Do You Hate Bisexuals Like True Blood‘s Anna Paquin?

While everybody’s buzzing about the new lesbian on True Blood, we haven’t forgotten about the show’s legitimately bisexual star Anna Paquin. She just did a glamorous photo shoot with V magazine alongside an interview in which she addresses bi-phobia.

“Frankly no one had ever asked me about [being bisexual] before [I came out on Cyndi Lauper’s We Give a Damn video]. There is a lot of prejudice against us but the more people talk about it, the less of a deal it will be. Who people choose to sleep with or spend their lives with shouldn’t matter, not that anyone particularly cares who I’m attracted to.”

Keep in mind that even True Blood’s newly-turned lesbian could be read as bisexual seeing as she’s slept and fallen in love with the show’s male characters in the past. In fact the show revels in a fluid sexuality that’s more true to life than a world in which people live at polar opposites of the Kinsey scale

But erotic pop spectacles like the Madonna-Britney Spears kiss tend to discredit legitimately bisexual performers like Paquin. Paquin’s currently married to her True Blood co-star Stephen Moyer, but that doesn’t mean she’s not bisexual. When she came out, she didn’t do it to answer for any tabloid rumors nor did she do it in such a showy “look-at-me-aren’t-I-scandalous” display. She just said it and moved on.

Bisexuals get hated on for being “gay tourists”, “gay when its convenient”, or “just experimenting for titillation.” I’ve even heard the claim that “bisexuals don’t really exist” from a guy who said that all the bisexual videos on XTube are man-on-man action. But all that seems inherently unfair, especially coming from an LGT community that just wants acceptance for their unique sexual identities.

So what do you think? Do you hate on bi people? If so why? And how about our bi-brothers and sisters? What discrimination or surprising instances of acceptance have you faced?

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  • Michael

    There is much more discrimination aimed at bisexuals via the LGBT community than the straight community.

    There’s a theory everyone is bisexual and from what I can see it’s the truth. Today, in te aisles of Target, the guy who is mostly likely to be cruise-able is the guy who’s girlfriend is on the other aisle. IMHO, any man who watches male/female porn is bisexual since if a man’s package didn’t turn him on he wouldn’t be whacking off to it.

  • Joe

    Bisexuals are great and real. The problem is this, the “fakeys” no one likes are the most visible while the real ones that just have a unique sexuality have no reason to make a show of it, and if they are too visible then the other queers start hating. So we are left only seeing these “I wanna seem more badass and unique so I’m a bisexuals” who do exist, and finding it harder to find, connect, and trust the awesome and truly unique “I’m sexually/romantically attracted to both/all sexes bisexuals”

  • Cam

    The only people I get irritated by, whether they be gay, bi, transgendered, etc…

    Are the people that come in here and immediately start attacking the gay community with their first sentance.

    for example, gay marraige, a HUGE deal just passed in NY, and the first thing that Trans Activist Monica Richards does is attack the gay community because it was getting attention she felt that the Trans community should be getting.

    I notice that the gay community is expected to be supportive of other issues and bills, but she couldn’t even spare one single day without attacking us.

    The same for some bisexuals who come in here and immediately go on the attack with a huge anti-gay chip on their shoulder.

    And I’m sure that the bi’s and transgendereds hate the gays that immediately hate on them.

    But I think that is a very small minority.

  • the crustybastard

    No, I don’t hate bisexuals. I do not like or dislike anybody based on their sexuality.

    At what point can we stop perpetuating the stupid, stupid idea that gay people have some rigorous purity test? Most gay people I know operate on the premise of “unless we’re sleeping together, your sexuality is not my business.”

    I do not think my experience or my friends are that unique.

  • Dougy

    No, I don’t hate Bisexuals. I think that if they are attracted to both sexes they are bi. Just like lesbians are lesbians and homos are homos, that’s who they are. They don’t use it to experiment or anything, I feel that they are a legitimate part of the L-G-T-B community.

  • Cynthia

    I am trans MTF. I am also bisexual. I have been openly bisexual for about 20+ years. I transitioned almost 2 years ago.

    As a man I was treated like crud for being bi. The gay males treated me like I was wishy washy. Incapable of coming to terms I was gay. I was accused a few times of just looking for priviledge by playing straight. I can not be trusted to be faithful. Strait society just plain hates gay males.

    As a woman I am accused of being a dyke who can not commit, I am just looking to exercise hetero privilage, I am a tool of the patriarchy, I bring disease to the lesbian comunity. I can not be trusted to be faithful. Straight society looks at my sexuality to be a curiosity, a toy for male pleasure.

    Which is so unfair. I have had some very tearful nights when I could not choose if I wanted to be with men or women. If I choose women I loose men if I choose women I loose men. The idea of never being with anouther man or anouther woman is a very scary prospect for me. I love both equaly. I am capable of living a monogamous relationship. I do not have too do too the nature of my present relationship but I do anyways. I don’t need the headaches anouther lover entails.

    Being openly bisexual is not a walk in the park. Life was so much easier in my 20’s when I presented as a straight male. But I would not give up the last 20 years of living honest for the world.

  • christopher di spirito

    Why would I hate bisexuals?

    In my heady single days, I had many a romp with hot, married guys who were very likely bisexual and either didn’t care to acknowledge it, or were afraid to acknowledge it, or didn’t care to give it a label.

    Humans come in many different varieties. I appreciate the fact that the splendid Anna Paquin decided to share this intimate part of who she is with the world.

  • valentine ghost

    I don’t hate bisexuals or transfolk, but I do really, really, really hate the self-important smug arrogance I’ve encountered in a few of them: bi guys that can’t stop talking about how much better it is to be bi because they have more options and that vaginas are so much better because it’s more real and how much they hate gay guys because they don’t just want to fuck once and leave; trans people that make up their own pronouns and will publicly shun you if you use the wrong one and think nothing of attacking every non-trans person for being a prisoner of their own heteronormality or whatever.

    It’s on an individual basis, but this stuff really pisses me off when I encounter it.

  • Chico

    I have nothing against bisexuals. Why should I? Frankly, I don’t understand the hate that gets thrown their way… it’s confusing.

  • Michele

    Given the piddling response to the bi group in the NY Pride parade, negativity towards bisexual people is definitely real… But, with belligerent signs like “Don’t Assume I’m Gay,” it’s not all that surprising. Even as someone who understands the feelings behind those words, I definitely don’t think it’s the best olive branch to the rest of the community.

    Personally, I do feel that being bi is often much, much easier than being gay, straight, or trans. It took me a long time to even realize I was bi, simply because I’ve always been attracted to men. I missed out on the whole angsty teenage sexual identity phase. So, in a way, I do understand wariness from the rest of the community. It’s like trying to join the military without going through boot camp with all the rest of the troops.

  • Bob Smith

    I’m bi-, I first came out in the early 1980s. From my observations, there’s a fair bit of prejudice against bisexuals in the Community, and in the beginning, I’s get a lot of “There’s no such thing as bi-.” But after 30 years, there seems to be less of that, at least no one tells me I’m “going through a phase” anymore. Besides, liking the person more than their parts means, as Woody Allen put it, “twice as many chances to get turned down on a date.” Except it’s more than twice as many, it’s not just boys and girls, but the trans-community, too. (“Really, I’m not fussy. Take off your clothes and surprise me…”)

  • Mike in Asheville

    Okay, certainly there are a number of “gays v. bis” people out there who think that bashing the other side somehow justifies their own being.

    By-and-large, the vast majority of gays/lesbians and the vast majority of bis (male and female) really don’t give a second thought to the sex lives of strangers. We are much more interested in what we each want than worry about what our neighbors want.

    As a gay man, a true 10 on the Kinsey scale (yes that is a bit of a joke, the Kinsey scale for all gay all the time is 6, I am simply reinforcing, that I have absolutely zero desire to be sexually intimate with women), I am interested only in men who are also into me. I have enjoyed the company of many men who only have sex with other men AND I have enjoyed the company scores of men who, at other times than with me, also have sex with women.

    Do I care that a man I have had/want to have sex with is also enjoying sex with women? Of course not. Live and let live, let everyone enjoy their own nature. I can’t imagine that many if not most of the women who have had sex with the same men I have had sex with would want me to join them, just as I would not have my bi guy invite a girl to join us. Others will want a mix of men and women, and I am happy for them if that is their thing.

    To every gay man out there, please enjoy your man-to-man sex life — I certainly have. To every lesbian, please enjoy your woman-on-woman action — you are as entitled to as me. To every bisexual, please enjoy the wonderful variety that nature has given you.


    And to all transsexuals, I feel for you and your struggles to simply let life be full and rewarding. Shame on every gay, lesbian and bisexual who cannot or does not embrace the right of every transsexual to be who they are.

    Also, shame on every transsexual who does not extend their compassion to other categories of transsexualism: some trans are also gay/lesbian/bi; some are straight; to some it is very personal and introverted (the M2F who simply desire to be known as female and live a private life as the female they know they are); to some who are very extroverted (gay boys who enjoy much time flashing around as women); the F2M, Chaz Bono a real hero of individuality, who struggled to be the man he was missing.

    Transsexualism also includes intersex, another category of humans whose nature includes both male and female sexuality. Knowing my personal struggle to understand my gay sexuality, the intersex must be the very bravest of all — as gigantic as I felt my struggle was to me, in retrospect of over 30 years of being out, my struggle pales to the struggle society makes for you. This is not pity, I am in awe and full of respect of those who face this challenge.


    Who are any of us to question the legitimacy of another human’s sexuality? There are 7 billion men, women and children on the planet and 7 billion different versions of human sexuality. And each and every one of us, as far as I am concerned, is exactly equal to pursue our own happiness.

  • Luke

    Bisexuals are okay, but it’s honestly not something I need to know about. I know a bisexual man who’s been married to his wife for several years. He’s a minister and a father. I believe that he’s bisexual, but I also respect that he behaves like a straight ally and not like a man yelling at me for not including him in the community.

  • Mal Tempo

    Bisexuals are a literary device, invented by television writers to attract more viewers, and used by bloggers to show their acceptance of all kinds.

  • robert in NYC

    I’ve not heard much religious condemnation of bisexuals who marry someone of the opposite sex nor are they banned, nor is there any legislation or intention to legislate against their marrying. Imagine if such a law were in place, something Michele Bachmann would endorse. A bisexual so inclined towards women could easily marry in every state and keep it quiet,blend in, whereas we wouldn’t be able to marry the one we love in 44 of them. So in some ways, bisexuals have an easier time, not that they don’t suffer any forms of discrimination, they most certainly do.

  • j

    @Mal Tempo: Well there’s always one, isn’t there?

  • kuy

    Why does the title of this article say one thing, and the content says something else entirely?

  • Alison wonderland

    @valentine ghost:

    Wow, you privileged dickhead. We (you and I) have cis privilege and we have binary privilege, things that non-binary trans folk, the kind of trans people who use “made up” (i.e., gender neutral) pronouns, don’t have. All people deserve to have their preferred pronouns respected, and there is nothing self-important, smug, or arrogant about the expectation that people will do so, or anger toward people who don’t. Asshole.

  • Ganondorf

    Oh the plight of a successful white attractive female bisexual moviestar. Will this oppression never end?

    Yet another great excuse for queerty to talk about the contrived bisexuality issue, which is a roundabout way to generate the attention and drama so desperately craved. When you’ve got nothing interesting to say or think about, talk about sex and sexuality, and nurture and encourage the prejudices and opinions of the mob about such matters.

  • Dr. Dick

    I’ve been “Bi” since kindergarten,
    but since I’ve grown up and been around the proverbial block, I’ve come to hate the word now, and not just for the usual old “post-label pseudo-intellectual blah blah” reasons..

    Attempting to understand sexuality and gender in binary terms is a buncha monotheistic/patriarchal BULL$H!T that isn’t even consistent with History….
    (Hi, 3rd/4th/ etc… sexes have existed in various cultures for m i l l e n n i a)

    But that’s really a semantic issue. I do believe that in a “Moral Vacuum” everyone would be fuildy sexual as both a social bonding mechanism, and a natural population controller……

  • jesaves

    @Joe: i agree some people say they are just to get attention or get more ass

  • RainbowWarrior

    I’m a lesbian, and I love love LOVE True Blood and Anna Paquin and bisexuals.
    Human sexuality is incredibly fluid, and the more people we get to understand this, the better off everyone will be. It’s no more honorable or right for GLT individuals to be bi-phobic than it is for straight individuals to be LGBT-phobic. In some ways it is even more tough for bisexuals in mainstream society than it is for homosexuals because of all the accusations and misunderstandings surrounding them – “If you like both, can’t you just choose an opposite-sex partner and live normally? Doesn’t that just mean you’re attracted to anything that moves? Aren’t you just afraid to admit you’re homosexual and pleading bi to appease the people around you?” All of these things are devastating to the self-esteem of our bi brothers and sisters, and we can’t put up with it if we ever expect people to treat one another right.

  • valentine ghost

    @Alison wonderland: When you refer to a trans person as ve and get verbally assaulted in public for not using zie, come talk to me. Until then, bite me.

  • jason

    What a lot of these bisexual women forget is that the discrimination against bisexual men is much, much greater than it is against bisexual women.

    Bisexual women exploit the sleazy straight guy fantasy for girl-girl action, and thus align with what men want. They do not empower women at all. They are the ultimate submissive women. They are submissive to the entitlement fantasies of sleazy straight guys. They are the complete opposite of empowerment.

    The fake bisexual women are the whores of the modern era. Sorry to say it, girls, but it’s true.

  • Devington

    I don’t hate bisexuals. I would never in a million years get romantically involved with one, but I don’t hate them.

  • jason

    I think most people are bisexually oriented. But I think many women use bisexuality to appeal to the sleazy straight guy fantasy rather than to enhance the cause of GLBT rights. Women tend to do this in the overall sense of their sexuality, from wearing more revealing clothing than men to claiming to be interested in sexual activity when all they really want is the number on the man’s Master Card.

    This is why I think that the bisexuality movement must be led by men, not women. Women harm this movement.

  • Jeffree

    I’ve said somewhere, maybe here, that I wouldn’t date or marry a bisexual man.

    I was wrong.

    What matters to me is fidelity. That’s not a slam at people who are in open relationships, because that’s their decision & because it can work very well for them. I’m not wired that way, insofar as I know myself.

    Anna Pacquin, a very talented actress and an openly bisexual person, has chosen to marry a man. There was no commitment there to a gender, she committed to a specific person. Whatever else they may have agreed to their own busîness. How anyone could feel entitled to judge her or them is beyond me.

  • missanthrope

    Hating on bi people is so 1995. And I am not even being quippy here, it’s sad that we’re still having these discussions about stereotypes, etc.

    But yeah, I’ve encountered pressure to “pick a team” or other stereotypes, they are common among straight people. But sometimes animus can come on stronger from GL folks who will make it in to a purity contest. But overall, it happens much than it used to and people under the age of thirty don’t really seem to care as much as older people do. In ten years people will be asking why some people were so stupid over it. Love is love.

  • Chupacabra

    I am a bisexual woman. I realized it for what it was in high school when I was experimenting. To this DAY! I wish people would give us more of a chance. Not all women who are bi are just the sleezy drunk, whatever cheapness you say we are. It’s so difficult to understand. My sexuality is fluid between men and women, but what happens in bars or groups is, either I’m at a lesbian bar, and I’m able to freely be fluid there, or, every OTHER PLACE YOU GO TO expects you are a straight, and guys hit on you, and if you are like me, you like both, equally. (I know, hard to get, right?), so you end up, with friends, family and everyone else seemingly “always dating a guy, right?” so you end up looking like a damn tourist when you are with women. I had a long time boyfriend who was bi also. We had a GREAT understanding about our sexuality, and things didn’t work out, because we drifted apart like a normal couple, but in our time apart, he went to another girl, and I went to another girl. It doesn’t matter to true bisexuals. It’s not about titillation. Or putting on a show. It’s about who you love, who you want to be with, or if you are in to multiple partners, then poly. But, it takes some one who isn’t hung up on picking a side, to fully embrace their true attraction to the soul AND body of another person to spend that type of time with them. I think being bisexual is like being in the garden of eden, just everyone else got kicked out for being wankers about the darn labels. ;)

  • missanthrope

    “This is why I think that the bisexuality movement must be led by men, not women. Women harm this movement.”

    You are a misogynist Jason.

  • skye

    I am a bisexual female. I have had three major, live-in, relationships in my life; two with men and one with a woman. I only make out with girls if I think they are hot…not for the attention, not for anyone’s credit card number.

    In the past, I helped keep an organization for bisexuals in Philadelphia running. Each year, we were the only bisexual organization at Equality Forum, Pride, and Outfest. At each of these fests, at least one gay or lesbian individual felt the need to tell those of us manning the table (or volunteering on the panel) that bisexuals don’t exist. This happened for so many years that we actually noted it when it DID NOT happen a couple of years ago at Pride.

    At those same events, many attendees were too timid to directly approach our table. We could see them eying our wares the 4 or 5 times they slowed as they passed our table. Some found the gumption to approach, but often only after they had strayed from their friends/partner. More than one argument broke out because the bisexual’s partner did not want them to buy anything bi related. More than one partner expressed that since their girlfriend/boyfriend was now dating someone of the same sex, they were gay…and they should just forget about that bisexual nonsense. Besides, what if their friends saw them at the bisexual table? What would they think??? *sigh*

    I’ve personally been told many times by different lesbians in the Philly community that bisexual women can’t be trusted or they are “just greedy” or they should choose one side.

    I don’t appreciate being oppressed, insulted, or criticized for my sexuality by anyone, be they straight or gay.

  • Chupacabra

    @missanthrope: He’s MAN! Of course! Why would he think women “ruin” being bisexual? Almost all women range in bisexuality more than men do.

  • Shannon1981

    Was just having this same conversation on another site. I think, especially with women, it is the “bar- sexuals”- the bisexuals who do it to show off, or make out with members of the same sex to get attention/turn others on, namely women doing it for straight men- who give legit bisexuals a bad name.

    That being said though, all three of the bisexual women I have dated left me for reasons surrounding attraction to men. I don’t discount dating them, but I am a lot more careful than I am with gay chicks. Being dumped for a dude was a special kind of pain, NGL. I understand why though. Men can offer them societal acceptance, the ability to marry, children….I can’t give them those things. There will always be that risk, but, if I meet a bi girl I like, that is a risk I am willing to take. So, in a word, no. I don’t hate bisexuals. If I did, I’d be no better than the straight people who hate on us.

  • TMikel

    I don’t hate anyone, even the right wingnuts who are destroying this country. I certainly don’t hate anyone for for or her sexual orientation. Are we not bigger than that?

  • Zee

    No, I don’t hate them. I love everyone, too much hate in this world to add to it. I however don’t appreciate being told everyone is Bisexual, we’re not. Some are Straight, some are Gay, some are bi and so on. I’m gay. I won’t tell anyone they’re something they’re not, and I would hope I get the same treatment.

  • Jeffree

    @Shannon1981: I’ve had a similar conversation with lesbian friends, all of whom said that being left for a man was a deeper kind of hurt. Their reasons were the same as yours.

    I dated a bi guy for awhile, but he clearly was incapable of being faithful regardless of which gender he was dating. The man I’m with now is, like me, a Kinsey 5.95!

    What’s weird is that I just realized that in my close circle of friends, not one of the guys is bi. I’m not sure if that’s the norm for gay dudes, but it’s true for me.

    Anyone else?

  • Alison wonderland

    @valentine ghost: I’m sorry, I was cranky and I assumed you were using that person’s assigned at birth pronouns, since I’ve never met a trans person who has overreacted to being misgendered when the offending party was obviously making an effort. Even if what you say is true, you should have compassion for the person in question. The amount if bullshit my non-binary (and also binary trans people unable to consistently pass) friends put up with an unthinkable amount of bullshit on a daily basis.

  • Carson


    I think you make a good point. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender is shortened to LGBT for a reason – We’re all a group. We’re in this together. I’m the G in LGBT but I take the other 3 letters just as seriously as I do my own sexuality/gender. And I think anyone who doesn’t is discriminatory.

  • Allnighter

    My only problem with bi individuals is the often smug attitude they seem to possess, constantly going on and on about being “attracted to people, not body parts.” As if the rest of us are literally only looking for a penis or a vagina and don’t care about anything else!

  • alan Balehead

    Ask a gay about bi’s and they all sound like the crazy bigots they always claim are hating them…

  • surfer

    No i don’t.Its our satisfaction.

  • jason

    I know this might sound harsh but you can’t trust women to lead a bisexuality movement. Inevitably, they slide into appeasing sleazy straight guys who have a fetish for girl-girl action. These women then become recruiting agents for their grubby boyfriends, recruiting other women for threesomes. Often, and I’ve seen this happen, they mislead lesbians into thinking theyr’e interetested in having a relationship with them when all they really want is to “bring home the girl” for the perverted boyfriend.

    Keep in mind that many of the boyfriends of bisexual women are quite homophobic to male-male sexuality. Therefore, you have a quite incredible situation where bisexual women are effectively propping up homophobia towards men.

    I would urge that any bisexuality movement be led by men. Only male sexuality is genuine enough to be entrusted with an important movement.

  • Marco


    Hypocritical bullshit!!! It just because double standards from porn! Male bisexual potential more widespread!

  • Marco

    I welcome male bisexuality and hate female bisexuality because most of bi-women are conformist sluts, who exploit double standards taken from porn. Male bisexuality is suppressed and that’s why guys transform their bisexual potential and homoerotism in the homophobia. WE must stop it!

  • Mike in Asheville

    @jason: Wow, just as small tiny weeny minded as ever Jason.

    Truly seek professional help to overcome whatever has turned you into such the major-league misongynist.

  • Karla-Marx

    Marco, totally agree with you!

  • Interesting

    (a) Some use bi as a bridge to coming out gay which tends to confuse the issue regarding actual bisexuals; (b) some some bisexuals have a tendency to treat the same sex attraction as trivial or not substantial (dated a couple of these where I was “just a fling” but a real relationship could only be had with opposite sex ) (c) fears of gay community that bisexuality validates the comments of straight bigots (which again bisexuals do not help when they try to claim everyone is bisexual).

    Until we admit to all three dynamics, there will likely to be a suspicion rather than hate. Hate is used to easily. What you see is not hate. Its “hmm is this real?” (a) and (b) are good reasons. (c) is not. The problem ultimately with the label is that it is kind of meaningless in the short term. Until you get to know someone- what they mean by it, and how they interact with others- its hard to say what even the person defining them selves as bi mean.

    I met a few cool bisexuals, but the term for them really was applicable. There was no self hated over the same sex part of their range of attractions.

    So, here’s my view: so long as you don’t promote self hate of the same sex part, you can be attracted to whoever you want in addition to that.

  • Interesting

    An extreme example of the self hate by the way: A guy leaves his boyfriend of several years for a woman because he says that a same sex relationship could never be a real one.

    Bi, gay or straight- that’s a fucked up statement. “I leave you because I don’t consider what we had to have been real.” That’s a true mind fuck.

    That in a nutshell is the fear.

  • Jeffree

    Here’s how to interpret the entity called “jason” and his pretend Russian sockpuppet friends: “Bisexual men is good. Bisexual women is evïl sleazy enablers, cause of all problems, for making of the patriarchy very bad influence on to all male-male satisfâctions of privileges so many false lesbians will pretending to be loving the women for only to rule purposefully world of Hollywood.”

    Please remember to tip the waitstaff! Next show is at 11.

  • M.

    @Jeffree: @Jeffree:

    Jeffree is the fat american lesbian who love double standards on bisexuality.

    Yes, Jason have arguments. but you haven’t any arguments.

    Double standards from porn impose preference for female homosexual behaviour and suppress male homosexual behaviour, show any male-male actions as tabboo and deviant. That’s why we homophobia is exist!

  • Peter

    Jeffree, go to hell with your pseudo-bisexual sluts! You are silly anti-gay pig=))

  • Jeffree

    @M. I is no fat, no lesbian but trying every the day helping for to eliminating the homophobias. You must to try same thing doing also.

  • Jeffree

    Is many puppetsocks here to-day!

  • M.

    @Jeffree: double standards on bisexuality it is not equality. it is the cause of homophobia! majority of guys are as minimum bi-curious but suppress it and transform to the homophobia.

  • Peter

    shut up! i don’t want solidarity with lesbians and pseudo-bisexual sluts! WE want many sexy bi-guys everywhere as it was in Antiquity! We want reproductive independence. Commercial surrogacy for gay male couples must be legal everywhere!

  • Olga

    Jeffree, and what do you do against homophobia?

  • Karla-Marx

    Yes, in An?ient Greece and Rome men were bisexual. And now?

  • jason

    As I said earlier, many bisexual women support homophobia. They support homophobia towards male-male sexuality. How do they do this? They do it by aligning themselves – often in a fake and manufactured way – with the fantasies of men who think that any form of male-male activity is gross.

    It’s no surprise that many of the men who ogle over lesbian activity in the men’s magazines are the same men who think gay guys are gross and disgusting. Think about it. It’s a crucial clue to understanding the nature of homophobia and the supporting role that women play in it.

  • journeywork

    @robert in NYC: Actually, bisexuals often experience *worse* effects from discrimination. The San Francisco Human Rights Commission put out a “Bisexual Invisibility” report a few months ago. The findings cover a whole range of topics and are pretty striking, including higher levels of suicidality for bisexuals (compared to both heterosexuals AND gays/lesbians).
    (this links to a PDF of the report on the Commission’s website)

    @jason: Bi women can’t be trusted and “any bisexual movement” should only be led by men? What year is this, 1911? Do your homework — there’s already a bi movement, and plenty of the leaders are women. Fierce, awesome, insightful, bisexual women committed to unraveling *all* kinds of oppression, including the kind of unabashed sexism you’re peddling.

    Fortunately, I’ve encountered far more bisexuals who value these leaders and their activism than those who denigrate them, as you’ve chosen to.

  • Mike in Asheville

    @Marco: Hmmm, a conformist? Really?

    @12: With all my advocating of “live and let live” and enjoying your own individuality of whatever your sexual identity is? Pursue your own happiness? And that’s being a conformist?

    Better stick with one and two syllable words, Marco, maybe that will work out for you.

  • Alexa

    The moronic Jason and his equally stupid sockpuppets were one of the main reasons I stopped reading here. Fortunately the break has given me a new sense of perspective and now I just find him ridiculous and kind of amusing in an odd, pathetic way.

    That’s not to say I don’t appreciate at least some of his arguments. Faux bisexuals or straight women who play bi to titillate straight men are a big problem, and undermine real bi women. I’ve never understood why so many gay men love Katy Perry, are they really so shallow that a good beat and a colorful dress outweigh the harm she does? (not all gay men, just the Katy Perry apologists)

  • M.

    @Mike in Asheville: yes, you are stupid anti-gay conformist! Who like pseudo-bisexual-sluts who teach people in their music ideos that girls can kiss both guys and girls, but guys can kiss only girls. Where is male-male sexuality??? Double standards!

  • M.

    @Alexa: alexa, fuck you, hypocritical beach! Moronic is only stupid fags who believe in solidarity with lesbians. Our problems is totally different!

  • jason

    Women are totally counterproductive to the cause of bisexual rights. That’s because their bisexuality is, whether they like it or not, an alignment with the sleazy straight guy fantasy.

    If it sounds misogynistic, so be it. I’m not here to pussyfoot around the facts. Unlike most in the GLBT movement, I call it as it is, not as you want it to be.

    As I said earlier, bisexual women play a huge supporting role in homophobia against male-male sexuality. One of the biggest mistakes made by the GLBT movement was to allow women to have a disproportionate say on issues like bisexuality.

    Keep in mind that, at heart, female sexuality is about selling. Sellers will fake, pretend, hype whatever it is they are selling. As such, female sexuality is prone to the art of titillation of the very men who oppose our rights as GLBT people.

  • jason


    You make a fascinating point about the hypocrisy of gay people in failing to challenge the bisexual double standard. Yes, like you, I’ve wondered why young people – including gay people – embrace females who dabble in bisexuality but not males who dabble in bisexuality.

    There is a serious, serious hypocrisy in the young people of today, which, unfortunately, is going to lead to a conservative revival. I’m predicting a return to extremely conservative sexual values in the not too distant future, partly as a result of the backlash against the bisexual double standard which young people seem to embrace.

    Within sexual liberalism is the seed of its own destruction. It is dishonest at heart. It allows women to do things that men aren’t allowed to do. As such, it cannot be sustained.

    In a nutshell, the sexual liberalism of the last 40 or 50 years has produced a bisexual double standard which favors women over men. It cannot be sustained. It will be destroyed.

  • Olga

    Alexa, shut up! Porn standards is the cause of homophobia.

  • Nick Thiwerspoon

    My own opinions on bisexuality have changed a lot over the years. I once thought bisexuals were “fake”, “letting the side down”, etc. (Sorry!)

    My own belief now is that, absent the “moral” and religious strictures of the Abrahamic religions, ppl would experiment with both genders. Why not? Some ppl are just plain sexy, regardless of gender. Of course some ppl are “born” gay (I thought I was, for most of my life) and others are “born” straight (Ethan Mordden has a lovely chapter in one of his books about a really, really gay-friendly bloke who just is … straight). But maybe as many as one in two of us would be ready to have it off with the right person under the right circumstances. Personally I still respond sexually and emotionally to men, mostly. But occasionally …

    I don’t want to bignote myself (so if it offends you, please ignore this), but you guys and guyesses might find this post from my blog apposite:

  • Three-Dollar Bill

    Being a lesbian-identified, biologically-male genderqueer, I’m in a perspective to see that yes, a lot of the “straight” gays hate on bisexuals more than they care to admit. Honestly, it’s sad. Bisexual women are just looking for attention or too promiscuous for one gender to satisfy. Bisexual men are just gays who haven’t come all the way out. Don’t ever date one, because they’ll always leave you for whoever’s on the other side. We’re stabbing ourselves in the collective backs with this inter-community bigotry. Sure, some bisexuals can “hide” in straight society, but almost all of them also take enormous amounts of flak from all sides for not picking a team.

  • Three-Dollar Bill

    @jason: Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

    Thank you for confirming my theory that you don’t have to be heterosexual to be a misogynistic, patriarchy-reinforcing, movement-sabotaging asshole.

  • M.

    @Three-Dollar Bill: fuck you, feminist faschist hypocrite!

  • Olga

    I want 2 sweet bisexual guys for me. Our slogan is 2 sexy bi-guys for every girl!!! It show to people that sex between men is not shame. And after that the homophobia will becomes absurdity

    Fashion on male bisexuality is the last way to overcome homophobia. Other ways are not effective

  • Karla-Marx

    Olga, totally support your comment #72!

  • zintheth

    @Alexa: Exactly my thoughts, I don’t get all the Katy Perry idolatry, she’s really offensive!
    I think it all comes down to people, not gender, some bi’s are closeted, some are not, some use their sexuality for attention, some don’t.

    The problem with bisexual girls being a male fantasy is straight men and the women who enable them, but definitely not all bi girls.

    In fact, I don’t think many real bi girls would ridicule their own identity and sexuality so shamlessly just for male atention, the girls who do that aren’t really bi, for the most part.

  • Ally41

    I labelled myself bisexual with no ill effects socially, then when I first came out as lesbian at 23 nearly 20 years ago I was ‘accused’ by the lesbian community I was trying to enter of being bisexual because I had just got divorced and had long hair… It was several years, a haircut and 2 girlfriends before I was considered to have ‘proved it’. Not a lot has changed in the older dyke community as far as I can see. I have struggled with relationships over many years of serial monogamy and have been seriously bothered by many straight fantasies and dreams that just dont fit with my ‘active’ sexuality. I cant see myself with a man in real life, but if I were to meet and fall in love with an amazing individual who happened to be a man, then who knows? I don’t!! I no longer give myself ANY sexuality label, if anyone asks, which they don’t usually, I say that I have had relationships with women for the last 20 years, but I don’t label myself as gay OR bisexual anymore, because it really isn’t just about gender. However, the fear I would feel if I ever DID fall in love with a man at the prospect of having to ‘come out’ to my lesbian friends is immense. It’s all just ridiculous and self-limiting, personally and socially.

    From the perspective of suffering prejudice and anti-gay violence, it can be hard to accept someone who sits in the comfort of a socially acceptable marriage and says they have gay fantasies and attractions (presumably not acted upon) because they are in such a safe place, relatively speaking. It IS different being actively homosexual because society sees it SO much differently and treats gay people as such. I see sexuality as a fluid spectrum in which we all fit into in different places at different times in our lives and very very few of us are completely 100% attracted to and fantasise about only one gender for our entire life, but I think it’ll be quite some time before EITHER community accepts that theory….

  • Matthew

    When I was 19 my girlfriend asked “Are you bisexual” I said yes and she said she was too, and we decided to have an open relationship and came out together. I did not know it would be so unaccepted I was young and naive. Now 20 years later I have dated both women and men. Most of my LTRs have been with women and I am currently with a bisexual girl again. It is actually difficult to be out as bisexual. And I have received job discrimination from “liberal” people. As well as negative opinions from educated gays in the art world. So it is very clear to me that this reality is far from being embraced. I have been conservative in my same sex practices – no penetration either way – I have had one LTR with a man. Truly the very idea of “bisexual” threatens people. It is a strange taboo. I am not going back in the closet, I have it posted on facebook. But now if an employer asks I will say “I am dating a woman”. It is difficult to be single and bisexual. I am very happy to have found a woman who loves me for all that I am. We have dated both men, women and trans people. LGBT really needs to be more open minded.

  • Fairy Qing

    It’s quiet funny indeed, to watch adult people wearing ping eyeglasses :)

    Now really, let’s be honest.
    1. Most people have bi-sexual potential
    2. Some have mostly homo some have mostly hetero potential
    3. Some people have almost equal sexual potential

    That’s a quiet old and obvious fact isn’t it kitties? (-:

    Well. We do live in a world full of patriarchy. I think that sucks. Coz i’m male. It sucks for me to be always the strong one, the responsible one, the guilty one.
    It sucks for women, who R tired to be always the weeker, the stupid, the irresponsible.
    It sucks for everyone except idiots.

    And it creates a HUGE problem in bi world.
    Why? U still can’t get the connection? :)

    Oh well it’s quiet funny: when a girl has sex with a girl, she doesn’t get to a lower social step. Because she already is on it. She is girl. In this asshole patriarchic world she is on the lower step already.
    But once a male has sex with a male… OPS! One of them just put himself on the female position. Or even both of them… Being bi girl is OK, being bi man is shame.
    Being lesbian is bad, but well, lots of homophobes love lesbians. Even in films. Stiffler loves lesbians but not fags :)
    So bi girls may be nice, but slut girls R gonna pretent to be bi. Well actually they R a bit bi… We all R a bit bi… But they’re not the bi from LGBT B. I mean, they are bi for fashion, but still homophobes. And Jason can see this.
    So… Where is the problem? Well lesbians and bi girls solve their problems faster.
    No censorship on girl-girl kisses. No censorship on female only porn in AVN
    And gay kisses get censored, and gay porn gets to GayVN ghetto.

    Am I envious towards LB women? NOPE! I don’t think it is bad, they get less homophobic assaults. It’s good. But why did we forget to help male LB? Why don’t we start promoting male bisexuality as normal? Why do we support that inequality?
    Why lesbians and bi girls don’t fight for gays and bi boys? :o)
    Oooow! U don’t care about ’em do u? :o) So nasty! Well that is gonna have consequences.

    When LGBT is LGBT and even Ally, Queer,Intersexual, 2 Spirited It is a big word, isn’t it?:) Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer, Questioning, Asexual, Allies, Two-Spirit, Zhe/Zhers, etc…
    It’s a long word.
    And L G B T are just single letters. Single letters are much weaker. Isn’t it obvious?

    Once male GB are tired of this hypocrisy, there will be no LGBT. And all those bigots ant homophobes will just destroy us all. Happy mardi gra people! Think and make LGBT a word, not just a fake, or it will die and u will get some clinics for reparative treatment. Lots of them. Or worse…

  • Marilyn_Kaur


    I do not hate bisexual people and accept them for who they are but I would not date one as a lesbian. I know that I cannot give a bisexual woman what she will want in the end: respectability with a male partner who will marry her and give her the privilege the straight world. Nor do I want to be part of a triad between a “bi woman” and her husband as the woman who is shared between them for their pleasure while making it clear that I am nothing but a titillating piece of action for them.

    Jason, you make a lot of valid points. I have been told I was harsh when I mentioned this issue on the Diva site from bi women. This past year, I have known plenty of bisexual women who went ahead to marry men after they had their fun with women. There is ZERO interest from these women with the LBGT Community after the nuptials. One woman loved to brag of her sexploits with women as a younger person who is now squealing like a little girl over her marriage to a police officer and just had to marry in a white wedding gown if she this virginal bride. Another “bi” told her husband how she cannot give up women and he is accepting of her using females as side pieces.

    I find it very oppressive to women when they accept being part of these triads or as a married bi woman’s little secret on the side. It is as if a lesbian will be thrown aside like yesterday’s trash when a bisexual woman wants that respectability in the straight world. One “ex-bi” now has the acceptance from the desperate housewives who hated her when she had female lovers. She is married to a man and her faux friends say how she has come a long way. Yeah, it sucks how there is another form of sexism.

    I would not go as far to say that a bisexual women cannot be a part of the bisexual movement yet it seems that bi men are often more loyal to their same sex partners even though I have heard the same nasty comments from bi men to gay men of how they are jealous not to have a juicy tight vagina for sex.

  • Alexia

    I am definitely not against bisexuality. I am bisexual myself. Though after reading many of these comments, I’m confused why so many people are picking purely on bisexual females. Did we do something wrong? Am i not allowed to be bisexual and actually like both genders. I want to have proper relationships with people, male or female, as long as i care for them i really don’t care what gender they identify as. And no one can tell me that i am ‘only doing this for some guys peverted fantasies.’ I am a 16 year old bisexual female who is happy in my current same gender relationship. Do not go and tell me, my influence for being Bi is because of some fricken porn you may have watched. In my country, i am underaged, so get lost. I am also not interested in the sexual part of relationships. Now can everyone stop claiming they know everything about us when they are not us. I don’t go around saying things about homosexual males or females, or heterosexual males or females, i don’t know any thing about you, and you don’t know anything about me, and I’m pretty sure you aren’t experts, so stop categorizing my gender and my sexuality with some stereotype which is un true for most of us. Thanks!
    Oh and FYI, i have a preference for females, so i probably won’t be one of those people fooling around with my own gender before moving on and marrying someone of the opposite gender. I am hoping to be able to stay with my current girlfriend and not have to try and wait for my heart to find someone else it loves. I am also very loyal to my partners, so again, saying bisexual males are more loyal than bisexual females, while it may be true in some cases, is not true in all.

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