Oh, Behave!

Can We Please Stop Calling Marcus Bachmann “Gay” and “Gay-Faced”?

Marcus BachmannMichele Bachmann now has a snowball’s chance in hell of being elected president. Which is one reason to look back and revisit the way her husband, Marcus, has been treated by, well, us. 

There are plenty of good reasons to despise Marcus Bachmann’s politics: Considering his wife’s stance on government “handouts,” the man’s fiscal notions are plainly hypocritical (Bachmann’s farm received federal subsidies and his practice received Medicaid funding). 

Then there’s his damaging “pray away the gay” therapy. The American Psychiatric Association has suggested that this kind of reparative therapy can be harmful to a patient’s mental health.

With so much ammunition, why do people spent so much time attacking the man for his lisp and other so-called “effeminate” characteristics?

Dan Savage and Cher are just two of the famous folks who (along with Queerty) called out Bachmann publicly for what they perceive as his “gayness”—that is, his perceived lack of typically masculine affect.

My heart goes out to the man— just a little, mind you—because my perceived lack of masculinity has gotten me into trouble, too. I was bullied for being a sissy throughout my school years. Less than a year has gone by since the last time someone yelled “Fag!” at me from a passing car.

So it pains me to see gay people bullying a man because he’s too effeminate (especially when, like I say, there are so many better reasons to go after him).

And it really pains me to see someone like Savage (whom I respect mightily) do it. What about that whole “It Gets Better” thing? Even within gay groups, there’s a lot of pressure on us to be “masculine”—or to pass as straight. I know I monitor my sibilant esses and animated hand gestures, although they come naturally to me.

Of course, not all gay men are like me. Each gay man is unique, like snowflakes. We’re not just gay-site bloggers and Liza Minnelli fans. We’re also firefighters and NASCAR aficionados. As a community, we’re always asking people to look past the stereotypical notions they may have about gay people … but then when someone fits those stereotypes, it seems like we’re the first to shout, “He’s gay!”

That sounds wrong to me. It runs counter to our argument that people need to trust us on the matter of our own sexuality, to respect our right to be who we say we are.

Sure, I get that there’s a certain comedy in it all: “Look at the girly man who says he’s straight!” And hypocrites deserve to be called out. But although we have proof that Bachmann is a homophobe, we don’t know that he’s a hypocrite on this particular issue. If Bachmann says he’s straight, then that’s good enough for me—you know, until a public-restroom arrest or male-prostitute scandal, I’ll take him at his word.

I mean, really, do we really want to claim him as one of our own?

Charles Purdy is the author of the book Urban Etiquette: Modern Manners for the Modern Metropolis and a longtime manners-advice columnist. In his Queerty column, he addresses issues related to social behavior. Find him on Twitter: @charlesqueerty

Image via Gage Skidmore


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  • FYI

    You are right, Mr/Sister Bachmann’s swishiness shouldn’t be a determent to his being able to find a job or to keep his job destroying gay people. Any good Chrisssssssthhhian should know that, Mary.

  • Cam

    “”So it pains me to see gay people bullying a man because he’s too effeminate””

    This article is beyond repellent.

    1. Using the word “Bullying” to describe the gay community going after Bachman for his unethical anti-gay procedures performed at his clinic. His lying about those procedures only to be proven to be lying with former patients called him out, and lastly, his obvious hypocrisy is horrible.

    I get that “Bullying” has gone out in the RNC and TEA PARTY memos as a word to use whenever anybody from candidates to NOM is talking about people who disagree with them, but for Queerty to use that word, when it has become fixated in our communities mind with young kids killing themselves is ridiculous.

    2. The author claims he was picked on for being effeminate so feels sorry for Bachman. Well let me check on something…is the author gay? Yes. How many effeminate boys in our high schools grew up to be straight? From mine…none.

    3. Does anybody else notice that rather than launching the kind of all out attack defense Michelle Bachman is famous before….that the couple clammed up about his supposed sexuality and did not respond to the insinuations?

    That is not Bachman’s style AT ALL. The comments obviously struck home.

    This article is an example of why the gay community had no movement on rights for so long. We were told to sit back and not upset our “Friends” in office. We were told, do not fight the politicians who attack us, but rather, go on the air in a nice suit and be friendly and respectful and they will like you.

    Sorry, the Marcus Bachman is another in a long LONG line of anti gay closet cases. And not only was our community justified in pointing this out. The very fact of our pointing it out was one of the things that took this very dangerous woman down in the polls and may have prevented her from winning the nomination.

  • Palto

    Calling this piece of shit gay is the worst insult you can make against this him. Scream it loud and proud.

  • Brian

    “Gayface” may be inappropriate buy “gay” is just an observation. He is not a victim of bullying. He is a victim of his own self-hatred and he in turn victimizes other gays. Period. Lets not recast the aggressor as the victim. He is using his platform to do tremendous harm.

  • Fitz

    I’ve never called him gay. I’ve called him a faggot.
    Gay is something you earn. He remains a probable faggot.

  • Anon

    The sheer hypocrisy of this article is astounding considering that every article that’s appeared on queerty about him has made fun of his femininity, even when people have commented that it isn’t fair.

  • Here Here

    Thanks to everyone who stood up to this article. Really, Queerty? I agree with everything said here. The abuse of the word ‘bullying’ was egregious(when you’re a grown ass man who gets called names, it’s time to suck it up and deal with it like a grown ass man). This is as bad as when Queerty kept trying to shame all us gay boys into feeling guilty for perceived transgressions against the poor defenseless trans folk (depicted invariably in article after article as doe-eyed seals adrift on the icy waters of LGB disdain).

  • shle896

    I don’t think we’re making fun of his effeminate qualities as much as we’re making fun of his hypocrisy. If he doesn’t want to be judged, then he should stop judging the rest of us. And furthermore, if he and his freak wife don’t like the media attention they’re getting, then they need to drop out of public life. I have not an ounce of compassion for either of these two bigots.

  • Chad

    Dear Queerty,

    You are correct in saying we shouldn’t bully people who act effeminate such as Mr. Bachmann….but jesus effing christ, we bully him because of the DAMAGE he does TO the gay community. Remember the whole “Gays are barbarians” thing.

  • ChrisC

    Why? He does have a gay-face. Between the gay-face, gay voice, ex-gay clinic…there isn’t a chance in hell that this guy is straight. He wants to attack us and call us “barbarians” who need “educating”, then he better excpect a response, if he didn’t excpect one he’s an even bigger dumbass than I thought. If you can’t take the heat get out of the fucking kitchen!

  • David Ehrenstein

    There isn’t a single foaming-at-the-mouth homophobe who isn’t a closet case.

    NOT ONE!!!!!

    The fact that Marcus comes off like Paul Lynde in a wind tunnel is only icing on the cake.

    Not a cake any of us would want a slice of, needless to say.

    As for “effeminate” gay men I’ll take Quentin Crisp, thankyouverymuch.

  • hf2hvit


  • Tim

    He looks more like an old lesbian to me.

  • Pete n SFO

    The author’s correct…

    I cringe every time I read the insults, & same for Chris Christie’s fat, or some woman looking masculine.

    We don’t measure our conduct by others, we have to be better than them. All of those ppl can be brought down simply by reviewing their positions on issues important to us. If you’ve ever read, ‘no fats or fems’ in an on-line ad, you have to concede there’s a counterproductive element out there that needs some push-back… a la “Douchebags on Grinder”.

    The author makes clear that none of these people deserves a pass, he’s saying we need to be aware of internalized homophobia, etc in our criticisms. Like it or not, he’s absolutely correct.

  • M

    I agree with this article completely. I think the people who made these comments are downright homophobic. Especially the liberals. It’s an attitude which suggests gayness is wrong, and it has the underpinning idea that it’s negative to be gay, regardless of the reasons you’re going about it. As someone who spent 12 years in a public high school being bullied for being effeminate, I don’t think it’s okay for us to turn and do the same to ANYONE of ANY AGE OR POLITICAL BELIEF, EVER.

  • the crustybastard

    No, I don’t want Marcus Bachmann to be gay. Frankly, I don’t want him to be human, either, but it’s just as hard to avoid that conclusion, too.

    Bachmann’s entire existence is predicated on the notion gay men can use religion to pound their square pegs into a woman’s round hole in order to live a contented heterosexual existence.

    So, um…duh.

  • Politically Incorrect Thug

    Maybe it’s just me, but isn’t it just a wee bit counter-productive for a gay person to insult someone else by calling him “gay”?

  • Michael


    How pathetic that you use a derisive term that is used as a SLUR against people who are gay when you ARE gay yourself? How hypocritical can you possibly be to use that vile word on someone else whether they are gay or not?Ridiculous.

    As far as Marcus even people who are not gay have called him out because the fact is this guy IS gay its not meant to mock him.Only to put a mirror in front of his face so that he can realize not only is this reparative gay therapy dangerous but also with him being gay stupid and hypocritical.

  • Ned_Flaherty

    If he held any other kind of job, he would have been ignored, just as all the other presidential candidate spouses have been ignored.

    The Bachmanns are the focus of so much scrutiny because her whole political career was built on demonizing LGBT people and outlawing their civil rights, which conveniently provides their “counseling” business with its distraught customers.

    They consume government funds, to sell quack medicine, to defenseless teens and young adults, mis-labeled as “quality Christian health care.” But “hope and prayer” are not clinical products. The Bachmanns are guilty of medical malpractice.

    No one criticized Marcus merely for BEING gay-ish; he was criticized for PRETENDING NOT to be, while selling “ex-gay” quack cure scams.

  • Adam

    I agree, no one was making fun of Marcus Bachmann for appearing to be gay, they were making fun of him because he runs an ex-gay clinic and appears to be gay.

    It’s not demonizing gayness or effeminacy, it’s demonizing hypocrisy.

  • RON

    @M: If you spent 12 years in a public high school, you have bigger issues than being gay and/or effeminate!

  • Cam

    @Pete n SFO: said…

    “We don’t measure our conduct by others, we have to be better than them. All of those ppl can be brought down simply by reviewing their positions on issues important to us.”

    It was this type of attitude that GOT us DADT and DOMA in the first place.

    If a pitcher throws a ball at you, you could be “Better” than then and not swing and be peaceful….or you can swing and hit the ball and win the game.

    Your attitude is basically saying that if somebody punches you, you are a bad person for pushing them away.

  • Little Kiwi

    oh fuck OFF.

    Marcus Bachmann is NOT gay. Marcus Bachmann is a closeted homosexual.

    There’s a difference. It takes courage and integrity to be gay. He has neither. You have to earn being gay, you have to own it and claim it. Marcus Bachmann is merely a homosexual, and he doesn’t want to be one. He is not gay.

    There’s a difference.

    This article was stupid beyond words. People aren’t calling Marcus Bachmann a homosexual because he embodies certain things that are considered stereo-archetypical-types. People are calling Marcus Bachmann a homosexual because family can fucking recognize FAMILY. Got it?

    “How can you tell he’s a homosexual”?
    -Because he’s a homosexual. We can see each other. Well, those of us who don’t have our heads up our asses, or more correctly, up straight society’s asses.

    Family can spot Family.

    Shown here:


  • Little Kiwi

    This is one of the stupidest fucking articles I have ever read.

    let’s be clear – Marcus Bachmann is not gay. Marcus Bachmann is a closeted-homosexual. There’s a difference. You have to earn being gay. You have to own it, claim it, embrace it, and have courage and integrity.

    Marcus Bachmann is a self-hating closeted-homosexual coward. A liar, a hypocrite and a pious pig. He’s not gay.

    And those of us who call him out on him being a closeted-homosexual are not basing it on “perceived stereotypes or isms” but on the fact that FAMILY can recognize FAMILY. The blue-streak of recognition.

    The writer of this piece probably lives in a delusional world wherein he thinks that he himself isn’t “obviously gay” – maybe not to particularly stupid straight people, but family can see family – at least if it’s enlightened and comfortable family members doing the viewing.

    People ask “how can you tell that he’s gay?”

    because he’s gay. that’s how. we recognize each other, and any gay man who thinks that we can’t needs to get his head out of straight society’s ass and wake the fuck up.

    Marcus Bachmann is not gay. Marcus Bachmann is a closeted-homosexual. There’s a difference.

    Watch this: it all comes together, folks. Learn the patterns.

  • christopher di spirito

    The article asks: “I mean, really, do we want to claim him as one of our own?”

    When you operate a reparative clinic that practices a discredited, harmful and sometime lethal form of therapy, and accept state and Federal monies in order to inflict said “therapy” on clients, then you’ve opened yourself up to all the ridicule and speculation Dr. Marcus Bachmann is now enjoying.

    If the author of the article doesn’t like it, too fucking bad. And for the record, Marcus looks and sounds and acts like a big, ole silver-back, circuit queen.

  • Steve

    Defending yourself from attack is not “bullying”. When a politician attacks a minority viciously and repeatedly, anything that can be used to discredit that politician is “fair game”. When the politician is “one of us”, even more so.

  • Little Kiwi

    ” Politically Incorrect Thug: Maybe it’s just me, but isn’t it just a wee bit counter-productive for a gay person to insult someone else by calling him “gay”?”

    What would you know, P.I.T.? You voted for McCain/Palin. Isn’t that counter-productive to the LGBT Community for you to vote for a double-bill than actually ran on an campaign platform of anti-gay bias and bigotry? A gay man voting for anti-gay candidates….. aren’t YOUR actions counter-productive?

    And it’s not “insulting” him by calling him gay – it’s insulting him by pointing out that he’s a closeted-homosexual coward, hypocrite, and wimp.

    Of course you cant’ see this, however. Whatever you need to tell yourself to convince yourself each day that your gay ass isn’t a disappointment to your family, keep it up P.I.T. Keep it up. ;-)

  • Kalitena

    When people say things like this, it makes me wonder just how badly we see ourselves. Is our pride really so lacking?

  • anon

    No, we can’t always tell. I will say that it’s true that gay men on average have more feminine traits than straight men, but that doesn’t mean we hold the monopoly on femininity.

    One of my best friends, despite being clocked as gay by a hell of a lot of people (including me when I first met him) is actually completely straight.

    Anyone who has seen laurence llewelyn bowen on TV and assumed he has to be at least a little bent should realize that, shock horror, gaydar isn’t fool proof.

    Who knows, maybe Marcus is a self-hating, closeted lesbian transwomen? Maybe he’s a gay man? maybe he’s a straight guy with very effeminate feelings? It’s fine for us to assume, but that doesn’ mean we have the right to be right.

  • mike

    All is fair in war.

  • Jim Hlavac

    Schmuck, putz, hypocrite, liar — oh there’s plenty of good words for the man. On the other hand, there is a certain irony for a man to be taken down by being called the thing he reviles so much; for he must know it is being said, no? To be accused of being “gay” or “queer” must be the ultimate insult to him, and that’s the point with people like this — to so enrage them that they see the error of their ways.

    Like calling Peter Sprigg and Tony Perkins “boyfriends” — for aren’t they? Don’t they spend all their time together? Don’t they have an intense emotional bond? Sure they do, sounds like “boyfriends” to me; that they’re waiting for “marriage” before they lose their virginity on their honeymoon shows what fine fellows they are.

    In other words: malign away, call ’em “queer” “fag” and “gay” all the live long day, they deserve nothing less.

  • Little Kiwi

    maybe some of “you” can’t tell if someone else is “family” – I sure as hell can. stop looking at base surface perceived “stereotypes” and start looking through the filter of sociological reality, tone, demeanor, intention and motivation.

    and yes, that blue streak of recognition.

    gaydar isn’t a myth. family with clear eyes can spot family a mile away.

  • Anon

    I was called “gay” in school for years, and my automatic responce was to deny it. The more people accused me of being gay the more venemently I said I wasn’t. The reason? The people accusing me of being gay were being clear that they were insulting me when they called me gay. The more I picked up that being gay wasn’t a desirable thing to be the more I would convince them I wasn’t, partly because I didn’t want to be wrong.

  • Little Kiwi

    @Anon: uh….what point do you think you’re making? this is what Bachmann is doing.

    “look, i’m SO not a homosexual, and to prove it i’ll be against gays!”

    its the oldest and lamest disguise in the book.

    i was called gay for years, too, “Anon.” You know something, though? Coming Out takes the “insult” out of it. One can’t “insult” you by calling you gay if you, you know, LIKE being gay.

  • Anon

    My point is that if I hadn’t been pestered every day about whether I was gay or not I probably would have accepted being gay a hell of a lot earlier instead of putting all my effort into keeping the shield up.

  • Little Kiwi

    wrong, Anon. if gay wasn’t perceived as a negative then you wouldn’t have been in the closet in the first place.

    you’re confusing factors.

    you didnt’ want to be gay because people were using gay as a “negative” against you, as it’s still considered a negative in society. like i said, people who embrace being gay and dont’ see it as a negative aren’t affected by people saying “you’re gay.”

    the problem was not that people were saying “you’re gay” but that gay still = “bad thing” in greater culture.

  • Anon

    Exactly, it was percieved as a negative, and every reminder of that re-inforced the negative.

    There is no doubt that when they are pointing out his femininity that they are attacking him, even if those people are gay themselves.

    It’s in it’s own way a kind of internalized homophobia that gay people attack eachother based on femininity, or even that they assume that anyone who is feminine is gay, as they assume that gayness = a lack of masculinity.

  • Little Kiwi

    it’s not his “femininity” that’s being attacked – it’s the pious hypocrisy of his life. i’m not saying he’s gay because he’s ‘effeminate” – i’m saying he’s a closeted homosexual because i can spot Family.

    this isn’t “we hate you because you’re ‘femme’ – this is “you’re a closeted homosexual hypocrite who thumps the bible with one hand, masturbates furiously to gay porn with the other, and each and every day break’s God’s Ninth Commandment.”

    i don’t need to see a guy be “femme” to know that he’s gay, or a closeted homosexual.

    marcus bachmann is a closeted homosexual who promotes anti-gay myths and bigotry. that’s why he’s being attacked and that’s why he deserves it.

    he’s yet another in a long line of hard right-wing anti-gay conservatives who adopt that stance as a disguise for their own closeted homosexuality.

  • anon

    So you are saying that your gaydar is 100% infalabale because cosmic vibrations allow you to detect people of your own kind? Well isn’t that grand.

    Admit it, please, you assume he is gay because his behaviours have feminine characteristics, however slight.

    I’ve already pointed out that I have a best friend who is mistaken for gay countless times, even by people who are themselves gay. He isn’t feminine, he loves football, he doesn’t dress femininly. Something about him just says “Gay” and guess what, he isn’t.

    We cannot know. We can assume, but we cannot know. Sexual orientation and gender identity has to be taken at it’s word because the only people who know the inside of our own heads are ourselves. Sure, he might be lying to us, but his failure as a person is in trying to cure homosexuality, no matter what his own sexual orientation may be.

  • Little Kiwi

    it has nothing to do with “cosmic vibrations” and everything to do with understanding the human condition.

    people say “how can you tell he’s gay?”

    simple: because he’s gay. family can spot family. its not about “feminine traits” or perceived stereotypes. i can spot a gay dude who exhibits neither with the same accuracy.

    the blue streak of recognition.

    great. you have a friend that’s perceived as gay by people. fantastic. doesn’t change my point at all.
    you and your friends might not be the most perceptive bunch.

    marcus bachmann is a closeted-homosexual. it’s textbook.

  • Zarn

    @Anon: As a general rule, I do know what you mean. I’ve even known gay activism types who insisted one could never tell who was gay and who wasn’t, yet they’d say “what an obvious closet queen” about someone, especially a supposed enemy, who seemed to have effeminate traits. Not every gay guy, but a lot of gay guys have never quite been able to work out their whole position on that.

  • anon

    Show me the textbook and i’ll agree that it’s textbook.

    Your assurtion that you can 100% detect homosexuality in people is as valid as my assertion that this guy has been mistaken for gay.

    I might not be perceptive, you might be arrogant. Either way, it still doesn’t say he’s gay. Burden of proof says you have to prove he’s gay is you assert he is. “He is because he is, it’s obvious.” is not an argument that will get you anywhere anymore than I could say it’s obvious that rain is really god taking a piss.

  • Little Kiwi

    look i get it – some of you don’t know how to recognize ‘family’ as you’re looking on the surface only – perceived stereotypes and isms.

    i’ve never been wrong before, no reason to think i’m wrong now.

    i’m not putting forth an argument to convince people who can’t see the truth. i don’t care who believes it or not. but the man is a closeted-homosexual.


  • anon

    You have never been wrong because every person you have ever met in your entire life that you made a judgment about has disclosed their sexual orientation to you? Even if they have mentioned the gender of a partner that still doesn’t take into account bisexuality, pansexuality, asexuality, and ofcourse the range of gender identities in the world.

    “Family” is a stupid way to phrase it. Funnily enough, I wouldn’t be able to tell if someone was from my biological family if I hadn’t been introduced to them as family at some point. They might look like me, they might act like me, but only genetics would be able to tell me.

  • Little Kiwi

    i get it. you can’t spot family. doesn’t mean others are similarly unable to.

  • anon

    This does nothing towards proving that you can. Face it, you have no way of proving that marcus bachman is in any way homosexual, but you still peddle that he is based on what is, for lack of a better term, faith.

    You believe you can detect someones inner sexual and emotional attraction based on their outside appearance.

  • Little Kiwi

    i’m not saying now, nor have i ever said, taht i can prove it nor am i even trying to. i’m saying i’m not fooled. and very few others are.

    it has nothing to do with “outside appearance”.
    nor is it “faith”.
    it’s an understanding of the human condition. and i’m very well aware that others, like you, dont’ have the same insights. that’s ok.

    each post you make just shows that you don’t understand what i’m talking about. that’s ok, i already knew that.

  • RON

    @anon: @Little Kiwi: Enough already! Don’t you kids have some homework to do?

  • anon

    Then enlighten me on what it is about the human condition that proves that he is a homosexual. If you are so certain to be correct in your assumption he is gay you should have no problem in given up the evidence for why you have come to this conclusion and show in black and white why you are correct.

  • Little Kiwi

    anon, in reality this is likely a case of “if you have to ask, you’ll never know”

    i get it. you can’t spot family. i can. you seem incredibly butt-hurt about this.

    it’s about understanding the intent and motivation behind people’s actions, inactions, and stances. nothing is arbitrary, nothing “just is”.

    you adamantly insist that you cannot tell if someone is a homosexual or not. i agree. you yourself cannot tell if someone is a homosexual or not. congrats.

    there are legions of gay men wandering around insisting that “nobody can tell that they’re gay”….and they’re wrong, more often than not. just because some straight people can only “tell” if it’s a Jack McFarlane type doesn’t mean everyone else is that blind.

    think of “The Crying Game” – everyone saying “don’t give away the secret!”

    WHAT secret? the only people who were remotely fooled were heterosexuals. Queer viewers who don’t live under rocks knew “the secret” the moment the character of Dil appeared onscreen. That’s the point. It’s only a “secret” or “question” for those who don’t have a particularly keen insight.

  • Anon

    I want you, to tell me, what it is about a person that enables you to tell if they are a homosexual or not.

    It’s that simple. I can tell someone has blond hair using my eye sight. I can tell if someone hasn’t showered in a week using my nose.

    Why sense do you use to detect someones sexuality?

    If you insist on saying “You just can” “it’s one of those thing” “It’s just something I can do” then you are not helping your possition in Any way. You are not gaining any ground.

  • Michael


    I agree if you claim something then you should have the evidence or proof to back up your claims with.Otherwise it is inconsequential and harder to believe.

    You can’t just claim something is or isn’t a certain way you would need evidence and proof to back up either claim realistically speaking.

  • Little Kiwi

    i’m not trying to gain ground, kiddo.

    i have no “position” that needs help. i can tell that the man is a closeted-homosexual and you, apparently, cannot.


    it’s not a sense that i use. it’s an understanding of the human condition – diversity and the filter of a patriarchal heternormative culture and what that does to people.

    it’s clear that you dont’ understand this. that’s fine.

  • Little Kiwi

    you boys forget i have no vested interest in “proving” anything.

    i can tell the man is a closeted homosexual. you, apparently, can’t.



    not all lgbt people are perceptive. some straight people are perceptive. you’re more than free to continue to not be perceptive. it doesn’t affect me.

  • anon

    That is the interesting thing about understanding. It’s not something you get if people don’t explain things.

    Explain to me how you can tell that Marcus Bachman is a homosexual. Use those amazing abilities of yours to explain to me, an apparently ignorant person, what parts of the human condition prove that Marcus Bachman is a homosexual.

    Can you please stop dancing around the issue and explain the very subject you have put so much effort into posting about so that we can continue with our days.

    Now, no doubt this is going to lead to you saying that it isn’t up to you to prove it to someone as ignorant and misunderstanding as me. That I simply wont get it.

    Well, try me. If you explain it and I really do not understand then you loose nothing and I gain something to think about.

  • Little Kiwi

    “That is the interesting thing about understanding. It’s not something you get if people don’t explain things.”

    100% incorrect.

    what one says is not what matters, and in reality it’s not even simply what one *doesn’t* say.

    it’s the intent and motivation behind it. the understanding of the human condition.

    you, as you admitted, don’t possess that insight. i can’t help you with that.

    you have said, i and i agree, that you yourself cannot tell if a person is homosexual or not. i, and many others, can.

    you know how there are guys who (usually in the newer stages of being Out) ask “How can you tell if a person is gay?”

    it comes from living. diversity. seeing past surface appearances, understanding what makes people tick, understanding what motivates very specific actions and inactions, and indeed stances.

    you might just have to get out into the world and live more. some things cannot be taught or explained.
    i get it. you can’t spot family. i, and many others, can.

  • kawneekwa

    Are you ignoring they fosta kids? Don’t they git fed money? 26 fosta kids is all I’m sayin’ Why you leave that out? It add up, don’t it?

  • Little Kiwi

    23 foster kids. i wonder how many were gay? simple statistics would suggest it’s impossible to say “none”

  • Anon

    Funnily enough I do not live in a bubble.

    Saying that you possess a gift of perception is the same as someone saying they can communicate with the dead. It’s just a gift that people have and that you can’t prove it because other folks just aren’t advanced enough to understand it.

    Now, I am going to ask one more time before I have to go to bed.

    What is it in the human condition that proves that he is gay? You keep telling me that it is about the human condition, which is an incredibly vague term as it bascially translates as the way people are.

    Show me a link that shows that gaydar is a scientifically, 100% accurate thing. Show me one study that shows that anyone has ever been able to cold read peoples sexuallities to a 100% accuracy.

    Show me one, single, snippet of proof for what you claim to be able to do. One, tiny miniscule amount of proof that you can do what you say you can do.

    If you can’t do that simple tiny thing then you are no different from those who believe that angels speak to them through their breakfast cereal.

  • Little Kiwi

    i don’t possess a gift. i possess an understanding.

    there’s a difference. you, apparently, do not have an understanding of the human condition that enables you to understand what drives people. i do. it’s not my fault that you don’t.

    not everyone has “gaydar”.

    you, yourself, do not. that’s not my problem.
    i get it. you’re incredibly angry that other people can do something that you can’t. not my problem, kiddo.

  • anon

    I am not angry at all that I do not posess unfalable gaydar. Sure, it’s something i’d like to have to make life a little easier. If I am in any way angry, it is at the way that you continue to dodge the question by pointing out my lack of understanding. I have already said I do not have 100% accurate gaydar. I don’t see why this needs to be continual brought up because it is something we both agree on.

    What we do not agree on is the fact that according to all of the studies of sexual orientating I have ever come across, and believe me I have read a lot, 100% accurate gaydar doesn’t exist.

    You keep telling me it does, and i’ll leave you the rest of tonight to prove it. Now, goodnight. =)

  • Zarn

    Anyway, since I’m a lover of “the stronger sex”, I prefer to decide that the effeminate weak fags are the straight men, letting women boss them around. And no straight fag is going to tell me I can’t lust after men.

  • Little Kiwi

    asking me to prove that i can tell if a person is gay is like asking me to prove to an anti-gay bigot that homosexuality is not a “choice” – they’ll see what they want to see.

    it’s impossible to “prove” gaydar as some people do indeed spend their entire lives denying their own personal truths.

    marcus bachmann may never get busted with his lips on a cock. he may never get Outed.

    won’t change the fact that he’s a closeted homosexual.

  • Michael


    Why don’t you go up to someone from your own community and spit in their face? After all thats what hypocrites like you continuously do anyways using idiotic and once AGAIN derisive terms like the ones you just used against people… JUST LIKE YOU.How shameful.

  • CBRad

    @Michael: I don’t get at all what you mean by that.

  • CBRad

    @Zarn: Agreed.

  • Michael


    What I meant was we should not be using such divisive and ignorant terms like fag against each other.It is hypocritical and foolish period.

  • Cam


    One thing you should think about is…. What is your goal here? Was your goal to defend Marcus Bachman? Was your goal to attack gays and vindicate him? Because in your attempt to dissect the discussion, that’s what you did.

  • CBRad

    @Michael: Well, I would never call a heterosexual man a fag, no matter how effeminate he was. It’s just not nice. But I appreciate the idea of assuming those with traits one might find unpleasant (if one finds effeminacy unpleasant, which is a whole other debate) are nasty heteros rather than fellow homos.

  • Michael


    I agree whole-heartedly I mean the audacity of some in this community really shocks me.

    Especially when I see people who are gay using terms like fag and faggot as INSULTS.

    That also makes no logical sense considering that if they intend for those words to be insults… then they are also insulting themselves for using them in the first place considering they are gay or as the haters call us fags or faggots.

    I just find that entire attitude and behavior extremely hypocritical and idiotic.

  • CBRad

    @Michael: (Respectfully..) then I hope I never see you use any word that was ever intended as an insult on here. Personally, I think insults are sometimes apt. So don’t blame me if I decide that a sissified (heterosexual) man like Bachman can tell me it’s wrong for my bruiser boyfriend and I to have “bruisery” sex.

  • CBRad

    sorry…that’s ” ‘can’t’ tell me..”

  • Pete n SFO

    @RON: TOTALLY! Whenever I see too many posts, I just zip right past’em… same goes for long-ass entries.

    It’s a blog; short & sweet gets you read.

    A gas-bag is a gas-bag, whether right in front of you, or in print… best remedy: move along.

  • Michael


    Look I know hes an asshole no question about it and a self loathing self hating closeted hypocrite.But it does a great disservice when we use those dumbass hateful words against other people whether straight or gay.It is STILL intended and comes across as if the words are supposed to be insulting or MOCKING.

    Fucking idiotic at that a gay man calling another gay man a fag or faggot might as well just spit in each others face its the same thing realistically anyways.

  • Ned_Flaherty

    It is irrelevant that some commenters here believe in “gaydar” and some others do not, so please stop deabting what it is, how it works, whose gaydar works best, and how to prove it in a laboratory.

    No one is criticizing Marcus Bachmann simply for being gay — or for seeming gay-ish.

    He is criticized only for what’s already proven: The Bachmanns are committing medical/mental health malpractice, by selling quack “gay cure” products to defenseless patients, even though every major professional organization has discredited these products as junk-science-based fraud. There no scientific proof that this program works, there is abundant evidence that it doesn’t. Patient records show that these products actually harm patients, and often end in suicide.

  • Red Meat

    He reminds me of Chaz Bono in that picture.

  • CBRad

    @Michael: I really don’t mean to spit in anybody’s face, either literally or figuratively. And I really don’t hate heterosexuals nor effeminate men (either hetero or homo). But aside from the insulting terms you object to (I understand that), I just agree with some other posters who don’t understand why we assume those who appear effeminate are necessarily closeted gays. I mean, what are they saying? ARE they admitting gays are more effeminate than straights?

  • Michael


    That is an excellent question and I agree with what you said as well man. This is true also some of them just come across as people that are self hating gays and I find that beyond hypocritical especially when they do everything in their power to go against the very community that would probably embrace then if they were true to themselves and admitted what they were.

    You’re right also if some gay guys actually think that way then that is exactly what the bigots want.They want any evidence or proof of how to differentiate or seperate our community from the heterosexual community.

  • BubbasBack

    This douchebag Bachmann and Dan Media Whore Savage deserve each other. And yeah, there are gay on gay bullies too. Burp.

  • Pete n SFO's Sore Lips From Reading Too Much

    @ Pete n SFO who somehow found the spark of life in one of his two remaining brain cells and wrote:
    “TOTALLY! Whenever I see too many posts, I just zip right past’em… same goes for long-ass entries.”


    Duh! So, does reading anything over a paragraph create too much friction and burn your tender little lips, sweetie? What a twitter-twat! Better stay away from newspapers and magazines then, Mr. Mono-neuron. And perish the thought, but run…don’t walk…but RUN the hell away from any book you might see lest your head explode before you finish the table of contents.

  • MattGMD

    While I don’t agree with the writer’s stance on The Gays v. Marcus Bachmann, I do respect him for submitting his opinion in a courteous manner. I understand wanting to be better and more substantive than those that historically bullied The Gays for superficial reasons. There’s just been such on onslaught of anti-gay rhetoric from more family/marriage/jeebus fans the last couple years. Considering how utterly obstinate and often cruel anti-gay folks have been, plus the uptick in gay teen suicides attributed to being bullied by anti-gay students, then along comes a politician seeking higher office with the reputation of pushing the long ago discredited ‘gay by choice’ bollocks like Marcus and Michelle Bachmann, they have received a free pass for far too long so The Gays are going to hit back.

  • gregger

    Charles Purdy,

    BULL SH!T!!

  • ewe

    I would slap that bitch across her fucking face if it was legal which leaves me no other alternative but telling him to BURN IN HELL.

  • Ambrose

    You’re missing the point. Many of the folks mocking Bachmann have absolutely nothing against effeminacy, but detest the hypocrisy of closet cases who actively harm gay folks. And, by the way, a study recently published established that one fairly reliable indicator of whether someone would later identify as gay, is effeminacy. How many truly effeminate men do you know who are truly straight? Yeah, me neither.

  • Okama

    I largely agree with you, but I do think that the reason to go after him is the same reason that those of us who are out sometimes have some contempt for our closeted comrades, and that is the fact that we can’t stand a person who acts hypocritical and thus hurts our cause. And as for Dan Savage, he doesn’t exactly have a great track record in letting people define their own sexuality, as evidenced by his trans- and bi-phobic comments in the past.

Comments are closed.