kevin-swanson

Most parents throw parties and buy gifts for their sons and daughters when they get married. But not Pastor Kevin Swanson from Colorado. He’d rather smear cow manure all over his body then plop himself down in front of the church doors in protest.

While speaking at the National Religious Liberties Conference last weekend, Swanson told the crowd that he was totally, 100 percent “not kidding” when he said he’d smear poo all over himself if his son were ever to marry another man.

Related: Ted Cruz, Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee Will Speak At Conference Whose Host Wants Gays Executed

“There are families, we’re talking Christian families, pastors’ families, elders’ families from good, godly churches,” he preached. “Their sons are rebelling! Hanging out with homosexuals and getting married!

“And,” he added with absolute horror, “the parents are invited!”

The statement was met with a collective gasp of shock from the audience.

“What would you do if that was the case?” Swanson continued. “Here is what I would do: Sackcloth and ashes at the entrance to the church and I’d sit in cow manure and I’d spread it all over my body. That’s what I would do and I’m not kidding! I’m not laughing!”

Swanson and friends may not have been laughing, but the rest of the world was.

Related: Christian Pastor Thinks Gay Couples Should Be Put To Death On Their Wedding Day

Interpret Swanson’s cow manure statement however you please. We interpret it as him having a poop fetish. Although, we’re not sure how to interpret what came next in his antigay tirade, other than to call it a complete nervous breakdown on stage.

“I’m grieving!” Swanson screamed, tears of rage running down his cheeks. “I’m mourning! I’m pointing out the problem!”

“It’s not a gay time,” he continued, almost incoherently. “These are the people with the sores! The gaping sores! The sores that are pussy (sic) and gross and people are coming in and carving happy faces on the sores! That’s not a nice thing to do! Don’t you dare carve happy faces on open, pussy (sic) sores!”

We’d include the video but it appears Swanson’s team has since scrubbed it from the internet. Luckily, Rachel Maddow featured a few clips from it on her show earlier this week.

Watch the segment below.

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