They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. That certainly seems to be the case with a new how-to guide for bisexual husbands thinking about coming out to their wives published by Menâs Health.
The cryptic new guide kicks off with an alarming statistic from Dr. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli, who notes that nearly one third of women dump their male partners after learning they are bisexual.
So, right off the bat, it instills fear into readers who are already probably feeling a little nervous, warning them that they might be in store for a âbitter breakup.â
The first piece of advice the guide gives is to âConsider why you want to tell her.â
How about we take this to the next level?
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The most obvious reason to us would be that sheâs the guyâs wife and, generally speaking, people like to confide in their spouses. Also, itâs not healthy or sustainable to keep secrets bottled up inside of you.
But thatâs not what the guide says. Instead, it says:
You still love her and want to continue being monogamous, you just donât want her to raise an eyebrow when you start watching RuPaulâs Drag Race with a new gaggle of gay friends.
Huh??!
Dr. Caroline Madden, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Menâs Health, âThis isnât something that you bring to your wife and have her help you figure it out. You need to know what you are, what you want, and how this might impact your partner. Try not to be self-absorbed.â
Way to feed into the âbisexuals are selfishâ narrative there, Caroline.
The guideâs last piece of advice warns men, âKnow you can lose her.â
âUnderstand that some women will not be able handle your attraction to other genders and may not be able to stay secure [in] your relationship,â it cautions. âThese women will choose to leave.â
Obviously, this is a possibility and is probably worth considering; however, it could be worded in a less threatening way so as not to scare bisexual men back into the closet.
The guide does offer a few tidbits of somewhat helpful, albeit rather obvious, advice, like âExplain that your attractions have nothing to do with your feelings for herâ and âGive her time to process,â but, as a whole, we sincerely hope no bisexual men struggling to come out to their wives actually read this thing.
Related: See what âNewsweekâ was writing about bisexuals back in 1995
CenterRight
What’s the point of revealing to your wife your homosexual tendency unless you want a divorce or pursue an open relationship? The truth is, you don’t have to explore the gay lifetstyle in this lifetime, which is corrupted and promiscuous for most gays anyway. Better stay in a secure marriage so that you don’t lose half of your possessions to your wife.
LukeHill1389
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gossipbear
Gee, thanks a bundle, Cent.
curiobi
STOP TROLLING. STOP CALLING GAY MEN PROMISCUOUS ALL THE TIME, STOP HATING GAY PEOPLE AND COMMENTING HERE. GO AWAY. I AM SICK OF YOUR HATEFUL ATTITUDE AND COMMENTS. You are no better than the idiot spam bots that are back and Queerty does not seem to be moderating again.
Rock-N-RollHS
You sound happy. But if it’s working for you. . .
Corrupt and proud! (I share my bed with Satan! He’s so hot!)
Juanjo
How many different names do you use to push the same BS?
Oh, QUEERTY – LukeHill1389 and the other spambot names being used to push this scam are getting really annoying AGAIN. Might be why your readership is dropping off.
Rex Huskey
makes sense to me…
btw, any of these bots that accuse us of using differing screen names are weak and at a loss to defend their “point of view”…. if you call it that
Kangol2
@RexHuskey, “CenterRight” actually has used mutliple screen names:
CastleSF
HerenAgain
HereIAm
etc.
You might not remember them but a number of us do.
Under all of them he usually pushes the same line about adult gay promiscuity, etc. In terms of the Men’s Health query, the marriage is probably not as secure as CenterRight thinks if the husband is debating telling his wife about his bisexuality, which is a pretty huge secret to keep. Some people can suppress it, and CenterRight, who I believe is gay, might be able to do so, but the repressed desire, resentment, etc., often boil up and create serious problems for supposedly “heterosexual” couples. Telling someone to be “monogamous” is easy to do, but having them do it, especially when they are not addressing a major component of their sexual selves, is a completely different game. Talk to a marriage counselor or therapist, and you’ll quickly learn how this hidden info is often a prescription for disaster.
Cam
What a shock, the account that always defends bigots is here defending the closet.
urlspro.com/35839
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gossipbear
LukeHill1389 Do put a sock in it, old love. Nobody says ‘real truth’ any more, not even spambots. Hello, Queerty moderator?
djmcgamester
I’m not sure what the purpose of “coming out” to your wife brings to the relationship. Is he going to watch bi or gay porn with her? Does he want an open relationship to pursue sex with men?
Say it is necessary because you want to be open and honest with your wife. If you expect to maintain a fully monogamous relationship, there shouldn’t be an issue. Simply say that you only want to be open about your feelings and that you are not looking to pursue men in any capacity. If you don’t look at other women in front of her then the same rule applies to looking at men. After that, it’s up to her to decide how to handle it. If she has a hard time coming to terms, marriage counseling might work.
This is all my take as someone who is in no way a therapist. Merely my opinion. Honestly, Men’s Health should just avoid the topic without some serious research behind it.
Rey
Itâs part of his identity.
Cam
I’m torn on this one. If the guy isn’t interested in sleeping with anybody else it seems like a non-issue. Sort of like a straight guy telling his thin brunette wife “You know, I also think blondes with big chests are hot”. Doesn’t seem like a discussion that needs to be had.
Then again, I’m not a bisexual guy married to a woman or a straight woman married to a bisexual guy so I could be way off on this one.
pioneer
I read the menâs health article. There was nothing wrong with it.