Fifteen minutes until the date begins, and the full-length mirror still holds you in thrall, like a grisly horror movie.
At your feet, a sprawl of discarded polo shirts, blazers, blue jeans, slacks, socks, underwear, drams of cologne, moisturizer, foundation, ketamine bumpers, dog-eared self-help books, teeth whitening trays, empty bottles of vodka, cigarette butts, muscle relaxers, cartons of melted ice cream, barbells, issues of Men’s Fitness…
Is it just you, or does your face look pouchy today; a slave to the carbs? (Why did you heat up that Fettucine Alfredo yesterday…?)
Related: Bears Have Lower Self-Esteem And Engage In Much Riskier Sex, Study Finds
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Does every pair of pants exist to accentuate those billowy puddles of flesh clinging tenaciously to your sides?
And that face of yours. On your way to a Clearasil casting call?
Your iPhone trembles in your hand as you text the words: “I’m not feeling well, can we reschedule…” Like, never
I mean, who the hell does this guy think he is…?
According to a new research study sponsored by the dating website EliteSingles, data suggests gay men are markedly less confident, less secure, and far more anxious than their straight brethren.
Here’s the breakdown of the study:
- Over 20,000 American men studied in large-scale member data analysis
- Gay men in the US 3.5 percent less confident than straight men
- Study also shows them 3 percent less secure, 2 percent more anxious and 2 percent more misunderstood
- Level of happiness on par with straight men
Well, okay. That last bullet-point though.
Why would a gay man’s happiness be on par with that of straight men if dating turns gay men into nervous wrecks? We’re confused here. Are we just gluttons for punishment?
Related: “Straight” Guys Are Having More Bisexual Sex Than Ever Before, Study Finds
According to Michael Middleton of EliteSingles Research Team, “The large-scale data analysis of users’ responses discovered that, across all the indicators, gay men were demonstrably more neurotic than straight men.”
“Gay men really worry more about their love life than straight men,” he says, “but it doesn’t make them any less happy overall.”
So, so confused now.
What do you make of these findings? Do they ring true, or is this just a bunch of claptrap and how dare EliteSingles, and how dare we even promote EliteSingles…? Sound off in the comments below.
GC1985
Lol I knew that already by reading the comments on here.
etseq
Even if this “study” used proper sampling techniques, which is doesn’t, variance of 2-4% is not statistically significant – depending on how the variables were controlled, the error rate is probably greater than the variance so it could be just noise. Even if the measure captures real variance, I’m not even sure what is being measured and how such a small percentage translates into real world effects.
etseq
Is there even a link to a press release or was this just dictated by the PR company?
Billy Budd
The percentages are really small. Were they significant? Probably were, otherwise they would not publish it, but it is still a very small difference. Being significant in a pairwise T-test for means doesn’t mean that the difference is REAL. It can be significant but very small.
Billy Budd
Small in magnitude I mean.
PretenderNX01
Everyone worries more than straight guys. I think we already knew that.
onthemark
After reading the second paragraph, I thought no wonder this guy is worried. With a bedroom that filthy, he can’t invite anyone in THERE. Damn there are some screwed-up gay stereotypes in that paragraph.
And ketamine, really? Why not just do some meth and skip the “date” part entirely?