CUM AGAIN?

Jizz On The Rocks: Introducing Semen-Infused Cocktails

Semenology-2Some things are sacred, chief among them: booze. Don’t mess with our alcohol and no one gets hurt. Yet one intrepid bartender — namely Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer, author of Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook — wants to add a little spunk to your cocktail.

According to the book’s tongue (among other things)-in-cheek description:

This is the ultimate handbook for mixologists looking for ingredients that go beyond exotic fruit juices and rare spirits. Driven by a commitment and passion for the freshly harvested ingredient, Semenology pushes the limits of classic bartending. Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters and adds a personal touch to any cocktail. The connoisseur will appreciate learning how to mix selected spirits to enhance the delicate flavors of semen. The book provides useful tips that cover every detail of Semenology, from mixing and presentation to harvesting and storage advice.

“Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters…” How fresh are we talking here? Because from our experience, a sticky stool does not a Whole Foods make.

Now, it’s one thing to like the after product of sex, and another thing to like the thing that fuels the sex, but to mix both? You’ve gone too far internet. Go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

In the meantime we’ll be trying to scrub the thought of this horrible mixture out of our heads and our clothes. But what do you think, dear reader? Are you ready to try a Cum and Coke? Or perhaps a Penis Colada. Or — wait for it — a Dong Island Iced Tea?

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17 Comments

  • denvermtnbiker

    Ha! Only if one is in a committed, monogamous relationship with the bartender… :-)

  • QJ201

    Well after a guy blows in your mouth, vodka rinse sounds like a better plan than mouthwash.

  • Scribe38

    @QJ201: A dude blows in my mouth he is likely to get punched. I am pretty GGG, but I draw the line at exchanging body fluids.

  • barkomatic

    I’d say the bartender would only be able to make a few of these drinks before running out of the key ingredient. lol

  • Goforit

    Why would anyone want to ruin a perfectly good drink with alcohol?

  • tardis

    That’s so gross.

  • yaoming

    Wouldn’t “semenology” be the study of semen? Not sure what that has to do with jizzing in a martini glass (with a martini in it).

  • Rockery

    @yaoming:

    I’ve heard the term “mixologist” which a term for bartender, so I’m sure mixology is the term for bartending and semenology would be a play on that term

  • desert2som

    Damn! Just when I thought that they’d never be able to top bacon-infused drinks….

  • BritAus

    I feel sorry for Scribe38.

  • BritAus

    That’s the best part.
    ;-)

  • DeLotusAngels

    That would be one tasty drink ;-)

  • bledoutcolor

    This isjust so unsanitary and gross. I dont drink alcohol, but then i wouldnt drink random mens semen either. I mean i love semen as much as the next gay, but who it comes from (and whether or not it is mixed in a everage or foodstuff i would be consuming) can be a huge factor in whether i want said jizz in my mouth -.-

  • Niall

    @Scribe38: Wait, so you don’t French kiss?

Comments are closed.