Most parents throw parties and buy gifts for their sons and daughters when they get married. But not Pastor Kevin Swanson from Colorado. He’d rather smear cow manure all over his body then plop himself down in front of the church doors in protest.
While speaking at the National Religious Liberties Conference last weekend, Swanson told the crowd that he was totally, 100 percent “not kidding” when he said he’d smear poo all over himself if his son were ever to marry another man.
Related: Ted Cruz, Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee Will Speak At Conference Whose Host Wants Gays Executed
“There are families, we’re talking Christian families, pastors’ families, elders’ families from good, godly churches,” he preached. “Their sons are rebelling! Hanging out with homosexuals and getting married!”
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“And,” he added with absolute horror, “the parents are invited!”
The statement was met with a collective gasp of shock from the audience.
“What would you do if that was the case?” Swanson continued. “Here is what I would do: Sackcloth and ashes at the entrance to the church and I’d sit in cow manure and I’d spread it all over my body. That’s what I would do and I’m not kidding! I’m not laughing!”
Swanson and friends may not have been laughing, but the rest of the world was.
Related: Christian Pastor Thinks Gay Couples Should Be Put To Death On Their Wedding Day
Interpret Swanson’s cow manure statement however you please. We interpret it as him having a poop fetish. Although, we’re not sure how to interpret what came next in his antigay tirade, other than to call it a complete nervous breakdown on stage.
“I’m grieving!” Swanson screamed, tears of rage running down his cheeks. “I’m mourning! I’m pointing out the problem!”
“It’s not a gay time,” he continued, almost incoherently. “These are the people with the sores! The gaping sores! The sores that are pussy (sic) and gross and people are coming in and carving happy faces on the sores! That’s not a nice thing to do! Don’t you dare carve happy faces on open, pussy (sic) sores!”
We’d include the video but it appears Swanson’s team has since scrubbed it from the internet. Luckily, Rachel Maddow featured a few clips from it on her show earlier this week.
Watch the segment below.
Scott Stevenson
Scat queen.
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Joseph Molnar
he’s insane.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
No big suprise here………………..
Most of these unhinged lunatic vile smcubag lunatics project their desires and fantasies into their rants against Gays…………………….
Xzamilio
I interpret it as the usual Christian lunacy that’s all fun and games NOW, but not too long ago (and in many places here and around the world right this minute), these deranged evangelicals carried a lot of power and did insurmountable harm to the LGBT community. I don’t find anything about this funny… I find it typical of how religion warps the brain of already unbalanced people.
aliengod
I would never think of carving a happy face on an open pussy sore!
jparmstrong
3 Presidential candidates present. This is some scary sh@t. Get out there and fight this…at least VOTE.
GayEGO
Pastor Kevin Swanson must be a Rimma Donna! :>)
SteveDenver
More like BULLSH!T than “cow manure.”
1EqualityUSA
His bodily movements belong on the outside of ancient pottery, a crude display of motion, connected by a string. It’s an odd way to communicate. Even a dog could see that this person is unstable. Bet money that if this man was fortunate enough to have a dog, his dog would not mind him.
Avery Alvarez
@1EqualityUSA: Exactly. I noticed that immediately. And his way of speaking.
He appears to be under the influence of something…maybe his own BS?
Marylou Porter
He’s nuts. Should be admitted to the nut house..
paul dorian lord fredine
the man is sick. and what’s almost just as sick is cruz saying the day before he steps in front of that crowd that he wasn’t familiar with what swanson has said or stood for. willfully ignorant, stupid or just a fucking liar. yep. presidential material. my ass.
Kaykaizi
I’m sure it’s just one more crazy thing found in the Bible. Smearing yourself with poop to show your grief was probably less taboo than homosexuality in ancient times.
1EqualityUSA
“For every beast of the forest is Mine, The cattle on a thousand hills.” You may have something there, KayKaizi. Gossip morphs after just three turns, imagine 800 hundred years. The songs change.
Tony Chaplinski
why not, he’s full of it
Dennis Gordon
What a jerk
dwes09
So where are the three most vocal “Gay Republican” trolls now? They constantly blather about how we are beholden to the right for pro-gay legislation, how the left is intolerant but the right has “respect for others” and “personal responsability”.
Yoo-Hoo, log cabiners….where are you now to defend your boys? Now that they have willingly associated themselves with a clearly mentally ill man such as this? CERTAINLY (and regardless of their comments after the fact) they have staff whose job is to vet people like this. As a dominionist, you know Cruz supports the death penalty for homosexuals, though he will not admit it; “biblical law” as appropriate for modern America is central to the philosophy he was raised with!
Douglas Schlitz
This is one warped son of a bitch.
Anyone who associates with this sick bastard should be ashamed of themselves.
And the GOP candidates that associated with this ass shouldn’t even be considered for office. WHAT A DISGRACE TO HUMANITY !
Kieran
CNN is reporting that Swanson smeared duck sh!t all over his face when told Republican front runner Donald Trump attended a gay wedding.
Dennis Patrick Ellis
TOTAL DEVIL WORSHIP = scat lovers *
1EqualityUSA
Kieran, Chlamydia psittaci has been given a face.
Justin Weeks
Sounds like he’s crazy and needs to be locked up
gbmnchas
I believe this line says it all, ” those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad “.
bambamboom777
Wow, unbelievable that in 2015 something like this could take place anywhere but some backwoods church with people holding rattle snakes and drinking arsenic. This is clearly a hint of the kind of thinking that we will all be living (or dying) under if these psychos ever take control. And there is no doubt in my mind that the constitutional protections and civil liberties that protect us now will be eliminated or reinterpreted to exclude everyone who is not on their side. All their whining about how their freedoms are being taken away, how they are being persecuted, and that their is a war on Christianity, etc. – that is nothing more than them projecting onto themselves the exactly what they are planning to do to everyone who doesn’t become one of them. It’s frightening that so many people buy into this insanity. You don’t have to go too far back in history to see exactly what can happen if they take over. We’ve always known they’re bigots, but a large conference attended by prominent politicians and powerful people in which the main topic was a call for the death penalty of all homosexuals? I knew it was bad, but this is extreme. I was laughing at the cow poop part, but when he started in on the executions and then tried to make himself sound like the reasonable progressive voice by arguing that now is not the time to execute them and instead they should show how loving and caring they are by giving us a little more time to repent and surrender to their authority since there was a good chance that God was going to rapture them to heaven soon and all the homosexuals and their fellow undesirables would be cast by God down into hell anyway to be tortured for eternity, even if they didn’t get a chance to executing them first, so it wasn’t a first priority since they’ve got more important tasks like killing Muslims, stoning women of loose morals, incarcerating scientists and all the other radical academic types who are teaching non-Biblical material. Then there’s the Mexican rapists to bomb, the purging of filth from Hollywood, the removal of all pagan symbolism from Washington D.C., and replacement of every legal system in the U.S. with Old Testament Biblical law. And somewhere in that time they’ve got to burn all the Harry Potter books and hunt down all the cosplay and scifi occultists who are spreading Satanism through fandom… Seriously though, these people more of a threat than any foreign terrorist organization. And the republican party has been hijacked by this movement. They are all but spelling out it out in huge letters that their intention is to kill us. And they are serious.
1EqualityUSA
How nice that Steve Jobs introduced his products in a matter of fact way.
and Ted Cruz, doing his best John Wayne impression, said, with dramatic pause, “Any President who doesn’t begin everyday on his knees, isn’t fit to be commander in chief.”
The ghost of Lincoln would kick this twit across the oval office.
Well, I must go now. We are going to carve happy faces onto open, pussy sores. Some hobbies never die. See you at the next, “Kill the Gays” GOP rally.
Jonathan Cresson
“Any president who doesn’t begin everyday on his knees isn’t fit to be commander in chief” ted cruz
I mean come on!!!
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”
Giancarlo85
@dwes09: The dipshit Alistair, BJ McFrisky, CWM, Bob McBlah and others are nowhere to be found. They excuse this behavior. As they all say… as long as they have an “R” next to their name, they support them.
Kangol
@Jonathan Cresson: Ted Cruz and his even crazier (?) father. They’re both obsessed with gay sex, probably because they want it so badly!
LibraOracle
Like it or not I’ll tell the truth,Mothernature created all beings with both straight and gay genes within them with only one activated,1 out of 10 living beings would be homosexual but this is just to keep balance in fertilisation,if any species behave abnormaly or is a threat to the balance of life,certain genes will automatically activate,in our present day scientists have studied and found that it increased from 1 to 3 out of 10 people have their gay gene activated,I do not want to see it as a bad thing but the painful truth is if it continue to increase then the fertilisation of our survival will be at risk,homo sapiens do the opposite of everything natural more like insanity to be precise,”The more some of us try to control and destroy everything they didn’t made and created,they will be overcomed and destroyed by them.”