Chances are you’re familiar with bulbous hate-sack Alex Jones, a fringy jibber-jabberer who thinks Lady Gaga is a satanist and is overly concerned with gay frogs.

Related: “Deport Piers Morgan” Gun Spokesman Alex Jones Thinks Gov’t Is Creating Gays With Juice Boxes

Related: Did you notice the hidden message in Gaga’s SuperBowl halftime show?

Lowlights from the genuinely execrable piece of journalism include Jones reverently referring to Trump as “some Hitler-like Führer” and screechable moments such as this:

He piles up food onto a plastic plate, and then he suddenly takes off his shirt without explanation. With his bare torso, he sits there and shovels meat into his mouth, a caricature of manliness, but also a show of power to the reporter sitting in front of him. He can do as he pleases.

Then Jones gets up and holds out a sausage. “Wanna suck?” he asks.

Which, HELP.

If only today’s intensely aggravating Amazon server crash hadn’t completely subsumed this story, but alas.

As a palette cleanser, watch Alex Jones talk about how juice boxes make you gay.

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