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This Is Not Gay: Hanging Out With Your Friends Swinging Your Penises To Music

Expect the Sunday Times to be all. over. this. In three months. It’s called “Dick Slang,” and it is a style of dance, available only to men, wherein performers turn their lower bodies rapidly from side to side as their semi-erect penises sway in their bloomers.

“Why ‘Slang’?,” asks The Awl. Because: “It would seem to be because it’s a sort of past-tense version of the verb ‘sling,’ which, OK, sure.”

Is this the equivalent of women shaking their tits? And how come these young men, while standing off to the side as each takes a turn gyrating his manhood in front of the camera, are not saying “no homo” between takes?

Also, how do you judge talent? By size? By sway? By applause? I have so many unanswered questions.