According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, asexuality is “the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activity. It may be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality.”
Anthony F. Bogaert is an “asexuality expert.” In 2004 he conducted a study and found that as many as 1% of the world’s population is asexual.
Now, in a recent column published by The Independent, Bogaert argues that despite the growing acceptance of LGBT people around the world, society still has a long way to go before before it will be ready to embrace asexuality as an actual sexual orientation, which is unfortunate because he believes asexuality could have a positive influence on our sex-crazed world.
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“Examining asexuality also can afford a clear view on how deeply infused sex is in our society,” he writes. “From the pervasiveness of sex in the media to our enduring interest in gossip on the sex lives of others. We also may begin to see more clearly the strange and often mad complexity of sex, with its jealousies, obsessions, and distortions of reality.”
He continues: “Sex is unquestionably part of the great story of human life – our means of reproduction and a deep source of passion and pleasure for many – but it is also a strange and mad world at times, and one that is better understood if we take a glimpse or two from the outside.”
What do you think? Does society need to do a better job embracing asexuals? Sound off in the comments section below.
Clark35
If someone’s asexual then they are not gay, bisexual, lesbian, or heterosexual.
Glücklich
So…embrace *what* exactly? Does this fall into Glasgow Free Pride’s precious and overreaching “non-binary caucus”?
Mercurical Memo
Why should it matter? Asexuality exists outside sex. It’s not even masturbatory because it is asexual. Me thinks this is just an attempt to create a niche fir those who want to find something to make them feel special.
Tobi
OK, so where are we going to put the “A”? BAGL? I guess if we split along decided/undecided they could become BATs?
inbama
Asexuals are the most oppressed members of the LGBTQIAGFSM community.
They are not permitted to teach public school in 32 states and are unfairly accused of “recruiting because they cannot reproduce.”
They are erased more often than bisexuals, hated by heterosexuals, and shunned by gay gymn rats as if they were old drag queens out in daylight with five o’clock shadow. The A’s have the highest suicide rate in the LBJFK community (although still only once per person), and are incorrectly blamed for the rise in the rate of Lesbian Bed Death.
We need to lobby Congress so that Obamacare will pay to put Asexual children on puberty blockers as it is far easier for a person who detests sex to go through life with the undeveloped genitalia of a child.
The lack of support for A’s by the BLT community is especially shameful for if asexuals hadn’t started the Stonewall Riots, we would all still be slaves picking cotton in the Mississippi Delta.
Cobalt Blue
” Lesbian Bed Death “…I don’t know what this means. BTW: I know one person that is ‘ asexual ‘ and happy ( satisfied ) with her condition. I think she doesn’t give a fuck ( pun intended ) about this “GLBshit” thing.
Tobi
Thanks @inbama I really did ROFLM-LGBTQIAGFSM-O 😀
Chris Sledge
Being asexual is not without an attraction it’s just more of a personal connection than a sexual on a person can be asexual and still fall under the umbrella of gay and that’s because they still find themselves almost exclusively romantically attracted to someone of the same-sex it’s just a lot less of a physical thing and more of a personal or emotional thing (they also fall in the category of pansexual a lot)
jag4313
My uncle is Asexual. He is 50+ years old, still a virgin, has no interest in women or men. He surrounds himself with work so people assume he’s just “too busy” to date anyone. He seems content in his life but he will never talk about anything other that work or football. When all together with the family he will avoid all conversations that do not include football. Now that I’m thinking about it, he only visits during football season. HUH.
Bauhaus
@inbama:
Were you picking your nose or your butt while writing that gem?
AthanWinter
When it comes to information about asexuality use AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) much better info or more correct.
You can be gay and asexual, but you would probably use the term homo-romantic, just as a straight asexual might use hetero-romantic, which makes it more specific. Asexuals might experience sexual attraction, though very rarely and these people might call themselves grey-a. Even in the asexual community there are a hell of a lot of subgroups.
I am a 31 year old virgin, I am attracted to men, just not sexuality, but emotionally, that does not make me less gay. Though it makes it impossible to find love, since most people seem to need sex.
Mercurical Memo
@inbama: Hahaha, I love your wit! Seriously, there’s nothing sexier than well written wit.
Bauhaus
@AthanWinter:
As a man with an insanely high sex drive, I’d find it very difficult, if not impossible, to not physically express my sexuality. As much as my man enjoys sex (a lot), I’d like it even *more*. Often, my emotional state dictates my sexual desire. Even when we argue, I’m turned-on by the energy exchanged.
Respectfully, I wonder if sex drive is an issue with asexuality? You have the attraction, but you don’t have the need to act on it – don’t need the physical act to bond, and to be fulfilled. I don’t think it’s impossible for you to find love. Surely, there must be ways to find other asexual gay men, those into the emotional aspect of male bonding, rather than the sexual.
GayEGO
It is no surprise that with all of the different planets, stars, galaxies, etc. that we are at the beginning of discovering the differences in humanity. What is next? It is OK with me as long as it is not harmful to us, love and inclusiveness trumps hate and exclusion.
1EqualityUSA
As long as we’re encapsulated in flesh, sexual impulses occur. Redirecting energy is not necessarily asexual. Capacity is logical awareness. I cannot be denied, nor should it. It depends on the one steering as to whether or not this intense energy is exploited or set to fuel the journey.
Richard.L.Homan
@Bauhaus: I’m gray-a/gay. I have a pretty strong sex drive. I feel the need to get off very often and do so. I also find men very sexually appealing. However, there is no desire whatsoever to have those men involved in my experience of orgasming. There have been a number of times guys have tried to sleep with me and I’ve turned them down every time because, no matter how attractive they were in various different ways, I’ve never wanted to involve someone else (with a few exceptions).
Basically, it’s not a sex drive issue for everyone (asexuality is kind of an umbrella term that catches a LOT of slightly different situations). For me, it’s my desire to have sex with others that is absent rather than the desire to orgasm at all. The desire to orgasm is just as strong as pretty much any other guy’s.
A friend of mine is also asexual, but not gray-a, just pure ace (I identify as gray-a because there have existed people I wanted to have sex with; but literally only 3 ever and only one was physical attraction). She masturbates as well, but has a much lower sex drive. It seems to me that sex drive isn’t really that different between ace, straight, and gay. Varies from person to person.
Bauhaus
@Richard.L.Homan:
Thanks for taking the time to explain. I didn’t want to be too intrusive about solo sex, so I didn’t ask @AthanWinter. Then, you have a solo sex life, and are satisfied and happy. You don’t lack sexual desire, you lack wanting to share sex with someone. I’ve got both an active solo and shared sex life. Spouse encourages my solo sex (as I do his), as much as our shared sex. Lots of guys in relationships have to hide their wanking, which must be awful. Anyway, no judgement from me. I find human sexuality and expression fascinating, and you helped me to better understand gray-a/gay.
Mykaels
@Bauhaus
I am gay, asexual, and am not a virgin. I have had sex with my boyfriends, even friends, not because OMG TEH HORNZ!!! but because they wanted it and I wanted to give them something. This will sound stupid, but I almost think of it as a gift. My ex’s only had to ask for it, I gave it, within reason… (seriously Aaron, its 4:30 am on a work night, go to bed…). I never initiated it (which bothered a few of them), never really cared for it. My enjoyment was their enjoyment.
After my last relationship ended (he got transferred, I did NOT want to move to Cleveland), I decided to take a break from dating. A year and a half later: no porn, no tricks, no masturbation. And I am OK! And when I meet someone I like again, I will probably have sex with them if they want it.
Asexuality has a spectrum. Some are asexual due to trauma/psychosis. Some cannot have sex. Some can but do not want it. I can and will to fulfill my ‘boyfriend duties’. Sometimes I have met someone who made me laugh and engaged in great conversation and made me smile, so I give it up. Some people have sex for personal reasons, others to make others happy. It’s a spectrum!
Bauhaus
@Mykaels:
Even more insight! When couples are upfront about sexual appetites and needs from the beginning, there’s a lot less hurt as the relationship progresses. Not initiating sex may be mistaken for lack of attraction, which is important to a lot of people and can be taken personally. “It’s not you, it’s me”, really does apply in your case. I’m glad you find pleasure in pleasing the man you’re involved with, as not finding pleasure in it would be difficult, for sure. It didn’t sound stupid at all, the gift. I’m one of those pesky middle of the night guys, relentless, oblivious to the sleeping needs of my spouse. I’m highly charged – still have wet dreams!
Clark35
@inbama: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!