'TIS THE SEASON

No! No! No! Uganda Passes Bill Imprisoning Gays For Life In Time For Christmas

Christmas Stocking with coalPerhaps spurred by a passage to in India of a law banning gay sex last week, Uganda’s loathesome Parliament speaker Rebecca Kadaga finally made good on her year-old promise to pass the country’s anti-homosexuality bill by Christmas.

The bill was introduced in 2009 and was known at the time as the “Kill the Gays” bill because it prescribed the death penalty for cases of “aggravated homosexuality.” The “kill” clause was eventually removed after international outcry and is absent from the final version of the bill, which will now go to President Yoweri Museveni for approval..

“This is a victory for Uganda. I am glad the parliament has voted against evil,” the bill’s original sponsor David Bahati told AFP. “Because we are a God-fearing nation, we value life in a holistic way. It is because of those values that members of parliament passed this bill regardless of what the outside world thinks.”

For the record, the outside world thinks you’re a fucking asshole you should probably rethink such a harmful piece of legislation that further stigmatizes a marginalized population, putting them in even greater harm in an already virulently homophobic nation. Homosexuality was already illegal in Uganda — thanks Great Britain! —  but Bahati and fellow lawmakers felt the laws weren’t quite strict enough, especially with the welfare of the country’s children at stake.

“I stand by the bill. I will not withdraw it,” Bahati said in 2010. “We have our children in schools to protect against being recruited into [homosexuality]. The process of legislating a law to protect our children against homosexuality and defending our family values must go on.”

Speaking of family values, the anti-homosexuality law was passed only a day after Parliament okay’d an anti-pornography bill, outlawing anything that “shows sexual parts of a person such as breasts, thighs, buttocks” as well as “any erotic behavior intended to cause sexual excitement or any indecent act or behavior tending to corrupt morals.” That bill will also outlaw “provocative” clothing and will closely monitor what people watch on the internet.

Sometimes I think Uganda is secretly being run by the National Organization for Marriage. Or someone to that effect. Sigh. So Uganda is apparently not only against homosexuality, but sexuality in general. It’s a good thing Ugandans are so deeply religious as immaculate conception may be the only way to reproduce in the future.