A blossoming homosexual man has come to a starting realization about himself, so he’s reaching out to internet advice columnist Dear Ellie for clarity.
“I’m 20 and I like men in their mid or late 20s to early 30s,” his letter states. “Is this OK or normal?”
The young man adds, “I don’t want anyone to say anything negative about this as I’m now an adult myself.”
In her response, Ellie assures the guy that he’s totally normal and that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to people a little–or even a lot–older than oneself.
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“The definitions of what’s ‘normal’ in today’s society includes the reality of being gay and seeking relationships with people of the same sex,” she says. “Yes, your attractions and feelings are normal.”
She continues, “There may be religious and cultural arguments about that statement, but being gay is part of our demographic makeup in North America and many other parts of the world.”
“However,” she adds, “the definition of what’s ‘OK’ has to come from within you.”
We’d say that’s pretty sound advice.
Vince
A little twink concerned about being attracted to another young guy. The things that pass here for stories. Lol
How about doing one on say 60 year olds obsessed with 20 year olds. Now that would be interesting and stir up some good conversation for sure.
Donston
The actual story is that it’s odd for someone who’s 20 to think it’s strange that they’re into someone who’s 30, especially considering the age gaps that are out there.
Too many of these guys looking for “daddies” (or “mommies”) are looking for protection from the big, bad world as well as protection from their own worse instincts. But as long as someone’s of age and there’s no manipulation, immaturity or naivety then it’s no big deal.
Vince
Everything under the sun is odd coming from the mind of a 20 year old. It’s the nature of being brand new to the scene. Young, dumb, and full of cum basically.
Donston
The thing is I’ve always been into slightly older guys. Hell, even two out of the three women I dated (when I was legitimately dating women) were a bit older than myself. My husband is only several years older than me. I do get lusty for a twink here and there, but I’ve always had more romantic passion, connection and fulfillment towards dudes who were 30+. Never thought it was strange, especially not such a basic difference.
geb1966
60 year olds obsessed with 20 year olds is, to quote Mrs. Potts from Beauty & the Beast, a tale as old as time. There is nothing new there. Older men looking for younger guys are a dime a dozen. Neither scenario i a bad thing as long as both parties know what’s expected and are on the same page.
lnwbpa
Well, Vincent, here you go. I am 67 years old, and was approache’d by a 27 year old. I discouraged him long and hard about wanting a relationship with a man fat bald and 40 years older than he. I made sure he knew I was not a sugar daddy, nor was I looking for a sugar baby. He continued with a very appropriate answer. We met for coffee, after he drove 3 hours. We walked the dogs, we talked a lot, he stayed the weekend, and he has been coming back ever since. It is exactly what both of us were looking for. The age difference doesn’t seem to be apparent to us or anyone else. Love Is Love, and often it is rather unusual, but love is still love!
Kangol
Good for you. If you two are happy, having fun, and it’s consensual, more power to you!
Vince
Ditto on that as well. Except the age difference not being apparent to those around you.
StraightnNarrow
There is certainly something wrong with your boyfriend. I can understand a 40 something attracted to a 60 something but this kid can literally be your grandson. Just the thought disgusts me.
geb1966
StraightnNarrow you left off part of your name. It should be StraightnNarrowminded. You don’t get a say in what makes two people happy unless you are one of the two people. Maybe you need to do some self examination, dear.
StraightnNarrow
My full screen name should be On-the-Straight-And-Narrow. According to the dictionary definition, it means living in an honest and healthy life. it’s about anti-drug, take full responsibility for one’s choices, repentant of past mistakes, anti-promiscuous lifestyle, supporting masculine gays and denouncing effeminating gay men.
fingertrouble
@StraightnNarrow – nothing wrong with it at all. Some of us like older guys, and it’s nothing with needing a sugar daddy.
But I do like someone with a brain and some experience – now I’m in my 40’s that can exist in my peer group, but when I was in my 20’s, god most of men my age were dumb as shit and had no clue what they wanted or what they were doing – myself included. Why should I choose not to better myself intellectually or culturally?
Scout
Oh my, a Gay Snowflake!
john_green
StraightnNarrow
I was marginally of the same opinion as yourself until I reached 60. Why would attractive, muscled younger men find a white-haired, chubby, near pensioner attractive or even remotely interesting? Turns out to be much the same reasons as the attraction women have for the exact same thing: emotional security, affection and caring, life experience and yes lifestyle. The attraction applies equally to straight and gay men who both appear to need someone to discuss life with. The attention was entirely unsolicited and from people I literally didn’t know existed. No-one was more puzzled nor more surprised than me.
StraightnNarrow
I respect your experience but I have to wonder if this guy is attracted to what you possess (things you listed in your comment) more than he is attracted to you as a person. It’s a legit question and only you can answer it.
Ptar1
S’n’N Not every one is a gold digger. Oh, sure, they’re out there. Some people just like some one how’s settled, confident in there life, outside the frenetic bar scene. In the early 80s, I was a 22~23 years old sowing my wild oats, as it were. I dated, very casually, a gent in his upper mid sixties. It was very casual, I needed nor wanted anything he had. He never called me after he called to say the County Health Dept was looking for me. He had the clap and they were doing contact tracing. I was clean, regardless, he was embarrassed and never called back. I had no lack of, em, dates, so I let it be.
QueerTruth
It’s simply an arrangement that’s been going on since the dawn of time.
An older person has stability and funds. The younger person doesn’t has funds but his youth and looks.
It is what it is. I’ve known a lot of couples who have the 20+ age gap. It’s just an arrangement…. None that I’ve seen last.
fingertrouble
@QueerTruth – Bullshit. You haven’t bothered looking.
I have a 27 year old difference between my partner and me, and we just passed 21 years. Longer than most of the people who said it was ‘disgusting’ or ‘wasn’t right’ or ‘am I sure I’m not being taken advantage of?’
Yeah, serial monogamy on the 3rd-4th-5th+ relationship which is never stable can take the high ground over us! Not.
fingertrouble
And stability is sexy, but for a long time – nearly 20 years – I lived in my own flat paid for myself and refused anything other than dinner.
I like my independence…I am not a ‘kept woman’.
mash19
When I was 70 I met a guy who was 38. (He came on to me). He came over and said “I just had to come and tell you how handsome you are’. My thought was do you normally wear glasses!
It lasted for 5 years. I still see him on the side when he gets mad at his current boy friend.
So at this point in time we are “Friends with benefits” and I see myself as “the other woman”..lol
There is a mind set who just happens to like older guys. Guess it’s just a matter of taste!
Creamsicle
I remember feeling this way in my late teens and 20s, but that’s because I had no idea what a guy in his 30s was like.
I mean, I had an idea in my head of what guys in their 30s were like, but it was nowhere near the truth. When I turned 30 I was dating a guy who had just turned 27 and I got carded more often than he did. 30 sounds ancient when you’re 20. In reality 30 is when you’ve sorted a lot of your shit out and have started to learn what is and isn’t important to you.
I’m sure I’ll have similar things to say about turning 40, 50, 60, 70, and hopefully beyond.
rray63
It’s never stopped amazing me! The worry that people have about other’s relationships. If two men, two women, man and woman, whatever the case may be, want to be in a relationship the only emotion any of us should show is happiness. Happiness that two people have found joy in each other, especially in the times we live in. As long as it is two consenting adults and they are happy who are we to tell them it’s wrong because we have a hangup on age (or any hangup for that matter), it smacks of arrogance. I’m 55 y/o and I’ve dated men from their mid 20’s to their mid 50’s There will be those that say, you can’t possibly have anything in common except for sex and I have to wonder how you know? Even if a couple just have a couple of things in common we h ave no idea what can grow from that, do we? Anyway, just think about letting people enjoy whatever happiness they find with whatever person they find it with. With that one proviso, consenting adults. Love you all! Peace!
Vince
I have no problem with the May-Dec romances as long as both are adults. However, if you have to make excuses to people asking about your son or grandson maybe you’re doing something you shouldn’t. I have no problem if you want to pay for it for the night. Whatever floats your boat.
If you do a Calvin Klein though and marry one or call them your lover or whatever I guess it’s a free world. Just don’t expect us not to laugh our asses off watching you act like a complete fool.
starkraver
My lover is 28 years my junior and we’ve been together for 13 years. He has never complained and neither have I.
Lacuevaman
open relationships work!
Aj76
My boyfriend is 11 years my senior……he is more mature ,grounded & knows what he wants from life than most men that are years his senior……the most important thing is that both parties are on the same page & in agreement with what & how they see their relationship should be like then it’s all sweet ……I don’t think anyone can put an age ,rules/regulations,rights & wrongs on love between 2 adults …..we should all be free to make the choices we see fit & people just need to embrace & respect it !
ptb2016
Im nearly 70 and was wandering the streets of Paris yesterday head spinning from left to right and back again, gorgeous face, gorgeous legs, oh my look at that butt! Not out loud of course!
I fancied between the ages of 18 to 30 when I was 18 to 30 and when I was 40, and 50 and surprise surprise I still do. Of course these days there is no reciprocity from the objects of my craving, but that doesn’t change anything. You like what you like. As long as you don’t like children and Ive never understood anybody who could you’re fine!
Vince
Sounds like you’re stuck in the land of Peter Pan and loneliness.
rray63
Vince, perhaps you need a bit of psychiatric attention? You say you have no problem with May-Dec romances then spend two paragraphs arguing that you do have a problem with them. Putting a cherry on top by saying if someone wants to have one they have to be okay with you and someone, “laugh our asses off watching you act like a complete fool.”
Do you live alone? When is the last time you had a meaningful relationship? I’m just trying to get an idea of what has made you so bitter. Did a younger man turn you down?
I’ve said this before but we really don’t have to worry about homophobia from ignorant straight people, their percentages are dwindling fast, maybe not as fast as we would like but still, things are changing. What we have to worry about are judgmental gays such as yourself.
You use a tactic that a lot of scoundrels use, you either change the story, or out and out lie. Where did I speak of paying for anything, is that something that you are familiar with? I’ve never paid for sex, nor will I. If you do, that’s cool.
I have nothing against you. I do resent you making things up. But if that works for you I can’t stop you. So as I usually say, luv ya and peace.
Vince
Ray darling. My life doesn’t revolve around whether or not some young stuff wants to bone me. You shouldn’t either. Stop putting your self worth for sale like that. Makes you look desperate.
Yes not problem with most May-Dec couples. However, that’s not a blanket ok for every perv looking for a young boy to call their own. Consenting mature adults within a reasonable age range. Even some exceptions like in lnwbpa’s case.
dfwenigma
Let’s be realistic. Younger men aren’t all the same. In a lot of cases they’ve tried man their own age and they’ve been disappointed. They love older men because in general we’re real. Let’s face it some of us are quite twisted – and as we grow older for some it take more to shall we say satisfy the itch so to speak? Younger men in most cases don’t want a sugar daddy – some do. But here’s my thought on that. If he’s taking advantage of you BECAUSE you’re paying his bills and supporting him – that’s not healthy. If you’re taking care of him and there is mutual love and care – let’s face it – what are you going to do with what you’ve earned? Have family that don’t give a crap about you use it up after you’re gone? Stupid. Also if you are lucky enough to find a young man who wants true companionship you may just find that its actually love, safety, kindness and the rest he’s looking for. For healthy older gay men quite often the sex is much better – older men have experience – they’ve had BAD sex, stupendous sex, and average sex. Some have had lots more than a younger partner and surprisingly some much, much less. In many cases younger men have tried and failed with people their own age. Different people have different relationships so I’m not going to impose my values on any of you. Suffice it to say that if your norms, values, morals, character, interests and sexual tastes are mutually beneficial a younger man may be just what you need as an older man and vice versa. Not all relationships are predatory and horrible and gold diggers versus younger. Once I criticized a younger man for taking advantage of his older partner. He set me straight (and shame on me – I wish I could apologize now). I accused the younger man of taking advantage of an older more successful partner. In reality it was the other way around. The younger man was brilliant at finance and accounting and had really saved the older guy and they loved each other despite their issues. The older guy eventually died. The younger continued. It’s easy to see things one way when they’re really another. Life doesn’t have to be all bad. And things aren’t always as they seem.