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Phallus Fixation

Crazy Christian sees Penises all over Denver Airport!

Just to be clear: We’re laughing at you. Not with you.

You do deserve some major props though, and here they are:

You’re obsessed with penis. And we think that’s awesome. Props. Although the pseudonyms Mark Twain and Anastasia Beaverhausen were already taken, you still came up with “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse” and “Co-Profit of the End Times” which are stellar pen names. Classy, really. Props.

The Denver Airport is a totally random place to look for dick. You really have gone the extra mile to see some wieners, so once again… Mad props.

It’s amazing that you can say “phallic worship is satanic and evil” with a straight face. You speak clearly and slowly about penises so no one will miss a detail. If you think it’s unclear, you outline the penis or say “let’s take a closer look” so we can get a nice good glimpse of the cock n’ balls. It’s particularly nice when you finger the “testicle area.” No homo, but props to you, bro.

A quick look at your channel will reveal equally delicious and juicy material such as “If you use Condoms you will not be Raptured” and “The Antichrist is a Loser” and “Denver Murals are Hidden Warnings to Barack Obama.” You’re hysterical. Props.

Finally, you chose to wear a pink polo. Super Major Props. Thanks for putting the DICK in ridiculous. You rock.

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    • Sid

      He’s mailing out free copies of his book to anyone who request it. Wait, a free copy, you say? I’ll take twenty.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 5:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rbayse

      I’m obsessed with the male member too and I talk about it all the time. The difference is, I think it’s heaven. :)

      Jun 1, 2011 at 6:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike in Asheville

      Crazy is as crazy does. And he does crazy real crazy!


      BTW, I think that any loving God would be much more interested in medical care, feeding the hungry, ending wars, promoting love among the people, etc. Apparently, God is more interested in condemning architects who design building that, in some eyes, kinda sorta looks a little bit like a dick.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 6:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • plaintom

      This is Rick Santorum’s sanest relative.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 6:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981

      LOL. More proof that religion rots your brain. It is to blame for every ounce of stupidity and ignorance in the world, and I staunchly stand by that.

      Thanks, dude. Can’t wait to get home and laugh my ass off at your entire channel.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 7:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • McMike

      That’s weird because whenever I look at these pics all I can see is a bunch of tight, hairy asses but I guess that’s just me…

      Jun 1, 2011 at 7:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • christopher di spirito

      Bible thumpers are frequently insane.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 7:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TMikel

      This is too funny! So he sees penises all over the Denver Airport. Perhaps his mother was frightened by a French baguette when she was pregnant with him. Every time I think the right wingnuts cannot get any more riDICulous, some one comes along and proves me wrong.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 8:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rick Gold

      First the “Anus Grandma” now this.


      Jun 1, 2011 at 8:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matt_miami

      Wow! There is no way to defend that video. This community should find out who designed the Denver airport and send him a copy of this video, and a case of beer with a note that says, “keep up the good work”


      Jun 1, 2011 at 8:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hyhybt

      So he’s doing a whole *series* on the evils of the Denver airport? What, is he still upset they closed Stapleton or something?

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981

      Have you guys gone to his channel? He is REALLY CRAZY. As in, he should be locked up.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 9:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • B-Rock

      Heh heh… “Baggage handling area”

      Jun 1, 2011 at 11:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe

      I recall seeing cowboy hats and boots at the Denver airport.

      Jun 1, 2011 at 11:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JRC

      GOOD! With a little luck he will boycott the Denver airport and NEVER fly to our state!

      Jun 2, 2011 at 12:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dollie

      I chose to live in Denver for a multitude of reasons, one being Denver’s freaky-deaky art culture. We have giant, naked, androgynous alien-people dancing outside of our performing arts center. We have a small horse sitting up-top a one or two story red chair by our big library. We have a two-three story blue bear peering into our convention center. We have a vertigo-inducing art museum. And we have a demonic blue horse outside of our illuminati-themed airport.
      Trés ‘effin awesome, no?

      If we dare to look closely, it appears this man has an uncomfortably large phallus up his ass. He should remove it, and enjoy are city’s unique art/art scene!

      Jun 2, 2011 at 1:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dollie

      New Queerty, I want an “edit” button!

      Jun 2, 2011 at 1:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Anthony

      Well when he says he was bathed in lamb’s blood he definitely doesn’t sound evil.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 1:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mr dave

      OK it is plain to see some guy needs to go on a mercy mission and fuck this guy crazy. He is obviously in great need of a real dick.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 5:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ruhlmann

      Wow…what a dumb dick. It’s frightening and hilarious wrapped in crazy.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 8:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tommy Shepherd

      He sounds just like Liberace. And his very neatly trimmed moustache looked like two phalluses sitting on his top lip. Evil!

      Jun 2, 2011 at 8:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • robert in NYC

      Hmmm, “phallus worship is satanic an evil”? Well, I wonder what the reaction would be if he applied that to straight women and their male partners?

      Religion is definitely the opiate of the people as Marx correctly said. What is this obsession with gay sex about anyway?

      Jun 2, 2011 at 9:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • paul f

      When I look at him I see a dick head. Maybe I should clean my glasses. Nope, still there.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 10:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dancobbb

      Dear Sir: I think you might find that this evil is everywhere in the world. I was recently in Italy and there were a number of statues there where the artist was clearly trying to slip a penis into the artwork. In fact there was one called “THE DAVID”, where in there was a phallic symbol in the genital region of the statue. Clearly demonic and evil. You should get out of the mid-West and visit the rest of the world. You’d be amazed at how Satanic it is! You’d thank your lucky stars you only have to deal with the Denver Airport!

      Jun 2, 2011 at 11:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • cabr1to


      Jun 2, 2011 at 1:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hyhybt

      I was just thinking of this guy. They’re patching the street, and one section they dug up and refilled is long and thinnish, then bulges out wide at one end, with an indentation to separate the balls. Just the sort of thing he’s looking for!

      Jun 2, 2011 at 1:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • J. Calvin

      Oh look! Queerty identifies some lunatic and then implicitly paints all Christians with the crazy brush.

      Shocked, shocked I am!

      Jun 2, 2011 at 7:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • J. Calvin


      Right, and my German 9/11 conspiracy theorist friend is a bit nuts because the currywurst rots his brain.

      Try taking Logic 101 at your local community college.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 7:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ruhlmann

      He’s made Anderson Coopers Ridiculist. Cooper could barely contain himself. His channel on You Tube has all kinds of laughs.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 7:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981

      @J. Calvin: LMAO I am about to graduate college, you dunce. Shows how much you know. I see all I need to know of religious nuts right here, and in all the other wackiness that comes from them. They are the gift of pure comedy that keeps on giving.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 8:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • drewbrown

      He’s mad as a hatter but he’s right about that giant blue horse. It is beyond disgusting. It has glowing red eyes and is anatomically correct. I prefer my phallic references to be human, thank you very much!

      Jun 2, 2011 at 8:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe

      @cabr1to: and here i am not ever gettin enough cock.

      Jun 2, 2011 at 8:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe


      Jun 2, 2011 at 8:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Doot

      Someone’s itching for a lemon party

      Jun 3, 2011 at 3:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Spike

      When discussing the male genitalia, I’m ALWAYS in favor of taking a closer look !!!!

      Jun 3, 2011 at 11:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • anastasiabeaverhousen

      You rang?

      Jun 3, 2011 at 11:22 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe

      @Spike: lmao. May i be of assistance?

      Jun 3, 2011 at 11:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jeffree

      When I get over-stimmed from seeing so many penises at the Denver airport,. I visit a restaurant called “Bell of Many Tacos” & order one of every item that’s not cylindrical or engorged.

      Something about those indented corn tortillas spilling over with mounds of salsa, cheese & beans is welcome soothing break from the aggressive, masculine phallo-tectural design of Terminal D.

      This airport needs to be completely redesigned in accordance with God’s commandments about building things with the wood you take out of your neighbor’s eye.

      Jun 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Walter

      And here I thought Mr. Garrison’s “Valley of the Penises” was only fiction.

      Jun 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BlogShag

      Oh my God. Shut up, you closet case. Some people really need to get a life. Religious people are absolutely nuts. I feel sorry for kids growing up with buffoons such as who is seen in this video as parents.

      Jun 5, 2011 at 2:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sarah McB

      Wow…. I’m pretty sure that I speak for most of us when I say this.. but can anyone say closet case?! looking for penis in strange places shows his desire to look at penis!!!!

      Jun 5, 2011 at 4:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Troy McClure

      He’s realized that no matter how absurd the premise, “religious” nutters will buy ANYTHING. didn’t he have some books to sell?

      Personally, I’m going to follow his Prophet Motive and start my own publishing house. I shall start by looking for penises in the woods behind the local church. I hear there’s lots of them there.

      Jun 6, 2011 at 1:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • micah

      this guy has got phallus on the brain

      Jun 7, 2011 at 8:27 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve

      He is standing upright like the Great Auk in the mural. By his reasoning this makes him phallic. He must be the devil.

      Jun 9, 2011 at 11:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Firewall

      @B-Rock: I LOVE your sense of humor.

      Jun 10, 2011 at 2:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FITZ

      Former Senator Larry Craig preferred to look for penises at the Minneapolis airport.

      Jun 13, 2011 at 3:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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