No, USA Today — Suntan Lotion Does Not Make A Good Lube

THE SHOT – Amid rising temperatures, USA Today decided to run this, err, suggestive graphic of Mr. Sun stroking off a very well-hung temperature gauge. If you think 6″ or 7″ is good, try 130—gurl, you’ll go into full on heat stroke with that. And while Banana Boat sounds like the ideal name for a sex cruise, it does not make a good lube—two words: urethral irritation.

That’s your nickel’s worth of free advice, courtesy of—America’s most reputable news source for masturbation tips.

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  • Polo


  • Jay Kay

    Dear USA Today,

    Please fire your graphic designer.

    Either he has issues stemming from a grossly repressed childhood.

    Or she is in line to be Freud’s new poster child.

    – Jon

  • Robbie K

    Damn that is one hot temperature guage…

  • Jason

    Why would you even need sunblock for that? You’re sticking it where the sun don’t shine.

  • Abirdwillingtobeitself

    I think what’s even more amazing than the total length of 130 is that the base of the shaft starts at 80 inches.

  • Thrutch

    Sunscreen burns your assholes if you use it as lube, its worse than shampoo

  • Dallas David

    Looks like “heat stroke” to me . . .

  • j

    @Thrutch: Your assholes? I think sunscreen is the LEAST of your worries…

  • zach

    @j: lmao for real

Comments are closed.