A conversation between two men on a dating app talking about gender expression has gone viral.
Travis Norris shared a screenshot of the brief exchange to his Facebook page earlier this week.
“Are you a masculine guy?” the sender asks.
To which the other person answers, “What would you define as masculine? Lol.”
How about we take this to the next level?
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“Not a flaming gay queen lol,” the sender replies.
Then comes the read:
“I have too much going on in my life to worry about how someone perceives my personality based on heteronormative ideas of gender expression. I just am. I’m not worried about masculinity or femininity nor do I really care where I fall in line with someone else’s perception of those things.”
Norris’s post has received nearly 3,000 shares, over 350 responses, and 55 comments, and counting.
“No one is masc,” one person writes. “Give that bitch a couple drinks and put on some Beyoncé. The queen always comes out.”
“Anyone who asks that question has zero self-confidence,” another person comments.
“Exactly what makes a guy masculine?” a third person pontificates. “And if a guy doesn’t do those things, that makes them less of a man?”
Read the exchange below…
mr guy
Coulda just said “no”
JAWIWA
You won the thread in the first comment. A rarity. Celebrate.
BradyKing1451
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Cam
Frankly people that strive for masculinity often present the opposite. Example, Russell Tovey was kind of sexy several years ago, now that he has been bulking up, he seems more insecure and unsure of himself which makes him less attractive. Just my 2 cents.
mr guy
Still TRIGGERED and obsessed loooooool
Cam
@mr guy
With?
djmcgamester
What does that even mean? Bulking up makes him less secure? Some guys like to bulk up, straight, gay or whatever. I also don’t know what it means to “strive for masculinity”. You do realize some people range greatly in the masc/fem spectrum, right? Some straight guys have more feminine qualities. Some gay guys have more masculine qualities. This is also based on today’s standards. Masculinity in the 18th century was nothing like it is today.
All of that said, why do you care what he likes or doesn’t like? If he doesn’t like “you” (in the general sense, not the personal) why would you even want to be with him? Better that he asks those questions ahead of time so he can be weeded out.
Cam
@djmcgamester
No sweetie, let me explain it to you.
Now that Tovey seems obsessed with butching up, he comes off as more insecure than he ever did before. Not a hot look.
throwslikeagirl
In my life as an out gay man, I’ve been called masculine, hot, feminine, a Big Qween, old-looking, young-looking, and on and on. Gender identifying characteristics are on a continuum and are judged by an individual based on his/her own values and life-experiences. I’d tell the questioner the same thing the informed guy said, but ( if I was still interested in the guy after being asked that question ), I’d suggest having a cup of coffee and allow him to answer for himself. “Masculinity” is in the eye of the beholder.
Max
there are too many classifications being used in order to create a clear definition of individuality
Rock-N-RollHS
We may not agree on what masculine is, but we all know a queen. jajaja
cshields
So I agree that men should be allowed to be whoever they want to be—masculine, feminine, somewhere in between, etc. However, I personally am not attracted to effeminate men. It would feel like I was dating a woman and I’m not into women. It’s as simple as that. I, like so many others, have come to self consciously attribute certain things with what I personally consider masculine. I’m also entitled to have a type. I don’t hate you for being feminine, I’m just not attracted to you. And no—I won’t apologize for that, just as you should not apologize for being who you are either.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
I don’t care about masculine or femmine. The personality of the guy is what I focus on..
And the myth that all feminine guys are timid sub bottoms is just that a myth. I have met some hot guys who would be typed as extremely fem. However they were insatiable hot awesome fcuks…;-p
misterheck
A feminine top … that’s called a blouse, right?
CenterRight
What you describe about a hot feminine top sounds truly alarming. If you even remotely think some feminine guy who has the nerve to play a masculine role as hot, there is definitely something serious wrong with you mentally.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
CenterRight: Am predicting any day now the cadaver dogs are gonna start indicating hits in your backyard…….
Ryan99
If you’re going to ask that question, you need to provide a long list of masculine and non-masculine traits. Everybody’s view on what constitutes masculinity are different.
Really, isn’t it just easier to have a conversation, maybe a coffee, and figure out if they work for you or not?
Donston
Personality and mannerisms can play a big role when it comes to someone’s romantic/sexual/relationship spectrum. And that’s fine. However, those “preferences” can be mere covers for internalized homophobia, femme-phobia, misogyny, misandry and so on. I have no problem with people wanting to be with who they want to be with. It’s the hate, disrespect, dismissive instincts that I won’t accept. In general, it’s weird how “our community” is so hyper obsessed with “labels”, especially since there’s no consensus on any of it. I just feel too many folks are depending on descriptors when it comes to expressing themselves and looking for partnership.
Donston
Furthermore, people are out here being whatever the hell they think someone wants them to be. My husband and one of my exes became a lot more “limp-wristed” the deeper we got into the relationship. And that was fine. So, your supposedly manly stud could be a big queen in disguise.
Celtic
I understand the question, but I do not understand the requirement/need to ask it. Most people consider me masculine/butch, but I have dated men across the spectrum. And, yes, even as an aging Boomer I can still do camp. I will do camp only with gay friends. Straights can’t handle it!! LOL.
frankcar1965
You have the right to want what you want, no one should be disparaged for that. And obviously the guy with the smart azz reply was probably a big flame queen and got her wittle feelings hurt.
Donston
“Liking what you like” is different than being rude and femme-phobic. The guy was a jackass first. The sanctimonious response was overkill however.