You know that guy you run into at bars that turns every question to sex? You’re just trying to have a drink and momentarily forget that your sub prime mortgage is about to turn you into a hobo and this guy just keeps asking about your penis size. Well, The Advocate‘s Brandon Voss is that guy and he lets loose on actor Adrien Brody in the magazine’s latest installment of “Big Gay Following” or as we like to call it, “The Last Gay Media Interview This Person Will Ever Do.”

Here’s the business:

“Do guys still hit on you?
I guess I’d be disappointed if they didn’t.

What if a man had presented you with your Oscar instead of Halle Berry? Were you so wrapped up in the moment that you might’ve have kissed him too?
That’s a pretty silly question. No, obviously not. Part of the excitement was that it was a beautiful woman presenting me with such a beautiful moment in my life.

Is there any actor for whom you would’ve made an exception?


Let’s try another approach: For your next gay role, who’d you choose for your on-screen love interest?

You want me to name an actor? No, I can’t answer that question, Brandon. See, you ask me how I deal with rumors, and I also have to deal with not adding fuel to them. Something that would be a completely innocuous comment on my part will be completely taken out of context by the next journalist, so I’d appreciate it if you were understanding about that.

Have I put you in a bad mood?

I’m still in a good mood, but I’m also a relatively serious person, so these questions are difficult for me.

So I guess I shouldn’t ask if it’s true what they say about a man with a prominent nose?

Why would you do that to somebody? You and I don’t know each other, right? We’re complete strangers, actually. I’m being respectful to you, so you have to extend the same courtesy.

Oh, Adrien, it’s all in good fun. I’m trying to show your sense of humor here.

I didn’t sign up for that.”

Please, homosexuals- remember that just because you were born with the same-sex attraction as Oscar Wilde, doesn’t mean you also inherited his wit. It’s enough to make you want to put on some mascara, stand in front of a bedsheet and scream, “Leave Adrien Brody alone!”

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