Pretty much every gay man has an opinion about women in gay bars. Some guys are totally fine with it, others would prefer they go some place else, and then there are those who are downright hostile towards them.
Now, one woman it clapping back.
“I see it on my Facebook feed every couple of months,” Rose Dommu writes in a new op-ed for Out, “a gay man complaining about women in gay bars.”
She continues:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Sometimes it’s a complaint about annoying bachelorette parties who harass and tokenize men who are simply trying to dance and hook up. Sometimes it’s a guy saying he doesn’t feel comfortable having sex at a sex party if there are women around. Sometimes it’s some older gay man saying, “There should be no fish allowed.”
These comments, Dommu says, aren’t just rude. They’re misogynistic.
“Women can go anywhere we want to! And furthermore, we don’t need your approval to do it!” she writes.
“Not only do women not need your approval to be somewhere, we also don’t need you to take us anywhere. We know how to drive, get on the subway, flag down a cab, or download Uber.”
Dommu goes on to say that she agrees bachelorette parties can be totally annoying and that the women involved often do harass and tokenize gay men. But, she writes:
Saying that no women should be in gay bars is a false equivalency because not all women in gay bars are there to drink through penis straws and request that the DJ play “The Thong Song,” even though the DJ totally should play “The Thong Song.”
We agree with pretty much everything she just said except the part about playing “The Thong Song.”
Ultimately, Dommu writes, questioning a woman’s right to be somewhere or do something is, in a nutshell, misogyny.
“If you can’t dance to some shitty house song or go down on a stranger just because a woman is in the room, you need to examine what that says about you, not call for that woman’s removal,” she says.
OK.
“And seriously, DJs,” she concludes, “I want to hear “The Thong Song” more.”
No! No more of “The Thong Song”! If not because it’s super annoying, then because… it’s kinda misogynistic.
How do you feel about women in gay bars? Do gay men have a misogyny problem? Share you thoughts in the comments below…
asby
They have every right to be where they want….But don’t bitch about getting a cold shoulder or a bitchy stare…..Most of us are uncomfortable in straight bars and see gay bars as our place…I came of age in the 90’s, where you never saw a gaggle of straight girls in a gay bar.
Giuseppe
AGREE 100%!!
bushwickfreddy
Why would you give a woman in a gay bar a cold shoulder or bitchy stare..because she’s a woman?? That’s silly. I came of age in the 90s as well, and my straight girlfriends (and their boyfriends) often went with me to gay bars and I went with them to straight bars. And what I realized is that if the music is good, the energy cool and all patrons respectful, everyone has a good time.
Mkiel
Well said.
geb1966
bushwickfreddy, maybe because they come in and act like they own the place, like all the gays in the place should allow them to be the center of attention because they are having their bachelorette party or birthday or whatever. They stand in front of the stage blocking people from tipping, expect everyone to accommodate their whims. Then walk around saying shit like “what a wast” to gay men who say they are not into women. Or try to be your best friend when all you want to do is dance with your friends or watch the show. I could go on, but any of the above will get them a cold shoulder or bitchy stare from me.
That being said, I don’t mind straight girls who come in and respect the regular clientele of the bar, act like they have some sense and don’t try to constantly be part of the show.
miserylovedme24
I just hate the double standards. Feminists think that women should be able to go wherever they want, even places that specifically cater to gay men…yet when they hold all female events, God forbid a man shows up there, even a gay one. The hypocrisy is maddening. If you can have tons of stuff that caters solely to women, why can’t gay guys have that as well?
gregory_phillips
AGREE 100%
assiandude
totally agree. Women can exclude men from their functions/activities/schools as they feel “more comfortable” and that traditionally they generalize that men bother them, it’s only fair that gay men can exclude women as they have tended to judge us. The Castro has so many limitations compared to 10-20 years ago because of heterosexual couples and in my experience women have more problems with the open sexuality of gay men. I suppose it’s the double standard that it’s ok as long as their children aren’t exposed
Liam
I concur.
JaredMacBride
So if I question a woman’s “right” to be in a men’s designated steam room or locker room I am a misogynist? I’d suggest they work on their flagging self-esteem more and stop with the label game.
wchanley
Okay. I’ll accept that you have some right to be where you want to be.
But if you walk into the backroom and I’m blowing somebody, you don’t get to lose your shit over the fact that it’s a sexualized environment. I’ll be perfectly fine blowing somebody while you gawk. (Sort of. Don’t freaking gawk.) But don’t expect gay male spaces to stop being gay male spaces.
Xzamilloh
And that’s the bar… even questioning it is misogyny. Biyotch, I cannot with this crap anymore. That’s what “intersectionality” does… it just creates tiers of oppression and suddenly you can lecture others based on your oppression status. How about we start calling gay clubs our “safe spaces.” That’ll shut them the hell up.
Roger Rabbit
Gay bars HAVE BEEN gbltqi safe spaces for eons. Porn on the screen is a good indicator.
My line in the sand is that if they have porn on the tv screen CIS women are not allowed in that area of the bar.
Ummmm Yeah
Nothing says girl power like constantly trotting around after men and anything men create for themselves.
HardHouse562
As a dj and promoter, I welcome everyone with the exception of rudeness. I don’t care what’s your gender, identity, orientation, race, ethnicity, religious or political beliefs, Have some manners. People need to stop being so selfish and rude. Enjoy the club life, enjoy the music that the Dj is playing (the Dj is NOT a jukebox or your personal music service), enjoy the people, bartenders, staff, dancers, queens. If you’re that miserable in your life not to leave your entitlement, rudeness, pettiness, messed up view of life at the door, then the night life culture is not for you. Even reading this article I cringed. There are parts that I do agree with, but the point is lost with the other view points. BE KIND, ENJOY THE PARTY. Remember P.L.U.R. applies to all underground culture. Peace, Love, Unity & Respect.
jayjay333
I’m all for that sentiment but as long as there’s alcohol involved, all bets are off.
ChrisK
Lord. What fantasy clubs do you play at?
This is ridiculous. Women don’t take away anything. In my clubbing days I partied with both genders both straight and gay and never thought much about it.
bushwickfreddy
Thank you for writing this. I read the other comments and all I could think was: replace “Women” with Black/Asian/physically disabled…and the same people raging about women in a gay bar would be furious (or at least I hope they would)! I came out in 1989 when I was 21 in a southern military town and we had one gay bar–so the all the gays, lesbians, bisexuals, DL-soldiers, and our straight friends went there every weekend because the DJ was amazing, the vibe was welcoming and non-judgmental and those people became my extended family. I can’t believe that at nearly 50, this crazy crap about “no women in gay bars” is even a thing.
jjose712
Well, i like The thong song.
And frankly i don’t have a problem with women in any place
bushwickfreddy
WORD!
Walker
Just because you have the “right” to be somewhere doesn’t mean you SHOULD be somewhere or that it’s respectful to be there. As a white man my privilege “allows” me into all sorts of spaces, but I am thoughtful enough not to go hang out in gay bars that are traditionally safe spaces for African-American men and gawk and expect to be catered to. As a man I probably “could” go anywhere I want, but I remember trying to attend a lesbian friend’s birthday party a few years ago in an NYC lesbian bar and I didn’t lose my s**t when I was told at the door that I couldn’t come in.
And it isn’t “misogyny”to want the right to choose who gets to look at you when you have sex. That’s YOU not having any basic common sense.
Check your damn privilege.
Chris
Amen with three snaps in z-formation.
Doug
I also experienced a lot of territorial hostility when I went into a lesbian bar. There seems to be a double-standard about misogyny, and it’s been there for decades.
Not only that, but I wonder how this article would have gone over if it had been titled, “Gay men to straight men and women everywhere: ‘Stop telling us we can’t be in straight bars’”?
Sekhet Bast Ra
Only ones I really have a problem with are the bachelorette parties – it’s really tone-deaf to celebrate something many of us still aren’t allowed to do in the space that we fought so hard to carve out for ourselves.
davidchgo
I have no problem with women in gay bars. I have an issue when women, clearly knowing it’s a gay men’s bar, feel the need to take over the space and act like entitled attention-whores. You have a lot more hetero spaces to go and behave that way. It’s just like being a visitor to another country. Be respectful of where you are and the local customs and there’s not a problem.
PinkoOfTheGange
So it is misogynist in your view…so what’s your point?
Unless someone is actually barring your entry or using intimation to get you out, I don’t understand what you are whining about now, dirty looks and some pointed comments?
Honey it is a gay bar those are a feature not a bug.
TomOH
I’m curious if this “Rose” has a problem with hetero bars holding ladies nights. Those are discriminatory towards men aren’t they? When it involves them not having to pay cover, and getting free drinks and such, simply because they are female – well then it’s perfectly fine for them to be treated differently because of their gender. But if it were the other way around and gay bars started having “guys nights”, where they got in cover free but women had to pay to get in, this “Rose” would probably be complaining about that.
Chris
So what happened to “safe spaces?’ Or don’t they apply to gay men?
adumbrodeus
I love when articles like this pretend that queer women don’t exist, aren’t trying to gain entrance to gay bars and haven’t been going through this issue in explicitly queer women’s spaces literally forever. I love how the tagline when you share to facebook makes that erasure explicit by adding the tagline “How do you feel about straight women in gay bars?” Hell, even the first article cited treats queer women as a mere afterthought.
Comments here are no better, rather then talking about cishets AS A CLASS, treating queer sexuality as something for straight consumption, they continue with the erasure by just complaining about women.
Come on people, we should be better then this.
JonBon
Because straight women as a class routinely invade, hijack and erase the identities of gay men. Gay men need safe spaces, and that includes safe spaces from straight women, and if some gay women are banned, then tough. If safe spaces for lesbians stops men from entering their spaces and some gay men are not let in, then we accept it.
PinkoOfTheGange
Dude look up “comment”
If you want to go off topic and go off on a tangent go ahead but don’t deride the rest of us for staying on topic.
mattachinepodcast
The issue isn’t that they’re there; it’s their *behavior* once there. I’ve personally witnessed several bachelorette parties, coming in to ogle “the gays”, getting flat-out wasted drunk, and then insisting on dancing (and making stupid comments) with the men there. Oh, and then making demands of the DJ… Gay bars are not your zoo, and we’re not your pets.
KaiserVonScheiss
“It’s perfectly fine to ask cis-hetero women to be more respectful of our spaces instead of being misogynists.”
NEIN! GTFO!!!!!!!
No one wants your feminazi ideology.
CHOAM88
I think saying they can go where they want is sort of homophobic. While I believe we should cross the lines and support each other, you cannot appropriate the space of a marginalized group and act like someone is against your for protecting their space. I wouldn’t go to a black student union, start talking white issues and then complain that they are racist for being upset that I attempted to appropriate their space. These bars or for gays and lesbians. We have so few places that are ours and there are fewer and fewer gay bars around. #OurSpaceNotYours #YoureWelcomeOnOurBusButYouArentDriving
Keith
Gay bars are for Gays, not girls, especially the pushy loud ones. Go find a Dyke bar. And NO, you can’t go anywhere you want. You’re delusional. Back to the kitchen.
Donald Dork
They can’t handle the fact that some men aren’t attracted to them
seaguy
If you didn’t keep showing up at gay bars and ruining the atmosphere with your annoying behavior we would not be having to tell you that you can’t be in gay bars you dumb bitch.
Giuseppe
I for one HATE it, it’s bad enough to have the lispy queens squealing over some Ariana Grande Latte song, I sure as shit don’t need a bunch of women as a backup chorus doing it too. This started around 2010 and has become worse every year since. We’re forced to mingle and interact daily and that’s a healthy thing but the gays and the lesbians should have their own places unto themselves. And FYI, most lesbian bars DO NOT welcome gay men (or men period) in the same way the gay bars welcome women.
baggins435
Personally, I don’t go to a gay bar wanting to see a bunch of drunk straight women acting like we’re their instant bestie because we both like men. I get they go there because they don’t get hit on by obnoxious guys, but it’s OUR space not theirs and they should act like the guests they are. They are intruding and they know it. This woman is the worst kind of feminist; the one who wants everything her way and any man who objects is misogynistic and anti-woman. Can you imagine straight men going into a lesbian bar and acting like straight women in a gay bar? Or, god forbid, a gay bachelor party descending on a straight sports bar and acting like these women? It wouldn’t be tolerated AT ALL, and neither should the actions by the straight women. As gays get told all of the time, create your own space “ladies.” We aren’t your besties, your shopping buddies, your entertainment, and your pets. You may have the legal right to be served, but you don’t have the right to make us like you intruding in a space we created so we can be ourselves. And getting offended because we don’t like you intruding is the worst guest behavior. As long as we can be barred from male strip shows aimed at women, we should be able to bar women from gay clubs.
Heywood Jablowme
“because we both like men”
But they DON’T like men. Not very much anyway. If they liked men they’d be in a straight bar.
junk4sts
I get why a group of straight women would want to go to a gay bar, because they don’t have to deal with straight men and instead just want to drink and hang with their girlfriends.
I think that as women, they should at least understand that gay men in a gay bar don’t want or need their sexual advances, and that unlike in a straight bar, women in a gay bar aren’t special, they are just like decorations and furniture, nothing more. Also, in a completely tone deaf move, straight women in gay bars tend to act like straight men and treat the gay men like straight men treat women in straight bars.
And like other’s have said, after a few drinks, the women seem to forget they are in a gay bar and they start to feel the ambivalence that is thrown their way, and that messes with their “she ego’s”,
SFPerspective
Her opinion may sound reasonable until you see it applied in the Castro, formerly the gayest place on Earth. The gays get it, you can come into a club, get tore the hell up, and feel reasonably safe from being pawed. Ironically, you grab us, and tell us how cute we are (which I totally don’t have a problem with, I love compliment, but HELLO that’s somewhat a double standard). Should a gay club have more straight women in attendance than gay men? I don’t frequent a few spots anymore, not because I’m a misogynist, because it’s too crowded. I’m not exaggerating when I say there’s more women partying some nights then us gays. Important also to note, a lot of the older clubs do not have enough bathroom facilities to keep up with all the social progress we’ve made.
I go to straight clubs, as well, but I’m not sure how they would feel if I brought 100 of my friends – other than it no longer being a “straight bar”. I see a big difference between straight women going out with their gay friends vs women going out to a gay club as a group.
Women are always welcome in our space, but respect that it’s ours. Consider other venues for your ladies’ night out. Now that we’re somewhat acceptable to society, we’d like to keep our house. If that’s ok with you.
o.codone
What’s this gay bar thing you guys are talking about? Is there an app for that?
Daniel-Reader
The real question isn’t bar attendance. The real questions are why do so many women vote for politicians who take away their basic equality to things like health care research, and why do so many women belong to religions that blame women for the downfall of mankind in some pretend garden.
Spike
Bitches just pissed cuz no one buys them drinks like dumb stra8 boys that get tricked into buying drinks for them and their girl friends than the bitches disappear into the club.
He BGB
This topic was discussed here not too long ago.
ShowMeGuy
My issue is bachelorette parties. We all pay the 10+ bucks to get in the place and thanks to some bachelorette party we’re left looking at a bunch of balloons blocking our view of the traveling male stripper group who are in town for the one night every three or four months that we manage to get them to our town. And those women get pissy when the men sitting behind them start popping those damn balloons to get them out of their faces.
And personally……if I wanted to get molested by a woman while I’m in line at the bar to get a drink……..I’d go to a straight people’s bar.
TheArtist
If straight Cisco women get to invade gay bars, the I should be able to work out at Curves.
Ravinwind
The really sad part is that two prominent Gay organizations are promoting the absolute tripe of Rose Dommu. It’s sad that they try to justify her obnoxiousness, rudeness, and complete obliviousness of the actual issue and give validation of her ignorance as a justified point of view. She is the absolute epitome of the kind of person that gay men are speaking about when they say they don’t want women in their establishments.
While yes, there is inarguably issues of misogyny that the gay male community has to work on, the simple reality is this particular issue, at its core, is not about an issue of misogyny, but rather an issue of the privilege of a group of largely spoiled and entitled individuals that think that everything is about them and so they think they can disrespect others in their own house when they want to have a good time.
Despite Dommu’s loud proclamations of “she is woman hear her roar” it appears that roar has left her deaf to what she is actually saying or what others are actually discussing.
I worked in gay bars in some fashion for almost 20 years in 4 different states. The reality is gay bars serve a purpose, which is a safe space for our community to hang out in and socialize with other’s of our kind without fear of harassment, prejudice, or persecution. Dommu mentions “queer women” in her article, but the reality is Lesbians and Trans individuals are even more viciously savage in protecting the sanctity and safety of their domains from outside intrusion from those that simply don’t belong there.
The reality is most gay men actually have very little issue with women coming to their establishments; instead what they have a problem with is being made to feel like second class citizens in their own establishments. But what Dommu in her obnoxiousness fails to realize is that actually yes most gay and lesbian bars in the US are in fact private clubs designed as a safe space for a minority group, which means actually (male or female) you do need someone’s permission to be there and you are not simply entitled to be there because you want to be. Not only that, but common decency dictates that you follow the house rules when you do have the privilege of being invited into someone else’s safe space. Such establishments are about that community and yes it is a violation when someone not a part of that community that thinks the world revolves around them comes in and disrupts the sanctity of that safe space.
We completely understand that straight women feel safer in gay bars, after all they tell us this at the top of the vocal capacity every 5 minutes as they drunkenly spill drinks over everyone and screech woo hoo in people’s ears that are trying to hold conversations. But inevitably the same behavior that they say they are trying to escape and hate, whether that being the constant threat of sexual assault, harassment, catcalls, etc. , is what they ultimately thrust upon us. Gay men have a right to feel safe in establishments that were made for them, that cater to them, and are for them. But it never fails when you get drunk straight women in a gay bar that they go out of their way to sexually assault every gay man they come in contact with and refuse to take no as an answer. They grope and paw and rub their breasts up against gay men and they even try taking peoples clothes off. They think that such behavior is ok because they are straight and we are gay, which in their eyes still makes us somehow less than human to them and we are simply a petting zoo that they are visiting for a good time. What is even worse is the utter contempt and disdain that such women have for gay men as the proudly and loudly disclaim to everyone exactly how disgusting they find two men doing it is, and of course where the straight girls go inevitably their homophobic boyfriends end up coming as well. Being generous, 18 out of 20 times when we have had to step in and solve issues at the gay bars I have worked at, the root cause of the problem centers on a straight woman behaving badly. The harassment of gay patrons in gay bars by straight women gets so bad that members of our community don’t feel safe coming out to the bar any longer even though it is supposed to be safe place for them.
And what is even worse in Dommu’s article is her appalling lack of understanding when it comes to consensuality in sexual matters. Yes, Pansexual Play Parties are in fact becoming more common place, but even in most of those parties there is still men’s space, woman’s space, and pan space. It doesn’t matter what gender you are everyone has a fundamental right to expectation of bodily autonomy which Dommu just doesn’t grasp. So actually, yes, there is a huge issue with straight women that don’t grasp consensuality rights and instead want to barge into men’s only play spaces and intrude on someone else’s scenes. Even at play parties there is a reasonable exception that says no means no and that if you want to join in on someone else’s scene you have to have permission from all the participants of that scene. In every real essence what Dommu is saying is that sexual assault and rape are fine as long as it’s a straight woman doing it to a gay man. Speaking out against such garbage as what Dommu says isn’t misogyny its just common human decency.
Like it or not the world doesn’t revolve around such people as Rose Dommu, no matter how much they think it does. Gay men are not circus sideshow freaks whose only purpose is entertain drunken straight woman that think they own the world. So yes, while occasionally a gay man has reached the breaking point and, yes, says something rude or even misogynistic against those that continue to attack us and is trying to take away our ability to be safe among others that we can be ourselves around, it is at the very least understandable. Because at its core the issue isn’t one of misogyny it is an issue of basic respect that says that you are damn right if you have the privilege of being invited into someone’s else’s safe space designed specifically for them to cater to them then you should damn well stay on your best behavior and be respectful of the sanctity of where you are because its not always about you and you don’t always belong some place simply because you can go there if you can’t be on your best behavior.
jo2424
I partly see her point.
As a super femme looking queer person, I only get in gay bars when I’m with ‘stereotypically gay’ looking people.
In areas where the gay bars are open to all genders (there are no lesbian bars near me), barring women who the people on the door deem straight is kind of misogynistic/non-inclusive.
That said, if its a gay male only bar, then of course they should be allowed to say no to women. Thats a specific ‘safe space’ set aside for that group of people and its so entitled to assume we should automatically be allowed entrance too just because we want.
Rex Huskey
You gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. I want to go to a queer bar with just MEN. No trans-nothing, no cis-ters or cis-bros and no vapid silly sissy drag queens…. just smelly stinking farting men who like to suck dick and f’ck ass. Keep your politics and self-loathing out of my glory hole! “Back in the day” we had it nice… the segregation of the homosexuals. Queer bars and Lesbian bars…never should the two mix. Queers these day are so f’ing hung up on wanting to be accepted, loved and appreciated. It makes me sick…. Can’t hardly find a queer bar anymore. BTW, DCGurl, have you forgiven your ex MoBro yet?
jp618
Straight cis women like to inappropriately touch me in clubs, like it’s ok cause I’m not gonna hit on them. NO! I think queer women should be allowed I like to see gender diversity.
anthony_jones
Hey Rose….Let me go to your favorite happy hour place and say “Hey….I’m gay let me ask you a ton of None of your damn business questions”, or Rose you can go to Ziegfield’s in DC and watch straight girls slurp down a fews dancers then go home to their BF’s covered in Jizz, even my lesbian cousin was disgusted by it . May 29 2017! IF touch a dancer by accident on his crotch ….I’m tossed!
cancorv
Gosh! This is a hot topic. Maybe if we distinguish gay bars according to some criteria – there will be some types of bars where women are welcome, and the other 95% where they are not. There’s a bunch of reasons why str8 women want to go to gay bars, e.g. to be a tad daring, to feel safe from wanton drools, to be amongst people who share their passion for fashion (as far as the cliche goes). As Stephen Sondheim wrote:
A boy like that will give you sorrow,
You’ll meet another boy tomorrow,
One of your own kind,
Stick to your own kind!
Ah, I hear an echo,
Stick to your own kind! Stick to your own kind! Stick to your own kind!
dean089
There used to be a lesbian bar == oh, excuse me, a bar that primarily catered to lesbians — here in the area that didn’t allow men, straight or gay, who weren’t accompanied by a woman. But that was OK (they closed after 20 years due to bad management, not attendance issues). There have been many times when I’ve been at a gay bar and around Midnight noticed that not only was I the only non-employee gay man in the bar, I was the only man at all — it was jam-packed with straight women. Sorry, I don’t go to a gay bar to hang out with drunken straight women. So I don’t go to that bar anymore. To an extent I do not blame the bar because they want paying customers and a lot of gay people these just aren’t into gay bars anymore. But maybe they’re not into gay bars anymore because gay bars aren’t GAY bars anymore. I agree with the suggestion that we should call gay bars our “safe spaces.” We might as well use this PC shit to our advantage.
isxios
Hmmm. Why is it wrong for gay men to want places of their own. Like women sometimes want men free gyms. Maybe gay men don’t want to be leered at by straight women the same way straight women don’t want to be leered at by straight men in certain places. This isn’t a patriarchy thing, it is a respect thing.
Of course, there are different kinds of gay clubs. A general dance club is one thing, but a sexually charged club, like leather clubs, are another.
DirtyTalknDaddy
Where’s the “Like” button? :*
Tombear
Yeah it’s great having women in a a masculine enviorment when the hardcore gay porn is playing in the background and I’m looking for dick! Yeah it’s great!
Tombear
Yeah it’s great having women in a masculine enviorment when the hardcore gay porn is playing in the background and I’m looking for dick! Yeah it’s great! Woman you should be home breeding more male gay babies!
Tête Carrée
A straight woman working at Out magazine? Get her out of there!
DirtyTalknDaddy
Just imagine straight men demanding to be welcomed in a lesbian bar. Why is it only gay men who are
wrong for wanting our own spaces?
kent25
LOL people created gay bars to get away from straight people, Can gay people go to straight bars and enjoy themselves Hell No they can’t. it’s okay to go to a gay every now and then Just don’t start bring all your straight friends and turn it into a straight bar.
marque63
As a gay man who has been going to gay bars since the mid 1980’s and still frequents them as a social space to chill with friends, sing at a piano and on occasion dance, I have seen my share of situations involving straight women, and have invited a few of my “lady” friends in as well. Note I indicate lady as they know how to act, don’t treat us like we’re any less, and also know when to vacate for “boy’s time”. I have also seen the explosion of the bachelorette parties, remembering only one prior to 2000 and many more since then. Many, many more! When women read about this situation on line, why do they continue to aggravate the situation by showing up in their wedding veils, stupid alleged gay themed hats and “woo!” their ways into our upcoming migranes? Because they want to, that’s why. They know they are annoying. They know they aren’t wanted, but tell some 20-30 something that in this day and age, and you are accused of all sorts of hatred. Julia Sugarbaker said it best on “Designing Women”, “Sometimes we just like to be by ourselves.”
I have been slapped upside the head because I did not allow one certain drunken female to steal my jacket covered stool and drink. I have been accused of being a misogynist because I did not allow a conversation with another one to continue past a minute. I have had boobs thrust into my face and had to aggressively tell them to vamoose, and I have had to resort to rather rude comments which is against the grain of my personality to make it clear that touchy/feeley behavior of a total stranger is as unwelcome to me as it would be to her if she was sober on the street. There have been collective groans of my friends when our space is invaded, and collectively, we have gathered together to make sure that the cold, silent treatment makes it clear that rude, drunken broad behavior is not acceptable. Bartenders complain about it after the offending groups leave but are forced to deal with it, and management knows they are stuck between a rock and a hard place when limiting who can come into a bar and who is not allowed in. These females may have thought they had good intentions, but all they have succeeded in doing is turning men who were not misogynistic into nearly total woman haters. So gay bar visiting ladies, if you come in and the vibe tells you that nobody is paying you any mind, it’s obvious that you are not going to take over. If you come in and act respectful and keep your hands off of us and politely engage yourself, then you will be made to feel welcome.