How many hours a day do you spend on hookup apps? And how much time is too much time? That’s what one U.K. man wants to know.
“I am an out gay man living in an urban area,” he writes in a new confessional published by the Guardian. “I spend hours and hours online looking at hook-up ads on my phone. In addition, I hook up a lot. It is wonderful and awful in equal measure.”
Related: Young Irish Catholic clergyman whisked off to Rome in attempt to cure him of Grindr addiction
The man continues: “I’m sure this is a challenge for a lot of other people, too. Society has rarely had so many people with so many sexual opportunities in a short span of time. Any thoughts on how I should handle this time-wasting distraction?”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
According to Dr. Greg Carson, a psychologist based in Los Angeles, becoming addicted to hookup apps isn’t all that unusual. In a recent article, he compared carrying a cellphone to having casino slot machine in your pocket that “continually [begs] for your attention with buzzes, dings and flashes.”
“Dating apps are the worst,” he continues. “Much like the more generic slot machines of Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, dating apps give you unpredictable reinforcements like woofs, unlocks, and matches—and lots of ‘Hey’ and ‘Sup.’ But unlike those other platforms, dating apps center around one primary goal: sex.”
Which is precisely what makes them all the more enticing.
Related: Dating apps are turning people into sex addicts, doctor warns
So what can be done about this? The answer: Not much. At least according to Carson. Sure, you could delete your Grindr and SCRUFF accounts, but you’ll probably just download then again a week later.
“I’m not saying you need to enter rehab or give up apps altogether,” Dr. Carson writes, “but I am saying you might want to wake up to the fact that you’re less in charge of your obsession with that little brick in your pocket than you think. It’s hijacking your brain.”
How much time per day do you spend on hookup apps? Take our poll below…
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Zero. I’ve got to hear you talk, observe your mannerisms, get a sense of you in the round.
Frank
AMEN…also I am happily married…met him in the supermarket
skcord
I erased everything from my phone even remotely hookup related back before Christmas. While I now struggle to connect with other gay men easily, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel so much better overall without that distraction and inevitable feelings of letdown and emptiness.
Frank
Good choice…it is important to interact with people first whether gay or straight…this is to hone your skills…then venture out to more specified meetings of gay men…for example, i went on a hike today with my husband in Seattle and saw many men some gay some straight…but there was a smile on our face as we hiked up 2300 ft.
It is important to be engaging FIRST and not always trying to date and/or hook up. If you can not do the first part you will not see people you will see a conquest and that is tiring…
Prax07
I check the apps every hour or so to see if I’ve gotten any messages, but I don’t sit for hours looking at them. My ex though stays on Snapchat, Kik, and Messenger all day/night long. Literally, All day long. He’s bi and talks to women Constantly. And I do his laundry, I get to see the giant precum stains in his undies every day.
Frank
If you do his laundry you are a “cleaning cuckold”…I am sure you still long for him, try to work thru that or not…
michel_banen
I never even used a dating app. I met my 1st boyfriend in a gay youth center and we’re celebrating our 20th anniversary together in march. Still totally addicted to him only and that is mutual.
He BGB
I set up an account on one app to see what all the hubbub was about then deleted my account.
cancorv
I did the same BGB – about 4 years ago. It was kinda informative – I know what the rest of them are talking about now. But it didn’t drag me into an abyss of addiction.