Carlton Morton currently appears on Netflix‘s new dating reality series Love Is Blind. In an recent appearance on the radio program “The Morning Culture,” the reality star opened up about his sexuality.
“The secret is I love people for who they are,” he explained. “For the average person, I am a bisexual or fluid male. I feel like being fluid there’s a bigger focus on love when people think of bisexual it’s to make the general pop comfortable and give them something to identify with.”
Morton continued by saying that, for him, love and sex are two different things.
“I would always say I love freely because for me it’s not a sexual thing,” he said. “I’m open [to dating men and women] because I think it’s fair to say I love people for who they are.”
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Morton revealed to viewers that he’s been in relationships with both men and women on the first episode of Love in Blind, which premiered February 13, but he stopped short when it came to actually labeling himself.
“At one point in my young adult life, I found myself attracted to just hearts, period, it didn’t have a gender, it wasn’t about sex for me,” he told the camera. “I dated guys and girls. But I want a wife now, because I feel like women bring a certain, like, nurturing love and affection to the table that I don’t get from a guy.”
He continued: “My biggest worry is that I will find someone that I’m super in love with and want to marry, and then at the last minute she will not be able to walk down the aisle because she just can’t be married to someone like me.”
Speaking to “The Morning Culture,” Morton said he can’t imagine every lying to a partner about his sexuality, and he doesn’t know how other men can do it.
“I don’t get how like DL men, your wife is calling you or your girlfriend’s calling you… you don’t think somebody told her something?” he said. “I can’t hide in my career. I don’t have the luxury of keeping secrets.”
But when asked by hosts if he “had to make a choice” between men or women, Morton wasn’t take the bait.
“That means that I have to be heterosexual or gay,” he pushed back. “You understand how incorrect that is and how offensive that is to bisexual people? You are basically wiping them out by saying they have to make a choice.”
Related: This man’s Instagram post about being Black, bisexual, and fabulous is going viral
Donston
I mean, the dude has made a choice between men and women. He says that he wants to marry a woman, that he wants to build a life with a female and have a family with a woman. That’s making a choice between men and women. He’s on a reality show trying to nab the affections of a woman and be coupled with a woman. And he claims his biggest fear is for a woman to leave him. His heart is apparently not in it when it comes to males, and he’d rather have something more serious and substantial with a female. You can be as inherently bisexual/fluid as you want. But when you make public declarations like that you’re telling people your choice and explaining that choice to them. That’s a very social/political stance. However, based off of his explanation you do have to wonder how much he’s effected by the pressures of hetero normalcy and traditional hetero family and effected by his ego. Being openly bi/pan/fluid or even “gay” doesn’t mean that you don’t contend with hetero pressures, internalized homophobia, gay shame, homo inferiority complexes. And it doesn’t mean that you’re keeping 100% real with yourself and a potential partner as far as your dimensions and motivations. He’s also a reality show contestant. So, obtaining fame and notoriety is clearly a priority, perhaps a bigger priority than anything else. He is right when he says that orientation is so much more than attractions and sex. If you don’t want persistent affections and attention and love from that type of person, if you don’t want to live with that person and sleep next to them every night, if you can’t have emotional fulfillment and investment with that type of person, can’t have relationship contentment with that type of person then that person doesn’t really represent the majority of your orientation. Good luck to him and however his life evolves.
knostic
If you want to commit to a monogamous relationship you have to choose one person. That’s always been the obstacle around bisexuality/fluidity, when you are with someone you inherently “present” as either gay or hetero. That doesn’t mean you are not still fluid. It’s about identity, not about who you’re sleeping with – even if that person ends up being the only person you sleep with again in your entire life.
To argue that making a choice about the person you want to be with invalidates your claim to any sexual identity is, frankly, just another case of trying to define another person’s reality for them while also implying that the LARGEST subgroup within the LGBTQ community doesn’t actually exist. It’s kind of offensive, and I say that respectfully.
ShiningSex
I think when bi men (or women) say that IN THE END they want to be in a hetero relationship, they are choosing and they’re saying their “gay” side is an issue and they don’t want that long term. Sounds very closeted to me. He could have said “One day I may marry a man or I may marry a woman, who knows”. That’s bi. I don’t believe he’s bi. I think he’s a closet gay who can’t deal with that being who he really is.
Donston
Knostic, I’m not really sure if that comment is directed at me or the person who interviewed this dude. Hopefully, it’s not for me. Because nothing in my comment had to do with invalidating anyone. And I don’t support any type of hetero, homo or bi pressures. There are pressures from every demo and from every agenda to “pick a side”. And it’s unfair. Even the “bi pride” people give out pressure. Folks shouldn’t have to spend their whole lives claiming bi identities and hyping up “bi pride” and talking about being “open minded” if they don’t want to. Yet, there is political and ego pressures to do so. I’ve been inherently homosexual. Now, I’m closer to pan-sexual. If I had to go with any identity I’d say I’m “gay pansexual”. Because to me “gay” has less to do with homosexuality and more to do with overall ambitions and overall passions, affections, investment, fulfillment, contentment. I get the identity, fluidity and sense of self struggles. I understand all the types of confusions and pressures. But ultimately, I don’t care much about identity. It seems as if Carlton doesn’t really care about identity either. He just identifies as “bi” to make other people more comfortable and in an attempt to keep it more real. I focus more on pushing honesty, freedom, mental health, understanding things like fluidity and the romantic, sexual, affection, emotional investment and relationship contentment spectrum. I do understand the importance of identity, but I feel as a society it’s something we’re too dependent on. Identity politics has become overwhelming, especially when it comes to social media. And the nature of identity politics can lead to greater manipulation and greater sociological, political, and egotistical pressures rather than assist someone in being themselves. No one should feel any type of pressure. However, while we all have circumstances we can’t control, we do have choices within those circumstances. And when you’re on a reality show trying to be hooked up with a female, when you’re telling people that you want to marry a woman, that you prefer the love of a woman, prefer being in a relationship with a woman- these are choices. You’re actively looking for people to know your choice. You can identify as whatever and have whatever dimensions, but those are active choices. I do wish more “bi pride” public figures (particularly “bi pride” dudes) were willing to have in depth conversations about things like sexual trauma, hetero pressures, hetero privilege, internalized homophobia, self-misandry, homo inferiority complexes, depleted egos, the dimensions of orientation. The conversation seems to stay focus on banal and well-worn topics like “erasing”. And I keep seeing things about not caring about gender or not caring about looks, which is frequently not the case. It’s time to evolve pass that one-note and mushy and often false dialogue. To me the “bi” conversation is still one based mostly off of ego and politics rather than helping people truly understand and accept anything.
Stephen
The is?ue is gay men rarely do second dates. More gay men men are single after 40 than straight men. I was proposed to 3 times by women. I am bisexual. Talked about ‘does that mean no male on male sex, married and loving? It ended ever time. Women offer companionship that is easy, honest and upfront.
Guys … you have to twist arms to get a second date! It’s a weird culture to be bi sexual. Everyone sees sex sex with a bi guy as gay in denial. I liked the sex with women as much as men. Sometimes more; the equipment was clearer and more adapted for lubrication with women vs men. Men I love the hormones smell and playfulness with variety. AND … the down side: Some gay men refuse to kiss, 25% don’t do anal, rules! Rules! Rules! I like male companionship, sex, adventure and it’s 50/50 because I love people. I don’t judge your orientation or equipment.
All relationships are work. All are harder to get with age. 50!
Women wanted marriage with me and monogamy. All were millionaires. But my love can’t be bought. Now I would go back and say YES. I think the isolation of online attractions only is a soul killer. I didn’t think companionship would mean so much as I aged. Sex, companionship, shared goals, etc.
I did not have a crystal ball to see how much harder it was to grow old single even with fit body. Me? Hairy, 45” chest, 31” waist. XL. But no one wants it, and gay couples in my town of 2500 population refuse to meet for a lunch or coffee! Not even for just ‘Social only visits’! Honest! It’s like 1962! Being a divorcee!
Regrets? I’ve had a few. But I thought gay men would see me and accept me. I’m like Megan syndrome. Not treated fairly from the start
. It is LGBTQA+. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, asexual and HIV+. But in truth gays dismiss drag queens, many avoid openly pox men even not knowing their status, stats say 32% are undiagnosed. Gay men 19-39 can be prejudiced about sex with older men, bisexuals, they doubt asexuals having desire except when in love or committed relationships and too many gay men dismiss transsexuals are ‘creepy’. 1969! Who taught at Stonewall longest first and stayed there! ? Drag queens!
These are actual quotes I have heard in conversations by young and mature men many times! Women don’t judge as much. I gave up millions and companionship to own being fluid. Do not judge me, I accept you. There is less tolerance now than in 1972! I was there. I know.
Now I resolved to ferry into the big city for sex with guys every month or two. Get my boogie call locally with a woman once a month, locally. I might be single for life and this I can live with! Companionship is preferred but it’s not in my cards yet.
Three regrets.
#1 not buying a condo in 1977for $40,000. Now worth $400,000.
#2 not having a long term $150 a month Freedom 55 plan to enjoy a better life
#3 not getting married because I thought I could find a man or woman to marry that would have an open relationship with rules we co-created.
Beyond that. It is a wonderful Life!
Donston
Stephen, I kinda get where you’re coming from, but there’s also problematic elements to your post. Yes, if you’re not a homosexual male then sex and relationships with women can be easier, especially sociologically. You don’t have to worry as much when it comes to harassment or not being accepted by your family and your environment. People will still view you as a “real man”. And not being seen as a guy who can hook up with women and/or sexually please a woman is something that hurts a lot of males’ egos, even homosexuals. While sex with women is often more straightforward and less messy. But sexuality is more than just about what can get you aroused or what acts you can enjoy. It’s also about passions, affections, smells, sounds, who you like persistently pleasing, who you prefer being persistently pleased by. Claiming to look for sex with women because it’s functionally easier doesn’t say much when it comes to who you feel about women. And there are plenty of gay/queer identifying males who still have sex with women or find it sometimes easier to functionally enjoy sex with women. Though he has not directly said so, Ricky Martin seems like he might be a gay identifying man who fits into category. Alan Cummings seems like he might be a somewhat bi-gay identifying men who fits into the category as well. Being attracted to the physical attributes of someone, “liking” some and enjoying sex with someone does not mean that person represent your majority orientation. It just means you’re attracted to that person and enjoy sex with them. It barely even gets into the dimensions of your sexuality.
I also agree that it can be easier to find a suitable female partner than a male partner. Men are often so focused on looks, sex and ego, and many men are not looking for something serious. While some males are so consumed by internalized homophobia, self-misandry and/or shame that they can’t unabashedly love a guy and give persistent affections and commitment towards a guy. This idea that homo dating is easier than hetero dating is frequently a fallacy. This seems to especially be the case when it comes to “masculine” guys and “masculine” Black and Latinos guys. The key is to look for males who are completely unembarrassed when it comes to their same-sex attractions, affections and love, instead of looking for dudes on Grinder and placing your attentions on closet cases and “open-minded queers”. The younger generation seems to be getting a little better at this evolution.
There really isn’t a such thing as a “traditional 50/50 bisexual”, and I wish less guys were obsessed with trying to prove how into both women and guys they are. It feels like something almost entirely driven by ego and sociology. There are so many contradictions that can be within orientation. Fluidity is sometimes at play. And the romantic, sexual, affection, emotional investment, long-term relationship contentment spectrum is so wide and diverse. This is why I place less emphasis on identity. We all got different stuff going on and different paths.
Donston
Stephen, let me also add that your post is a bit too self-pitying. You seem focused on blaming men and “gays” for your own social, relationship, and psychological issues. That’s an instinct a lot of “bi pride” guys need to stop. It’s partly why some homosexual males find “bi pride” guys exhausting. Maybe your circumstances are different. From my experience, there will always be problematic people, but as long as you don’t hide behind identity and you keep it 100% real with yourself and others, you will be generally welcomed and people won’t constantly question you.
Donston
Maybe you’ve spent too much of your life trying to be accepted, trying to fit into sociological spheres and constantly looking for you ego and sense of self to be replenished. This is a persistent problem with a lot of bi/pan/fluid pride dudes. Just live your life unabashedly. Trying to fit in somewhere or trying to live up to whatever identity doesn’t get you anywhere. Your circumstances are partially why the “no labels” movement is a thing and why many people become cool with being seen as straight or gay no matter their dimensions or lifestyle.
Donston
One last little note for Stephen:
You talked about how much of a “50/50 bisexual” you are. You talked about how women have been more accepting and how women have given you the affections and commitment that you wanted. Yet, you still ended up not settling down with a female. You still seem to be pining for men to like you, accept you, want to date you, give you love. While the way you talk about women sexually seems as if you view women more like easy functioning sex dolls that turn you on rather than having intense sexual passions and sexual affections towards women. I also doubt men who are “50/50 bi” would stay resentful of males and “gays” and stay obsessed with being accepted by “gays”. This all hints to you not truly wanting a woman. Having attractions and affections towards women and enjoying sex with women does not mean that you want love and persistent passion, affection, emotional bond, and commitment from a female.
I understand that sexuality and orientation can be very complicated and frustrating stuff. But maybe if you kept it more real with yourself and others concerning your dimensions, struggles and needs instead of staying focused on asserting “bi pride” you’d perhaps have a partner at this point. This is where sociology, politics and ego frequently get in the way when it comes to “bi pride” dudes.
ShiningSex
gay gay gay!!!
Cam
“””“I would always say I love freely because for me it’s not a sexual thing,” he said. “I’m open [to dating men and women] because I think it’s fair to say I love people for who they are.””””
____________________
Ugh, I’ve heard this same B.S line from bisexuals for ages. And yet I don’t see any of them running off to date 400lb people, or people they think are too ugly for them. Enough with that “Highly Evolved” line. They still go for looks, they just have a larger dating pool than some.
dmar
“But I want a wife now, because I feel like women bring a certain, like, nurturing love and affection to the table that I don’t get from a guy” I take issue with this statement because it says men cannot be nurturing or affectionate. If anything, it speaks to how sexist he is and how he views gender roles. Viewing women as caretakers and men as mere objects for sex. It also shows the type of men he goes for and at worst the type of man he’ll be once married if the woman doesn’t cater to his sexual desires. And the true shame is that he knows just the type of gay dudes who’d love to help him out.