Welcome to the future, boys! There’s a new app on the Android market that claims it can predict a man’s penis size based on personal stats like age, height, finger length, and butt size, which are all the traits science has historically told us are completely unrelated to penis size.

The Predicktor—developed by Dr. Chris Culligan MD, the same family physician that sells $3 apps for predicting depression and alcohol abuse—was created to help educate men and women suffering from penis-related insecurity, anxiety or dissatisfaction by educating them on the myths and facts about penis size around the globe.

It’s not all “big hands, big feet” either. The app is educational, so it houses plenty of scientific journal entries, selected literature and data on penis size, none of which will make you feel better about your penis if it’s actually small. “More and more patients, no matter how healthy or successful, are expressing anxiety about the size of their penis,” says Dr. Culligan. “Most guys who consider themselves small are actually entirely normal.”

But how easy is it to use this thing in public? Will it correctly identify size without key “Predicktors”, or do we have to ask the length of the cute bartender’s fingers? The people in this commercial seem to love it, but what becomes of the people that use it and find out they’re not huge in Greenland?

We can’t be sure for now, because this app designed for men with Small Penis Syndrome is coincidentally only available for Android users.

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