toys for hots

Does Ken & Ben’s Romance Spell The End Of The Barbie Affair?

So you know Mattel’s kind of annoying campaign where, after breaking up, Ken attempts to win back Barbie’s heart by appearing on billboards all over the country? Screw that. This website supports the campaign to let Ken finally be with his one true love, Ben. At, a wholly unauthorized website, you’re asked to decide whether these two plastics are meant for each other. (Also, Ken is fifty years old this week. Looking good, cheek implants!) Though I think the better question is: Should Ken & Ben find new stylists?

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  • robby

    Loving Ken’s new look. He has that, guess who turned 50, broke up with his wife and finally decided he’s gay wardrobe. Two steps from body glitter hehe

  • Samwise

    I think Ben’s actually from the 1970s. Which means this must be Time-Travelling Ken, sent back to the 70’s-era Castro to save Harvey Milk. I bet he’s going to resist his feelings for Ben because he’s only in the 70’s on assignment and he must never tell anyone that he’s from the future – which means never getting too close. But despite himself, he falls in love with Ben, and as their relationship gets more serious, it becomes more and more difficult to keep the secret.

    As the date of Milk’s assassination nears, Ben finally confronts Ken on the inconsistencies in his life story and his secrecy with regards to his life before he moved to San Francisco. Ken, tired of living a lie, tells Ben everything – including the fact that he must return to the year 2011 after his assignment is completed. Ben, unsuprisingly, does not believe him and dumps him on the spot.

    Ken falls into a deep depression and briefly abuses his time travel privileges to go to 1993 so he can listen to some music that reflects said depression. While reading a newspaper to pass the time as he waits on line for Nirvana tickets, he glances past the obituary page – and discovers to his horror that Ben has died of AIDS.

    Shaken out of his misery by the spectre of his true love’s death, Ken goes back to the 70’s and proves his honesty to Ben by transporting him to 19th century Paris. After a romantic evening in the City of Light, Ben apologizes. They go back to the 1970’s to have sex, as neither of them have any recognizable money to pay for a hotel room. Also, they’re both dressed incredibly weird.

    That November, they work together to thwart Dan White’s evil plan. But it is a bittersweet victory, as now Ken must return to his own time, possibly never to see Ben again. They hug and kiss and Ben promises to still be hot at age 50, but Ken is kind of shallow and knows in his heart he will just end up ducking Ben’s calls. He steps through the portal, tears caught in his eyes, but at the last minute decides that he cannot leave Ben, even if it means destroying the space-time continuum. So he breaks his time machine, staying in the 1970’s with his true love.

    Anyway, that’s how it would go if I worked for Mattel.

  • Samwise

    Wait… make that age 60. As Ken’s own ex-girlfriend once said, math is hard.

  • ben collins

    we at would like to know who samwise is, as we fell in love with this fan fiction and would love to use it throughout the campaign. samwise: please email [email protected], a start of a beautiful friendship! and everyone else, keep voting! barbie is getting the message!

  • JM

    @Samwise: Wait, how romantic could that evening have been if they didn’t have any cash for a candlelit dinner, or at the very least a bottle of fine French wine? Was it just cuddling on the banks of the Seine? Come on, man, I need details!

    Oh, I hope they get to “Tingles” soon…

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