ATTN, gays: May is almost here and Speedo season is fast approaching! That means it’s time to hit the gym, book a botox appointment, and trim that leg hair. It may sound vein–and it is!–but that’s just the cost of Hot Gay Summer™.

But in the era of Ozempic, where people want change fast, following a traditional workout plan may not cut it. There are only five weeks until Pride Month, people! It’s time to get buff… fast.

Introducing, er, reintroducing the Shake Weight!

The supposed miracle piece of workout equipment was big in the early aughts, promising customers with full body results in just six minutes.

That’s right: six minutes! You see, ordinary weights only isolate one muscle, whereas the Shake Weight “harnesses double inertia to redefine strength training.”

The extraordinary statement must be true. It’s in the company’s very homoerotic commercial!

Instantly, viewers are treated to the gay-friendly content. Really ripped men are stroking the Shake Weight in their hands, moving the device with fervor, and grunting by how hard it’s working their bodies.

“This is Shake Weight for men,” the announcer declares. “And it’s going to Kick. Your. Butt.”

We may need a proper warmup before we dive in. The “Shake Weight Revolution” sounds a little aggressive.

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But that’s because it has to be! The exercise’s “pistol-like motion sends a shockwave of energy that forces your muscles to contract as much as 240 times per minute,” the announcer says. Oof!

Watching these delicious daddies play with their Shake Weight is definitely stimulating, although we’re not sure if the ad is harassing our “double inertia” or something else. Perhaps both?

To further prove the do-it-all weight’s power, the announcer says six minutes with the Shake Weight is equivalent to 42 minutes with a regular dumbbell.

The Shake Weight doesn’t indulge in foreplay or any restful moments. It’s six straight minutes of high impact training!

To put the Shake Weight to the test, the announcer invited some of the “toughest guys” he knows, including a former Army Ranger, Marine and multiple Army vets. Originally skeptical of the Shake Weight’s prowess, they evolved into true believers.

“It feels like a weight room burn right there,” said Doug, an Army vet. “My biceps are insanely hard.”

Juan, the ex-Marine, says the Shake Weight got him an “awesome pump.”

Those veins are poppping. In fact, all of these weight room kings are bulging and ready to go!

Twelve years later, we can admit the Strength Weight’s effectiveness seems dubious. But then again, we also thought long baggy shorts were ugly, and those are back in!

Loose-fitting cargos were last really popular… right around the Shake Weight’s heyday. This summertime collab just makes too much sense.

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