expansion plans

Like His Old Meth Habit, Ted Haggard’s New Church Is Blowin’ Up

From basement to barn and now to Palm Springs’ entertainment venue Pikes Peak Center: Ted Haggard’s new St. James Church keeps outgrowing its britches!

Attendance at his weekly sermons has reached 245 people, up 44 percent since Day 1. Also, his homeowner’s insurance won’t cover the church meetings on his property, so just in case Jesus bothers rearing his head at one of these things and accidentally destroys someone’s car or squashing a wee one as he descends violently from the heavens, Haggard was forced to find new digs.

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  • keke

    We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves!

  • dvlaries

    You’ve got to hand it to the guy.
    He’s as resilient and shameless as an infestation of roaches.

  • pawsum

    Who’s the smokin’ hot bear standing next to him? I’d fall to my knees and handle his snake in a heartbeat!

  • B

    No. 3 · pawsum wrote, “Who’s the smokin’ hot bear standing next to him?”

    … let me guess (so I can make a wisecrack): he’s an ex-gay about to become an ex-ex-gay with Teddy!

  • shanelle

    False prophets still can rake in the masses and the cashola.
    Verry sad.
    Ted needs to quit living a lie.
    His poor wife; either she’s not too bright or she’s a golddiggger.

    words: Shanelle
    additional reporting: Goochi’s outside on a smokebreak so did not provide any helps whatsoever
    moral support: our kitty A-Lexus
    scented candle: Martha Stewart maybe
    beverage: limonata

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