No, USA Today — Suntan Lotion Does Not Make A Good Lube

THE SHOT – Amid rising temperatures, USA Today decided to run this, err, suggestive graphic of Mr. Sun stroking off a very well-hung temperature gauge. If you think 6″ or 7″ is good, try 130—gurl, you’ll go into full on heat stroke with that. And while Banana Boat sounds like the ideal name for a sex cruise, it does not make a good lube—two words: urethral irritation.

That’s your nickel’s worth of free advice, courtesy of—America’s most reputable news source for masturbation tips.