Cinema Society & Sony Alpha Nex Screening Of Remember when Nick Gruber told Michael Musto last week that the rumored tell-all book he was writing about his relationship with Calvin Klein was nothing more than “false information”?

Well, it’s real, and a copy of the book proposal has found its way into the hands of one lucky Post editor.

This is the book that landed Gruber a glossy spread in October 2012’s Page Six Magazine, only to be abandoned and shrugged off as if it never happened. “I was never gonna write a book,” he told Musto after Klein funneled a boatload of hush money into his checking account. “I never would do something like that or hurt someone I love.”

The proposal, published by the Post this morning, is a doozy. From detailing the finer points of an “epic lovemaking session” between Gruber and Klein (he’s never had sex with men for money) to explaining how he became a male escort (even though he’s never been a male escort), the whole proposal is almost too much to take in one sitting.

That’s why you have us. Allow us to point out the finer lines of this stunning proposal—but before we do, you’ve been warned that the line “the pair made love in a famous French church” is printed below. Hopefully you haven’t eaten lunch yet.

How Nick Gruber became a male escort:

Gruber never questioned this transient, grifter existence until he met fashion icon Calvin Klein. After vandalizing vacation homes in McCall, he returned to California, where his mother was living. Gruber, then just barely 18, was at the welfare office picking up his mother’s food stamps when “an overweight and unattractive man” approached him in an encounter that would soon change the course of the poor, wayward teen’s life.

Oh wait, we meant “model”:

Despite Gruber’s recent statement to Gawker that he was “never once in [his] life” an escort, the proposal says the man insisted Gruber could forge a career as a model.

“Later of course I found out that this is a typical, cliché come-on line to get you into the escort business,” the proposal says. Gruber had no interest in having sex with men, but he soon learned he was every gay man’s fantasy, which he would parlay into his alter ego — and some nice pocket change.

Oh behalf of every Sean Cody model past, present, and future:

“Some gay men love the idea of seducing a straight guy, and that, I would come to discover was a big part of my appeal.”

Sounds totally legit:

He met now-deceased porn producer Vaughn Kinsley, who was “well known for supplying hot young boys to the rich and famous in Los Angeles.”

Kinsley, according to the proposal, promised to find him a “sugar daddy,” and later informed him that Calvin Klein had seen a photo of Gruber in nothing but a green jacket and was taken with him. Klein’s name, synonymous with a global fashion empire, meant nothing to the teenager.

**YOU CANNOT UNSEE THE FOLLOWING**:

Once he touched down in the Hamptons, a limo was waiting to usher Gruber to the home of Klein’s ex-wife, Kelly.

There, Klein greeted Gruber at the door wearing a short-sleeve shirt and sweatpants.

“Hi, I’m Calvin, come on in.”

Klein took him on a tour of the home before showing him the guest house, which was filled with lit candles and a roaring fire.

According to the proposal, the pair had an epic lovemaking session.

“Not to sound arrogant, but I really think Calvin first started to fall in love with me that night,” the proposal says.

Just for kicks:

“The next morning, Klein took Gruber to the Ralph Lauren store.”

“Penchant for public sex”:

Gruber’s metamorphosis became a pet project for Klein, who proceeded to make him over in his likeness.

The couple embarked on a European vacation, where the besotted Klein “pressures” Gruber to profess his love for his older boyfriend. (And showed his penchant for public sex — the proposal claims the pair made love in a famous French church.)

Nick’s allowance, because you’ve always wondered:

According to the proposal, Gruber camped out in the Greenwich Street apartment, seeing his older suitor on weekends. When Klein stopped giving Gruber his $10,000-a-month allowance, the one-time escort said he returned to turning tricks to support his louche lifestyle and partying ways, which included bedding a mogul’s daughter and another’s (female) personal assistant.

To wrap up the epic piece, the Post includes the greatest quote about Nick Gruber ever, courtesy of ex-boyfriend John Luciano. “The refreshing part of Nick is that he was very open about who he was and not ashamed,” he said. “To me that was one of the best parts of Nick. I don’t know who is advising him. They are trying to turn a cook at Applebee’s into a top chef at Per Se.”

How about this image remake? It’s one for the books!

Don't forget to share:

Help make sure LGBTQ+ stories are being told...

We can't rely on mainstream media to tell our stories. That's why we don't lock Queerty articles behind a paywall. Will you support our mission with a contribution today?

Cancel anytime · Proudly LGBTQ+ owned and operated