On This Day In History: A Mother Realizes The World Has Changed For Her Son

SCOTUS FLAGI was standing in the kitchen making breakfast for my two sons.  They wanted waffles and bananas.  They wanted whipped cream on top, not syrup.  They said it was summertime and we should celebrate with whipped cream.  It was sometime around seven in the morning in California.

My smart phone turned bright with an announcement.

#BREAKINGNEWS Supreme Court strikes down federal provision denying benefits to legally married gay couples

Was I reading it right?  Did it mean what I thought it meant?  Could it possibly be true?  Was my smart phone smarter than me?  It was too early in the morning.  The news alert was too confusing.  I needed it in plain English.  I consulted an expert source: Facebook.

Where were you when you learned DOMA was declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court?

It was the first post that popped up.  I paused.  DOMA had been declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court.  Where was I?  I was standing in my kitchen with a bottle of syrup in one hand and my phone in the other.  I looked at my sons sitting on the couch.  I looked at C.J.  He’s growing his hair out “like a girl” and every strand was sticking out in a different direction due to a good night’s sleep.  He still looked dreamy in his flowered pajamas with a hula girl on them.  One leg was daintily crossed over the other and his pedicure was showing signs of wear.

I got the goose bumps.  Literally got goose bumps.  Something had happened and I was having a physical reaction.  I looked at my goosebumps.  I looked at my phone.  In our state, my brother can get married when and if he wants to.  I looked at my gender nonconforming son.  If he grows up to be gay he will be able to get married.  All of my LGBTQ friends are finally being treated as human beings deserving of all of the rights, privileges and freedoms that I was granted simply for being straight.

I started to cry.  Even though I had already done my makeup in preparation for a day at the office.  Big, slow tears took their time down my cheeks.  One day my sons will be able to marry the person of their choice and have it recognized by our state and our country.

I put the syrup away and got out the whipped cream.  I applied it liberally to their waffles and set the plates in front of them.  They cheered.  So did I.

I got in the car and headed to work.  I had a voicemail.  My mother-in-law had called to get my brother’s phone number so that she could call and wake him up and be the first person to congratulate him on being able to get legally wed.

My husband called on his way home from working the night shift.

I answered the phone.


I figured that he hadn’t heard the news.

“It’s a great day for our cause, mama!” he said.

I teared up again and thought of a quote I had seen on Pinterest.

“Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak, it just means that you’ve been strong for too long.”

and I have a cause that we’re passionate about.  We are reluctant advocates.  For three years, we’ve given people a glimpse into our lives, into the adventures in raising a gender nonconforming, possibly gay son in hopes that they would see that we are not weird.  We are different.  We are parents doing the best that we can as we raise a son who at times has wanted to be our daughter and, at other times, has longed to be a stereotypical gay man.

Risk is a four-letter word to us.  And, openly blogging about our LGBTQ son has been a risk that we reluctantly took.  Had anybody else done it before us or at the same time as us or done it after us, we gladly would have stepped off our soap box and supported and cheered from the sidelines.

But, that didn’t happen.  So we kept on keeping on.  Getting more and more invested in LGBTQ rights and our sons’ futures with each passing day.

When I learned the DOMA and Prop. 8 rulings today it felt like a victory for me.  Even though I’ve been married for 13 years.  More than that, it felt like my six-year-old son – who has been called “gay,” “faggot,” “dick sucker” and “freak” —  is being seen as a human being worthy of equal rights by the highest court in all the land.

I could have easily spent the day crying…and eating whipped cream…and cheering with my sons.

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #gender-creativechildren #gender-creativekids #kindergarten stories and more


  • hyhybt

    Saving this one.

  • twoguysbrooklyn


  • Mr. E. Jones

    Beautiful post.

    They said it was summertime and we should celebrate with whipped cream.

    That’s my new catch phrase for summer 2013.

  • Grrrowler

    I don’t know what to say (I’m rarely speechless), but I feel I have to say something. This is just lovely.

  • davegun2

    I am a 65 year old gay man.

    I have lived a very difficult life because of my gayness. Put in jail, then a locked in physic ward and kept under sedation because of my gayness, I was in the US Navy in the late 60s.

    My feelings, emotions, what this Supreme Court ruling means is very confusing for me. I never expected any of this to happen while I was alive.

    Wednesday I was in WeHo, the “gay” district of Los Angeles. I began to cry uncontrollably at one point and I spent the entire night trying to understand what happened to me. You see, I coulda been somebody. I could have been a contender if I had opportunities like marriage as an option. I could have gone to college, maybe be important for something. I never got that opportunity because I was gay in the 60s, 70s 80s. Here I am now near the end of my life…I can’t get that time back. I can never have been a happy child, an honored combat veteran (I have a bad discharge from the Navy). I will never live my life again, not like the young people around will be able to live.

    I am overwhelmed. My feeling of loss is huge, my happiness at what has happened is huge.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    davegun2, you are breaking my heart. Please put your experiences down in writing.

  • Dixie Rect

    OMG, with the exception of DOMA being declared unconstitutional, this is that person’s bad fiction, again. He or she is such a phoney. If Queerty wants to put fiction on this blog and pass it off as news or truth, at least hire a better writer.

  • LubbockGayMale

    If you don’t follow this blog, let me recommend it, very highly! She writes with humor, compassion and insight.

  • yaoming

    What is “gender nonconforming” about this kid? It sounds like he’s doing his best to conform to every possible gender stereotype out there: long hair, skirts, glitter, nail polish, the color pink, etc. Why he’s doing this, I couldn’t say. There is nothing inherently female or “feminine” about any of that stuff. It’s all socially conditioned, so I don’t know what it has to do with being born a certain way. [Humans aren’t born associating pink with girls (or gays).]

  • hyhybt

    @yaoming: All those characteristics are stereotypes of *girls.* A boy who fits them is gender nonconforming because that’s not what people expect boys to be like.

  • mpwaite

    What wonderful parents!!! My Mother has always said she loves me, but will NEVER accept that I’m gay. She will NEVER say anything negative to me; but she will never accept it. It’s sad… She has even met all my gay friends and she loves them. I sing with the Turtle Creek Chorale in Dallas, Texas, a 250 plus all male gay chorus and she has been to a few concerts and LOVED them, and all my brothers in the chorale, however, she can’t accept that I’m gay….

  • RomanHans

    @davegun2: I’m right there with you, Dave. I learned to hate the world when I was very young because they said stuff like “liberty and justice for all” when people could lose their jobs, their homes, and their LIVES for being gay. Even my parents were hypocrites. Then I got a job in defense, where my security clearance applications kept getting “lost,” so I couldn’t get promoted.

    We have it pretty freakin’ tough. I used to think the world sucked because of how gay people were treated. Yes, that’ll pretty much color everything about your life.

    I never would have guessed that we’d achieve equal rights in my lifetime. Rather than being upset that homophobia screwed up my life, though, I’m just totally ecstatic that we’ve come so far so fast, and that future generations won’t have to face it. And I hope they NEVER forget the people like you who suffered for their rights.

    Email me! [email protected]. If I weren’t in New York I’d buy you a beer!

  • spiritedrandy

    I got teary eyed reading this post. I admire the courage, compassion, wisdom, and love the parents are modeling; I wish every parent gifted those to their kids.

Comments are closed.