This is what is so sad about Grindr, and now it applies to Blendr (by the way, what’s with the aversion to vowels?) as well. This is what makes Grindr and the people who rely on it so depressingly mundane. Knowing who in your immediate proximity is similar to you or who is “hot” isn’t exciting; it’s boring. Because if you need a phone to tell you what you need to know about someone as opposed to having the actual person who is 50 feet away tell you themselves using verbal communication (German or otherwise), you’re a pussy. A lazy pussy. And to those who tout the convenience and technological wonder of apps like Grindr and how it is “the way things are” now, I would simply say that there is much more wonder–not to mention potential character-building humiliation–in actually physically approaching someone who you think looks interesting and saying “Hello” without knowing a single thing about them beforehand.
– The Sword’s Zachary Sire, examining the claims of Grindr founder Joel Simkhai, who calls Blendr a site where people can “find new friends” and not just get laid. (link NSFW)
ron
You forgot to add one word to boring, spineless wallflowers — whores!
RomanHans
> I would simply say that there is much more wonder . . .
> in actually physically approaching someone who you think
> looks interesting and saying “hello” without knowing a
> single thing about them beforehand.
“Wonder”? Yes, talking to a stranger involves “wonder.”
That’s ridiculous.
Usually when a stranger talks to me, the only thing I “wonder” is how the hell to get away.
scott alexander hess
One on one connections are amazing. True. However, several of my friends met on Grindr, dated, then had sex. One couple I know who met on Grindr tied the know, legally, this weekend. They thanked Grindr at the ceremony. I think there’s room for everything, depending on what you do with it. My debut novel, Diary of a Sex Addict out this month, explores yet another angle.
iDavid
The writer of this article is highly judgemental. The more ways to meet in this computer age the better. We’re adults who like many options of communication. Let that never change And continue to grow.
QJ201
Since I came out before hook-up websites became the status quo, there was this thing called cruising, or if you like, flirting. Guys in bars don’t know how to approach each other, and so many have their faces in their phones (probably on Grindr).
Marie Cohn
Blendr: The straights ALWAYS have to emulate us! Tsk! Losers!
(It should be pronounced “green-drrr”, like A-LIST NY’s Rodiney says.)
Elloreigh
@QJ201: I never understood cruising. Then again, Having zero self-confidence, I’ve never been able to initiate conversation with strangers – though they seem to love talk to me – if they’re female. Fortunately my normally shy husband stepped out of his comfort zone to talk to me, and he intrigued me.
So, Grindr? Um, that would be a ‘no’. Nothing against people using the tools at their disposal, but it wouldn’t be for me. I’d rather just stay a hermit if I had to do without my husband (heaven forbid).
George412
Grindr and our community’s reliance on so many digital devices rathter than old fashioned introductions and getting to know you is sad. When I came out in the 90s (a less visible time for gays) men were more confident and able to hold conversations. They had to cultivate small talk and take a chance saying hello. That’s how you met. Being able to approach someone not only helps in personal life, but helps in the professional world as well. Over a decade later gays are on TV, allowed to get married, can serve in the military, yet unfortunately the younger (and its spreading to older guys) generation doesn’t have the confidence and comfort level that gays should have in this era. Why have so many older generations fought for and gained visibility if technology like Grindr is going to steal basic life lessons like being able to say hello from us?
psharp
Probably because you are shallow and an a$$hole…
matt
I don’t understand why this guy is so angry and bitter about how others choose to meet people. I’ve very busy with school and work and don’t have the time to go out to gay bars and clubs all of the time, so stuff like grindr is a godsend. I met my bf of 3 years and several friends using grindr and similar sites, I would have been much more limited if going to bars was my only option.
Giovannidude
Everyone should be able to use technology that is available now. Still, many will be missing out by not meeting the old-fashioned way.
hunter52
Turned?
Chadboy
@George412:
George, I agree with your feelings. I’m 28 and was in P-Town a few weeks ago with friends. One of my good buddies was on Grindr all the time as we walked on Commercial Street. I told him it was pathetic that he had to look at his i-phone to be told there was a hot guy 10 feet away (if you could even trust the photos). Just look around. You can see for yourself if there are hot guys around. We were at a major gay destination. Who the hell needs technology when there are men all around? I think the guys who need it are insecure and uncomfortable with who they are. Weird that we seem to be breeding more insecuruty at a time where we are able to be open with who we are. The kicker of my story is that my friend pointed out a guy on Grindr he thought was hot but he never met him in “reality”. They just exchanged messages. Another friend of mine who doesn’t have Grindr met the same guy the next day by simply going up and smiling and saying hello. They had a nice couple of days together. Of, course my friend who lives and breathes Grindr was pissed that our Grindr-less friend got the guy he wanted. I could only laugh.
n00b
Sure. I bet there was “wonder” in walking around on pre-road paths and picking flowers and fruits but driving cars is much more efficient. Some of us will make that tradeoff, thanks for kindly fucking off and not trying to regulate us.
Next thing we’ll be “destroying the sanctity of gay hookup” or some other homoconservative bullshit.
Dennis
I understand the attraction of the hookup but some of my friends have lost all their social skills because they find that they are not needed when hooking up on Grinder. They come to dinner parties and they are on their phone the whole time looking for the next hookup. The only thing they can add to a conversation is the last hookup they had. How about a little moderation. It’s ruining my friends.
Interesting
Sociological research says we have fewer close relationships today rather than more. I came of age in the age of the Internet so I am not biased against online relationships, but stats are stats. So, while it may annoy people to read it- the truth is that we do seem to have fewer relationships despite all our tools for communication. So, the question you might ask is why? May be the answer is that we are too afraid.
Chad
I think I would rather be rejected the old fashioned way, walk up to someone say hello they look at me go “eww” and walk off….
Elloreigh
“allowed to get married” and “a time where we are able to be open with who we are”.
Not where I live.
Elloreigh
“allowed to get married” and “a time where we are able to be open with who we are”.
Not where I live. Just because the battle is over for you, that doesn’t mean the rest of us are living in the promised land.
Spike
Grindr is nothing short of a bathhouse app without having to walk around wearing a towel.
Mike
As a young gay without a smartphone I can say I have never used grindr and have had my best hookups/dates come from the bar scene. However I don’t usually introduce myself with a hello. Usually it’s just a glance and a dance, then bed or an exchange of numbers. Nonverbal/Body language cues work best for me.
Tommy Shepherd
I’m 39 so remember the days before grindr and other hookup internet sites. I miss those days. I’ve wasted so much time on grindr, and with very little to show for it. Most people don’t seem that interested in meeting up, and the chat is so banal and repetitive. The gay bar where I live barely gets used, because everyone’s online.
NCNC
I just wish the female equivalent wasn’t clotted with straight dudebros trying to get with us. I’d love to have the opportunity to turn into a boring, spineless wallflower!
Trevor Bartlet
It doesn’t turn them into boneless wallflowers, it just exposes them as such.
newcityspot
i use it to talk, and set up a coffee date because i’m not into casual sex and i don’t drink so going out to a bar is a waste of time. seems like most don’t see the potential or aren’t using it creatively.
Jared
The worst part is the fact that Grinder users won’t talk to someone without a picture on the main page. I don’t have one, as where I come from there was a crazy homophobe who used the app to track down gays to harass and assault. Even if you’re a cute guy and send the picture after a little chat, its probably too late and they’ve blocked you. Fickle little boys, the lot of them.