Marcus Mabry: The Gift Of Being A Gay Dad

When I turned 40 I decided it was time. By then surrogacy was so en vogue among those who could afford it—gay and straight alike—that I knew that was the route I wanted to take. My partner wanted to have children, too, but he was younger than I was and he had not decided at that point, as I had, that he would have children, no matter what.

We also differed over the primacy of having a family. As he put it, he did not feel that his life would be incomplete without children. I did. What would a well-off gay couple have to show at the end of a life spent together: photos of the various exotic trips they had taken? This is us at the pyramids. This is us at Angkor Wat. This is us in Patagonia. This is us in Paris.

A series of travelogues as proof of a life well-lived.

Of course, career, philanthropy, extended family, working to improve the world can all be immensely gratifying pursuits, but—for me—I believed that building a family and leaving children as a legacy would be my best-lived life. And even though he didn’t think it a necessity, my partner was thrilled, if filled with trepidation, about trying surrogacy.

After our first gestational surrogate miscarried in the first trimester, we went on to have an ideal surrogacy experience. Our surrogate became our friend and finally family. She had a nearly flawless pregnancy. And our boys are the best part of our lives. They are our little miracles.

Every time I look at them I understand that far from being cursed, being a little gay boy was a blessing. It taught me compassion. It taught me how to rise above fear and self-hatred. It made me stronger.

Today, I feel well and truly blessed.

My partner and I have all those travelogue snap shots from before we had kids. We’ll be revisiting all those places and taking new pictures again, with our sons.”

—New York Times editor Marcus Mabry, discussing becoming a father after years of thinking it was a gift denied to him, on the Times’ parenting blog, Motherlode.

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  • 1equalityUSA

    Dear Mr. Mabry, You sound as though you are an excellent role model and father. Thank you for sharing your story and speaking out about some of the good experiences rearing children can bring. I hope your family lives long, healthy, happy, fulfilled lives.

  • Tracy Johnson

    This was a terrfic love letter to the true purpose of fatherhood. HAPPY FATHERS DAY QUEERTY FAMILY!!

  • Harry

    What a splendid excerpt. So happy that you and your partner are getting to experience the joys of parenthood!

  • Matt

    This is nice but what about all of the LGBT people who don’t have kids, or who don’t want them?

  • Jack

    @Matt: You get the other 363 days in the year that aren’t Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Mr. Mabry acknowledges that his partner was not certain that he wanted children, so Mr. Mabry clearly doesn’t have a thing against opposing viewpoints. He was speaking to his own experience, just like you can speak to your own experience.

  • Mark

    @Matt: Good for you but we’re enjoying this guys story……

  • Dennis Velco

    As an adoptive parent .. Thank you for being first open to a home for children and then being open to allowing the world to really see you. Thank you. You all are nothing less than beautiful.

    I posted it to my LGBT Group on LinkedIn to spur members to read your article and to make comment. I also scooped it at Scoop.It on my LGBT Times news mashup.

    Link to group >>

    All LGBT+ and community allies…. please come join me and 14,000 of your soon to be great friends on LinkedIn. The member base represents 80% of the world’s countries.

    It is strictly professional office friendly dialog, posting and profiles / profile images. I’ve been told by many that it may well be one of the best run / managed groups on LinkedIn. It even has several LinkedIn top executives as members.

    You can be as out or private as you like and I provide instructions on how to set those preferences (In the Manager’s Choice area).
    EVERY new member is placed automatically and systematically on a temporary 100% moderation to ensure that Right Wingers don’t join and immediately spew forth their garbage. I have the ability to place individuals on 100% moderation at any time and can remove and ban people from the group as necessary. If removed for hate speech I report them to LinkedIn.

    It’s core value is – Visibility can lead to awareness which can lead to equality. Come stand with us and increase our visibility on the globe’s largest professional networking site. Be a professional who just happens to be LGBT – or a welcomed community ally.

  • Mitch

    Editor at large at the International Herald Tribune. Why fudge his title?

Comments are closed.