New App For Men With “Small Penis Syndrome” Now Available For Android Users

Welcome to the future, boys! There’s a new app on the Android market that claims it can predict a man’s penis size based on personal stats like age, height, finger length, and butt size, which are all the traits science has historically told us are completely unrelated to penis size.

The Predicktor—developed by Dr. Chris Culligan MD, the same family physician that sells $3 apps for predicting depression and alcohol abuse—was created to help educate men and women suffering from penis-related insecurity, anxiety or dissatisfaction by educating them on the myths and facts about penis size around the globe.

It’s not all “big hands, big feet” either. The app is educational, so it houses plenty of scientific journal entries, selected literature and data on penis size, none of which will make you feel better about your penis if it’s actually small. “More and more patients, no matter how healthy or successful, are expressing anxiety about the size of their penis,” says Dr. Culligan. “Most guys who consider themselves small are actually entirely normal.”

But how easy is it to use this thing in public? Will it correctly identify size without key “Predicktors”, or do we have to ask the length of the cute bartender’s fingers? The people in this commercial seem to love it, but what becomes of the people that use it and find out they’re not huge in Greenland?

We can’t be sure for now, because this app designed for men with Small Penis Syndrome is coincidentally only available for Android users.

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  • yaoming

    No thanks. This looks totaly stupid and I hope no one buys it.

  • yaoming

    p.s. Now I look “totaly stupid”.

  • boring

    Haaaaaaad to go with the Chinaman in the glasses for the thumbnail, huh?

  • Aidan8

    Humans are silly creatures…

  • Eric Auerbach

    Really, Queerty? A picture of an Asian man?

  • 2eo

    @Eric Auerbach: It’s not [email protected], they’re from another continent, so are therefore shifty, and because in his mind all Asians look the same he probably thinks they’re Tojo.

  • boring

    @Eric Auerbach: Don’t worry, they’ll issue a retraction by saying “Me so solly.”

  • avesraggiana

    This must mean iPhone users have NO insecurity about their penis size.

  • Bumper

    @Eric Auerbach:

    Exactly, it’s just another stereotype. You would think we got past this.

  • 2eo

    @avesraggiana: It’s the lack of grey matter, common sense, personal hygiene, language and communication skills and life experience that make iPhone owners so wonderfully out of touch with humanity.

  • Rockery

    @Eric Auerbach:

    LOL it’s not even the thumbnail from the actual video. Sorry but I laughed when I saw that.

    Side note: big feet are not an indicator or anything else but I have found big hands to be pretty reliable until that failed me quite recently

  • yaoming

    Hint: big feet… big shoes.

  • Joetx

    @Eric Auerbach: Are you surprised, considering this is Queerty?

Comments are closed.