hollywood's closet

White Collar‘s Matt Bomer Hides His Sexuality Because It, Uh, Makes Him a Better Actor

Matt Bomer‘s curious relationship with the media about his sexuality continues in Elle, a magazine of women’s fashions, and arguably one of the friendliest places to be a homosexual famous person (aside from this website, of course). As the out gay star of White Collar, Bomer still refuses to acknowledge the increasingly large elephant in the room. Call it Anderson Cooper Syndrome: Everyone knows what’s going on here, but we dare not speaks its name, for fear of ruining a “brand.”

Yes, there are pictures of Bomer being gay on the Internet. But so far, the celeb-friendly entertainment media — undoubtedly assisted by Bomer’s partner, publicity guru Simon Halls (until December, the chief of PMK, and now at Slate PR with old friends Stephen Huvane and Robin Baum) — have treated it with kid gloves. People named Bomer its “Sexiest Rising Star,” without mentioning which team he plays for.

And in the March issue of Elle, the magazine notes Bomer “makes female viewers fantasize about being his next mark.” Haha. So true.

But writer Corrie Pikul pushes the Bomer’s Sexuality Storyline one step further: “While Bomer hopes to parlay his new found fame into more TV work … he’s still not comfortable talking about his personal life in interviews. ‘My favorite actors are people who I don’t know anything about, and I can project any characters onto them,’ he says. ‘They focus on their work and then go live their lives with the people they love.’” (Just like Rock Hudson, eh?) It’s hard to tell whether Elle‘s readership will interpret this as a straight guy playing coy (i.e. he has a girlfriend, but doesn’t want women to stop thinking they could have him) or a gay man keeping one foot in the closet, but it’s an obvious means of escaping personal questions. And, might we add, an expertly crafted one.

This interview follows Details magazine asking him about the gay rumors, where he offered a similar line: “I don’t care about that at all. I’m completely happy and fulfilled in my personal life.”

What’s notable, then, is that Bomer is still participating in magazine interviews that, frankly, he doesn’t have to do. Bomer must speak to TV Guide and Entertainment Weekly; Details and Elle aren’t exactly requirements.

Which means giving those magazines access, by sitting down for a chat, could come with a demand from his reps that no personal questions are asked. The practice is standard in Hollywood, and fluff mags are comfortable abiding by the rules just to get their glossy photos and pullquotes. But Bomer isn’t doing that. He isn’t requiring the press to avoid the question altogether. Instead, he’s just dodging their inquiries.

It might be his way of (subconsciously? purposefully?) laying the groundwork for a quiet reveal of his sexuality down the line. We imagine, in preparing the publicity for the the fourth or fifth season of White Collar, Bomer casually hands out an interview where he mentions his partner and their kids. It won’t be a People cover announcing “I’m Gay.” But it will be an on-the-record acknowledgment of why he heads to the set each day.

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  • David Ehrenstein

    Oh Miss Thing is One Sack of Cowardly Shit!

  • Sexy Rexy

    The show is weak anyway.

  • Marcus

    Maybe it’s me, but Matt and his PR husband seem hell-bent on keeping this going, so I will get the popcorn, pull up a chair and watch.

  • scott ny'er

    Good for him. I hope he continues to do what he thinks is best for him.

    And I agree, the show is weak.

  • alan brickman

    It’s his choice regardless what others think and he should be allowed to say what he wants…plus lots of women swoon over gay actors…

  • jimmy

    “As the out gay star of White Collar, Bomer still refuses to acknowledge the increasingly large elephant in the room.”

    Isn’t that a massive contradiction?

  • Huh?

    What the hell? He’s not out.

  • Daniel

    Perhaps the gay-allied community should stop playing along with the closet and simply out all actors, politicians and sports-stars so there are enough out and about to make being out and about a non-event. Why is it the everyman on the streets has to take all the risks being out and about, and yet is supposed to also help these others stay in the closet? That makes no sense.

  • KirilleXXI

    It’s hard to be objective when you have to talk about the actor you really find sexy and hot, which I do. I must admit, of all the actors there are, he probably would be my number one on the list of hottest and sexiest… but, then again, I don’t really care about the charts and never become a stalker-kinda-fan for anyone, so, whatever…

    I liked him in Traveler, and I absolutely loved him in the pilot of White Collar — I watched it right after the rumors about him being gay started to spread, but there was no evidence like those photos in Queerty! While watching the pilot, I couldn’t believe he’s not gay — he had to be… he played a straight guy, but you could see a mile away he was gay. I remember I thought it was weird that they let him to play like that, I figured they either tried to add some comedy, or actually gave the gays some eye-candy…

    But after that, yeah, it was all downhill… Feels like the pilot was written by one writer, while the rest was compiled by someone else. And his character was immediately de-gayed and completely straightened out right in the second episode. I was very disappointed. Well, you can’t always get what you want. We’re used to be disappointed. This reminds me the joke from Will & Grace:

    You hit a queer and they’re like:
    “Did I just get hit by a bottle? Eh. All in a day.”

    Yeah, all in a day
    And just like that, not being out and proud is still — all in a day
    If he wants to play this game, I say let him. We know the truth. And he knows, too. The rest is up to him. He could be a role model, he could be a gay-icon, but he chose not to be. God only knows what we would have done if we were presented with such an opportunity, with only one little detail — stay in the closet. He probably tells himself that it’s only temporarily, that someday he’ll come out, when everyone loves him enough to forgive this little gay thing and see past it. And to hell with everyone who thinks it’s stupid to deny the obvious when you were outed so unequivocally! I only hope that that money and that fame worth it, Matty!

  • Ray

    @Daniel: Who said “everyman on the streets has to take all the risks being out and about?”

    If you don’t want to be out, don’t be out.

    What happened to “to each his own” and “live and let live.”

    What is a good decision for one person, may not be the same for another.

    Every person has his/her own baggage, circumstances, etc.

    I’m pleased, almost without exception, to be out, out, out.
    I did it in my own time and in my own way, and I believe each individual is entitled to do the same.

    It seems to me that some gays think of “coming out” more like a confession than a disclosure, and I think this taints being gay as something of questionable value.

  • Peter

    Great to see someone who has worked diligently over the years, finally achieve the stardom he deserves. Especially nice that Matt is an inteligent, elegant guy who would be an ideal role model for anyone in life, gay or straight. Matt’s never been in the closet nor has he ever denied being gay or staged dates with starlets, etc. to prove otherwise. He’s happily married with a family and all should respect that. Most semi-inteligent folks with access to the internet are aware of his personal life, which is no one’s business but his own. He is managing his rise to stardom very well. Continue the great work Matt, and stay above the noise which can be distracting. You don’t owe anyone, anything!

  • ScottNY

    Here’s a thought for all of the folks who waste their time sitting in their little home offices judging other people for not ‘coming out’ publicly. Try this — go out and work like a dog for 15 or so years (in homophobic hollywood) with the dream of becoming a lead actor in a critically well received, highly rated show. Once you finally get that role, then you can decide whether or not to get up on your pulpit and officially shout to the world that you are gay. Mind your own business people, this is his life, not yours. You’re doing great Matt!!

  • Jacob

    His business is his own. Gay or not…whatever…i like the guy! :o) x

  • mikeandrewsdantescove

    I think we should give the guy a break. He’s an up and coming actor. When he’s comfortably coming out he will.

  • schlukitz

    Playing the “Keep them guessing” game seems to generate good press and keeps the buzz alive.

    Once you let the cat out of the bag, it’s “yawn” time. Next…

    My dad used to say, If they are talking about you, there is no need to worry. It’s when they stop talking about, that you need to start worrying. ;P

  • EdWoody

    He is beautiful.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    I didn’t read your article. However, the head line is interesting. Most straight women do not care if he’s gay or not in real life. Talking to enough straight women I’ve realize they don’t think like men do. The question is will he allow them to live their fantasy which comes down to being believable in his role regardless of his real sexual orientation. To me, this is really a debate about straight white men.

  • BobinCA

    I’ve been out and proud my entire adult life and have no issues with anyone who chooses to keep his or her life private. For me, being gay is what I am physically but I never let it define ‘who’ I am, which is a pitfall for many in the blogosphere. I actually like his philosophy, to paraphrase, he ‘works hard at his craft and then goes home to the people he loves.’ To my knowledge, he’s never denied his orientation, and as touched on in a previous post, he isn’t in a fake relationship like say, the Scientology crowd – 3 big ones come to mind – John, Tom, Wil. With Matt’s talent and obvious spectacular looks I think he is destined for loftier roles than those that are sadly handed out to the out and proud actors in H’wood. As great as NPH is, I doubt he will see another leading straight man role once his current gig is over. Love him, so glad he has other irons in the fire. That’s the sad state of H’wood casting. I would much rather see Matt continue his rise to fame and at some point when he is really big, casually mention his partner and kids. Maybe at that point, homophobic casting in H’wood will be a thing of the past. Until then, I will just enjoy his looks, talent, and charm while not judging him for his personal decisions.

  • Daniel

    Of course everyone should lie about their own lives so that closet cases can stayed closeted, make their money and their fame, and then come out to enjoy all the advancements that have taken place – not because of them but because the ordinary everyman on the street came out without having fame or fortune. What a load of crap, and what a self loathing load of crap to expect that of the everyman to put up with or enable that B.S. “People won’t let me stay in the closet so I came make money and be famous”, closet cases complain – what a whiney load of crap. They obviously feel no loyalty to the guys getting kicked out of their apartment for being gay, or the poor lady losing custody of her kids because some homophobic judge takes them away, or the teens being beaten senseless for just being themselves walking down the street, so I don’t think the everyman owes them crap in return. And I say all the more power to the actual out and proud celebrities and the out and proud celebrities who have out and proud family members! Those are the people who deserve respect, and fame and fortune.

  • Kyle24

    He’s a douche. If everyone stayed in the closet then where would we be with our rights? So it is makes sense for the every day man who works in middle America to come out and be visible but it’s hard for the wealthy white guy in Hollywood to be out? Please. This queen and his partner want success and to have the rights to a family without doing any work to represent their community. Those poor kids that they are raising.

  • MJK.

    I find it interesting that so many of you address M.B. directly in your posts. Like he actually he reads this shit…

  • Chris


    Let’s see…

    “guys getting kicked out of their apartment for being gay”

    “losing custody of kids”

    “being beaten senseless”

    You’ve convinced me, Daniel, I’m coming out tomorrow, well maybe not tomorrow.

  • Ron

    @ScottNY: Your logic makes sense to me. Why self-destruct with unnecessary disclosure?

    In my experience, some of the most out people I know had nothing to lose. It’s easy for them to criticize. Misery loves company.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @MJK.: What weird post by you.

  • Alex

    I disrespect the dishonest closet cases like Tom Cruise and Charlie Crist who get married to deceive — I also kind of feel sorry for them.

    I’m fine with guys like Anderson Cooper and Matt Bomer being a little cagey about their personal life in the media. It’s not like they’re lying and pretending to be straight and have girlfriends. Anyone with a brain can read between the lines.

    I don’t understand the judgmental, vitriolic queens who act like DADT would be repealed, there would be gay marriage in 50 states, etc. if only people like Cooper and Bomer “came out.” You silly bitches give these guys too much power.

  • Scott

    Careful clicking on links people!

  • schlukitz

    No. 22 · Chris


    Let’s see…

    “guys getting kicked out of their apartment for being gay”

    “losing custody of kids”

    “being beaten senseless”

    You’ve convinced me, Daniel, I’m coming out tomorrow, well maybe not tomorrow.

    You think that’s all some kind of a joke, don’t you?

  • schlukitz

    No. 27 · Scott

    Careful clicking on links people!

    Warning duly noted. Many thanks, Scott. :)


    I have no idea who this person is.

  • Lukas P.

    Simple, non-leading and non-facetious question: If Mr Bomer announces to the the world via the press, that he is gay, then how do I/”we” benefit?

    The process of “coming out” is a personal decision. Each of us does so by degreees. It’s hardly a binary choice.. Has he said he is straight? No.
    Has he pretended to date or marry a woman? Far as I know, still the answer is NO. Has he been politically active in anti-gay causes? No.

    So, why should we consider him a failure or an enemy?

    Hate him if you will; refuse to watch his show if you wish to, but please realize that his life, his reality, his career is based on his talent as an ACTOR, not as a politician, not as an activist.

    Far better that we focus our scorn, activism and vitriol on those people who hate us, deny our rights,and who wish us harm.

    When we’re done with them, it will be time to move on. Not until. Not now.

    Until then, let’s prioritize on our true enemies,

  • Cassie

    Oh how sad, why are all the good handsome ones gay… He is so gorgeous. Oh I just love him.

  • AT

    @No. 25 · Alex
    I completely agree.

    Just give him a break already. I don’t know what’s wrong with some of you. You are talking about all the great and brave people being out in their personal and professional lives (and I agree how important and admirable this is), but then you bash Matt who is out in his personal and professional life too (the ‘industry’ knows). He is probably as much of a role model as every one of you who’s out and proud. He’s also been seen with his partner and kids doing family stuff in public places, so he is certainly not hiding in shame at home in his little closet. No need to be worried about the kids.

    The only difference between him and the people you think are so superior to him is that these people probably don’t have a PUBLIC life. Matt is just not talking about being gay in PUBLIC but he’s certainly not denying it either. That’s many steps ahead of a shitload of other gay actors in Hollywood. And if they really spent 10 million dollars to promote the show and put his face all over town I certainly understand his hesitation to talk openly about it – at least until he’s made a name for himself and the show is established. They don’t know if it would hurt the ratings, so it’s the right and logical move to test the waters first.

  • jason

    I am so sick of these stupid women’s magazines. They ought to be put in a trash can, the lot of them. All they do is exploit female vanity.

    As for Hollywood, I think a lot of us forget that it was conceived as a means of marketing heterosexual fantasy. Its reason for existence is heterosexual fantasy. Just go back to the early days and right through to the present, and you’ll see that the basis of Hollywood is this marketing paradigm.

    I’ve always said that the only group of people who could bring down Hollywood is the gay community.

  • Laura

    I’ve never understood this notion of the gay community somehow needing a “role model.” Shouldn’t the fact that the man’s happy and committed to someone, comfortable with his life and their children be enough? Isn’t that exactly what we as a community want? The ability to be with the person we love, to have our families, and for it to NOT be a Earth-shattering event?

    Not everyone is an activist. Some people serve as an example simply by living their own lives. Matt is doing exactly that, and more power to him as far as I’m concerned. If he wants to make some huge announcement, fine. If he doesn’t, that’s fine too. I’ll enjoy the show either way, because whether he’s out or not has no bearing whatsoever on his abilities as an actor. Period.

  • RJD

    Since I am a fan of both Queerty and Mr. Bomer I guess it’s time to weigh in. Matt is literally and figuratively one of the hottest things in show business right now. The critics love his show and give him rave reviews, both rightfully so. Viewers agree as well based on the instant and continued success of WC. Matt and Simon are fairly high profile in the their community, nothing hidden at all – no closets there. Building an actor’s career is very much like building a brand. Press articles like this are part of the game. With his talent and looks I doubt being a gay poster boy would have much ill affect on him at all, however, it’s his decision on what to share of his private life. I am curious though. Since there is no such thing as bad publicity, is Queerty naive enough to think that an anti-bomer posting every couple of weeks would hurt him (it won’t), or is Queerty actually part of the well oiled bomer PR machine that is helping build a brand? No matter, at least there is finally someone hot and talented to watch on TV who appears to be an inteligent, nice guy – my Tivo is set for Tuesdays at 10…

  • Forrest

    Self fullfilling prophecy are not it’s a fact that there are no out A list actors in Hollywood. No one even close to the caliber of Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

    We all love NPH but he is solidly B list and most of the rest are below that. For fuck’s sake Bomer is hooked up with a PR guy who is part of the architecture of building the huge closet in Hollywood. And if any of the gossip is true about Taylor Lautner,Zac Efron etc with their assorted contracts and beards. It ain’t getting better. Yeah Matt has a pretty face, there are lots of pretty and prettier ones in Hollywood. Would he have the B list success he is enjoying now minus his relationship?

    Maybe or maybe not. Most likely he would be waiting tables or valet parking.

    Saying you are bisexual is more acceptable because it does not alienate the fangirls and straight guys can pretend that Gerard Butler was just really drunk and is not gay.

    The first A list out actor is going to be a lesbian. Because most women are less uptight about sex and straight guys can just picture all lesbians as playboy playmates hooking up.

    Everything comes down to America’s aversion to one guy fucking another guy up the ass.

    If we did not exist the girls would have had equality years ago.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Laura: “Shouldn’t the fact that the man’s happy and committed to someone, comfortable with his life and their children be enough?”


  • hephaestion

    He would become FAR more famous and far more in-demand as an actor if he came out. Hardly anybody has even HEARD of the TV show he’s on. But if he came out he’d get enormous publicity and respect.

  • Ricky

    Quite the divide here… some saying he’s a coward while others commending him for living his life. Personally, the guy isn’t some anti-gay-agenda pusher, so he isn’t on my radar. I agree that he should come out on his own terms (and it seems that he has… he just isn’t flashing it in Magenta lights for the whole world to see) and after that, it is HIS choice as to how much of his life he is willing to make public. Celebrities who have Open-Book lives tend to see their lives crumble, relationships collapse, friends turn to rivals… blah, blah, blah… It is nice to see that so many in a community I am hesitant about linking myself to (I am gay and out, but damn… I am not a self-absorbed-drama queen who gets all bent out of shape when someone calls me a faggot or the local news anchor is hiding the fact that he goes home to his husband of six years!) wishes such a thing on someone who appears to be in a happy relationship.

  • David Ehrenstein

    What’s with this “his own terms” bit? There are only TWO terms: In or Out.

  • schlukitz

    No. 31 · Lukas P.

    Very sound and sensible advice.

  • Lukas P.

    @David Ehrenstein: Is that a radio station west of the Mississippi? I prefer KYGO. They play Shania Twain, Keith Urban and LeeAnn Rimes. Bomer’s on TV though, not radio.

  • Jay

    Why can’t you let Matt Dallas be great?

  • scott ny'er

    @Ricky: Because it’s all about them and not the person. It’s what’s best for them, what they think is best, etc. It’s NOT about supporting their fellow LGBT’er.

    Sadly, they can’t see how narcissistic they are.

  • Hank

    @Lukas P.: No. 31: Ditto, well-said.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: What they mean is that they want to fuck or be fucked by him so they are going to make excuses for him. They also mean that they have a lot of baggage regarding being gay men so they want to rationalize his behavior. I actually understand that the situation in Hollywood is pretty complicated. That being out is not easy and can destroy a career. But, I don’t turn the fear over these issues into virtue. Some of the people here are going to go for the extreme. They can not merely say “He’s afraid. So, he’s taking the cowardly route.” Maybe with justification. No. It has to be that he’s a hero on their eyes, again- partially because they want to fuck or be fucked by him. Partially because it fits in the pathos of some gay people over being gay. It takes a long time to get over those pathos. There are many of them- the closet being one. Many people can not get over the issues they had with coming out for instance so they create this very complex system of rationalization for everyone else who comes out or should be out. I am surprised I have not yet read the “its his business response.” I mean- maybe someone made it and I missed it. The funny part about that particular pathos is the double standard of treating gay as protected information while other stars have their lives paraded around for public consumption down to straight couple’s sex life. Part of the pathos is to ignore all of that in favor of gay being so special that to merely mention it is a great sin.

  • Laura

    @David Ehrenstein: Well then there’s where you and I differ. I don’t feel like anyone should be forced into a role that they don’t want – gay or straight. It feels less and less like a gay rights issue and more and more like a “we’re going to force you out of the closet whether or not you want to be out.” What’s next, pitchforks and torches?

  • Jake

    Matt is a handsome,talented guy living his life the way he chooses,making no orientation denials or anti-gay remarks, that’s a fact. I’ve been living my life as I see fit as an out of the closet gay man for 17 years (since 17). I could really care less who announces their orientation or not since it’s not my affair. The really tragic thing about the hate in these comments is that I wouldn’t want to affiliate with the ‘haters’ in this crowd, why would a guy like MB with a rising career want to? I agree with #31 and others regarding getting your priorities straight as to our real enemies, not an actor who has been burned once (superman) trying to make his way in his chosen filed. Give him a break. Oh, and BTW, please spare us the dime store psychiatry. its laughable.

  • Sam

    Thank you, totally agree. It’s not like AC shows up with some bimbo at red carpet events. Kathy Griffin as one of his friends, duh? Regis and Kelly hosting gigs, talk about purses out of the mouth!
    Reminds me of Nathan Lane’s comment, not exact- I’m over 40, unmarried and in musical theater, you do the math.
    One thing I don’t think some people get, if you have large financial obligations- once the big money starts flowing and every relative/hanger-on jumps the gravy train, you’d be mighty careful with anything to mess that up.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Laura: Certianly pitchforks and torches for you, dear.

    You equate truth and honesty with totalitarian control. What’s THAT about?

  • zenflo

    When the TV show is canceled he should try a career in gay porn under a different name, to protect his privacy of course.

    How about Fatt Boner?

  • David Ehrenstein

    @NoDoubleStandards: “What they mean is that they want to fuck or be fucked by him so they are going to make excuses for him. They also mean that they have a lot of baggage regarding being gay men so they want to rationalize his behavior.”


    “I actually understand that the situation in Hollywood is pretty complicated. That being out is not easy and can destroy a career.”

    Not anymore. And not as much in the past as is generally imagined.

    Recently I’ve been researching a painfully obscure, long-forgotten rising-and-disastrously-plummeting star of the 1930’s named Ross Alexander. He was under contract for Warner Bros. His most notable film is the great all-star Max Reinhardy/ William Dieterle production of Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”
    I’ve written about it recently here —


    Alexander was gay — quite cute — and apparently embroiled in some sort of sex scandal (still looking for the details) Warner Bros. decreed that he get married and they arranged for him to wed a starlet they had under contract. Shortly thereafter she killed herself. And not long after “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” HE killed himself.

    When “Confidential” outed Tab Hunter back in the 50’s — at the height of his career — Warner Bros. did nothing. They ignored it, and Tab continued right on. I strongly suspect that the Warner Bros. brass didn’t want to have another Ross Alexander on their hands.

    Returning to today, the average entertainment consumer has no idea who Matt Bomer is. If he indeed has the story his defenders claim (a nice boyfriend, et al.) getting it out there would be a great way of giving him a viable public identity — which at present he sorely lacks.

    And he’s no more likely to take the gas pipe than Neil Patrick Harris.

    Or even Kevin Spacey.

  • Matthew Rettenmund

    The idea of actors whose personal lives are quiet is utter bullshit. There are many actors who are much more widely known for their craft than for their personalities/love lives (Meryl Streep comes to mind). However, no straight actors REFUSE to acknowledge they’re married or partnered or have kids. They may not dwell on it (which is up to them), but it’s absurd that celebrity magazines would bow down to this kind of wall of silence only for gay people. I’m sure there are plenty of things about her relationships that Jennifer Aniston would rather not see on the pages of US. Why ignore her and kowtow to the Bomers of the world?

  • Forrest

    Homosexuality is a political issue. And will be for the forseeable future. Heterosexuality is not. We all have a responsibility to be publicly out and encourage others to do the same. We are never going to get equal rights if we make excuses for the Matt Bomers of the world because he is hot.

    Most gays don’t have the economic privilege to closet themselves away.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Forrest: Actually because homosexuality is a political issue heterosexuality is too. The problem is that fact is hidden by the insistence on seeing straight as “natural” and gay as “a perversion.”

    And you’re quite right abour economic privileges. Gayness has never been a problem for the rich. They could always live where they wanted and associate with whoever they chose. Everyone else had to watche their step.

    The gay rights movement was launched by street people who were fed up with being pushed around by the cops and the Mafia. it’s chief benficiaries, however, were the middle-class — who didn’t have the enonomic (and therefore social) power of the wealthy and didn’t want to associate themselves with street people at all.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: Somewhere in his mind and probably by his handlers he is being told that he’s big star or leading man material.

    I actually agree that he’s not. Not because he’s gay, but because he simply doesn’t at that level of appeal. Maybe he will do something that will prove me wrong and he will blow up. But right now, I don’t see it.

    His people however are telling him right now that he’s the best thing ever.

  • John from England(used to be just John but there are other John's)

    Yawn. Queerty is the new Perez!

  • John from England(used to be just John but there are other John's)


    I don’t think they are by the way…

  • A now confused John from England (used to be just John but there are other John's)

    @David Ehrenstein:

    Surprise, surprise you’re here being a complete a**hole.

    Go get laid or I don’t know, work with the poor, it might make you less uptight.

  • Laura

    @David Ehrenstein: Oh spare me the rhetoric. Has Matt once outright said “No, I’m not gay?” Because I don’t recall him ever doing so. Desiring to have a line between his personal and private lives doesn’t equate to lying in my book.

    People would be furious (and rightfully so) if corporations started forcibly outing their employees. How is this all that much different? If and when Matt wants to make an announcement, good for him. If he doesn’t, I fail to see what bearing it has on his abilities as an actor.

    I’m perfectly comfortable being out in my personal life and not in my professional life. Why should anyone be any different simply based on their career? I just think it’s incredibly sad to see a movement that used to be all about equality shifting to the side of “do exactly what we want or we’re going to tell you what an awful person you are.” Isn’t that more or less exactly what the anti-gay supporters would say? For shame, people. For shame.

  • BarryLA

    For folks that think Mr. Bomer is not that great or important, you certainly are wasting a lot of energy on slamming him. This is tragic – get a life of your own and stop preaching how he should live his.There are countless other closeted stars, politicians,journalist (real journalists – not faux-blog journalists) etc. that you can drag into this drivel.

  • Zach

    Amazing how many get angry when certain groups use gays as a way to advance their agenda..yet seem to have no qualms doing using others such as Matt Bomer to advance their own.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Zach: <And now the drama queen. "How. How, dare you attack Matt. Not matt. Lord not matt. You are as bad as the kill the gay groups in Uganda."

  • BarryLA

    The real drama queens are the career gays imposing their rules on others…

  • David Ehrenstein

    @NoDoubleStandards: Handler are in many ways the WORST problem for gays and lesbains in Hollywood. They’re terrified that their little star will either be passed over or sacked and therefore resort to the most reactionary stances possib;e. Bomer’s people know he’s far from a star yet, but are convinced he will be soon. And to them Tsh Ghey is the Third Rail. I’ve seen this over and over and over again in Hollywood — gay performers with handlers who insist on protecting the closet.

    To that I would also add the likes of Don Roos (who’s openly gay himself but claims actors shouldn’t be) and Matthew whatshisface — the creator of “Mad Men.” True to his word he wrote the openly gay Bryan Batt out of the series.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Laura: “Desiring to have a line between his personal and private lives doesn’t equate to lying in my book.”

    Your book needs an index AND a spell check.

  • gomez

    @no30 Derek Washington

    why do people insist on posting that they never heard about this person or that person?

    so you’re ignorant of a tv actor in a new hit cable show. bfd. this was not important information to share.

  • Jay

    I don’t think he’ll be able to remain closeted on these terms much longer. Refusing to discuss his private life will just draw attention to it if he becomes more famous. And he’s too good-looking for people to not care (witness Kathie Lee & Hoda Codpiece’s probing on the Today show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b7YNO_6juw)

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @BarryLA: “I know you are, but what am I.” If you insistent upon acting like a child, then I am going to treat you as one.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: Well, that’s the reason that while I am bothered by the actor’s cowardice, I am willing to be a little forgiving. He’s surrounded by people telling him that his career will be over if he comes out, and he’s probably worked for a long time for this.

    It is incredibility easy to say “he should come out.” However, I am not in his shoes. We are requiring of him a level of courage that most people, actor or otherwise, just do not have.

    I mean coming out, and knowing you are (according to the people you know) going to be ruining a career that you love. It is not a simple thing. You can tell him that he won’t ruin his career, but that’s not the great weight of what he is hearing.

    That does not mean he should not come out or that the idiots here trying to turn a vice into a virtue are right.

    All it means is I am trying to understand his complicated situation. I just wish he had enough courage to not say stupid things.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Jay: Sadly, the one area where Hollywood and the press will allow for a dome of silence is in the area of gay or not. The gays whoa re in the closet have successfully turned this into a “oh you must hate the gays if you point out that I am gay” debate rather than treating gays like any other group who Hollywood covers. It is truly odd to see them avoid obviously gay actor’s private lives while going into minute detail of straight actors. My problem with this is that it reinforces the idea that there is something wrong with being gay regardless of what one thinks of any individual actor. Privacy here is often used as a smoke screen since I doubt other aspects of his life are so private.

  • bojo

    He’ll come out when his celeb status has fizzled down to nothing, when no one cares anymore. Whoopteedoo. Fuck Matt Bomer.

  • Forrest

    Really tired of the ” I just want to be an actor or singer and the work speaks for itself” and ” I am not an activist” excuses.
    Stonewall did not occur and Harvey Milk did not die for this pathetic show of cowardice. We are all activists whether we like it or not.

    Do they not realize we are in a liberation struggle? The reason they are complaining is the bigotry in and of itself. Matt Bomer et al need to free themselves from the fake equivalency between us and straight people. Not the same! Once again dollar signs makes accepting second class status and the inner shame and hiding so much easier.


  • David Ehrenstein

    @NoDoubleStandards: “Well, that’s the reason that while I am bothered by the actor’s cowardice, I am willing to be a little forgiving. He’s surrounded by people telling him that his career will be over if he comes out, and he’s probably worked for a long time for this.”

    Well those people are wrong, and considering his age it hasn’t been THAT long.

    “It is incredibility easy to say “he should come out.” However, I am not in his shoes. We are requiring of him a level of courage that most people, actor or otherwise, just do not have.”

    Tough Darts!

    “I mean coming out, and knowing you are (according to the people you know) going to be ruining a career that you love. It is not a simple thing. You can tell him that he won’t ruin his career, but that’s not the great weight of what he is hearing.”

    He’s ruinging his career by allowing himself to be a doormat for his employees.

    “That does not mean he should not come out or that the idiots here trying to turn a vice into a virtue are right.

    All it means is I am trying to understand his complicated situation. I just wish he had enough courage to not say stupid things.”

    It’s quite easy to understand. Haven’t his defenders in here made that clear? As they see it hating yourself is the way to go.

  • jimmy

    When success in the business of acting is predicated upon on the marketability of an actor, and whether he or she is believable in a particular role, it is completely understandable that actors should want to retain the right to control their image. Acting is not the same as selling insurance or running a restaurant. I like Neil Patrick Harris, but to pretend that his marketability as an actor is not defined by his publicly out status, and his access to certain roles is not abridged, is to not deal in reality.

    In the midst of growing media speculation, NPH made a business/career decision that was completely his to make. Bomer should have that same opportunity. It’s wrong for anyone to foist their political agenda on anyone else.

  • bojo

    Matt Bomer will probably go the same way as the “hot thing of the moment” closet-queer Matt Dallas. What ever happened to his career?

  • Truth B. Told

    God, you unhappy jackals, can’t you just leave him alone? He didn’t volunteer to be your role model — so what? Is there some kind of compulsory “draft” I didn’t know about into the Gay Liberation Army? So, if you dodge the draft then they hunt you down and then publicly scourge you forever for wanting a private life.

    What about going after Keanu Reeves who gave very mixed messages about his sexuality in several interviews?

    Keanu is not very clear about his sexual orientation. Back in 1990 he declared to USA magazine that he is straight. But after a short pause joked about it by saying: “But ya never know”.

    Keanu Reeves to Vanity Fair: ”There’s nothing wrong with being Gay, so to deny it is to make a judgement. I don’t know why anyone cares [if I’m gay], and I don’t know if it matters or not. I just, uh, I don’t — it’s, you know, the whole aspect of coming out. I mean, there is a whole — people, you know, who are gay [who] have decided that it can be — that whole thing about calling people out — and you have to share that, because there needs to be an equality and a lack of prejudice, and you need to have a voice, so, I mean, it’s important, but I’m not involved in those dynamics and I have no point of view on it.”

    Billy Masters reported, “We can finally put to rest the rumors about Keanu Reeves and David Geffen. They never met, never wanted to, and sources tell me that David is holding out for someone who can actually act…Regardless, what we can share is that Keanu was rather desperate to get the lead role in ‘Little Buddha’ (was I the only one who looked at that casting and went ‘Huh?’). Bernardo Bertolucci, however, was not at all interested–that is, until Keanu went to visit him personally at his suite at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City. After two hours, our sources report ‘a rumpled Keanu emerged with a big grin on his face, and the part.’ Go figure!”



    Wow, was that ambiguous or not? Now…attack! Get him good! If you’re not waving the rainbow flag, then you’re not a legitimate ‘mo and you must be branded with the Scarlet CC (closet case) Letter on your chest the rest of your self-hating, stupidly wanting to have some privacy, life.

    It’s not like Bomer was photographed grabbing some bimbo’s tit and shoving it quickly into his mouth when he saw the paparazzi coming in too close for a expose’ of his personal life. It’s not like he had an arranged marriage through the Church of Scientology or became an anti-gay men’s bathroom stall stalker/politician. So how about giving him some space?

    If you don’t like him exercising his right to be left alone when he’s off work, then maybe you don’t deserve that right either.

  • Forrest

    We don’t have any rights. That’s the whole point of being out and proud.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @jimmy: NPH made that decision on the basis of a long and multipfaceted career. hebegan as a child star. Do you know the actuarials on child stars who make it to adulthood ALIVE?

    Once an adult he turned to Broadway — which is far more gay-friendly place than Hollywood. And it’s there that he met David Burtka. NPH was never a star as an adult. He wasn’t a “leading man type” at all — gayness to one side. He’s a character actor of amazing ability when it comes to comedy. Plus he sings. Plus he loves to host shows.

    And he does magic tricks too.

    His career is just dandy.

    I always think of him in relation to a straight actor — Alec Baldwin. When he started out he had everything suppsoedly necessary to be a leading man. But he never really “took” on that level. Now older and heavier he has triumphed as one of the greatest sophsiticated comedy actors breathing.

    Being a “leading man” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Truth B. Told: Keanu has always been clear about his sexual orientation. He also happens to be quite gay-friendly.

    And you want to string him up?

  • jimmy

    David Ehrenstein –

    “Being a ‘leading man’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

    You don’t get to decide that for someone else.

  • Ben

    Far be it from me to suggest this, but has anyone considered the possibility that Matt Bomer is bisexual?

    Egad! What a novel concept. Maybe he isn’t that interested in coming out as gay because maybe, just maybe, he isn’t.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: His defenders are idiots. They make have any empathy more difficult rather than easier for me. The fact I have empathy for him at all comes out of ignoring their trite manipulative arguments.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @bojo: That’s why I say what I say about him. He’s not big hollywood material. He does not seem to have that level of charm that NPH has, and even NPH is not going to become A list as in opening a movie or something like a Brad Pitt. I have seen Bomer’s show. He’s not bad. He’s somewhat charming, but it is not great either. It doesn’t make me go “Jesus, I need to see this cat.” It just makes me go “okay I can watch this since nothing else is on.”

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: Re acting. that’s true. There are quite a few character actors who are well known, and out as gay men. It is only if you have dreams of being a Hollywood leading man a la Brad Pitt that the problem still remains. I would say that any co-star in a movie or tv show can be gay in real life, and on TV a lead can be gay in real life. It is probably only at the top echelons that this truly still matters. There are just too many actors on shows and in movies whoa re gay at this point to claim it completely ruins one’s career. If you go google gay actors in hollywood, there are a plenty of list out there. It is surprising how many working character actors are in fact also gay too. Not a huge number, but many more than some here might think.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @jimmy: Uhm actually, yeah, we do. that’s how leading men are chosen. Or do you think it is a matter of magic pixie dust rather than public opinion?

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Lukas P said, “Far better that we focus our scorn, activism and vitriol on those people who hate us, deny our rights,and who wish us harm.”

    Or…we could just focus on this and hate on it….


  • terrwill

    Geez, I wish people would get so worked up about issues that actually have an effect on our Gay lives. You look at the number of posters on this thread and its approaching 100. Yet issues that actually matter get less than 10…….

    Who really cares if he actually is Matt Boner????

    If he wants to play coy to protect his career why get on his case? Unfortunately thats the way it is, you come out too soon and you pay for it in acting gigs. I don’t take offense as long as a Gay actor doesn’t always show his pretty face in photos and on the red carpet with a beard, yet sporting no facial hair. Or those who rabildy deny the Gay rumors like a certain very short actor whom at this point could come out and it wouldn’t have a negative effect on his career. As long as he isn’t guest hosting the Rush Windbag show or singing in the westboro baptist church choir let him be……………

  • David Ehrenstein

    @terrwill: “If he wants to play coy to protect his career why get on his case?”

    I smell shit abd YOU want me to pretend it’s Chanel Number 5.

  • Acem

    I wish people would get off his back and let him do his job as an actor…which is to act and promote his project/show — not his sexual orientation, whatever it may be. I think he is gay, but I don’t need him to acknowledge it if he doesn’t want to. If he does, great…if he doesn’t, that’s fine too. The gay mafia needs to stop acting as if they have the right to dictate how every gay person should live their life.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Acem: How does one acknowledge being straight, Acem?

    Andswer the question.

    Or do you want me to make you an offer you can’t refuse?

  • Jeff

    Hey Guys,
    Here’s some food for thought. There has never been a leading man in Hollywood who maintained a successful career once he was out, or even semi-out. The only successful A-lister who has had the balls to be open about her same sex relationships and defend the same is Angelina Jolie – which is why she is Angelina!

    William Haine’s career was destroyed, in part, by his sexuality – read “Wisecracker.” Being gay or bi certainly did not help Sal Mineo, Farley Granger, Ramon Novarro maintain their careers as leading men. Tab Hunter’s autobiography has quite a bit of insight into this topic. Also into the plight of Anthony Perkins. Remember George Nadar? He was the sacrificial lamb for Rock Hudson’s continuing career. Google him – it’s very insightful. Read up on Cary Grant and Randolph Scott.

    The only contemporary leading man who came out very publicly at an early age was Rupert Everett. He had a thriving, impressive career in the 80s and early 90s that was jettisoned, in part, due to the fact that he was openly gay. To all of the haters out there, yes, his poor career choices and problematic public persona probably contributed to his career decline, but his openness was the pivotal kiss of death. He was never nominated, much less awarded a Best Supporting Actor Academy Award for his critically accliamed work in “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” As I recall, it went to that thespian god who shouted “Show me the money” to Tom Cruise and we all know what a brilliant career he has subsequently had. Look at all of the hoopla about the nominations for Best Director this year – a Black Gay Man and an acccomplished female director. It speaks reams about the homophobia, misogyny, racism and sexism that afflicts Hollywood.

    Although I would prefer that Mr. Bomer was more open about his status, I do understand why he is afraid to do so. He’s caught between a rock and a hard place. Now that everyone has aired their opinion, perhaps all of the commentators should email AMC and complain about the fact that Bryan Batt, an openly gay actor, was written out of the show and that another openly gay actor was not hired to play a new character on the show and tell them that we are boycotting their program. Perhaps some nasty emails to the show’s creator are in order, too. If he truly believes that actors should remain closeted, he, as an “artist,” should become involved the the fight to overcome Hollywood’s homophobia. If our community expects actors like Mr. Bomer to publicly out himself, we should be supporting them. That means emails, letters, calls, boycotts, etc. The zealots of the Christian Right do so and it seems to have worked vis a vis Adam Lambert.

    Some programs have hired out actors or have continued employing them on shows like “Brothers and Sisters,” “Modern Family,” “Glee” (Jonathan Groff is joining the show) and “One Life To Live.” Perhaps we should all send emails to the networks thanking them. If we have time to either criticize or support Mr. Bomer, I think that we have the time to do so.

    It’s fine to express one’s opinion on this site but if everyone who has commented hereinabove wrote an email to AMC lambasting the fate of Bryann Batt, in addition to either supporting or criticizing Mr. Bomer, perhaps it might have some impact. It’s certainly a start.



  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Jeff: Actually you set up a false premise. There has never been a leading man actor who has come out so we have no idea whether a leading man could be out or not. The fact is, as I have written, most actors are not leading man material. Of those that are , a hand ful become the mega stars. Everyone fantasizes about it, but that’s not in the cards for them in their careers. I mean let’s put it to you this way- SAG has something like what 70,000 members or more,a nd most of them are non working.

    Rupert Everett was not a leading man. He was a co-star. There is a BIG difference. Other actors have come along to be co-stars and do extremely well since Everett. BUt we both k now why you used that example. If you use him and ignore all the other actors who have come along since hi m then you r point makes sense. WEll kind of until you realize Rupert is a fucking ass hole, and no one likes to work with him. The same issue that what’s his face- the guy who just saw his career rise again after doing Angel Heart. The point is people got to like you too. Hollywood is based on socialization as much as talent.

    Don’t overstate your case. It just makes you look foolish.

    Here’s a short list of OUT gay actors working in Hollywood:

    Ian McKellan (Xmen and Lord of the Ring)
    Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)
    John Barrowman (upcoming villain in Desperate Housewives and Torchwood)
    Luke McFarlane (Brothers and Sisters)
    Cheyenne Jackson (30 Rock)
    TR Knight (Grey’s Anatomy)
    Eric Millegan (Bones)
    Victor Garber (Milk, Eli Stone, Alias)
    Denis O’Hare (The Eagle of the Nine with Channing Tatum, Edge of Darkness, Brothers and Sisters, Milk, Charlie Wilson’s War, Half Nelson, 21 Grams, etc.)
    Stephen Fry

    This is a short list. There are a lot more. Many of these people are character actors. So just because some like Everett claims there are not roles- that’s a lie. There are not roles for him. Denis O’hare, for example, has a great career because he’s a really great actor. I am also not including the lesbians, which there several on that list as well.

    They are just not leading man roles of A list actors, which the actor we are discussing will never be. He’s an okay solid B lister. That’s what we are discussing here.

  • Devon

    Sad, insecure old queens, constantly trying to drag this guy out of the closet just to validate their own sexuality. It would be funny if it weren’t so pathetic.

  • Blair

    @Devon: No. 100
    You hit the nail on the head.

  • Dylan

    @NoDoubleStandards: “There are a lot more.”

    Presuming you have decent keyboarding skills, it would only take a minute or two to list another couple of dozen. Why did you stop when you did. I can’t think of any others, that’s why I’m asking. Two or three of those you mentioned are barely household names.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Devon: How many different screen names are you going to post under, and what’s the point of adding another socket puppet saying you nail it?

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Dylan: No. I am not going to waste my time looking up additional names. If that list is not sufficient for you that’s because you have you mind already made up, and I am not dealing with so fucking online troll who has nothing better to do with his time than request that others not be as lazy as he is. And you are quite clearly emotionally, physically and mentally lazy. I didn’t know the standard, by the way, was that they had to be “house hold names” considering most actors working in the industry aren’t known by the public, and most peo don’t know who the fuck this actor we are discussing in this article is either. Just more reinforcement that some of you are retarded,a nd no worth my time. If I could find that list with 10 minutes of search, that tells me that you are just idiots with an agenda.

  • Mimi

    Jesus, Forrest, whine much? If every gay person complained as much as you, nothing would ever get done. Gay men and women have rights that aren’t attached to sexuality and they shouldn’t be. Your rights should be attached to your person. What Matt Bomer decides to do DOESN’T affect you.

    If it’s that big of a deal, why don’t you take it up instead of expecting MB to? Milk was an everyman who made some incredible strides but to bring him up when talking about this actor is kind of stretching it. What are you doing except bitching?

    As a straight woman, I don’t care if he’s gay, I don’t care what he does when he’s off the clock, it’s NONE of my business. He’s promoting a show and that is a part of his job description. From his many interviews prior to this show and after, I think he’s just private as can be. He only mentions his mother in interviews, nothing else. I think the most open he’s been in a television interview was on Ellen.

    Until today, I didn’t know Victor Garber, John Barrowman, Eric Millegan, or Cheyenne Jackson were gay. I’ll still watch their shows and enjoy their acting.

    Is everyone like me? Absolutely not. Is Hollywood full of bullshit that actors have to navigate through and tolerate to remain in their field? Yes.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: Yeah, I know that there are actors out there who have very successful careers, but it is still a big risk. As i said, I do have sympathies for this actor. It is a hard industry. I just have little patience for the idiots along this thread trying to turn cowardice into a virtue. We already live in a fucked up society reasons. One of them is that we excuse cowardice rather than calling a duck, a duck.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Mimi: Unless you are going to whine about celebrity culture in general, you need to check your hypocritical attitude. And please stop with the sock puppets.

  • Mimi

    Celebrity culture is screwed. I don’t pay attention to it, you do and very well. And what the hell is a sock puppet?

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Mimi: Which is why you are here on a gay blog discussing a celebrity.

  • Mimi

    My friend and his partner, who are gay, adore this man. Decided to check him out about a month ago. He’s handsome. You didn’t answer my question. What is a sock puppet?

  • Jeff

    Dear No Double Standards,

    Thanks for your concern but I don’t think that I look foolish nor was I overstating my case. Matt Bomer is one of the leads in “White Collar.” He is one of the stars of the show. His image as a television leading man, a “sexy rising star” has been marketed in the media. He is being marketed as a handsome, rising television leading man. Technically he is a television leading man, which is not the case of many of the actors on your list with the exception of John Barrowman and NPH.

    Rupert was a rising leading man back in the day, as evidenced by “Another Country” (Screen and stage), “Dance With A Stranger,” “Duet For One,” “B Monkey,” “Unconditional Love,” “Cemetary Man,” and “The Comfort of Strangers, ” amongst many other films. Google his entire ouvre and then watch all of his films before you decide to overstate your case. He is the sole example of a leading man who unsuccessfully attempted to maintain such a career arc after outing himself. Needless to say, his public persona, novels, statements about briefly working as a rent boy didn’t help matters.

    Perhaps Rupert was an “asshole” with you, if you have met him, but I can personally attest to the fact that there is a score of people in Miami who found him to be charming, intelligent, kind, witty, down to earth, great company, etc., during his sojourn in South Florida. I also recall reading a number of very complimentary comments about him from a number of the acclaimed actors that he has worked with in the past. I also believe that he is still friends with Julia Roberts and got along famously with Angela Lansbury during their recent Broadway stint. The folks at the PR Dept of the Cannes Film Festival have told me that he’s charming. Friends and acquaintances in the industry in LA, NYC and London have told me that they think that he’s a nice guy. I sure that he has his detractorrs, too. So, go figure.

    I am not defending some of his more questionable antics, interviews and statements but I am not sure that the same necessarily qualify him as an “asshole.” If, in fact, he was an asshole to you, perhaps you deserved it. Perhaps not. Who am I to judge? Or You, for that matter.

    William Haines was a leading man who happened to be gay. His private sexual foibles contributed to his downfall. I suggest that you read “Wisecracker” before you overstate your case and possibly make a fool out of yourself.

    Ramon Novarro was a leading man and there is substantial material to indicate that the downfall of his career was linked to his homosexuality, not necessarily his effeminate voice. George Nadar was pursuing a career as a leading man until he was sacrificed to tabloids in order to protect Rock Hudson. Once Sal Mineo openly embraced his sexuality in social circles, his career went down the tubes and it is not necessarily due solely to poor career choices. Perhaps you should write to Tab Hunter and Farley Granger and ask their opinion regarding the topic before overstating your case.

    Lists are impressive only when they serve to validate a point and yours didn’t. Sorry. The names on your list could be tripled -BFD! What about all of the out actors in gay and independant film? I could also give you a list of dozens of closeted gay and bi actors active in North America, the Latin media and Europe, but what’s the point. Right now there are no openly lgbt movie stars with the exception of Angelina Jolie. Shouldn’t we be focusing on the fight for equality and as an adjunct to said efforts support those in our community who are struggling in Hollywood?



  • ScottinAZ

    Devon #100 – you got it right. This is the most pathetic display of self hatred and hypocracy I have ever seen. Makes me want to crawl back in the closet and hide after being out 16 years. Unreal. And gay, straight, or bi, in or out, Matt Bomer is the hottest thing to hit TV in years.

  • Truth B. Told

    @David Ehrenstein:

    Obviously, you don’t know how to read. I was defending Bomer’s right to privacy and how he should not be forced into the role of a rainbow flag-waving advocate against his will. He hasn’t denied being gay, he just hasn’t tattooed it on his ass and then mooned the whole world with a thundering ubiquitous declaration his sexual orientation. Good for him if he does; good for him if he doesn’t. At least he’s not a poser.

    Also, the reference to Keanu was just an example of how the sexual orientation obsession with some gay icons becomes almost pathetically comical at times. It was a comparison, not a judgement — so check your lexicon for a definition of the differences between those two words; if you don’t immediately grasp the concept. Plus, I was being ironic. Look that up too.


    In response to:

    @David Ehrenstein who wrote:” @Truth B. Told: Keanu has always been clear about his sexual orientation. He also happens to be quite gay-friendly.

    And you want to string him up?

  • Acem


    Agreed 100%. I’m all for levying criticism at any closeted celebrity who gay bashes or speak ill of gay people, but levying all this righteous indignation at someone like Matt Bomer — who simply wants to do his job as an actor and hasn’t stepped on anyone’s toes — just reeks of arrogance and spitefulness. Him coming out isn’t going to validate anyone’s existence. And in the meantime, should it have an effect on his career…what will you tell him then? “Well, thanks for being a martyr. You might have to settle on low budget indie projects from here on out…but maybe you’ll be rewarded in the next life.”

    And let’s be honest, if he were 30 years older and 30 lbs. heavier, not as many people would by shaming him for his lack of candor about whatever his sexual orientation is. You want him to come out so that you can ‘claim’ him.

  • Interesting

    Are the attitudes re gay visibility and honesty that dominate this thread the same attitudes that hold sway in your “real life” community? If so, I hope you’re all happy with second class citizen status. It’s never going to change for you.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Mimi: “As a straight woman” WHAT IS YOUR BUSINESS HERE? BE GONE!!!!!

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Jeff: What “downfall”? He’d had quite run and was getting fat. So he became an interior decroator and made more money than he ever did as an actor. He also became the consort of the rich and powerful — including the Reagns. Some “downfall”!

  • scott ny'er

    @BarryLA: Career gays!!! LOL. Awesome.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Jeff: “George Nadar was pursuing a career as a leading man until he was sacrificed to tabloids in order to protect Rock Hudson.”

    Yet another myth. The star of “Robot Monster” never had much of a Hollywood career because he was never much of an actor.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Truth B. Told: “Obviously, you don’t know how to read. I was defending Bomer’s right to privacy and how he should not be forced into the role of a rainbow flag-waving advocate against his will. He hasn’t denied being gay, he just hasn’t tattooed it on his ass and then mooned the whole world with a thundering ubiquitous declaration his sexual orientation. Good for him if he does; good for him if he doesn’t. At least he’s not a poser.”

    Obviously YOU don’t know how to read. His smug disinclination to “talk bout his private life” means he’s committed to the closet — a much more powerful role he’s been forced into that that the rainbow flag that so oppresses you.

    Why don’t you give “Love Won Out” a call? I’m sure you;d be much hapiier as an “Ex-Gay.”

  • Jeff

    Dear David,

    I believe that the premise of “Wisecracker” is that Billy Haines’ acting career was destroyed in large part because of his lifestyle, including several scandals relating to the fact that he was gay. He had also gained some weight but it’s not as if he was obese and many actors have had their heavy moments. How do we say Elizabeth Taylor? The fact that he went on to have a very successful career as an interior decorator does not negate the fact that his sexuality played a role in the downfall of his acting career. I was discussing his career as an actor. The fact that he hobnobbed with the Reagans and Mommy Dearest, among others, does not speak highly of him as a person but we are ostensibly discussing homophobia encountered by lgbt actors and not who various actors are friends with. Has Jodie Foster ever publicly disowned Mel Gibson? What about all of the “artists” who have publically defended Roman Polanski?

    George Nader’s first leading role was in a science fiction film but he subsequently played the lead in several mainstream films until his outing scandal effectively derailed his career. If you google him you will confirm that he did have some decent roles and actually won a Golden Globe Award for the Most Promising Newcomer after the “Robot” film. Many actors start out in less than promising debuts. Before she became an actress, Lucille Ball was a fashion model. Does that make her any less of a brilliant comedienne? I have seen a number of his films and although I don’t think that he was necessarily another Montgomery Clift or Paul Newman, I would be hesitant to label him as a bad actor. Which of his films have you seen? Stella Stevens, a former Playmate back in the day, has appeared in a number of lousey films and yet film critics and scholars have praised her work in films like “The Ballad Of Cable Hogue,” etc.

    My point is that there has always been discrimination against lgbt actors in Hollywood, especially when they vie for leading roles in commercial projects. It is my humble opinion that Rupert Everett is the only name that comes to mind who actually had a relatively decent career as a leading man, especially in international productions, prior to coming out and that his coming out contributed, in part, to the decline of his career.

    I used said examples in my prior comments to illustrate the fact that there has been a history of discrimination against lgbt actors who seek leading roles in the past. That does have some merit in understanding Matt Bomer’s presumed reluctance to totally out himself. I would love for him to do so but I also understand the pressures that might prevent him from doing so. I am not criticizing him or defending him. I am just trying to provide some additional insight on the matter.



  • Dylan

    @NoDoubleStandards: @NoDoubleStandards: #105 Goodness, it looks like I’ve hit a nerve!

    Sorry, I didn’t realize you would have to “look them up,” I mean there are so many of them “out” there. We all know that actors working in the industry are not known by the public, don’t we?

    I’m impressed by you ability to discern my “emotional, mental, and physical” condition, and the words troll, retarded, and idiot are just icing on the cake. Oops, I fogot lazy.

    I must admit to some degree of satisfaction at having been given some control over the emotions of someone who is my spiritual and intellectual superior — oh, and physical, too, right?

    You’ve made my day, NoDoubleStandard. LOL.

  • Devon


    Sorry for the let-down, but I’ve only had two on here. It was Yellow Ranger for a while, I got tired of that, and now it’s this.

    You are one defensive little dude.

  • Daniel

    The LOL term “Career gays” makes me think of gay guys who get married to straight women so they can run television networks and movie studios and still hang out with the “good-old boys” bunch and not draw too much rightwing government oversight.

    Also some gay politicians get married to women to have careers, so I guess they’d be “career gays” as well – putting money and power above integrity.

  • LABenjamin

    Looking over the bitter(sorry guys it shows)rants and name calling here its kind of sad the way other’s opinions are trampled on.I am 25 and out for a few years.As a younger guy I am thankful for all the trail blazing that was done that allows me to live my life out,the way I choose.I look at things very logically.Looking at Matt Bomer,he’s worked for years to finally get a lead role on a hit series.As far as I can see,he conducts his life with class,I’ve never seen a negative thing written about him and bitter blogs don’t count.He’s likely a little more careful about his actions based on the Superman deal where discrimination reigned.He is in a long term relationship with partner and kids.I’ve actually seen them out in public from afar and there is no cover going on there (and for Bomer fans,better looking in person but I digress).He’s never denied his orientation or posed as straight,actually quite the opposite while out in public.So adding all of his actions up,he is fine with me and actually quite a good role model for a young gay guy like myself – work hard,hone your craft,seek a long term,happy relationship and above all,conduct your life with class.

  • Brahm

    Interesting that he wants the press but wants to hide the truth… he is not out, he is managing the press or else why wouldn’t someone ask him head on “So, are you gay?”.

    Others have been asked.

    The show is mediocre, his hide and seek with the audience will grow tiresome and he will alienate his following. Not a good long-term plan.

  • Truth B. Told

    @David Ehrenstein:

    Methinks the lady doth protest too much. You, David, are the worst kind of egocentric troll who thinks that anybody who doesn’t live their life exactly like you is a traitor to the “gay cause”.

    Grow up already!

    It is because of people just like you on the other side that makes life for non-self-hating homos so unbearable. Quit being a coward and ragging on others. Fight your own damn internalized self-contempt battles.

    You just alienate people with your assholier-than-thou shitty attitude. No one has to march in your retarded Monty Pythonesque “David Ehrenstein” Be-My-Kind-of-Queer-Or-Else Liberation Army.

    If you had any real life of your own, you wouldn’t be so concerned with other people’s lives — which really are none of your fucking business to be perfectly honest. One size doesn’t fit all in the Gay World.

    And who wants to be a loser like you anyway? Also, you can take your shit-for-brains …”oh, you must be an Ex-Gay if you don’t agree with me”…stupid remark and stick it where the sun don’t shine and where your head is parked. Fuck off, troll!

    In response to David Ehrenstein who moronically wrote to me:
    “Why don’t you give “Love Won Out” a call? I’m sure you;d be much hapiier as an “Ex-Gay.”


    PS – No, David, the real Gay world would be a better place if YOU were an EX-Gay in it. We’ll even chip in on the shock treatments for you.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Mimi: Yeah sure Mimi, whatever. You and others are truly pathetic. You got Devon here whining that I now need to increase a fairly long list because Devon has decided it is not long enough. And now, we got you talking about celebrity culture while whining about other talking about celebrity culture.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Jeff: I am not going a write a novel. I barely read your post.

    He’s on a smallish show on a smallish cable channel. I am happy he got his gig, but let’s not turn it into a Brad Pitt role. It is what it is. Bigger stars than him are out.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Interesting: Most of the people posting here are full of shit online poster types. They don’t mean half the shit they say other than to win the argument of the moment. For example, I post a list of actors who are out, and rather than admitting that such a list of working actors exists, we get the Devon type poster who whines the list is not long enough for his taste. Now, I could take Devon seriously, or I can realize that Devon is an idiot trying to win an argument. I could have put 50 names on the list, and he would have still found some reason to find the list inadequate.

  • Mimi

    To David Ehrenstein,

    You’re a moron. So anyone who is heterosexual shouldn’t be friends with a gay man or woman and can’t help out or want to be involved, ask questions? If you want the “straight” community to vote in a manner than benefits such issues as Prop 8, why would you tell a straight person they can’t come to this website and participate in discussion?

    Sir Bitch A Lot, you need to get a grip. You want to be recognize, you want to have the same rights but you want to shoot down anyone who doesn’t agree with you 100% or expresses an opinion that doesn’t work in your mind.

    Unlike you, I’m trying to segregate myself. It takes all kinds to make a world and I don’t pass judgment, it’s not my job. Apparently, you think it’s yours.

    I actually found a lot of info on this site. I think it’s best to get another perspective.

    Good luck with that chip on your shoulder.

  • Anthony

    @LABenjamin: I was going to refrain from entering this cat fight, but I feel compelled to endorse your comment. In my opinion, you are right on all counts.

    I am gay, and I attended Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh at the same time as Bomer. Yes, he is even better looking in person. And for all of his scorching good looks, he doesn’t have a pretentious bone in his body.

    He was a hard worker, and he was serious about is craft. We were just acquaintances, not close friends (darn it). I didn’t pay careful attention to it at the time, but I believe he was “out.” Certainly if not explicitly, then it was assumed. There were so many gays in the theater and arts departments at CMU, at least then, that noone gave it a second thought.

    What I found most attractive about him was that, without fail, he was very kind to everyone from the ugliest troll or maintenance man to the hottest stud.

    It’s disheartening to watch the bitter queens eviscerate this genuinely good guy.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @scott ny’er: yes, apparently the out actors I listed are career gays despite the fact that many of them actually don’t play gay roles and don’t need the gay community. They are out because they are out, but it is easier to construct the fantasy of it being about some evil career gays. The funny thing is that I infrequently come to gay sites. I just come to this one out of boredom with work. The other funny part is that when I do I always see the same name of people whining about “the gays” so I got to wonder how can one be so obsessed with gays and whine about ‘career gays” It seems the ones mostly with a problem with the gay issue are those whining about career gays rather than those saying we should make being gay normal and boring rather than drama of excusing guys who refuse to come out.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Anthony: You are an unknown person on a blog making a claim that none of us can possibly know is true or not. And given the extraordinary nature of the claim, I am not buying it.

  • WeaverM

    Actually his ‘smallish’ show generally beats all other shows in the ratings formerly on Fridays and now Tuesdays 10-11 including the traditional broadcast networks ABC/NBC/CBS. 4M viewers live – 6M with dvr+7 days and kills competition in coveted 18-49 target demo. Sorry numbers/ratings employee/junky here – want to keep it real and accurate. Pretty good stuff…

  • Lukas P.

    I get it now! Matt Bomer is our #1 enemy and we should target all our venom and rage at him. Yes, that makes sense.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Dylan: Dylan- Thanks for reaffirming my view that I should not waste my time with creating a longer list. The thing is that you are predictable without even knowing you that well.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @WeaverM: Without even looking it up, I already know compared to shows like The Good Wife that you are on crack. Try again.

  • LABenjamin

    #133 – Anthony, thanks I take things at face value,I know I’m right. I seldom post but felt the same way you did. And your accounts of MB in college run parallel with a few folks I have talked to that worked with him on Chuck – appears to be great guy.On this crowd here, a bitter group they are, lucky in the greater scheme of things their opinions matter little…

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Lukas P.: When you have resorted this idiotic comments yours, you know that’s pretty sad. I am here because I am bored, but frankly , many of you are not even great sparring partners at this point.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @LABenjamin: Oh lord, more fake testimonials. Next, we will get a post by his mother saying that he was a great boy who ate his veggies.

  • WeaverM

    #139 – put your glasses on grandpa – see ‘generally beats’ and ‘Fridays/Tuesdays.’ And omg, a Good Wife fan, that is tragic.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @WeaverM: Wow, zing, you got me. I am not a fan of Good Wife. I’ve not even seen the show. But, I am old and a grandpa, and that means I am wrong. Except I am not.

    I know what cable network show ratings are like and I know what prime time network show ratings are like. A hit on cable would be considered a failure on prime network TV. I don’t even need to know the specifics ratings to know you are on crack and lying here. Try again- because again as far as sparring partners go- many of you are not all that good.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Jeff: ”
    My point is that there has always been discrimination against lgbt actors in Hollywood, especially when they vie for leading roles in commercial projects. It is my humble opinion that Rupert Everett is the only name that comes to mind who actually had a relatively decent career as a leading man, especially in international productions, prior to coming out and that his coming out contributed, in part, to the decline of his career.

    I used said examples in my prior comments to illustrate the fact that there has been a history of discrimination against lgbt actors who seek leading roles in the past. That does have some merit in understanding Matt Bomer’s presumed reluctance to totally out himself.”

    Look, this is getting ridiculous. We’re not living in the 50’s anymore. Information about actor’s sexuality isn’t “privileged.” The ‘net is faster than the speed of light. What you did last night may well end up on You Tube in the morning. Over and above all there’s this silly pretense.

    As I pointed out in my book, I knew Rock Hdsonwas gay befroe I knew that I was. The truth was “out there” from the start, well before the scandal mags decided to toy with it. The pretense that “Nobodyy Knew!” until Rock was on his deathbed is FUCKING PATHETIC!

    So here we are over half a century later talking about a rather obscure young would-be “leading man” named Matt Bomer. Few members of the general public have ever heard of him. Those that have, and care to know more, can discover with a few key strokes that (in the immortal words of John LaTouche) he’s as gay as a Disney cow. Bomer himself wants to play the “glass closet” game of “That doesn’t bother me” — with no further coment.

    In short he’s a cowardly piece of shit.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @LABenjamin: “As far as I can see,he conducts his life with class,I’ve never seen a negative thing written about him and bitter blogs don’t count. He’s likely a little more careful about his actions based on the Superman deal where discrimination reigned. He is in a long term relationship with partner and kids. I’ve actually seen them out in public from afar.”

    Cue Bette Midler


  • David Ehrenstein

    @Truth B. Told: “If you had any real life of your own, you wouldn’t be so concerned with other people’s lives — which really are none of your fucking business to be perfectly honest. One size doesn’t fit all in the Gay World.”

    Oh I am SUCH a Bad Homosexual! Obviously I should follow your sterling example.

    But just tell me one thing, dear — if you’re so concerned about your Fellow Queer, what are you doing in a gossip chat room?

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Mimi: “Sir Bitch A Lot, you need to get a grip.”

    Take your own advice!

    I cannor tell you how many gay chat rooms have been ruined by FAG HAGS LIKE YOU rushing in with breathless comments about their cute little pet gays.

  • Truth B. Told

    @David Ehrenstein puked up: “But just tell me one thing, dear — if you’re so concerned about your Fellow Queer, what are you doing in a gossip chat room?”


    I’m doing a research paper on bitter old queers like you. :)

  • Truth B. Told

    @David Ehrenstein:

    Toodles…got to run…have to get to the office…got a “real” life (you remember having one of those in years (many years) past don’t you, David? Have fun haunting the chat rooms looking for more “victims” while I’m gone. Whatever floats your boat, grandpa. ….. HA! HA! !!!!BOOOOO!!!!

  • Unknown

    @NoDoubleStandards: Aren’t all of the commenters on this blog unknown?

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: Yeah, the funny part is that he is relatively unknown, but other more famous actors are out, but we are still told he’s worried about his career. I mean all one has do is google Bomer’s name and the stuff with the photos comes up with him kissing some guy. Not sure what else can be said at this point. Some here seem hell bent on absurdity regarding the closet.

  • Prof

    If the cynicism and bitterness reflected in the comments to this post is an accurate barometer of the lack of happiness in our community-at-large, it’s no wonder that substance abuse is such an issue for so many gays.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Unknown: a) Yes, all bloggers here are unknown. But b) your pointing that out merely reinforces my point that many of you retarded since you don’t mention the context of why I mention that we are unknown.

    That reason being that testimonials about how great this actor is in real life with people claimed to have met him is about as useful on a blog as saying I believe Jesus Christ. We got nothing but faith with that sort of comment is true and given the context we can almost be certain it is some kid blowing smoke up our collective asses.

    I am about to tell you a story that I can not prove, but actually serves to illustrate the point. When I first lived in Los Angeles, I met this would who went on and on about Chris Farley like she personally knew him on a deep level. Turns out she met him once in passing at a party.

    The point of that story is that we don’t know shit about any one posting here. The idea we are suppose to take them at face value without more is what I am against. I don’t expect people to take me at face value. So I list out actors in the industry right now. You can check to see if they are out or not.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Prof: Jesus, how many more sock puppets are you going to create?

  • Mimi

    David, you wish I was your fag hag but I’m not. You have issues.

  • Rege

    I’m curious. Queerty, you must keep some kind of statistics.

    Does any other topic ignite a fury of comments like ones about wealthy, handsome successful “not-out-enough” gays like Anderson Cooper or Matt Bomer?

    These guys really push our envy and insecurity buttons, don’t they?

  • David Ehrenstein

    @NoDoubleStandards: Precisely! In this day and age it’s totally absurd. If he’s as “out” as his defenders in here claim, why doesn’t he own up to his life?

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Rege: THEY’RE the ones who are insecure.

    Bomer’s just an actor. Cooper really annoys me becuase I like his work as a telejournalist. He’s smart enough to know better. But apparently he doesn’t. He should have handled the fact of his gayness in relation to his career a long time ago.

  • Not A Techie

    I’m with Mimi. What the hell is a sock puppet? I suspect this is some kind of phallic reference that is passing over my naive head.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Rege: Another crack ho sock puppet. No, this is not the most important conversation. And no it is not one that’s the most controversial here at Queerty. I think a sign of true insecurity is where you got to keep creating sock puppets repeating yourself again and again about how others are insecure when clearly that’s your issue. If you were secure, you wouldn’t keep repeating yourself with different screen names trying to create the illusion of a crowd.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Not A Techie: The time it took you to type that is the time you could have taken to google the term. Thus, bye bye.

  • cherryactrick

    fuck these queers with no balls. can’t be themselves, so its rather odd that we expect them be actors…tick tock bonner boo….hurry up get a action series..

  • Steve

    Never heard of him, and I’ll give a damn about him when he grows a pair and comes out. Until then, I wish him much lack of success in his closeted career.

  • Sam

    Does anyone read down this far?

  • Jay

    @ Sam

    I do.

    It must say something about the pop culture/gossip blogs I frequent that the comments are more entertaining than the content.

    Kudos to Queerty: If in doubt, post about Matt Bomer’s sexuality.

  • Michael W.

    Bad news for Matt. Queerty gets a lot of mileage out of these articles about him, which means the train ain’t stopping anytime soon.

  • Scott

    @Michael W.:

    I don’t think it’s bad news for him. They are the ones courting this type of publicity for allowing this charade to continue.

    They know what they’re doing having Matt give those coy answers.

  • ChrisC

    Yep no such thing as bad publicity, good or bad, the more the better – creates buzz – genious idea right.

  • William

    Take a guy with scorching good looks who recently lands a new hit show. The guy has been out of the closet for years but PR says how can we create and maintain buzz about him once new show news is over. Because of his looks/acting ability his orientation won’t matter/damage much so let’s be mysterious about his personal life. Creates constant questions, probing, interest in the media and blogs. Brilliant, those PR types earn their money.

  • David Ehrenstein

    Buzz? Ever get stung by a dead bee?

  • David Ehrenstein

    @William:”Because of his looks/acting ability his orientation won’t matter/damage much so let’s be mysterious about his personal life. Creates constant questions, probing, interest in the media and blogs.”

    Creates ONE question — easily answered.

  • Devon

    So what happens if he does acknowledge his gayness in a very public fashion? What if he makes an issue out of his sexuality and opens up the closet door for the whole goddamn world to peek in? What if he does all that, and it DOES wreck his career? What if he goes from up and coming rising star to solidly B/C-list/low budget indie star overnight?

    What do the bitchy, militant queens(like this thread’s own Tweedledumb and Tweedledouche, screaming and crying on the internet because he isn’t publicly gay enough for them) say to him then?

  • simpson

    So true Devon – but they are far removed from the current realities of Hollywood casting or they would understand.I work here and it is still the 1950s,or maybe the ’70s when it comes to casting. Harsh penalties still prevail for out actors if you want more than ensemble roles.

  • Sock Puppet

    Are there many Queerty readers besides myself who are not familiar with the term sockpuppet?

    I took NoStandards’ kind advice and decided to lookup sock puppet. I ended up on some kind of urban dictionary page. There are some variations on the definition, but I understand it to basically mean an attempt at opinion manipulation.

    For example, if I was frustrated and I wanted to discredit or dilute the opinion of someone with whom I disagree, I might claim that he/she is a “sock puppet.” Kind of like not a real person.

    This seems like a dubious, almost republican, Fox-like strategy, but it is probably effective with some target audiences. Think of the sophistication level of the Palin followers.

    You learn something new eveyday.

  • benlayvey

    It’s rather sad that Queerty should always post the same topic that garners the SAME argument among commentators here. They merely change the words to the same topic and its readers; simpletons they are, swam it like Bees. I wish headlines on our Civil Rights plight managed the same views and attention as a man who clearly doesn’t want to be an activist, a decision everyone here must respect. He is at this point a One-Man Industry with some hundreds of people/agents counting on his success for their Mortgage payment. Has anyone actually thought of that? Clearly he finds this a bigger responsibility than becoming another Hot-thing-of-the-moment for gays who need celebrity validation of their sexuality. Our focus must shift to more pressing matters.

  • Steve

    @benlayvey: “Our focus must shift to more pressing matters.”

    That is for sure!

  • RJD

    Benlayvey – could not have said it better myself – agree 100% on all counts.

  • A now confused John from England (used to be just John but there are other John's)

    Waaaaaaaaaaah, waaaaaaaaaaah,

    Damn he’s very good looking.

  • amtj2010

    As the sister of a gay man, a counselor at my local lgbt, and a mixed race woman; I am appalled by your lack of responsibility. I face discrimination often, I cannot change the color of my skin or my gender, so do not give me that b.s excuse “you do not understand”. You all keeping saying that he is a coward for not publically stating he is gay, how is it YOUR right to demand that of him? Your arguement that he want to reap the benefits of freedom without contribution is a fallacy. I am greatful that Martin Luther King fought for half of me (actually all of me and all of you) to be free, but my responsibility is to live MY life as a reflection of what I want it to be. How many of you are activist or pillars of the gay community? How can you expect respect and support when you alienate straight people? The problem is a catch-22 you do not want to be labeled, yet you want to label him.

    The gay community is not large and Hollywood is all about fantasy and perception. Regardless of how many straight women claim they would be ok if “so and so came out”, that is a hypothetical. If all the people who say they were ok with homosexuality existed, then no on prop 8 would have pass. Descrimination in hollywood is hard to prove because everything is based on looks and perception. Of all the actors listed in @NoDoubleStandards: comment, seldom few are working now and when they do it is hardly a lead role. For the most part while the gay community will stand together better then any group, not all believe that it is right to demand full disclosurer. Even if you did boycotted nothing would change, it might make studios even more anti-gay. Gays make up less then 10% of the worlds population, thats not including the people who do not want to come out or the people who are confused. How is wrong for an actor to just want to be known for their craft?? Do any of you want to be know as the gay account, gay lawyer etc ?

    It is amazing there are so many other important articles on this website, yet the one(s) about a celebrities personal life receives the most responses.

  • Scott


    So from your comment I take this: it has nothing to do with the public embracing a gay celebrity, the issue is that there is something more sinister in the industry that keeps these gay men and women mum?

    Was there resentment of NPH when he came out for betraying the closet system of Hollywood? You know, because he broke the rule: you stay in the closet forever?

    I’ve always been so curious about this.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Sock Puppet: Well now another retard repeating himself along the thread of retarded socket puppets.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Scott: Hollywood, despite the ignorance of the fact here, is an extremely conservative industry that often trails where the public is rather than leads it.

    For years, until early in this decade, Hollywood claimed that a black star could not lead a sci fi movie variously because a) there would be no foreign market sales or b) America was not ready for a black lead to star in a sci fi tent pole movie.

    The fact that Will Smith had already co-starred in Independence Day did not affect that conclusion. One of the reason Keanu Reeves was chosen for Matrix (or the claim goes) is because although the original idea conceived of the story as a black lead- the money behind it would not go for it.

    The point is that this was perception. Not reality. It turns out as we now know- with the right actor- the public does not give a shit whether the actor is black or white with regard to starring in a big budget sci fi. Hollywood was holding back the allowing such movies rather than such movies beyond being outside of what the public would accept.

    Above I mention a list of actors whoa re out where it does not matter for a reason.

    They exist in the industry. They have successful careers. The real issue is whether a leading man can be gay.

    Hollywood, not the public, says no.

    The truth is no one has any idea yet because there is no one on the horizon with the talent to be A list leading man who is openly gay. There are some great character actors, but not one of them I think is leading man material. They may surprise me in the future.

    However, the idea that NPH’s coming out was a problem for him is not yet tested. We will find out after his new “it’ factor dies down to see whether he’s given any parts. Even with him, however, one must remember he was always a TV actor even before coming out.

    Hollywood is afraid to take a chance on a gay star. It does not mean, like with race, whether we can determine if the public is against such a star.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @amtj2010: Bullshiit. Most of them are indeed working. Again, imdb them. It is easy enough to prove you wrong. And you apparently don’t understand how film careers work to even make such a statement considering most of these people are working as much as any actor works in Hollywood who is not on the A list.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Scott: By the way, as long as no one ever tests the assumptions, (No one ever selects a black actor like Will Smith to disprove that blacks can not star in a sci fi big budget movie), then you will continue to see a belief that is reinforced only by what Hollywood believes. The real test will come when some actor is brave enough to break the glass ceiling of being an A list star who can open a movie, but is gay in real life. Until that happens, and probably even after that happens, Hollywood will believe it is impossible. That’s just the way the industry is. That’s why I have sympathies for the actor here, but really think until people start challenging these assumptions so that we can know the truth- we will never see things change. I personally think the public, especially women, could not give a shit about an actor being straight or gay in real life, so long as the character is believable to them.

  • Marcus


    I agree with you.

    I work for a TV network–and one executive told me that the public would NEVER buy a gay actor in a straight role, and I informed her that it was my opinion that times have change. Americans allow gays and lesbians into their homes and movie screens everyday.

    Her response: “Never going to happen. Period.”

    Her tone suggested that SHE never wanted it to happen.

  • Don

    I love the way there is never any name calling in the comments. It’s a testament to the level of maturity and sophistication of Queerty’s readers.

  • Kathy Griffin-dor

    Oh well, at least he’s not as egregious as the Simon Cowells and Ryan Seacrests of the entertainment world.

  • Ross

    It’s interesting that the title of the article in Elle is “Catch Him If You Can.”

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Marcus: That tracks with my experience with the industry: Extremely narrow minded despite the public image of being liberal. This is why on some level I do have sympathies for the actor. It is not easy to navigate a career in an environment where everyone is telling you not to come out. Those that do are very brave. Indeed, if people were not trying to turn this actor (who happens to be hot) actions into a virtue rather than saying yes he’s cowardly, but there are good reasons, then I would be hard pressed to disagree. My problem here is the bullshit that tries to rationalize poor moral character. I am certain he’s a great guy in other ways. But, a drought in one area of one’s life is not justified by rain that falls in other areas.

  • Devon


    No, really, what do you say to the guy if he decides to be as publicly gay as people like you command him to be, and it wrecks his career in the end?

    “Lol, tough shit. But hey, thanks for being a role model!”

  • MuscleBoy

    This man is pathetic.

  • TheAwfulTruth

    @NoDoubleStandards: Most straights don’t give a shit in Hollywood who’s gay or not, because most power players, i.e., agents, PR flaks, publicists, producers, etc. are gay. And it is the gays keeping the closet alive. Shame on us for allowing this, and shame on this and other actors for living one way and pretending another one.

  • BelVivDevoe

    @benlayvey: You, sir, are a sock puppet.

  • TheAwfulTruth

    @Jeff: It is gays who keep the closet alive, not straights.

  • Marcus

    Devon, Bomer’s career isn’t going to end if he comes out.

    Get over that.

    His husband (spousal equivalent) and he himself might think that–but the public isn’t going to turn on him because he’s gay.

    If anything, I think he would become only more popular. Call it gut instinct.

    BTW, Bomer isn’t entitled to some grand career–closet or out.

    For some reason people think they are warranted these A-list careers when very few succeed at getting them. He can stay in the closet forever, that doesn’t mean he’s the next Brad Pitt.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Devon: The same thing I would have said to Rosa Parks or MLK if I could: Thank for for doing the hard thing rather than the easy thing because the right thing makes all our lives better.

    REmember, everyone who decides to do the right thing have had similar hard stories. They risked being prison or killed. We got parts of the world right now that want to murder us because they say gay is evil. So, anyone doing the right thing here should be supported.

    As I have said, I am not going to crap on the guy for being coward here. There’s a reason for him to be afraid. That does not excuse it away.

    I am also not going to turn his fear into virtue. There are real heros in the world who take real risks, and those are the people who should be put on on a pedestal rather than some guy I happen to want to fuck because he’s cute, but I know he’s also not exactly being brave here.

    Some of you are incredibly jaded about the world. You want to make the rest of us like you. That’s not going to happen with me.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Marcus: “For some reason people think they are warranted these A-list careers when very few succeed at getting them. He can stay in the closet forever, that doesn’t mean he’s the next Brad Pitt.”

    Exactly. He’s just does not feel like he has that level of appeal. Now maybe he will do something that will surprise me, but having watched the show, I don’t see it. He’s not a George Cloonie or Brad Pit or any other A-lister where I sort of felt they were going to be big. Then again, part of the issue is that he may be too pretty. Like Charlize Theron, being too good looking, can be a distraction.

  • Lukas P.

    So, it’s now a consensus. Matt Bomer is our primary target for gay activism.
    Please let us know what to do, Mr. David Ehrenstein & Mr NoDoubleStandards et al. What is your suggested action plan? i.e.:
    * Who do we write/call/email to protest Mr Bomer’s blatant disregard of gay men and lesbians throughout the world? Please provide addresses and phone numbers.
    * What are your suggestions as to where we should carry picket signs so as to maximize media attention on his failure to openly recognize the fact that he is a Gay Man?
    * Would you recommend that we boycott the network upon which his show his broadcast? Which shows would you prefer we leave off the TiVo schedule?
    * Do you believe it’s useful to target or protest publications that have failed to out him? If so, which ones, and how may we contact them?
    * Which advertisers on his show shall we avoid?

    I have the following people lined up to join us:
    (a) My father. He is willing to stop his finacial contributions to medical professionals who provide free medical care to HIV positive individuals so he can focus on Mr Bomer
    (b) My uncle Magnus who was, until now, trying to form a chapter of GLSEN in the local high school
    (c) My step-sister Karin who thought that her getting her employer to provide insurance benefits to employees with same-sex partners was somehow adequate
    (d) My neighbor Jill who takes in foster kids, many of whom have been kicked out of their homes for being gay or lesbian

    Please do advise me ASAP so that I might redirect these otherwise well-intentioned people to a MUCH more worthwhile cause.

    Thank you.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Lucas P, I told you who to hate on in post #93

  • dontblamemeivotedforhillary

    He’s deathly thin….

  • Lukas P.

    I need names, addresses and phone numbers if I am to bring kith & kin to your worthwhile cause. They’re ready to stop all other forms of activism to support you. Get ready, because the Nordic brigade is ready to rumble, and the Irish lady too. [Sorry, Jill]

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Cute. I don’t watch T.V. babe, and don’t have cable, so I don’t know who this “enemy” is.

  • Nanny Gee

    I wonder how the kids feel about the fact that their father keeps his relationship with their other father a shameful secret, not to mention the dark veil he draws over their own existence. How old are they?

  • AT

    @No. 204 · Nanny Gee

    “…the dark veil he draws over their own existence.”

    Oh, how dramatic! LOL. But that’s completely ridiculous. Matt is as out as it gets in his life except that he doesn’t make it public. Everyone in Hollywood knows that he has a family. So I’m pretty sure he lives a normal family life (as far as possible in Hollywood) and doesn’t hide his partner or kids at all.

    The kids are pretty young and probably don’t understand it right now. And I also think he won’t be THAT private forever, just testing if the show is successful before he takes the last step.

  • WarnermanLA

    This banter is both pathetic and hysterical. Matt and his partner are totally out, never been in the closet. They have an enviable ‘traditional’ family we should all aspire to and one that shows the anti-gay haters that gay folks are like straight folks in their desire for love and family. If anything I assume they are trying to shield their lives from the scourge and hypocracy on sites like this. Let’s all try to think back on our decisions to come out, I know for some here that would be many decades but try. You’ve been ‘out’ to close friends for years, but there is that last hurdle – whether it be professional at the office, or family members that would have issues that could potentially hurt you. Everyone has their own time table and I cannot believe a gay person would judge another on this sensitive topic. Press articles like this are required of a star for a new show. I suspect that once the show is a little more established there will be a matter of fact mention that he has a male partner – then we, the gays will be fulfilled since we really just want to ‘claim’ him as our own. But for now let’s just enjoy this handsome, inteligent, sweet guys rise to fame. Life is too short to hate.

  • ing

    Pregnant or not pregnant. Out or in. There’s no ‘sort of out as it gets except not really.’

  • ing

    “Matt and his partner are totally out”

    No, he isn’t. That’s a ridiculous assertion.

  • AT

    There certainly are levels of out. You are not in if you told your friends, family and coworkers but decide to not tell it every stranger you meet on the street. And the pregnancy comparison makes no sense at all. Or are you suddenly in again after being out for nine month?

  • David Ehrenstein

    @amtj2010: “It is amazing there are so many other important articles on this website, yet the one(s) about a celebrities personal life receives the most responses”

    So why are you responding to it?

    I’m black too, Missy. Do you want a list of gand lesbian African-Americans of note? Let’s start with the man who engineered MLK’s March on Washington — Bayard Rustin.

    Goo “Google” and be gone!

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Scott: I do believe there was — among the gay and lesbian behind-the-scenes “handlers.” Because he has control over his own life NPH has a lot of power. He’s a free man who can live his life on his own terms, now. Something “handlers” abhor.

    And BTW, his being Out and Proud doesn’t mean he’s “carrying the rainbow flag around” 24/7. He and David have lent their talents to select events (eg. “Broadway Backwards”) and he’s now on the board of the “Trevor Project.” But he hasn;t turned himsefl into a singing, dancing Larry Kramer. He doesn’t have to. He and David being out and proud is enormously political in and of itself.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Marcus: “Her tone suggested that SHE never wanted it to happen”

    You got it, marcus! That’s what’s REALLY going on here. Dittop for Matthew Weiner.

    But theses ‘phobes days are numbered.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Lukas P.: My suggested plan is to get you laid. You really, really need it.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @AT: “Matt is as out as it gets in his life except that he doesn’t make it public.”


  • KippK

    Well aside from his killer looks, this Matt Bomer really must have the ‘IT’ factor you need in Hollywood since he apparently can whip a group of queens on a gay site into a frenzy in no time at all. People, it’s been mentioned before but we all remember coming out – it’s one of the most deeply personal experiences/decisions in a life. It’s really criminal that one gay person would demand another gay person to come out on anything but his own time table. The in-fighting and trivial arguments I see here are what really hurts our cause. Let’s focus our indignation and energy on issues like Prop 8 and equal rights. Matt Bomer stating what most people already know will not advance our cause. Cut him some slack, he’s trying to earn a living and live his life, not someone elses idea of his what his life should be.

  • Oscar

    Matt Bomer = Fat Boner. Hahaha. Love it. Now, I wonder if that’s true, and if he’s cut or uncut, a top or a bottom. Pressing issues here people!

  • Mr.Jones

    This guy screams GAY FACE 100 percent. LOL.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @KippK: “People, it’s been mentioned before but we all remember coming out – it’s one of the most deeply personal experiences/decisions in a life. It’s really criminal that one gay person would demand another gay person to come out on anything but his own time table.”

    It’s really criminal to defend the system designed to destroys us.

  • A Different David

    @David Ehrenstein: YES. Thank you, David

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Nanny Gee: Good question. Not sure. I am sure they keep them away from press coverage.

  • AT

    @No. 214 · David Ehrenstein

    Wow, is that you laughing? Who would have thought it’s possible?!

    Well, if you disagree then please give me a list of Matt’s family members, friends or coworkers he’s currently lying to about being gay. Give me a list of private events he didn’t attend or other things he didn’t do because he didn’t want to be seen with his partner or kids. Give me a list of conversations where he denied being gay. Give me something that shows he’s not out in his private and professional life. And I’m not talking about public events or interviews for the show, since I consider these his ‘public life’ and I already said I agree he’s not publicly out. I just don’t see that he’s completely in the closet and therefore such a little coward and the biggest threat to the ‘community’ right now. Because that gives me a good laugh.

    So, if you want role models then get a public life of your own, be successful, be out and proud, be a role model. And don’t waste any time, because obviously our lives depend on celebrities being out in public.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: Yeah, NPH is pretty clear that he’s non-political as far as I have read. The idea that choosing means becoming super political is one that is pushed a) by the majority that’s uncomfortable with our sexuality period and b) by gay men with an issue with being out or being gay. The truth is that being out is not an overt political statement. It is just a process of normalizing being gay for the rest of the world. For me personally, I don’t make a big deal of it. I tell someone I date men etc if it comes up, and move on. If they got a problem with it, I let them deal with it rather than making it a big deal. That’s my process for normalizing it. The goal of being out is to make gay non-political. What makes it political are all those queens who can’t accept the idea that gay is a normal, and thus, they create all the ritualized perceptions like “oh, if you mention you are gay that’s a political statement.” No, that’s just being honest and saying its normal. Let others do what they want with the information.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @KippK:Actually what it means (since I am forced to explain it to a retard like yourself) is that he represents a larger question of how to make gay normalized in our society. We are not discussing his talent other than as an aside about whether what he is even hiding his sexuality for matters. You can of course like most of the tards here continue to distort and change what is being said. But, that just makes you look silly.

  • AT

    BTW, there was an interview with Simon Halls from early 2008 where they stated his son was about two years old and the surrogate was expecting his twins in the spring.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @AT: Obviously you didn’t read the story that started this discussion off. HE’S NOT OUT! HE DOESN’T WANT TO COME OUT! HE’S NEVER GOING TO COME OUT!

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @David Ehrenstein: The over the top comments by his defenders again is why I can only have limited sympathies for him. While I am sympathetic, I read their comments, and I think “god, nothing would have ever changed if left up to these people.” I remember my family talking about racism in the 60s and 70s and even in the 80s when I was too young to fully understand it. I remember also the older gay people I know talking about being gay in the 70s and 80s. Both give me the impression that things have changed a lot but that’s because people stepped up to the plate. Like I said, this is not about politicizing being gay. Indeed, the people who see being gay as being political are quite often the gays with problems with being gay. The real goal for me is normalization. To make the concept every day rather than unique. To make being gay boring. I don’t walk around with gay on my sleeves, but people do know I am gay. I don’t lie about it. Right now, by omission this guy is clearly lying about it. I can understand why, but reading the comments from his defenders here reinforces the danger of what happens if ignore what all of this means. it means we are all forced a little bit in a close and we are not a normal part of society.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @AT: It shouldn’t be a Big Political Statement, but given the way the world is run it is.

    If you’ve been reading Bomerama it’s clear that his defenders believe that being out is political. They’ve even spoken of out gay celebs as people who tete the rainbow flag around 24/7. The truth — as exemplified by NPH — means nothing to them. Their minds are made up — with Hospital Corners.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @AT: You are arguing in bad faith. You set up a premise where by you define out as just to your friends and family, when , in fact, you know that’s not the conversation.

    I don’t see what people like you get out of lying. Is the point to waste everyone’s time with high school debate logic that goes if I don’t mention it, no one will realize the discussion is whether one should be out in the work place?

    I think most of us are smarter than you if you think that’s going to work.

  • AT


    What makes you think he will never be publicly out? He’s only one step away from it. There are other people who are publicly out now who have started with denials, lies and beards. He doesn’t do that. So my guess is it’s only a matter of time until he also mentions his partner and kids. I just don’t see the point why we should push him and not give him a few seconds to think about a good strategy. Did you realize you were gay and a second later came out to family, friends and colleagues as fast as you can or did you take some time to think about how they could react and how you would deal with it?

  • AT


    Sorry, I’m obviously not as smart as you. Maybe it would help to use words like idiot and retard in a conversation to meet your level of intelligence. I just said he is apparently out to his friends, family AND at his work place. And I think this is just as out as the super out people – who are not public figures – are as well.

    And even if you don’t agree, not talking about something is not lying. That’s silly. If you read some his interviews it’s obvious he’s comfirming that he’s gay, just not willing to talk about it at this point. It’s not lying. He didn’t deny it or showed up at events with a beard.

    It’s great that you try to make being gay boring. I appreciate that, honestly. And I wish we were already there. But for public figures it will definitely become something that defines them if their careers just start to take off. Adam Lambert is the GAY dude who happens to be a singer. Matthew Mitcham is the GAY olympian who happens to be a gold medal winner. Scott Evans is the GAY soap guy and so on. It’s always the GAY this, the GAY that.

    So I understand if someone is trying to make a name for himself before he comes out in public. NPH was Doogie, he’s a funny, smart, adorable guy and he just happens to be gay. But he had a career and people saw him for something else than just being gay. It’s way harder if nobody knows your name yet.

    And I’d rather wait some time for gay people establishing a career and coming out later with a good chance to be a role model than having a publicly out gay man who’s career will never take off and who will never be successful enough to even come close to being a role model. And since we don’t know what will happen if a man like Matt comes out publicly I think it’s a logical thing to take small steps.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @AT: “Did you realize you were gay and a second later came out to family, friends and colleagues as fast as you can or did you take some time to think about how they could react and how you would deal with it?”

    My mother took me to see “Kismet” at the Roxy when it premiered by in 1954. I was I was seven. My reaction to Dolores Gray’s “Not Since Nineveh” number made it clear to her that by 1961 — when I’d reched sexual maturity and therefore come out — that she shouldn’t have been surprised.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @AT: “I think it’s a logical thing to take small steps.”

    Then why not take a small one and leave.

    You have no business here, Missy. You have no business ANYWERE that gay men happen to be. As much as you’d like to own us like slaves, you don’t — and never will.

  • Rob Moore

    This is amazing. Such a kerfuffle over an actor whose only crime is declining to discuss his private family life in an interview. In his daily life, it seems he does nothing to create a false image of his life. So where is the sin?

    I don’t hide that I am gay. Until I became unemployed a couple of weeks ago, it was no secret, but, when asked about private matters, I simply steered the conversation elsewhere. If asked about issues such as gay marriage, I voiced support, but never thought I was required to disclose intimate details. Others thought nothing of telling me and others about very personal things, often in gory and boring detail. Why should we treat someone like Matt Bomer any differently?

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Rob Moore: Because he’s an actor, and actors sell themselves publically. Therefore the whole claim of a “private lfie” is mendacious.

    Especially so in light of all the declarations in here that he’s “really out” except fot that little “he doen’t want to talk about his private life” thingy.

  • Marcus

    So which one is it–is he out, or does he need a private life and how dare we even have this discussion?

    BTW, I have NEVER heard of a gay man who is in a committed, long-term relationship unwilling to talk to about his children. Never in my whole life. I have never heard of a straight man doing that either–unless he’s talking to some broad he hopes to have an affair with or is in the FBI or worse: the kids are in jail.

    This whole thing mystifies me.

    @David Ehrenstein:
    Funny. The exec I’m speaking of is a really nice lady. But on that particular thing she was unmoved. Weird.

    And speaking of NPH, when he came out, there was a sentiment I picked up around town that, “he broke the rules,” or, “well, if that’s what he wanted to do…” Very low-key, but still a tinge of resentment.

    And it wasn’t just him, either.

    Let’s talk about the uber-gay casting people and their, uh beliefs.

    I think that’s why Bomer’s career never took off despite his talent–it only took off after he started messing around with Simon.

  • Rogerthat

    It’s fairly obvious here who the idiot fools with much to much time on their hands.

  • AT

    @David Ehrenstein

    Nice to hear it went well with your mother. So I guess you realized you were gay and told her the next minute? You never thought it might not be the right time yet, you’ll wait for a better moment? No testing the waters? Nothing? And what about everyone else? Never even thought about how they could react or how you would deal with certain reactions before you told them? I have yet to meet a gay man who’s coming out process was such a walk in the park.

    “Then why not take a small one and leave.”

    Another pseudo-cool phrase instead of a real argument.

    “You have no business here, Missy. You have no business ANYWERE that gay men happen to be.”

    Well, I think a lot of straight women are strong supporters of gay rights. So I think it’s kinda counterproductive to tell them to fuck off just because they don’t agree with you. You think you don’t need straight people, but there’s also only a certain percentage of gay people who share your extremist way of thinking. Do you really believe you are helping to change people’s minds with this attitude?

  • Derek

    I second that Rogerthat…

    Especially one David Ehrenstein who really, really, really, really needs to get a fucking life.

    HE IS NOT OUT. Who really fucking cares?

    HE DOESN’T WANT TO COME OUT. Who seriously fucking cares?

    HE WILL NEVER COME OUT. Who hilariously fucking cares?

    The answer?

    Pathetic queens who are unusually preoccupied with the lives’ of others when their own life is obviously lacking in so very, very much.

  • RJD

    #238 Derek – Amen!!

  • David Ehrenstein

    “@AT: You never thought it might not be the right time yet, you’ll wait for a better moment?”

    There is no “better moment.”

  • David Ehrenstein

    @AT: “Well, I think a lot of straight women are strong supporters of gay rights. So I think it’s kinda counterproductive to tell them to fuck off just because they don’t agree with you. You think you don’t need straight people, but there’s also only a certain percentage of gay people who share your extremist way of thinking. Do you really believe you are helping to change people’s minds with this attitude?”

    I’m speaking my mind Whether what I have to say changes your mind is entirely up to you.

  • David Ehrenstein

    @Derek: I HAVE a fucking life.

    Getting pathetic closets cases like you upset is the FUN part.

  • J.R.

    Look at Matt’s dreamy eyes. Look at that strong jaw and chin. Come on girls, let’s try to get the comment count up to 300 by midnight.

  • RJD

    He is stunning isn’t he…

  • Derek

    @David Ehrenstein: Sorry dipshit but I have been out and proud since I was 17 and that was over 20 years ago so would you like to fail at another arm chair analysis?

  • Derek

    @David “I need a fucking life” Ehrenstein: And FYI, you’ve hardly made me upset, rather you’ve made me laugh and shake my head at how FUCKING PATHETIC YOU ARE YOUR CONSTANT ATTENTION TO THE THREAD ARE.

    I hope we’re clear.

  • Neffer

    If Harvey Milk could somehow rise again and walk amongst you geniuses, he’d never stop puking.

  • Derek

    David I think it was Mrs. Roosevelt who said, “Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”

    Given all your above posts, that sure seems to aptly described you now don’t it?

    Sorry hun….,,,,sometimes the truth can be downright ugly, and pathetic, and sad, and empty, and small, and laughable, and uttered by FDR’s squeeze.

  • RJD

    #245 – Nice but certainly not on a par with Mr. Bomer…check your specs.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    Just because you want to fuck him is not excuse to excuse his behavior.

    I am constantly fascinated by how shadow some peo are.

  • Derek

    I am constantly fascinated by how poorly some people proof read.

  • Lukas P.

    @1EqualityUSA: Please accept my apologies. I stupidly had you temporarily confused with another poster. I hit REPLY on the wrong name.

    My beef was this: GLBs have enemies. Are we better off targeting those who seek to quiet our voices, see us disappear, and pretend we don’t have reason to claim rights as equals OR those persons who do not fit “our” ideals as to their public relations and media campaigns?

    That question remains unanswered What do David KAPOS Enrenreich and NoDoubleStandards want us to do to protest this offense.

    They remain mute, silent, and stupified

  • RJD

    I’m totally fine with his behavior and wish him even greater success.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Derek: I am fascinated by people who think blogs are important enough for one to proof read. I especially love the grammar nazis who run around correcting my mistakes like I give a shit enough to do more than write this stuff fast between things that are actually important to me.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Lukas P #254 (?)

    My feet hurt, nothing else. I always enjoy you posts. Wow, I’m fading out. Pooped! Happy blogging.

  • Derek

    @NoDoubleStandards: Obviously you felt it was important enough to respond so your LAME explanation is a total FAIL.

    Care to try another?

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Derek: I responded out of amuse not because you are important. I don’t care to do anything more than to be amused.

  • Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"

    ATTN: Derek

    Once upon a time, I had a Charlie Brown album/book combo (late 1960s) where Lucy is explaining to Linus “Little Known Facts” about how the world works. She tells him such things as “the snow comes up just like the flowers; the wind blows it around so it looks like its falling…”

    Nearby Charlie Brown is listening to Lucy’s silly explanations, and in utter disbelief, he begins knocking his head against a tree.

    “Why is Charlie Brown knocking his head against that tree?” Linus asks. “To loosen the bark so the tree will grow faster!” responds Lucy.

    Well David Erhenstein is Lucy; and now she’s got you knocking your head against a tree, too. [I still have bruises on my head after engaging in the same arguments over Anderson Cooper on a posting last week.]

    Because I was curious, I checked all sorts of other items that I had posted my comments. Posting about the Family Research Council wanting to round us up and force “straight therapy”; Uganda’s kill the gays bill; Maggot Gallagher and her rantings; status of DADT; Obama as a failure; upcoming votes to ban same-sex marriage. All sorts of important issues relating to the LGBT community, and yet David is silent when it comes to real enemies to the LGBT community.

    David just loves to compare the Anderson Coopers and Matt Bomers of the world, and those of us who support the individual freedom of choice to live our lives and pursue our happiness, as KAPOs, the prisoner trustees of Nazi concentration camps. Oh yes, supporting the rights of privacy and freedom, is so like murdering one’s fellow concentration camp prisoners. To me, David is like the Nazi camp sergeants, ordering everyone else about and telling exactly how what they must do, be and act.

  • Mr.Jones

    Gays in Uganda are threatened with death, like they are in so many parts of the world. While here in the States, we have cowards such as this one and Anderson Cooper and so many other who are part of a gay mafia that keeps the close alive for monetary reasons. Disgusting.

  • Cam

    No. 12 · ScottNY
    Here’s a thought for all of the folks who waste their time sitting in their little home offices judging other people for not ‘coming out’ publicly. Try this — go out and work like a dog for 15 or so years (in homophobic hollywood) with the dream of becoming a lead actor in a critically well received, highly rated show.

    I’ll do you one better, try working for 10 years in a massive macho good old boys network rife with homophobia and STILL bringing your boyfriend to the company picnic because bowing down to others bigotry is just being a part of it. these Hollywood cowards like to pretend that their lives are somehow so different than ours. Well, we come out in environments much more homophobic than Hollywood and we aren’t getting paid millions of dollars either. This guy is just another closet case.

  • NoDoubleStandards

    @Cam: Yeah, you would think that people would understand why we need laws like ENDA and what being out in the work place is important, but apparently someone has to throw shit in some people’s faces before they get the point. Just this week, the newly elected governor of Virginia took away an executive order protecting gays from being fired. But, you know what, at the end of the day, this always the case with civil rights movement. A few brave people making the way for the rest. The rest will always have excuse to be afraid. Courage is a rarity.

  • Mimi

    I’m just happy that someone took the time to define sock puppet.

  • Mimi

    I bought this magazine just for this article and Queerty is misleading in regards to the questions that are asked of Matt Bomer and how his answer is phrased. His quote is correct but Queerty has framed it in a negative context.

  • Steve

    LOL! Yeah, like staying in the closet would make me a better lawyer because judges could project anything they wanted onto me as I argued a case.

    Complete B.S.

  • Millie

    I cannot believe how vicious these debates have gotten. Both sides of the debate did not have to engage in bullying. I understand both sides and all arguments have merit. People need to be more civil.

    I can understand why he is being closeted. Maybe he is afraid of discrimination, hatred, bias, or typecasting. He has not hit the big-time yet and maybe he wants to wait. People compare him to NPH, TR, Rupert Everett,Barrowman, and and etc but none of those guys are major movie stars or A-list power players. It would cause a different and less tolerant reaction if a major star like Pitt, Depp, or Matt Damon came out as bisexual. People would view them differently. It is the ugly truth. People are behaving like most people wouldn’t care but that is not the case, it does affect image and perception. People are not as open minded as they present themselves to be.
    It depends on who it is.

    Maybe he is bisexual and is afraid that this same-sex relationship won’t last, and he isn’t being open because the world is even more intolerant towards bisexuals. Maybe he doesn’t want to be sucked into the political and image game where being gay/bi defines your idenity and popularity.
    Even NPH played the gay card after denying sociopolitical interest, it worked to his benefit. Adam Lamber also played the gay card to the benefit of his image, popularity, and the amount of PR & fame he gets just for his orientation. He has incorporated that into his music and concerts.

    However, I also understand the other side of the debate. What made me angry is that some people lied and tried to spin that he was open and keep projecting him as a role model for the gay community when he is NOT. For the record, his behavior and the behavior of his PR team indicates a closet case because he is not openly stating he is gay/bi or even acknowledging that he is in a relationship with a man. He made ambiguious statements about his personal life and made it seem it would be too controversial for him to discuss it, and indicated his PR teams wants him to keep his mouth shut. The backlash from the gay community is understandable because now you have outright misleading, denial, lying, and manipulation going on. He is not open and proud, people who keep claiming that are being contradictory. His PR team tried to create a misleading impression that he is hetero. Someone listed examples, Bomer falls into the category as a closet-case because he is hiding his same-sex relationship from the media and general public.

    If he was just experimenting with his sexuality and casually dating, it would be best for him to keep mum especially since orientation and identity are fluid. It can be confusing. I had experiences with the same sex but it wasn’t intense or long enough for me to define myself as a bisexual girl. However, he has been in a long term, committed, same sex-relatioship with a powerful gay man and is raising his children. It has gotten to a point where it is cowardly to deny his personal life completely.
    What kind of example does that set? If things had ever gotten serious with a girl, I would have openly declared myself as bi and would openly discuss my girlfriend. To do otherwise, enables bigotry and manipulation. Just like how when I become serious with a man, I acknowledge it. The only legit and respectable reason for Matt to hide it is because he thinks this relationship won’t last and doesn’t want to be defined by bisexuality or whatever over something that would cause huge PR hysteria without amounting to anything. But he is not open and he is a not a role model. I understand why but it is not respectable or honorable.

    I know somebody who knows Matt Bomer and he says Matt is bisexual. He is attracted to women and has been involved with women seriously. He is still dealing with falling for a man and it has been hard.

    Also, people should not bully bloggers for posting photos and should not demand they be taken down. It is a double standard. He is a public figure and photos like that would be made public. The public has no obligation to cover his image and keep his secrets. A hetero star who is not ready to make a relationship public or does not want to make a hookup public, does not have that courtesy. People still have the liscense to post photos which could be misleading. But those photos of him making out with a man were not misleading.

    People need to look at all sides of the argument before expressing such venom.

  • Millie

    I applaud you , No Double Standards. You demonstrated even-handedness, empathy, intelligence, and depth in your explanations. I’m shocked that you received so much hate and had to deal with such horribly manipulative bs and distortions.

    I understand and sympathize with people who feel like they need to stay in the closet. But I agree with you, it is not honorable or praiseworthy. Matt Bomer and his PR machine are being manipulative. I understand his reasons but that does not make his blatant hiding and games classy. People should not enable bigotry and deception. Matt is beautiful and a promising talent on the rise but he is still B-list. Maybe he wants to be an A-lister. Maybe he is a nice guy but he is NO role model for the gay/bi communiy. What he is doing deserves some criticism, not respect. I both sympathize and object to his actions because that is what his behavior elicits. He can’t have his cake and eat it too.

  • BenCald

    What a tragic bunch wasting time making demands of someone who owes nothing to us but to live his life the way he sees fit. Another queerty posting so the same 5 or 6 losers can rant, rave and spew venom back and forth about one of the nicest most philanthropic man on the planet. Suggestion – worry about your own lives, based on what I see here they sound tragic. Matt’s been burned before by the hollywood machine, he is handling things the way he sees fit. I guess Queerty thinks these posts and associated comments are relevant – memo to Queerty – they are not. So glad Matt has found the success his talent deserves – the business end of hollywood is abuzz at the volume of scripts be thrown at him. Congrats Matt, keep up the good work, you deserve all the success you finally have and more.

  • Millie

    Bencald, you are such a hypocrite. Calling us losers and claiming we lead tragic lives?! What basis do you have for claiming such insulting labels against the rest of the Queerty bloggers? I guess the call for civility and respect fell on deaf ears. If you are so “above” this, why did you bother posting. If you felt this was such a waste of time, why did you bother commenting? Instead of offering anything constructive or intelligent, you are just blindly lashing out at others and chose to be antagonistic without even trying to understand all sides to the argument. Some people posted repeatedly to defend themselves and to get the point across. There are always people like you who hypocritically post on blogs and then have the nerve to judge others for doing so.

    Do you even understand the depth or reasoning behind the posts and debates? Some people posted not just because of an interest in celebs, but because we have an interest in civil rights and society. What was even more nauseating is how you are serving as a sycophant for Matt Bomer. You are commending his calculating behavior and acting like it is a wonderful thing. He is also not the most philanthropic man in Hollywood, a lot of those donations come from his partner who he is not being open about.
    Where do get all off claiming that he is the nicest guy in the world? You are either a delusional fan or somebody sent out from his PR team to respond. He may be a nice guy but what he is doing
    is not worthy of praise or defense.

    He is selling out and giving in to the Hollywood machine. He is letting bigoted people call the shots. What example does that send? Gay/bi men should stay in the closet if they want to avoid controversy and be A-list movie stars? It is people like that who are making the world go backwards instead of being progressive.

    His current lover is part of the Hollywood machine. He is misleading people and making closetness/deceit seem okay. His career is on the rise but the scripts are not pouring in, you are definitely exaggerating. From what I have seen, he is a decent actor but not a great talent. Don’t kiss his ass. It would be great if he were successful but not if he chooses to be a phony. I was sympathetic towards his possible reasons but people like you make me lose sympathy towards him because it shows the negative impacts it has on others by defending such behavior. Every citizen has a right to comment. If we are such “losers”, maybe you should avoid this blog.

  • Mimi

    The scripts are pouring in, bigtime. He is a star on the rise. Whatever he chooses to do, it his decision and nothing on this blog is going to change it.


  • TrentWB

    @Millie: First, based on what I see and know, it’s clear no one commenting here truly knows what goes on in the personal lives of Matt and his partner, so this speculation is humerous. Actually Millie, scripts are pouring in to Mr. Bomer, it’s quite the buzz here in town. He’s on every producer’s list and actually has exceptional talent when compared to the current crop of actors in his age group, never mind his stunning appearance. Your comments and others here have made me comment for the first time on any blog since they are so unfounded and many so hateful. You would be hard pressed to find anyone in the true show business community to disagree on what a genuinely nice and generous person Matt is. Anyone who would is obviously not in a true position to know. You and other on this site take yourselves way too seriously. It’s his life to live, not yours…

  • Cj Maciejeski

    @David Ehrenstein: Here’s two terms: Bitter Queen. Get the hell over it. It is not his or anyone’s responsibility to come out just for the sake of poor little you. I suppose your coming out was total, public, and involved press releases and newspaper ad space? No? Then pipe down. You have your life, he has his. You wanna talk about your sex life in public? He shouldn’t be forced to, either. This is about a man’s PRIVATE life. Let him have some fucking PRIVACY.

    (#117) Your fuckin mom was a straight woman, you know. Jesus, you self-segregated ALL-OUT gays can be such vicious, hateful, evil queens sometimes. The hilarious thing is how far so many women have stood by gay men and their struggle for equality, considering hateful misogynist queers like you would just assume all women shut up and go away. Typical men, if ya don’t want your dick in something, ya got no use for it.

    (#232) Again with the “women have no place” rhetoric. Good LORD you’re bitter about women. Some woman somewhere must’ve REALLY burned the hell out of you over something. If women had completely opted out of the fight for your rights, my darling, you’d’ve long ago been hung from a tree or fence somewhere. Did some girl publicly out you? That’s be a nice tidy little package explaining your hatred of both women and gays so fortunate as to be able to have a closet. Or is that your problem? Are you just so limp-at-the-wrist nelly gay that you never had the option of a closet? Do you resent those that do because you can’t and never could?

    (#234) You rail against “fag hags” treating gays like slaves, but you advocate what…NO right to privacy among those in entertainment? Because they are publicly marketed? Really? Frankly, i find it disgusting that we are so privy to the private lives of public figures, gay OR straight. It’s a terribly American double standard that we all want so desperately into the bedrooms of the famous but we resent even the suggestion that our lives be so open and revealing. You have no more right to know what does or does happen behind Matt Bomer’s closed doors than i have to know what goes on behind yours.

    (#240) Nice that you can live in such absolutes. Very convenient coming from someone who obviously had nothing to lose by being outed. Then again, i’m willing to bet your younger years were hardly so rosy as you’d like us to believe. If they were, i doubt you be so goddamned bitter and angsty.

    @NoDoubleStandards: For the record, i’d like to say that you have indeed conducted yourself in this debate with much more aplomb and respectability than david up there. Shame you get the angsty reactions because you share a similar, if better-articulated, point of view.

    To my point, though: I for one do not see Mr. Bomer’s decision to be cagey about his private life as a virtue. I see it as his right. One’s personal right to discuss or not discuss his or her personal life is neither inherently virtuous or devious, it just is. I do not think it necessarily makes him a coward, either, just cautious. What you’re asking a man to do here, is to potentially sacrifice his potentially very lucrative career on the alter of principle. Now, that’s all well an good in a world of principles, but let’s face it, YOUR principles aren’t gonna pay HIS kids’ tuition. Community-mindedness is one thing, but this is a man for whom personal decisions have potentially deep-reaching personal consequences. As much as i believe in the movement, I don’t think *I* would be willing to take that much liberty with my own future, let alone if i had a couple kids to worry about. This lofty standard of personal integrity can only exist in a vacuum. I guess the root of my argument is that it is unfair of you or anyone else to try to dictate when, how, where, or why another person chooses or does not choose to live an out life.

    Furthermore, I still think it makes more sense to establish oneself as an actor first before opening oneself to the label of GAY actor. This is not to say that active denial and such is advisable, but dodging the question, or refusing to directly own it? It’s less than lofty, such a position, but it’s real. I ask you, would you like to be introduced at a new job as the new gay hire? It is an automatic negation of anything to do with who you are outside of sex. For an actor, who is going to have to rely in no small part on his sex appeal, this could be a serious problem. Yeah, the system that supports the closet is flawed and horrible, but the way to break it down is not to sacrifice young actors at the beginning of their careers. With the system in place, that merely guarantees that nothing will change. If Clooney had come out when he was on Roseanne, i can guarantee you he wouldn’t be Danny Ocean, today. If he came out tomorrow, he would still get work, because he’s proven himself as an actor. In 1987? Nobody would even have missed the cute guy from that arc on Roseanne. He’d’ve spent the subsequent twenty years trying to hold things together on catering gigs and independent film. Ian McKellan gets work because he’s a phenomenal actor who (just by-the-way) is frankly too old for mainstream audiences to really think of as a sexual object anymore. It’s a lot easier to see an actor from his chops, if you aren’t trying to catch a glimpse of his bulge.

    So, IMO, it may not be virtuous of Bomer to demure, but it’s hardly a cardinal sin. For him, it makes sense. Just like any of us biding our time on coming out did or does.

    Coming out is personal. Stop trying to make it communal. I sure as fuck never came out for anyone else’s benefit but mine. Whether that decision was affirming to anyone else or not never came into the equation, for me. It was about what *I* was willing to let other people know about *ME* and how *I* felt about *ME*. In the end, it’s a PERSONAL decision about PERSONAL integrity.

    Service to the community comes later, when one has come to the place of being PERSONALLY at peace with one’s OWN orientation and identification. Speaking as part of the GLBT hoi-polloi, I’d rather a secure, self-assured advocate than a reluctant martyr dragged out of the closet on tenterhooks, anyway.


  • Cj Maciejeski

    DAMNIT! I’m always late to thee discussions because i am in fact interested in the suggested posts at the bottom.

  • Sangita

    @David Ehrenstein: @David Ehrenstein: I really don’t care if he is gay or not its a fact that he is one of the most sexiest and charismatic actor of today. And you guys seem to have an agenda here to hate him or something ? Leave him alone ! He haven’t done anything to deserve this. He is happy in his private life and let him be. And btw thanks for posting those “stunning” pictures I liked him even in that picture(the first one) too and your posts here confirmed my opinion of you- you are pathetic and disgusting ! You are nothing but a Matt Bomer hater.

  • Sangita

    @Cj Maciejeski: You seem to me the most sensible person in this blog :)

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