Lest he fade into complete oblivion where he belongs, 80-year-old Charles Manson has made recent headlines by announcing his upcoming nuptials. Who’s the lucky lady, you ask? Why it’s 26-year-old Afton Elaine Burton. The two met through a Charles Manson fan page that Burton runs. It’s got rom com written all over it: You’ve Got Mail meets Silence of the Lambs.
Manson’s wedding got us thinking, mostly about how Charles Manson is free to obtain a marriage license whenever he damn well pleases, and there are still 17 states and countless other places in the world where two committed same-sex people don’t share the same freedom.
Just to thoroughly squash the idea that the sanctity of marriage is threatened by gay people wanting in on the action, here’s concrete proof (starting with Charles Manson and his bride-to-be) that straight people have already demolished “traditional marriage’s” claim of having any moral high ground.
Sit back and enjoy the car wreck:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
You’re invited to…
…the marriage of Charles Manson and Afton “Star” Elaine Burton
Yes, that may be a swastika on his forehead, but this couple is all smiles as they await their big day. Please join them for an industrial themed metal-on-stone wedding, complete with armed guards and a wedding cake made out of salvaged sliced white bread. Guests subject to strip search.
…the wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
Kanye who? Kim and Kris are so in love, they decided they’d cash in on their once-in-a-lifetime special moment by giving it its own TV special called Kim’s Fairytale Wedding. Cell phones will be confiscated upon entry, because if any photos get out they won’t get paid as much for the subsequent People magazine exclusive photo rights. © True Love 2011
…the blissful voyage of Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock
You might think, “Leave these two alone they’re just getting frisky on their honeymoon,” but this is a photo from the actual wedding itself. Which was on a booze-soaked yacht. Be sure to eat something (preferably bland) before boarding to avoid hurling over the side of the boat as this wedding sets sail for eminent disaster.
…the everlasting union of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn
Henry got around the church’s stance on marriage by creating his own church, which was kind of a smart move. But it does show how silly the construct of holy matrimony is in the first place, because — spoiler alert — it didn’t exactly work out with his 2nd wife, Anne. He had her killed, then went on to four subsequent brides. To his credit, he only had one more beheaded after Anne.
…the tropical sendoff of Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney
This happy couple is in it to win it. Well, for at least four months. That’s how long it took for them to annul their picturesque beachside wedding. But still, join them on the sand as they exchange vows that are all a big lie. Then try and explain how marriage is so sanctimonious that only hetty couples like Renee and Kenny can enjoy its charms.
…the well-planned union of Britney Spears and Jason Alexander
Same-sex marriage is now legal in Nevada, but that’s not stopping some Vegas shotgun wedding chapels from denying service to gay couples. Luckily Brit didn’t have the same problem. Please join them nearly eleven years ago at the very drunk, very forever (or 55 hours) holy union of Britney and Jason. Not only is the reception open bar, but you’re encouraged to show up as drunk as possible to the ceremony as well.
1EqualityUSA
Unsavory het’s. Chuck Manson’s thumbnails should be registered as weapons.
jason smeds
Charles Manson is bisexual, not straight. He referred to his bisexuality in an interview with Rolling Stone last year.
DonW
And then there’s TLC’s new reality show “90 Day Fiancé,” that celebration of the sanctified tradition of scam green-card weddings.
gjg64
What about any “marriage” Newt Gingrich is part of?
wade22
@jason smeds: Manson is not bisexual, he is the lowest form of any creature that exists on this planet.
DarkZephyr
@jason smeds: It’s still an opposite sex wedding.
Harley
I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters and between them and my parents we counted 22 marriages and 19 divorces. How’s that for sanctity of marriage. Me? Gay and never married.
jason smeds
Charles Manson has previously discussed his sexual interest in men. Let’s not pretend that homosexual interests don’t exist in awful, evil men:
http://nypost.com/2013/11/22/charles-manson-im-bisexual-and-i-raped-a-man/
1EqualityUSA
Jason smeds (St. Matthews Episcopal Day School) smeds… Rape is not about love, attraction, nor “interests.” Rape is violence and it is about power. I didn’t even open your creepy article, simply based on the title. Chuck Manson gets to marry, while tax paying, law abiding American citizens still have this inalienable right withheld from them. This is so f’d up. Who the Hell cares whether or not Manson is bi, straight, or anything else on the spectrum of human sexuality. He is not a person. The minute they carve that baby out of Sharon Tate’s womb, he lost his personhood.
jason smeds
If Manson was a “good man”, you’d be glorifying his sexual attraction to men in no uncertain terms. But because he’s evil, you all run away from it and either play it down or deny it. You can’t have it both ways.
1EqualityUSA
Manson is not a person. He lost his personhood, St. Matthews Episcopal Day School.
Saint Law
@jason smeds: I’m only surprised it’s not you in the pic with Charlie instead of that awful gurly.