Midsummer Night Flings: Six Tips For Taking Up A Gay Lover In August

gaycoupleThe dog days of summer are officially upon us, and what better way to enjoy these last few weeks of hot, humid nights than by getting tangled up in the bedsheets with a good-looking male companion?

Summer flings, also known as California flings, are great because they allow us the opportunity to meet someone new, have a little fun, and get laid in the process.

A summer fling is different from a friend with benefits (FWB). A FWB is ongoing and can happen year-round, whereas a summer fling is specifically timed with the summer season and usually ends around Labor Day with the mutual understanding of a Facebook friendship. Moreover, a FWB is a strictly sexual relationship. A summer fling is primarily sexual, but it can also include casual dates and other non-sexual activities.

Here are six helpful tips for engaging in the perfect, sunny summertime romance.


Set the ground rules

It’s important that you and your paramour be on the same page when it comes to your relationship, otherwise it could lead to trouble come Labor Day. Make it clear off the bat that you’re not looking for anything serious, and that if he is, he should go elsewhere.


Engage in appropriate activities

Going out on dates is one of the perks to having a summertime sweetie. That being said, avoid doing anything too romantic. This includes things like fine dining experiences, couples massages, or moonlit walks in the park. Don’t spend your savings on surprising your Mr. Right Now with a weekend getaway to Paris, fun as it may sound. Save that crap for your future fiancé, wherever he may be, and stick to more casual outings, like daytime hikes, seeing the new Chris Pratt movie, going to the beach, or getting last minute nosebleed tickets to Cher’s Dressed to Kill tour.


Always split the bill

Going halfsies on the check is a good way to keep the power dynamic in your relationship balanced and prevent one party from feeling dependent upon the other, which can lead to unwanted emotional attachments. It’s OK to treat one another to little splurges here and there — a sno-cone in the park, an Oprah chai from Starbucks, etc. — but when the tab reaches $20 or more, it’s best to make like a banana and split it.



Have tons of it. That’s the primary point of a summer fling. Just be sure to wrap it up when you do.


Maintain your distance

Talking on the phone every day, seeing each other every other night, and having sleepovers on the weekends defeats the whole purpose of partaking in a midsummer liaison. You might as well change your Facebook status to “in a relationship” and call it a day. A summer fling is supposed to be just that: a fling. It’s short-lived and sporadic. You don’t make plans. You don’t keep schedules. And you most certainly don’t post spontaneous selfies taken together to your Instagram page.


Keep an open mind

This is the part where we basically throw all the advice we’ve just given you out the window and say: If feelings creep up, and they are mutual between you and your partner, don’t be afraid to explore them. Plenty of longterm relationships have been born out of summer romances. Just be ready to construct a believable narrative for when people inevitably ask how the two of you met. “A friend introduced us” sounds so much better than “We bumped uglies last August.”

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The Queerty Guide To Hooking Up Online

Study Finds Bumping Uglies With Strangers Can Be Good For Your Mental Health

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  • buffnightwing

    What a STUPID freaking article. REALLY? Maybe we should stick to the NEWS, if this is what you offer up. LOL

  • Dxley

    What the fuck is this? Queerty Slut Guide?

  • vive

    All these rules would take the life right out of the fling before it even got started. The whole point of a vacation fling is that even though it probably won’t and you both know it on some level, you act out the fantasy that it COULD get serious despite the long distance issue once the trip ends. And who knows, it might.

  • trelin

    This article really was pointless.

  • hyhybt

    So why did you put up the same article three times in two days?

  • michael

    @vive: Agreed. Most sexual encounters/flings should be conducted as if you were “lovers” – honesty, respect, passion, lots of hand-holding/kissing and deep, slow, sensual f***ing while looking into each other’s eyes. If the experience is not real and intense, you’re missing out on the good stuff. You can always hook-up for a quick emotionless bj at the baths if that is all you need.

    i usually sign on to a gay “dating” site in April, develop a few flings over the summer (beach, parties, street festivals, weekends at the gay resort in Saugatuck) and have a great time getting to know some new guys. I let the site subscription expire in September and focus on career and gym in the fall and winter. Some of the summer flings become ongoing friends, some don’t, some pick up again the following summer.

    My current partner was a summer fling 6 years ago and we have been together since. Fortunately, we agree on an open relationship, and we both still get to have our summer flings and then snuggle in together during the the cold winter.

  • PerryBrass

    I am so glad that Mr. Gremore has a working stomach, dick, legs, etc. He just doesn’t seem equipped with a heart, or much of a head. Having had numerous summer flings in my life (as well as winter, spring, and fall ones), I can tell him that the idea of any fling is to have fun, enjoy yourself, engage in as much romantic tenderness as the situation calls for, and then see what happens. I don’t know anyone dumb enough or narcissistic enough to set the kind of rules I read here—but usually guys in those categories end up alone anyway, and reading all this stuff on Queerty. Perry Brass, author of Amazon-bestseller The Manly Art of Seduction, How to Meet, Talk to, and Become Intimate with Anyone.

  • vive

    @PerryBrass, 100% agreed! And I enjoyed your book, by the way. (I kind of need to read it again, though.)

  • Impossible Boy

    What I don’t understand is this compulsive need to CATEGORISE these kinds of things. According to the author of this article, you MUST do things exactly this way, and not do anything associated with any other category, or you’re “in a relationship”, and you’re gonna have problems.

    I’m not personally one for creating that fake, idealistic “romantic” atmosphere with guys I’m interested in — and instead just let things happen, let things flow; no rules, no boundaries, no limits. I don’t see why should have to be LIMITED to these very very specific relationship categories that might not necessarily apply to everyone and everyone they might be with. Just because you’re not looking for a “long-term relationship” doesn’t mean you should restrict yourself like that.

    Why don’t we ever just let things happen, and let these things turn into what they really are? Isn’t one of the greatest things about being gay that we’re not bound to the USUAL sexual and romantic rules that straight people have to abide by? Why, then, have we restrained OURSELVES with a NEW set of rules?

  • Chris

    @PerryBrass: Nicely said. A fling has NO rules. Your heart and other body parts are simply flung out there.

  • Lvng1tor

    My August is so booked….can I use this in September?

  • michael

    @Lvng1tor: It’s good thru Halloween, imho.

  • Lvng1tor

    @michael: Wwhhhh!! Cool cause I’m in Michigan…gotta get my LOVER all done by winter….too slippery on the roads to be going out

    • hyhybt

      @Lvng1tor: Surely staying in together has its good points too?

Comments are closed.