GOLDEN YEARS
Gray Is Good: 6 LGBT Seniors You Should Know
Don Kilhefner, Ph.D
West Hollywood, CA
Los Angeles psychologist Kilhefner, 72, is one of the founding fathers of the seminal queer spiritual movement the Radical Faeries (along with late pioneer Harry Hay). He also helped start Los Angeles’ Van Ness Recovery House, the first residential program for LGBTs with chemical dependency, and L.A.’s Gay and Lesbian Center.
It’s clear lifelong well-being within the gay male community, both spiritual and physical, has been Kilhefner’s life calling: In 1999 he co-founded the Gay Men’s Medical Circle in West Hollywood, and in 2009 the Gay Elder Circle, which he describes as “a group of old gay men who are consciously embodying and claiming the role of ‘gay elder’ in our community.”
But he doesn’t let the youngin’s off the hook, either. In a column for L.A.’s Frontiers magazine, he wrote: “Forty years after Stonewall, the legacy of the work of my generation, the Gay Liberation generation, is visibility where there was invisibility, self-respect where there was self-loathing, defiance where there was fear, and community where there was aloneness. What will be the legacy of your generation? My heartfelt blessings are on your efforts.”
NEXT: Forty-plus years on the front lines (and headlines) of Chicago
Vernita Gray
Chicago, IL
Gray, 62, has funneled her energies into gay activism since the 1960s. She set up an LGBT hotline in 1969 —the same year she came out—and her apartment served as a de facto community center and “safe haven” for homeless queer youth. She helped create Chicago’s first lesbian newspaper, Lavendar Woman and was inducted into the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame in 1992.
More recently, Gray served as the LGBT liaison for Cook County State’s Attorney’s Office, and is on several committees relating to the aging gay population, including AARP’s LGBT advisory board. “When we first came out, we were excited just to walk down the street, hold hands and be openly gay,” Gray told the Chicago Tribune about her relationship with longtime partner Pat Ewert. “Then, it was exciting to turn on the TV and open a magazine and see a gay person. Now, as we have matured and our revolution has reached 40 years, we want some real-deal things. The fight for same-sex marriage and benefits is very real to me because if something should happen to me, I want [Pat] to get the benefits of my hard work..”
Photo by Hal Baim
NEXT: From an out teen in smalltown America to a major activist in New York City
Chicago, IL
Gray, 62, has funneled her energies into gay activism since the 1960s. She set up an LGBT hotline in 1969 —the same year she came out—and her apartment served as a de facto community center and “safe haven” for homeless queer youth. She helped create Chicago’s first lesbian newspaper, Lavendar Woman and was inducted into the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame in 1992.
More recently, Gray served as the LGBT liaison for Cook County State’s Attorney’s Office, and is on several committees relating to the aging gay population, including AARP’s LGBT advisory board. “When we first came out, we were excited just to walk down the street, hold hands and be openly gay,” Gray told the Chicago Tribune about her relationship with longtime partner Pat Ewert. “Then, it was exciting to turn on the TV and open a magazine and see a gay person. Now, as we have matured and our revolution has reached 40 years, we want some real-deal things. The fight for same-sex marriage and benefits is very real to me because if something should happen to me, I want [Pat] to get the benefits of my hard work..”
Photo by Hal Baim
NEXT: From an out teen in smalltown America to a major activist in New York City
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Jay Kallio
New York City, NY
Kallio, 56, has led the life of activist practically since he first came out publicly in 1969, at age 15, to his high-school health class. “For that admission, I was targeted by the local Ku Klux Klan,” he recalls. “They came up behind me in school hallways and stabbed me in the back and butt with needles, and threw bricks through all the windows of my family home.”
With “It Gets Better” and anti-
bullying campaigns still decades away away, Kallio carried on with his chin up and, in 1972, moved to New York to begin an illustrious career as an LGBT activist. Kallio, who was born biologically female, finally began a yearlong gender transition in 2005. He has worked with dozens of organizations over the years, including the Gay Activist Alliance, Lesbian Feminist Liberation, Gay and Lesbian Independent Democrats, GMHC, ACT UP, Congregation Beth Simcha Torah and SAGE. He counts the creation of NYC’s first Dyke March in the 1970s as one of his proudest accomplishments. Kallio believes access to affordable health care is crucial to the trans community and, a breast cancer survivor himself, he’s worked with the LGBT Cancer Network.
Though Kallio knows there’s much work to still be done, he says he’s proud of how far the community has come. “So many people paid with their lives for the freedom from discrimination and despair we may enjoy today,” he shares. “Much greater progress has been made than I ever would have predicted from the days when we were a hidden, often blackmailed, outcast minority.”
NEXT: Father actually does know best
bullying campaigns still decades away away, Kallio carried on with his chin up and, in 1972, moved to New York to begin an illustrious career as an LGBT activist. Kallio, who was born biologically female, finally began a yearlong gender transition in 2005. He has worked with dozens of organizations over the years, including the Gay Activist Alliance, Lesbian Feminist Liberation, Gay and Lesbian Independent Democrats, GMHC, ACT UP, Congregation Beth Simcha Torah and SAGE. He counts the creation of NYC’s first Dyke March in the 1970s as one of his proudest accomplishments. Kallio believes access to affordable health care is crucial to the trans community and, a breast cancer survivor himself, he’s worked with the LGBT Cancer Network.
Though Kallio knows there’s much work to still be done, he says he’s proud of how far the community has come. “So many people paid with their lives for the freedom from discrimination and despair we may enjoy today,” he shares. “Much greater progress has been made than I ever would have predicted from the days when we were a hidden, often blackmailed, outcast minority.”
NEXT: Father actually does know best
Dr. Stephen V. Sprinkle
Dallas, TX
A faculty member at Fort Worth’s Brite Divinity School, Sprinkle, 60, has been making a difference within the typically impermeable walls of organized religion. An ordained Baptist minister, Sprinkle attended Yale Divinity School and is Brite’s first openly gay scholar. He’s authored two books for Chalice Press, Disciples & Theology and Ordination, as well as reams of articles addressing theology, the Church and queer studies. Sprinkle has also pastored or co-pastored five congregations in Connecticut, Texas and North Carolina (where he was born and raised).
Shocked awake by a “near brush” with anti-gay violence, Sprinkle was inspired to create his website, Unfinished Lives, which he describes as “a place of public discourse which remembers and honors LGBTQ hate-crime victims, while also revealing the reality of unseen violence perpetrated against people whose only ‘offense’ is their sexual orientation, gender identity or gender presentation.”
Asked by the HRC to comment on the passage of 2009’s Matthew Shepard Act, Sprinkle wrote: “The end of the beginning of full equality for my people has come. And we who believe in the fullness of justice will not rest until it comes continue to preach, to pray, and to advocate until all of us our free to love without the threat of violence.”
NEXT: Women in love
Shelly Bailes and Ellen Pontac
Davis, CA
Bailes, 70, and Pontac, 69, were amongst the first legally married gay couples in California. Under the order of San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, the two were first issued a California marriage license in 2004, but it was nullified six months later. After many rallies, demonstrations and a California State Supreme Court judgment in favor of same-sex marriage rights, they tied the knot again in June 2008 (prior to the passing of Proposition 8).
The founders of their local Marriage Equality USA chapter and the political group FORGE (FOR Gay Equality), Balies and Pontac also took a stand against the Boy Scouts of America’s anti-gay policies, help feed the homeless and volunteer for numerous community causes. New York-born Bailes is a representative for the LGBT community on Davis’ Citizens Advisory Board, has co-chaired Davis’ Human Relations Commission and was instrumental in the passing of Davis’ 1984 Civil Rights Ordinance—one of the first in the country that banned discrimination based on sexual orientation. “Anyone can make a difference,” Bailes says, “and it’s important to be who you are.”
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Jim Hlavac
Oh geez, there’s not 6 of us geezers you should know — it’s all of us — all of us 50+ who have put up with the most astounding nonsense you youth can’t fathom. Hell, at least you youngun’s get to have 1/10th, well, maybe 1/4 loaf, now. Oh, well, all of us grey haired geezers have a few stories to tell. Ah, yes, the wonderful bar raids, the firing from jobs, the chased out of places for a slight flicker of emotion — you all are so damn lucky it’s wonderful — I smile at it all. — It has gotten so much better you can’t imagine, though I wish you all to try.
and let me give you a bit of history, not just because I was involved — no, it’s because every grey haired gay person was involved in too many stories that it would be impossible to pick just six. http://thedailymush.wordpress.com/2011/10/13/to-the-barricades-to-wall-street-july-4th-1986/ — enjoy.
Jim Hlavac
Oh yah, I see around here bewailing the “thousands” of gay young men who are homeless — well I remember when it was tens of thousands, millions even, hell, it was near 90% of us. I was extraordinarily lucky, my family loved me just as I am — I got all my vast family to write to the Florida Orange people against Anita Bryant — here, a bit of gay grey haired geezer history: — http://www.imfromdriftwood.com/2011/05/09/im-from-baldwin-ny/
but I remember when every gay bar had a Thanksgiving & Christmas spread, for few of us were welcomed at home. I remember rescuing 1 or 2 young guys a week off the streets of the cities I lived in, for their families threw them out. I was not the only one, all of us living grey haired guys did this. I don’t see this as much any more; it’s diminished 90% or more.
Just like all of us grey hairs helped those in the early and mid 1980s die as peacefully as they could. Six? No, all. All of us geezers.
ewe
I think this thread is sweet. Bravo to all those mentioned.
Chad
Once again queerty misses the mark with their “5-6 people of a category that you should know” feature.
Lawrence Ferber
@Chad: “Misses the mark” how Chad? Let me/us know how to improve our work and hit the mark. Thanks!
xander
Bravo Queerty for this article about our trailbreaking elders. this is a nice selection. More posts like this, please.
Hearing stories of and from our ‘foreparents’ helps keep me inspired when I get discouraged.
chpinnlr
Queerty might consider more posts like this, and keeping tha gay history posts…maybe once a month or so? It’s fine for the rest of the world to acknowledge our history one month out of the year, but surely we, as members of the LGBT tribe could do better than that!
Pep, Italy
@ No. 7 agreed ! Make that once a week!
Daniel S
Dr. sprinkle spoke at our LGBT affirming interfaith service here at Texas A&M University on Sunday and a bunch of us went to dinner with him afterwards, he is an amazing man.
Burch
Shelly and Ellen are great, but you have reversed their names – Ellen is on the right and Shelly on the left. They are sometimes jokingly collectively known as “Shellen.” They applied for a marriage license every year to the county clerk, and often all three women ended up in tears when the clerk had to deny them. The clerk said that when marriage equality arrived she would marry them and pay the license fee herself and she kept her promise, making Shelly and Ellen the first married same sex couple in Yolo County.
Stephen Sprinkle
What a surprise to be honored like this! Thanks so much for lifting up the contributions of older LGBTQ activists like me. Your words of encouragement move me. I also want to lift up the very many courageous LGBTQ people whose work goes unrecognized as they labor of justice to come everyday. In their name, I accept this honor. Appreciation to Queerty!
Steve Sprinkle
Dallas, Texas
ROTHERS
age is a good thing. it helps us to be more open and understanding our own ignorants within ourselves.we learn from each other. thanks for the internet