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Chick Fil-A CEO Dan Cathy is on a mission to entice younger consumers into eating their gross chicken sandwiches, and his first step seems to be a Paula Deen-eque apology tour.

During an interview with USA Today, Cathy was asked briefly about the company’s multiple instances of homophobia and vowed to leave it all behind him:

“All of us become more wise as time goes by…we sincerely care about all people. I’m going to leave it to politicians and others to discuss social issues.”

This “apology” is much less “we’re deeply sorry that we offended LGBT people” and more “I’m deeply sorry that I was stupid enough to say what I truly felt about them in the media,” and we’re just not buying.

The fact that Cathy will no longer be foolish enough to voice his opinions in public doesn’t mean that the opinions have changed or evolved even one bit, just that he got a better publicist.

Sorry, Dan. When we want a fat-laden, artery-clogging chicken sandwich that will take us multiple spin classes to work off, we’ll go with a Double Down.

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