On the ideal relationship:
What I think would suit me was if I was in a thruple and the other two guys lived in a house nearby. I could visit them every now and then and they’d cook me dinner, and then I could just go home and watch TV by myself.
On dating a “straight” guy:
He told me he was straight and we became friends, and at a certain point the relationship tipped over into something more intimate – and it felt like we were becoming lovers. And suddenly, there was just an explosion of pain and conflict.
On the power of good clerb:
I think a lot about how clubs are almost like queer churches. You go and congregate and you dance. That’s always been a sacred experience for me, although it’s been both positive and negative.”— Out Years & Years frontman Olly Alexander speaking recently to the BBC.
Related:
Donston
Didn’t he already say this stuff a couple months ago almost verbatim? I don’t see any need to repeat borderline the same article.
This type of dude is pretty typical among gay and gay-leaning men, almost scarily typical: obsessed with straight and straight-leaning guys, has a difficult time romantically and emotionally connecting with any kind of gay male, despite being out still seems to contend with depression, some self-esteem and ego issues, anxiety and self-destructive patterns. He’ll either confront his demons and mature out of it, eventually start dating women, eventually transition and/or end up like Morrissey.
Vince
I don’t know but looking for a three-way relationship and dating straight guys should make him queerties new it guy to obsess over.
Vince
I’d also say it’s typical among gay guys of a certain age. We’ve all been there.
VF
That’s definitely how queerty and many other internet sites are. When someone is doing promotional interviews they get asked pretty much the same questions just from different publications and sites takes those and post them over and over and make things confusing lol.
Donston
I’ve never really “been there”. There were a couple “straight dudes” I hooked up with in my early twenties, and I liked to party a lil bit, but I was never like this. He has admitted to suffering from internalized homophobia and depression. So, at least he can admit there’s a problem. And yes, sometimes you grow out of it. But to grow out of it you gotta recognize it’s there, and for some it doesn’t legitimately hit them till middle age if ever.
VF
@Donston, eh idk about all that, I would say things like this have happened to quite a few gay men. It’s only that he wrote a song about it so he’s gonna be asked over and over.
Donston
I actually admitted that it does happen to a lot of gay and gay-leaning. And that’s why it’s so disturbing. I’m not talking about him falling in love with a supposed straight guy but rather that at a very young age he seems content never to have a real relationship with a guy, he still seems obsessed with “straight guys” (he’s pretty much admitted that those are the only types of men he looks to hook up with), likes to hype up his drug use and seems to have some major self-esteem and ego issues. Some mature out of this stuff. However, many don’t and either keep going down this path or look for other ways to compensate.
VF
@Donston, I’ve been following Olly since 2015 and have seen him be in very real relationships with gay men and one was even very public, just because he wrote a song about something that happened to him twice doesn’t mean he wants “straight men” and has never said that.
Donston
Well, he did flat-out say in a previous interview that he had been mostly hooking up with and dating “straight guys” for some time. And yes, there are plenty of gay and gay-leaning men who try to date other gay and gay-leaning men but still feel more passion and more of a bond towards straight or straight-leaning guys and look to continuously try to date them and hook up with them their whole lives. It just typically leads to persistent heartbreak, isolaton, the growing of internalized homophobia and maybe one day self-rejection. The fact that he already doesn’t ever see himself having a legit relationship with a guy is troubling and hints that he’s still contending with some stuff.
I’m not saying Olly is and will forever be a “certain type” of male, but he’s shown all the signs of being a “certain type”. And you’re hyper focused on the “straight guys” thing when I mentioned quite a bit beyond that. However, he still is very young.
radiooutmike
I find his club statement very revealing and illuminating; simply because I have not been exposed to that environment at all.
Would it be possible to get some advice? Would I make a fool of myself if I went to a gay dance club being that I’m 50 and well… a bear…? I’d like the experience, simply because I never had the chance when I was younger. But I don’t want to feel unwanted or out of place either.
I know I should not care, but I do.
CastleSF
If you do care, please don’t traumatize yourself by going to a club frequented by young guys. Will you be interested in a leather bar or a piano bar?
Vince
@radiooutmike. No course you wouldn’t make a fool out of yourself. As long as you don’t try to act like a 20 something and really who wants to do that anyways.. Go there and just enjoy yourself With Friends.
PinkoOfTheGange
Going with group is a key or, depending on how many dance clubs there are in your area, one will cater to a more diverse clientele or they will have nights usually a Thursday or Sunday, that is more accepting of diversity. Also if there is a fund raiser/dance party that is usually open to everyone in the community and can be really the most fun.
Margarets Thatcher
Gay clubs can be brutal sometimes but if you go to a bear club you should be good!
BCBinOHP
Agree 100% with CastleSF, don’t expose yourself to a dance club that caters to mainly young gay men (or as I refer to as “Romper Room”), you would be setting yourself up for disappointment – if not then, definitely soon thereafter. I remember my attention span in my 20’s (even without social media as we know it today), so I doubt the millennials are much different. A leather bar often attracts a different breed than the bopping dance hall.
CastleSF
The most vexing aspect of a bar frequented by young guys is the level of aggressiveness of their behaviors, emboldened by use of hookup apps and made worse by consumption of alcohol and drugs and highly charged sexual energy. If you have the misfortune of becoming their target, you have to find every ounce of will power in you to fight against their relentless pursuit.
chris33133
I’ll admit to being gobsmacked by so-called “ideal relationship” wherein he goes back to his place after the couple has taken care of his needs.
MaxTaste
Not until today did I realize his name is Olly, not Oily. I should wear my glasses more often.