“Masturbation Will Make Me Turn Gay” And 40 More Wacky Lies From The Mormon Church

Screen Shot 2015-03-24 at 11.31.44 AMSome of these would be hilarious if they weren’t still actually-held beliefs by many people. And some are just terrifying no matter the context.

Reformed brainwashee Mormon Redditer VilateandHelen recently racked their brain to come up with all the lies learned  (and subsequently unlearned) growing up in the church.

There must be plenty more, but this is a pretty comprehensive list.

Buckle up:

Black people were not valiant in the pre-existence.

Joseph Smith never practiced polygamy.

Brigham Young did everything he could to prosecute the killers in Mountain Meadows Massacre.

Gay people choose to be gay.

Mary had sex with God in Heaven.

People with mental illness are possessed by the Devil.


The second coming would be in the Year 2000.

Mormons didn’t practice polygamy after 1890.

So many young ladies joined the church in the 1800’s because the men died in wars.

I would probably end up living in Jackson County Virginia.

The earth is only six thousand years old.

Evolution is a lie.

Dinosaur bones were put on Earth by the devil.

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The Church has the Gold Plates and Sword of Laban in its vaults.

The sealed portion of the Golden Plates would be released any day.

I was one of the greatest generals in the War in Heaven.

Brigham Young mostly just married widows.

African people weren’t prepared enough to handle the priesthood.

The temple would be an amazing experience.

Masturbation with make me turn gay.


Bishops can read my mind.

All my tithing goes to building churches and temples.

The RLDS church was led by the Devil.

The church had secret missionaries in China.

Women should not wear makeup or dye their hair.

Angels helped push the handcarts.

The Book of Mormon is the most perfect book on Earth.


The Book of Abraham was written by Abraham and translated by Joseph Smith.

The devil ruled the waters.

All the Indians were Lamanites.

Joseph translated the Book of Mormon using the Urim and Thummim.

There had been no changes in the temple ceremony.

The Masons got their ceremony from looking at Solomon’s Temple.

People leave the Mormon church because they want to sin.

It will be proven that coffee is as bad as smoking.

The Catholic church is run by the devil.

Archeologists have tons of proof of the Book of Mormon.

God’s doctrine never changes.

Anything not written by the church is Anti – Mormon.

The Holy Ghost is a better witness than logic.

Church leaders are not paid.

Christ walks the halls of the temple with the Prophet.


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