“It all started when I moved to a new city,” Reddit user myloveisathrowaway writes in a recent post titled Confused about feelings for my friend (another guy). “I’d frequent the same neighborhood bar he did. We ended up introducing ourselves because we saw each other so often.”
He continues, “The first time we hung out … was when he broke up with gf (waitress at the bar), he invited me over to his place we got drunk and talked about our whole life stories. After that we became really close friends.”
Related: “Some of My Best Friends Are Straight”: Why Bromance Works Both Ways
Myloveisathrowaway goes on to say that he is “99.99% sure” his friend isn’t gay or bi.
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He adds that he, too, is straight. Or, at least, he’s “fairly certain” he is. But, he says, “there are certain aspects about our friendship which have me questioning WTF is going on.”
First, he says, they hug. Like, a lot:
We’ve become those friends that hug…. and not just when you’re saying hi or bye after long absences. We see each other multiple times a week, and we hug each other (sometimes multiple times in the same visit) like we’re sending each other off to war. … In the moment, it feels fucking awesome.
Second, his friend has a certain “look” in his eyes:
Every time he talks to me is like he’s staring into my soul. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away. Then, there will be times when we’re driving or something else and when I glance over it feels like I catch him looking at me. For no apparent reason.
And third, their bodies occasionally touch:
It always feels like we’re touching each other… Whether it’s a hand on the shoulder as we’re talking, legs pressed together at the bar, etc. It almost feels like when you like a girl, but haven’t really gotten to the point to nut up and ask her out.
The whole thing has completely thrown myloveisathrowaway for a loop. He now fears he may be “addicted” to his friend.
“I don’t think I’m sexually attracted to him,” he continues. “I’ve thought about, but I’m not turned on by the idea of having sex with him, nor have I ever had the urge to rip off his clothes and head to pound town.”
“But,” he adds, “the idea doesn’t gross me out.”
Related: Next Level Bromance: Why These Two Straight Guys Decided To Get Married
Myloveisathrowaway concludes by saying that there is “something undeniably deeper than just friendship going on” and that he’s “never felt anything like this before.”
“Maybe it’s just because the only other people I’ve had this much physical contact with are women,” he writes, “but I’ve often wondered what it would be like if we just started making out, because that just feels like what’s supposed to happen next whenever we hug. But what would happen if it went further than that? Would I like it? Would I stop it?”
“Wait, is this just what a bromance feels like?”
jdboston617
Kinda tired of these pseudo stories from REDDIT. It’s not real. It’s fantasy land and now watch us all argue about someone else’s fantasy…
Dave Downunder
I don’t know why Queerty reports on these Reddit posts like they are remotely real or believable. Sounds like an attention seeker with to much time on his hands making up stories to me.
jdboston617
@Dave Downunder: Exactly! Thank you.
DDstar1me
Queerty..why? what’s the point? These are the articles you post to encourage gay men to pursue hetero-men.
It’s not cool or exciting. It’s very dangerous to go down this path. Also, you are aware that there are groups of str8 men purposely leading gay men on only to attack them and in many cases kill them.
I’ve always warned my gay friends against going after str8 men. It’s very dangerous.
Josh447
Great story, even if that’s all it is. With all the crap in the world today about politics ad nauseam, this is sweetly refreshing. Waiting for next installment.
Paco
Platonic love is nothing new. Strict (and often toxic) standards of modern masculine behavior doesn’t allow for emotional intimacy between men. Originally, platonic love was about relations between males that did include sex, but it evolved to define asexual love between heterosexuals.
jdboston617
@DDstar1me: I hear you. The consensus appears solid. These Reddit/Fake stories are lame.
Queerty Editor, take note.
jdboston617
@Josh447: LOL. Really??? What’s great about it? It’s a fantasy. No offense but I think you could make up your own future installment and I’m sure it will be better than a Reddit story re-told.
Guy068
@Josh447: I agree with you. True or not, it’s a nice affirming story. Hell, it’d make a great basis for a novella or full book. I don’t get the anger about these posts either. Still, if you are angered by them (and we all knew what kind of post it was going to be from the link’s title) the smart thing is not to click at all. Topics endure by getting clicks and even if you hate click, that’s still a success for Queerty. Never click again and you’re voting for these to go away…
scottybro
They should be on the BRO App 😉
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Quite a few gay relationships would’ve benefited from staying at this phase
jdboston617
@Guy068: Opinions are nothing to be “angry” about. Lighten up. Opinions are just that. If you can’t stand by your opinions in the face of different opinions, then you’re opinion had no merit to start with. And for the record, this has been written about in countless stories. It’s one of the oldest cliches in the book. 🙂
blawrence
@Guy068: @Guy068: @Guy068: Totally agree with you! Personally I love hearing these stories. To completely dismiss them all as being false is rather negative and presumptive. These situations happen all the time in life and Reddit probably has millions of users so all kinds of stories come up. It’s how many people begin to realize that their sexuality is not always in a single spectrum. If you don’t like to read them then simply don’t! I fail to see why you have to be so dismissive and negative on here. It serves no purpose and quite frankly makes you come across as a bitter, critical and negative person. Lighten up people! It’s a gay blog for Christ sakes! If you don’t like the content then quit your whining and just leave!! No wonder we sometimes get a reputation for being bitchy.
jdboston617
@blawrence: People have opinions. Some are good and some are bad/negative. So what??? Take your own advice and lighten up.
Bauhaus
Bromance ends when romance begins.
Captain Obvious
So stupid.
Guy068
@jdboston617: Are you sure you replied to the right post?
Josh447
Bauhaus
Love that comment. I see bumper stickers.
Blawrence & Guy068 …. Though rare these relationships do happen, which is way way cool. I’ve had straight very hot friends, two in my life, where it was just like this. Down to even doing naked massage. We both knew exactly where the lines were and we stayed there, no-one hurt, friends still today. No fantasy, just stayed with the real. We would hug for long periods of time and cuddle together for naps after hard workouts at the gym. Then I moved.
They were totally hot guys but I never got aroused, it just wasn’t what the intimacy was about. Two of the best intimate relationships of my life. I’d call it buddy love.
Brian
This is normal heterosexual male bonding. The energy of heterosexuality is conveyed from one man to another. The touching, the intimate hugging…it all says “let’s unite as one in our pursuit of hot chicks”.
Sometimes, straight-identifying men use this form of touching to turn each other on. It’s all about making each other feel good and excited about chasing hot women.
Dirty talk is common between such men as they seek to turn each other on and check each other out as to how similar they are in their brotherhood of pussy chasers.
silveroracle
Some hrs beautiful.
It’s not just about sex.
It’s about loving caring relationship.
It’s like I’ve always said about having a gay relationship and I speak from experience.
Sex is good but loving and doing things together and just being there for each other is so much more.
Brian
In my post above, I forgot to mention the sticking of the bodies. When two straight-identifying men unite as one, the sticking of their bodies together represents combined male energy designed to attract women and make each other feel hot.
Chris
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: Cold, but true!
Josh447
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID,
Yep. Gotta know when to play and when to stay.
ErikO
@jdboston617: Exactly and this site eats them up, and obsesses over the myth of all hetero/straight men being bisexual.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
[song] Gay men looooooooooove the straight. They looooooooooooove theeeeeeeem. They lust after them…they worship them…they looooooooooooooooooooove know them.
[and song]
I hope you all liked my song as much as I loved writing it.
Roan
Yay! Another story to tell us that gay is OK …. when “straight” people do it.
Josh447
YaY! Roan. And it’s completely natural to the human species though lots of stupid people don’t do their research.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
Your song is wrong and a lie. SOME gay men go for straight. And very few. That’s it. And it’s pretty stupid and painful they say so y do it? Maybe rather be straight than gay? Yuck.
Sorry. Your song is a do over. But go for it, I’m sure you’ll get it right eventually.
SteveDenver
When two straight guys fall in love, they go on a lot of GUY trips, possibly going into business together.
pscheck2
My take on this is his str8 buddy may not be as str8 as he thinks. Notice he infers (and stated) that his buddy ‘eyes’ him and enjoys their embracing.He, on the other hand, enjoys it but is not turned on by it! He doesn’t mention them dating or cruising women or having gf?. My other thought is he may be skirting around the sexual implications of their friendship and this hugging, eye contact (and body contact) could leaD HIS BUDDY TO INITIATE a sexual response to their touchie/feeling interlude. Then again, this could be just a fantasy on his part and he is exaggerating their situation, in hopes it could play out like he describes it!
Pistolo
Everybody has gotta be “special” these days. “We’re non-gay gays who never gayed”- yeah, fascinating, let’s write a paper on you and how evolved you are. Snore.
Aromaeus
This reads like a closeted gay guys delusions.
Roan
“Straight”
n900mixalot
This type of behavior is what’s shamed when it shouldn’t be. If you love someone you love them, straight gay male female, whatever. Doesn’t mean you HAVE to hop into bed with them. I love some women but I’m not gay or bi. At all.
Too much over thinking this stuff.
n900mixalot
@n900mixalot: oops. strike that, reverse it. Totally gay. Not straight or bi. That is all.
Mmmrrrggglll
“Straight” guys do not “fall in love” with other guys. That is strictly a gay thing.
Brian
@Mmmrrrggglll: Aren’t you being narrow-minded? Love has different forms. Physical warmth between men doesn’t need to become an exercise in orgasm.
Kevin Wotipka
There may be some low-grade sexual attraction going on there. Far be it from me to insist on a rigid dimorphous gay/straight sexual paradigm.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Josh447: But, my song is for that “some”. I sing for them. I love dining songs about those gay men that love the straight guy.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
*singing not dining
martinbakman
Thank you Whoopie.
yes it’s twue. And we will hear all about it today on the View. We will talk about stwait men giving other stwait men a bwo job.
Curtispsf
OMG, this story sounds like the kind of trolling I used to do when I was a whole lot younger on Craigslist in the rant and rave sections. I’d make up a story about getting drunk with a frat bro and how we started drunkenly making out and the next thing you know we were blowing each other. And then afterwards, I’d either 1) pretend it never happened or 2) brazenly acknowledge that it happened and that we really like each other BUT I’m still straight…with the exception that I now love to suck dick.
Yes. We do make up shit and project our fantasies just for the shit and giggles. So c’mon Queerty, enough with the “straight” bromances, otherwise I’m heading straight to REDDIT. /|\
ChuckF
At times like this a man has to trust his instincts or something he’s been taught.
Most of us are taught crap and I do not know this fellow, but if he reads this I urge him to examine his instincts and go with them, they are your true self.
radicaldelusion
This sounds a little like a situation I was in. I met somebody and the second we met there was an instant connection. He moved in with me immediately and we started sleeping in the same bed. There was no sexual contact, but we were physically close, and pretty much inseparable, and when we did go off and do our own things, it was difficult to leave each other. Finally, one night, we were in bed holding each other, and he told me he was in love with me. He said he needed to take things slow. Both of us have been with guys before, but just for casual sex. Neither of us of had ever been in a relationship with a guy or had feelings for another guy. For the next couple weeks, things were progressing and we were moving to the next level. Then, he went away for a week to visit his very religious family. He came back and there was a little wall up. The wall came down a bit, but things went back and forth. The whole time however, he was totally honest with me about his struggles. I was patient and I went with my gut. My gut was right all along. We never had a full on sex, but we did get sexual with each other. I have never been in love with anybody else. It would never be possible for me to love anybody else the way I loved, or still do love him. The connection we share is too deep on too many levels to be possible to have with anyone else. I mistakenly moved away after a year, convincing myself it was the right thing to do. Even after he told me it was my presence in his life that was making him deal with his sexuality. But when I moved away, he did as well and reconnected with an old girlfriend. We got back in touch, and he was going to leave her and come to be with me. He’s the kind of person who wears his heart on his sleeve, and she had to have sensed something. She sent me a Facebook friend request and a private message, saying that he talked about me all the time. a few weeks later she was pregnant. He was abandoned as a child so he would never shirk his responsibilities as a father. He ended up getting married, and I tried to remain friends with him. He then told me that he shouldn’t have told me he had feelings for me and that he only said that to me because he thought it was what I wanted to hear. That was extremely hurtful and I knew it wasn’t true, because he’s a terrible liar, and I also know that he had to convince himself that he no longer had feelings for me to make it easier for him to except his situation. He told me he loved me on multiple occasions and when he looked me straight in the eye i could see into my soul. And it wasn’t just words. And it wasn’t just me that he told that to, and everybody else could just plainly see it. We went five years without communicating and recently just got in touch again. He told me he’s unhappy in his marriage and is thinking about leaving. We haven’t talked about the past or our feelings for each other each other back then, but I can still sense in his voice and just the way he says things and the things he says. On one hand I’m extremely happy that he’s back in my life, on the other hand I’m a little bit sad. But before I got back in touch with him, I thought of him every day and was sad all the time. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know whom to talk to about this and I don’t know how to get perspective. I just saw an article that was about 14 signs that indicate someone is in love with you when they are afraid to tell you. Well, it was 14 out of 14. I emailed him tonight’s ago after five years, and he called me right away. Since then, we’ve been texting each other all day every day. There was not a moment of awkwardness and it is like no time has passed. I know deep down in my soul that we will be in each other’s orbit again, but I also know that I can’t let my guard down to be hurt and I also know that he won’t do anything that might hurt me unless he is 100% sure. But another part of me can’t give up hope 100%. But am I just deluding myself? I know that feelings are still there on both sides, but I just don’t know if he’ll ever be able to get over his issues about being with another guy for life.