Pretty much every gay man has an opinion about women in gay bars. Some guys are totally fine with it, others would prefer they go some place else, and then there are those who are downright hostile towards them.

Now, one woman it clapping back.

“I see it on my Facebook feed every couple of months,” Rose Dommu writes in a new op-ed for Out, “a gay man complaining about women in gay bars.”

She continues:

Sometimes it’s a complaint about annoying bachelorette parties who harass and tokenize men who are simply trying to dance and hook up. Sometimes it’s a guy saying he doesn’t feel comfortable having sex at a sex party if there are women around. Sometimes it’s some older gay man saying, “There should be no fish allowed.”

These comments, Dommu says, aren’t just rude. They’re misogynistic.

“Women can go anywhere we want to! And furthermore, we don’t need your approval to do it!” she writes.

“Not only do women not need your approval to be somewhere, we also don’t need you to take us anywhere. We know how to drive, get on the subway, flag down a cab, or download Uber.”

Dommu goes on to say that she agrees bachelorette parties can be totally annoying and that the women involved often do harass and tokenize gay men. But, she writes:

Saying that no women should be in gay bars is a false equivalency because not all women in gay bars are there to drink through penis straws and request that the DJ play “The Thong Song,”  even though the DJ totally should play “The Thong Song.”

We agree with pretty much everything she just said except the part about playing “The Thong Song.”

Ultimately, Dommu writes, questioning a woman’s right to be somewhere or do something is, in a nutshell, misogyny.

“If you can’t dance to some shitty house song or go down on a stranger just because a woman is in the room, you need to examine what that says about you, not call for that woman’s removal,” she says.


“And seriously, DJs,” she concludes, “I want to hear “The Thong Song” more.”

No! No more of “The Thong Song”! If not because it’s super annoying, then because… it’s kinda misogynistic.

How do you feel about women in gay bars? Do gay men have a misogyny problem? Share you thoughts in the comments below…

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