open.
Trans and NBs have cost us dearly with all their bs.
LumpyPillows
LOL, dbmcvey, that’s a lie.
dbmcvey
Inbama, even Marsha P Johnson said she didn’t start the riot. I don’t know why you keep advancing this idiotic idea.
bachy
I’m not sure I understand this concept. It seems a reaction to cartoonishly polarized sex roles. Like saying if you’re not a Kim Kardashian ultra-femme type female or a Chris Hemsworth ultra-masc type male, you must be NB.
We each were born with half our genes coming from a woman (mother) and half our genes coming from a man (father). It is the intermingling of these genes that creates our individuality. You might have your mother’s eyes and your father’s elbows. Your mother’s sharp hearing and your father’s laugh. Your mother’s capacity for math and your father’s artistic talent.
We are each a complex mix of both masculine and feminine traits handed down to us by our parents and ancestors. There is no need to create a brand new “political identity” over this fact.
S.anderson
@bachy: I am among those who agree with you. Though, I would tighten up that last point like this; “We are each a complex mix of traits which our culture considers masculine, feminine or many other things…”
There is a struggle among certain minority groups to evangelize “updated” definitions, and even assign labels, while demanding reform and justice for others allegedly assigning labels upon them.
We are, none of us, “nonbinaries” in that none of us are something other than male or female (and yes, including 1.7% who are “intersex” and are a bit of both), but we all have at least slightly different Gender Identities, meaning none of us are fully compliant with Gender Stereotypes AKA Traditional Sex Roles.
Some of us are quite noncompliant, but that should not empower others to deny us our right to self-identify as Girls, Women, Men, Boys or something else. Those who are confused into thinking their anatomical sex is wrong are being bilked by people who are just as bad as, if not worse than, homophobes who assert that LGBTQ folk are “confused about their sex”. Furthermore, no leader of representative of any LGBTQIA++ community should continue to assign their identity to others, especially against their will or counter to historical documentation.
Nobody’s “assigned” male or female; instead, one is observed to be so. The crime is that traditionally, we’re assigned strict roles according to our sex. The opportunistic crime that follows that is when a militant minority runs the current in reverse and essentially evangelizes the idea of determining our sex according to the dominant gender stereotypes we may exhibit.
inbama
It amazes me what wimps gay men have become.
Gay and lesbian civil rights organizations have been hijacked – turned into a string of letters that can only be understood as Narcissists Anonymous. Can you imagine the outcry if the media – the ENTIRE media – referred to Barack Obama as “the nation’s first BIPOC president’ instead of the our first black president? Or if they posted articles about historic figures like Harriet Tubman, “the BIPOC hero who helped enslaved BIPOCs escape to freedom”? But wimpy gay men think nothing of it as gay heroes living and dead have their sexual orientation erased as they’re called “LGBTQIA+ People” or “queers.” This is on purpose, guys. It’s to put you in your place because you have all that “cis white male privilege” and to soften you up for the QT takeover.
Having all society validate your fashion choice with “they, them” or other atrocious “neo-pronouns” is not a human right. It’s a power play by attention-seekers who are no longer satisfied with just sucking all the oxygen out of the room, but are claiming the furniture, walls and anything else they can get their most-marginalized hands on.
dbmcvey
Oooh! Big tough guy gramps inbama whining about kids these days.
Diplomat
Inbama
Nailed it man. That’s why trans and NBs have been called the rainbow mafia.
Trans slowly infiltrated the gay community to take over. “They them cis queer” etc are all trannie stink bombs to force theit agenda. No self preserving gay man would ever have voted to be called queer if there had been a vote. It was force fed. And then there’s schools. Trans NBs fund schools to run their “you can be a boy or girl” agenda. Gays are wimps to allow all this to happen. You couldn’t have said it better. Thank god the clean up has begun.
dbmcvey
Diplomat, aren’t you the one who said that trans people are an insult to first wave feminists?
HankHarris
Enby’s deserve better representation and writing than that vile character and dreadful show.
ZzBomb
Some of all need to learn what respect and decency mean, forget about pronouns. None of this should be upsetting much less rage inducing. Calm down.
LumpyPillows
Nothing hotter than understanding enby? Lol, my broken toaster oven is hotter than understanding enby.
When someone tells me they are non-binary I appreciate them doing so. It tells me their are ego-centric, over-bearing, demanding, broke and someone to avoid. Makes it easy to remember I have somewhere else to be.
bachy
Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one’s being, but by the integration of the contraries. – Carl Jung
Cam
Curious, Queerty and other sites seem to refer to Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals under the one term “Queer”, but when it comes to non-binary, trans, 2 sprit, etc… the site is very specific to name their specific label and not just refer to them as “Queer”.
So is Queerty segregating Trans and non-binary people out, or is it that Queerty has no respect for people who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual?
S.anderson
@Cam: I’ve noticed this too. I guess “Lesbians, Gay Men and Bisexuals” is such an old boomer thing and using these terms just keeps them on life support. You see, there are “queers” and there are Queers. Anyway, the lesbians and gays just need to embrace transgender and the bisexuals need to upgrade to “genderfluid” or “pan” or “nonbinary” out of loyalty to those who don’t believe in binary sex. Lol
dbmcvey
No, when they use “queer” it includes those categories. But, there are a lot of very conservative trolls who regularly post here who really only have issues with trans, non-binary, etc… You see a lot of them on this post.
still_onthemark
@dbmcvey: I’m not a conservative and I notice that there’s not a single comment in this thread from a nonbinary person.
S.anderson
For my part, I’m anything but conservative. I believe in empowering people to pursue whatever their calling is. But I draw a hard line at having my life’s work undone, being assigned labels and having screwy kids take on an authoritative voice and explain to me what the new rules are.