Oh Onision, your rampant, mostly terrible advice continues. When not telling children questioning their sexuality that they should keep it to themselves, lest they lose all their friends, you’re telling the victims of school bullying that, hey, if you stopped acting so different, maybe you wouldn’t get your ass kicked so often. Quit being an individual, and you’ll stop being threatened! Hide your identity! “Instead of complaining about this problem, why don’t you take the clear solution and make your life a little bit better?” he asks. “Know your enemies. Know your self. Survive.” Because going off to school everyday should be an exercise in survival, not being yourself.
Sure, it’s wise to have some defense mechanisms around predators. But telling kids to shut down, put on masks, and be somebody besides their true selves is why depressed, isolated children grow up to become depressed, isolated adults. Stop giving out advice to young people, Onision. You’re harmful.
UPDATE: Vlogger Zinnia Jones has her own criticisms of Onision.
So once again his advice has to do with either hiding completely in the closet or hiding who you are. Wow, getting more homophobic each time. Additionally, has somebody told this guy that most GENUINLY straight guys don’t spend this much time thinking about gays as they have their own lives. Sounds more like he is trying to justify his own decision to stay closeted.
Who is this moron?
I think its time to send the cadavar dogs to sniff around this guys backyard………
wait, I’ve heard this kind of advice before … it goes something like, “if you don’t to get raped, then you shouldn’t wear short skirts.”
this dude is a fraud.
No. 4 · mike moore said…
this dude is a fraud.
Or the word he is most afraid people will find out and call him…just remove the “r” and the “u”.
“when i was in high school, I knew who i could behave as myself around….” I have a feeling this guy is going to use the phrase “when i was in high school….” an awful lot in life.
Like one of those douche bag’s who talks about his high school football team, or how things aren’t what they used to be. this guy is a tool who is living in his own past. Kinda sad, but even more, just plain pathetic and annoying
You know it’s these self hating types that wind up living at the gym and then trolling hook up sites looking to PNP or “Ski” and get fucked bareback for hours on end by all willing comers or cummers.
queerty find a better person to make fun of. He is just dumb.
Brian En Guarde
What he calls the “lions” are really just douchebags who need to be put in their place. The question is not how kids have to act more straight around them, because that does not work. These douchebags know who to pick on, and it does not depend on how nice the gay kids act. In fact, the more shy the gay persona appears to the douchebag, the more provoked le douchebag gets. GayS need to get more tough and bold, not more shy and withdrawn and angry. Go to the gym, use the punching bag, act how you want, but DO NOT SHOW WEAKNESS. And if they hit you HIT THEM BACK — HARD.
I dont need a drag queen speaking for me, she is part of the reason gays dont get respect. I agree 100% with Onision, in that you should know your surroundings and adjust behavior accordingly. It’s not only about safety but it’s about respect. Im sure you wouldnt think of bringing a pork roast dinner to a Jewish Synagog Pot Luck Supper. Even though many people enjoy a nice pork roastIt would be in bad taste and completely disrespectful to do so.
We (yes, im gay and out, have been for 20+ years) have the right to act and do what we please but we should not complain when the consequenses of such actions are not what we expected. Grow up and realize that YES, it is wrong for straight people to impose their values and ways on us, but it is equally wrong for gays to try to do the same to them.
No. 10 · Max kesplin said…..
It’s not only about safety but it’s about respect. Im sure you wouldnt think of bringing a pork roast dinner to a Jewish Synagog Pot Luck Supper. Even though many people enjoy a nice pork roastIt would be in bad taste and completely disrespectful to do so.
Yes, but that only matters if you are going to a Jewish Synogog and are in that world. Your assumption is that the gay kids are going to “Somebody else’s house” sorry but they are in school and they own it just as much as anybody else. So your comparison is off. A more realistic comparision is…what would happen in school if a kind demanded that a Jewish kid take a bite of his ham and Cheese sandwhich. Is the Jewish kid forcing his religeon on them by bringing a Kosher lunch…of course not, but they are still trying to force them to eat a ham and cheese sandwhich. A School wouldn’t stand for that.
No. 12 · wtf said…
LOL! Ooops, spelling f-up there.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
Lordy! How desperate is this young man for attention from gay men, that he posts such ill-informed harangues? Onision, it’s ok, hon, you don’t just have to talk about us, you can talk to us. Unless of course you believe your own advice.
Gee, do you think he’s a closeted homosexual???
btw, he’s only going to continue dishing out this BS if people continue to give him the attention he’s so desperate for.
Asshole troll is an asshole.
@Max kesplin: Your attitude of blaming flamboyant gay people for being “part of the reason gays dont get respect” is itself a reason gays aren’t respected. It’s because you persist in seeing gays as the ones to blame for being hated, instead of the people who hate them. And rather than drawing attention to how ridiculous that attitude is, you give it your endorsement. You aren’t helping with this, you’re just perpetuating that mentality. What do you hope to accomplish by agreeing with gay-haters on this?
He is plain awful.
What a scared little Mo.s
Who? Am I supposed to know who this idiot is?
Would that Queerty had resisted indulging her need for attention, I could have remained blissfully ignorant of her existence.
Onison is pretty hot, but really kinda dumb and not funny. I really think he should put those sexy lips to better use on XTube.
I suppose this asswipe thinks women should wear burkas and stay indoors at night so they won’t get raped. Fuck him and his bigoted, victim-blaming bullshit.
As a former victim of school bullying, I can tell you that being closeted and acting straight won’t fool most of the predators that harass LGBT kids. They have an animal like capacity to detect the slightest whiff of sexual or gender nonconformity. Not that they really care if any of their victims are actually “fags” or just less than macho enough straight kids, the weak deserve what they get, in their atavistic eyes. And unfortunately, this attitude, displayed so well by this smug little closet case, is the same attitude displayed by most teachers and school administrators, especially the neanderthal contingent who make up the sports faculty. They all hold to a Darwinian survival of the nastiest philosophy that is supposed to separate the men from the girly boys and the winners form the losers in that great big football game called life. The simple fact is, bullying is a form of assault, and no one but a sadist, that is, another bully, would try to justify it or shrug it off as just another one of life’s rites of passage. The real tragedy is that victims who fight back are often penalized worse than the perpetrators because we live in a sadistic, bullying culture where aggression is both lauded and rewarded. (Even gays are often guilty of it, within our own culture. Don’t ask me to elaborate, you all know what I mean…) I don’t know what the solution to this is, and even doubt there is one as long as we remain a species of vicious little apes with just enough brains to cause trouble but not enough to undo it, unless it’s making testosterone a controlled substance.
Okay I defended this guy before but here he comes off as such a pretentious assmunch. He really needs to STFU.
But really, Queerty, the best thing you can do is stop linking to his videos and giving him attention. (but then again I’ve heard that said a billion times about Davey Wavey…)
What is the role of the schools here? Do playgrounds and lunchrooms and gym classes have to be “open season” on the “non gender-conforming” kids? Or anyone else subject to bullying.
This is where parents need to step up and make sure that school is a safe place.
That means that schools need policies on bullying, personnel who enforce those policies, and people who complain *loudly* when those measures aren’t taken.
That’s not enough though.
Kids/teens who get bullied should be taught self defense: verbal AND physical. Bullies pick on those who appear weakest and as soon as many — if not most — bullies are stood up to, they crawl off.
Onison’s rants may serve a small purpose: as a terrible example of what bad advice bullied folks get. We can do better than this.
Better that Queerty find someone who talks about combatting bullying effectively, instead of blaming the victims.
I swear this guy is talking about himself and all the things he’s done in his effort to stay closeted. “And if they worked for me, they’ll work for all these other gay kids, so I won’t have to feel like I’m the only one sitting under the old coats, trying not to smell the shoe-funk.”
Anybody else getting that vibe…?
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Onison’s motives are suspect, and his advice is rotten.
Bullied kids often go on to bully other kids, so the cycle gets repeated.
It’s not just the “faggy kids” getting bullied: depending on the school, it’s the fat kids, the scrawny ones, the foreign or ethnic kids, the kids with glasses, speech impediments, bad haircuts, the “wrong clothes” or who get straight A’s.
With the internet it’s gotten worse: Cyber-bullying is adding to the mess: Facebook, texts, videos and photos and hate pages running unchecked —on top of the physical bullying —, it’s hard to go more than a couple months without reading about some kid who hanged her/himself or overdosed or somehow self-destructed.
These bullied kids need protection by the schools and their parents. They also need to learn to defend themselves verbally and physically.
Bullying isn’t harmless. It leaves scars. Ask anyone of any age who ever got bullied and they can usually remember the names of the bullies faster than the names of other classmates.
Um, dishing out the ruin on bullies doesn’t make you straight. WTF? Getting pwned by a nelly boy doubles their shame and loss of face in the eyes of their bully-boy peers.
I have a jihad against bulles.
Bullies. Typo fail.
When I was little it didn’t matter what I did or what direction I breathed in—certain people would always find a way to intimidate and harass me. Bullies are inherently predatory. That’s the basic problem with this guy’s weirdly self involved YouTube video.
Did anyone see the video where he called out Fox News for misrepresenting him or something? You’d think someone had committed genocide, and used some of the corpses to crush his cat. Ugh. Again, he’d be pretty great to look at naked, but the guy has some weird narcissism/messiah-complex issues.
Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"
Just because the First Amendment requires that twats like Onision be allowed to peddle their stupidity, there is no requirement that Queerty or anyone else publish his idiotic commentaries.
Fighting Back..If Queerty wants to step up the game, then maybe we’ll hear from who teach bullied kids to defend themselves with words, screams, elbows, punches, kicks, calls for help, judo moves, 911 calls, humor, webcam evidence, or a well-placed soccer ball in the gonads during gym? [that last maneuver worked for me twice. I am not advocating violence, however. Those were accidents, I swear!]
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than
I have to say that this video was one of his most disturbing and one I understood least.
If he showed up in my high school, looking like that, circa 1976, he’d get his ass kicked, big time.
We have come a long way since then, and the incidence of bullying has dropped dramatically – not because the victims are trying to “fit in” better, but because we, as a society, have decided that behavior that would not be tolerated among adults should also not be tolerated among children.
Imagine, as an adult, at the office, you get accosted in the break room by a couple of “tough guys” from accounting, who give you a black eye and steal your lunch money. What would you do? Call the Police, of course. They’d be fired. Lawsuits would be filed. Justice would be done.
But for some reason, because someone is below the legal age, we tell them to “tough it out”, and “be a man” and “fight back” and “stand up to the bullies”.
I always liked that last one. Standing up to 4 or 5 teenagers, like you can open up a can of whoop-ass on them. Sure, that would work!
I think Onision means well, but he is little more than a kid himself. And he clearly grew up in a different era that I did. I imagine that being “bullied” in his Southern California high school amounted to being called names.
OK, so it’s not just me, then.
@ZJ: I am stating is that there is a time and a place for everything. Being gay does not mean that you have to skip through the school yard screaching show tunes from last nights episode of Glee. However, it is your right to do so (and I support that right 100%); keep in mind though it is also other people’s right to call you out on it. People put themselves into unsafe/uncomfortable situations and then boo-hoo when the predictible outcome happens.
You stated ” It’s because you persist in seeing gays as the ones to blame for being hated, instead of the people who hate them” That is untrue, what I was saying is nobody (rightfully) is going to take you seriously if your wearing a feather boa and dark sunglasses and you have named yourself Zinnia. Grow up, there is hatred in this world, always has been and always will be and that is the sad truth. Though Onision appears to be grade A douche, the core of his message is valid. One should know their surroundings and take appropriate measures to stay safe.
“I am stating is that there is a time and a place for everything. Being gay does not mean that you have to skip through the school yard screaching [sic] show tunes from last nights episode of Glee.”
Yup, you’re right! It’s like those Jews, always bringing it on themselves – wearing funny hats or those beanies and those weird sideburns.
If they’d just try to “fit in” and celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, they wouldn’t have half the problems they have. Plus, when the rapture comes, they’d be lifted up!
I mean, it’s a no-brainer. Why feel sorry for them?
As Mr. Onision says, “There IS a solution here”.
OK, sorry to be facetious, but it is a good analogy. You either have the right to be who you are, or you don’t. Perhaps his advice makes sense if you are traveling through rural Idaho during Aryan Nations fun-fest weekend, but we are talking PUBLIC SCHOOLS here.
A child should not be afraid to go to a public school, for fear of being beaten up, and parents have a right to insist on safety in their public schools.
As EveroneKnewHimAsNancy points out, you don’t have to be “gay” or effeminate to be bullied in the schoolyard. All you have to do is be “different” – and that can include being the only black kid in an all-white school, or the only Jewish kid, or just the only kid with different-colored eyes (as was famously tested).
If a racial or religious minority is harassed in school today, it makes national headlines. That is progress. And only a few years ago, things were far, far different.
Whether bullying takes place is directly a function of the school administration. I know that back in 1976, school bullies were used by the administration like prison gangs are used today in prisons – as “enforcers” for lazy administrators.
If you complained that some jock on the football team beat you up, they’d laugh at you. And he’d make “National Honor Society”.
Of course, it all evens out over time, but tell that to some kid in Junior High.
Today, we are seeing a dramatic DECREASE in the amount of bullying in schools, according to recent surveys. This is not because kids are doing a better job of “fitting in” as Mr. Onision suggests, but because parents no longer tolerate having their kids physically assaulted in public schools.
This is progress, and more needs to be made. Onision has some serious issues, if you watch his videos. I am not sure who this guy is or why (he has little information about him on the Internet) but he appears in most of his videos with younger people (high schoolers, apparently) and through his various videos, posits himself as some sort of Dear Abbey for troubled teens.
A few of his videos are funny. Most are painfully bad (e.g., the “dead hooker” video). And it seems that nearly half of them are his self-righteous opinions on various topics and his paranoid defense of his opinions against “haters” and attackers. It is quite narcissistic and bizarre.
His advice could be summarized as “Be Vegetarian”, “Stay in the Closet” and “Be Popular!”
I am not sure the advice is useful. For example, in a rural Nebraska high school, declaring one’s self to be Vegetarian is a sure-fire way to be singled out for abuse. Would his advice apply there as well?
You know, perhaps, at that early age, when one is still “experimenting” with food choice, you should keep your Vegetarian tendencies secret, lest you subject yourself to danger or ridicule. Once you have graduated from college, you can “come out” as a full-blown Vegan…
The long and short of it, is that he is just some 24 year-old kid, barely out of college. Remember how certain we felt about everything in the dorm room? This too, shall pass.
Maybe im just old and jaded(though I hear that 40 is the new 25). But life is about conformity, to some degree, thats how you survive and succeed in life. I would much rather be sitting at my desk right now in a hoodie, jeans and sneakers NOT the shirt/tie and jacket Im currently wearing. You do what is necessary for self preservation
I am by no means stating people should flat out deny who they are or that bullying is right. All im saying is that if you want respect and you want safety… then sometimes you need to adjust behavior accordingly. I also know that in doing so it wont 100% prevent bullying, but think of it as wearing camoflage, it lessens your visibility as a target. A few years ago I drove cross country with a lesbian friend and we took her rainbow sticker off of her car because we KNEW we would be travelling through some small mid-west towns and it would likely be in our best interest to do so.
With each generation, homosexuality becomes that much less of an issue because of exposure to and acceptance by, the previous generation. Just 10-15 years ago gay, adoptions/gay marriages/ GLBT groups in schools and even mainstream gay icons on television/movies were unheard of. Sadly we are not at the point where we can walk down EVERY street in EVERY city holding hands with our boyfriends/girlfriends but we’re getting there. It takes time and patience and perseverance; it also takes our community to crush the stereotypes.
Unfortunately the media focuses on the stereotypes, therefore flamboant behavior, in my opinion, is counterproductive to earning the respect that we fight for.
“Maybe im just old and jaded(though I hear that 40 is the new 25). But life is about conformity, to some degree, thats how you survive and succeed in life. I would much rather be sitting at my desk right now in a hoodie, jeans and sneakers NOT the shirt/tie and jacket Im currently wearing. You do what is necessary for self preservation.”
Hmmm… in many industries today, no one wears suits anymore. Office casual has done away with the necktie and suit. How did that happen? By someone being willing to break the mold and try something different. It was not the conformists that created change.
Heck, back in the day, if you wore a brown suit to work at GM, they’d send you home (See, e.g., John DeLorean’s Book, “On a Clear Day, You Can See General Motors”). Same was true at IBM.
I work from home – like an increasing number of tech workers who telecommute and have no overhead. It is the wave of the future, but it was not started by conformists. It took courage to go against the norm. On a good day, I’m wearing clothes. You can live a different kind of life, but it does take courage to break from the mold.
And with the recent downturn, the conformists looking for “jobs” are hurting, while the pioneers who are self-employed and took risks are doing well – because people like me can provide services at half the cost of the guy with the suit and tie and overhead.
Life at the center of the herd is safe – there is less danger of predators. But then again, the grass at the center of the herd is trampled down and pooped upon. There is risk at the edge, but the eating is better. If you are on the leading edge, that is, and not the trailing edge.
That being said, I appreciate that not everyone can do this. You have a point. I am not picking on you. Just discussing the issue.
“With each generation, homosexuality becomes that much less of an issue because of exposure to and acceptance by, the previous generation.”
This is, of course, not by accident, but because some people had the courage to speak out and stand out. What if the drag queens at Stonewall had followed Mr. Onision’s advice and “conformed”?
When I was at S.U., and active in Gay rights issues, trying to organize and all that, I asked my mentor there, Dr. Sol Gordon, what I should do to “advance the cause”. He asked, “What are you here at school to study?”
“Electrical Engineering” I replied.
“Then be the best Electrical Engineer you can be” he said.
It was sound advice on two levels – first, it was the best thing from a self-preservation standpoint. Taking care of yourself and doing the best you can in your chosen field is indeed important.
But second, if more people in diverse fields were exposed to people they knew to be Gay and understood it made no difference, attitudes could be changed, one mind at a time.
At that time, Gays were accepted, but only in certain stereotyped fields.
Laws and rules and such are fine, but they can always be revoked. It is attitudes of people that are important, perhaps more than some court case. One follows the other.
At the time (1985) there were few Gays in Engineering – very few women, either. Perhaps this is still true to some extent, but it is not as it was. And many pioneers suffered greatly as a result of prejudice and bigotry. But they paved the way for subsequent generations.
As I noted before, I don’t think Mr. Onision’s advice was horribly bad, it all depends on the individual’s situation and circumstances. But taken in the context of his other homophobic videos (see link) a more disturbing pattern emerges. He seems obsessed with the issue of homosexuality, of being called gay and there are at least two long videos where he makes quite an issue about his heterosexuality. It is, to say the least, odd.
But I do agree that young people should be in no hurry to declare themselves one way or another. Most people have bisexual instincts, and it is not uncommon for young people to experiment with homosexuality and/or have homosexual experiences. It does not mean they are Gay.
And then there are some teens who use the Gay issue as a means of crying out for help or trying to attract attention.
I had a niece that decided to declare herself a Lesbian and a “Wicca Witch” (of the West?) when she was 12, just to get attention. And it got attention, all the wrong kind of attention. When she was 14 she threatened to kill everyone in her class. They sent her to special school after that.
But in her case, as with so many others, it is not as black and white as Mr. Onision and his dorm-room advice would make it out to be. Why not just conform and fit in? It seems like a simple solution, right?
Well, there were other issues – mental health, the home situation, etc.
Well adjusted kids don’t need such advice – it is rather self-evident. To kids having behavioral problems or adjustment problems, such advice is just cruel – what don’t you just straighten up and fly right for criminy’s sake? That is the thrust of his arguments.
In every high school, there is always some older 20-something dude who hangs out with the high school kids, in order to make himself feel more important and respected. I think that is sort of what Mr. Onision and his army of 12-year-old girl followers (his words, not mine) is sort of doing. It must be quite an ego stroke to have a fan base of teens send you e-mails telling you that you are great. But in the adult world, people are not so kind, as evidenced here. We are old enough to see through these sort of things.
The problem with dispensing advice is that sometimes people take it – and it works out horribly wrong. Some troubled teen will post something on his website and he will respond with one of his snarky remarks and maybe that kid will be found hanging in the garage or O.D.’d on pills.
I sincerely hope he is careful in that regard.
And again, I cannot understand where he is taking this thing – it appears he is trying to make a career of his web persona, but how long can that last? Will the 12 y.o. girls still fawn over him when he is 35?
What are his credentials for dispensing psychological advice to gay teens and youth in general? It is a highly volatile area, as that age is when things like schizophrenia and major depression set it.
“it also takes our community to crush the stereotypes.
Unfortunately the media focuses on the stereotypes, therefore flamboant behavior, in my opinion, is counterproductive to earning the respect that we fight for.”
Wow, I know some drag queens who would kick your ass for saying that. Again, it was the “stereotypes” that got us here where we are today, not the suit-wearing-don’t-want-to-lose-my-job closet cases who went along for the ride.
I’ve heard of self-hating Jews. But self-hating Gays? I guess it exists.
My great uncle was one of those closet cases. He lived in Greenwich Village and lived a lie. He got married for appearances sake (still goes on today) and visited Gay bars on the side. This was in the 1940’s and 1950’s. The bars were run by the Mob, and they would blackmail people on a regular basis. The cops would raid the places periodically and then arrest everyone and put there name in the paper.
After one such raid, my Great Uncle was arrested and his name published in the paper, to the shame of my family and his co-workers and “polite society”.
His name appeared in the newspaper the next week, in the obituaries section, listed as having “died suddenly in his home” which is a nice euphemism for a gunshot wound to the head.
Multiply his story times a thousand or maybe a million, and maybe you might have a small idea of how far we have come and need to go.
I am not sure that being silent and conforming and fitting in is ever the best solution. If you read the history of this small planet, it is the non-conformists and the oddballs who made our history and made changes.
The vast army of conformists and people who didn’t want to make waves – they are not remembered for anything and their lives were not remarkable in any way.
If I have any regrets over the last 50 years, it was not that I did’nt conform enough.
Im not sure if you were directing the “self hating gay” or the ” the suit-wearing-don’t-want-to-lose-my-job closet cases who went along for the ride.” at me, If you were, then you are no better than a bully. Picking on me because of YOUR perceived beliefs of who I am? You dont know me and because you feel treatened by my beliefs you have obviously gone on the offensive and tried to turned a general debate of ideas and opinions into something personal and demeaning against me as a person. And for the record your statements could not be further from the truth regarding me. I am out, have been for 20+ years and I am proud of who I am. I just dont wear my sexuality on my sleeve. My homosexuality is one element of who I am, but it doesnt define me as a person. I am so much more.
As a former high schol guidance counselor and a current college administrator, I understand that young gay men and women (well, young people in general) experiment with their personas; that it is natural, healthy and developmentaly appropriate for them to do so. You have taken what I have said out of it’s original context. The thesis of my original post was that there is a time and a place for everything and that yes, as unfair as it may seem, there are times when one must tone down their “gay” for their own safety. You have made it seem like I am saying one should hide who they are and live a closeted life. I am not.
Stereotypes are detrimental to all groups of society, if that is what the media is focusing on then it should be each groups goal to do what they can NOT to perpetuate the stereo type. This goes for Jews, muslims, catholics, blacks gays, PETA Supporters etc etc. It is each persons responsibility to fight the stereotypes.
I can “see” the points you have made and acknowledge some validity within them, or at least I can understand what you are trying to express. That being said I also have my points that I feel are valid. If you respected me as my own person(as I do you) you would at least concede that.
I believe that is how you described YOURSELF, as a person without enough courage to change their life, and instead goes along with wearing a suit that they hate, rather than try to change their life for the better.
How’s that suit thing working out for you?
“Stereotypes are detrimental to all groups of society, if that is what the media is focusing on then it should be each groups goal to do what they can NOT to perpetuate the stereo type. This goes for Jews, muslims, catholics, blacks gays, PETA Supporters etc etc. It is each persons responsibility to fight the stereotypes.”
So, you are saying that the old Yiddish Grandmother should stop being so “ethnic” and old world and stereotypical?
You are saying that the Hasidim should chuck their hats and beards and try out a sport coat and the country-club look?
Are you saying Muslims should chuck the headscarf and praying 5 times a day?
Are you saying that my mincing hairdresser friend, who has been a “Nancy” since age 5 should “butch up” more so we will all be accepted?
Are you saying that Blacks should stop listening to rap music and driving cars with big wheels on them because that is so “stereotypical”?
What exactly ARE you saying? That we all need to “fit in” to some sort of NORM dictated by OTHERS?
Who are these OTHERS and why do THEY get to make all the rules?
What you are saying is scary indeed. Very scary.
And it never works, either. The more you try to “fit in” the more you will stick out like a sore thumb and be persecuted.
Live the way you want to live – and fight back against anyone who tries to tell you that you have to behave to a certain norm, simply for appearance’s sake.
AGAIN: People who try to “fit in” rarely make history.
It is a sad way to go through life. It really isn’t even a life.
By the way, you might want to read E.L. Doctrow’s “World’s Fair” which is sort of autobiographical – about his life growing up in 1930’s New York.
One theme he explores in that book is the conflict between traditional Judaism and the modern world – and the desire of many “modern” non-religious Jews trying to “fit in” to greater Christian society by chucking ethnic stereotypes and the like in favor of a more modern non-ethnic lifestyle and appearance.
It is one of his more interesting books, and what I came away from it with was that while you can “succeed” in society by trying to “fit in” to other people’s expectations, it is, in reality, a slow form of death – to the soul, to the spirit.
Maybe drag queens embarrass you, as a “college administrator” having to wear a suit and tie to be “taken seriously”. But for some people, being Queer or Transgender is just who they are – not some “game face” they can put on and take off at will.
I was just at the Lady Chablis drag show in Savannah, and it was a bit embarrassing – but only because it was not a very good drag show, and it catered to tourists. Some of the “progressive” Gays I was with thought it was a throwback – the Stepnfetchit of Gays, so to speak, or perhaps our version of a Minstrel show.
And to some extent, perhaps they had a point – was the mostly straight audience laughing with the Doll, or at her? It was hard to tell.
But I have been to other shows that are well done (La Te Da in Key West puts on a good show, and the Drag Queens there actually sing, which is a notch above even the best lip syncing). As Robin Williams once said, “I’m just trying to put on a drag show, and if possible a GOOD drag show…”
But I am not embarrassed by drag queens nor ashamed of them. And I don’t think it is my “duty” to “act straight” or whatever to advance the cause of gay rights – or to stuff others back in the closet for the same reason.
Sorry, but what you are saying scares me to death – that somehow we need to “fit in” to be accepted. It is just plain wrong, and a horrible way to live your life. It is not even a life.
Be different. You have a surprisingly short period of time to spend on this planet. Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.
Ok I give up, if for no other reason than you arent hearing me but choosing to hear only that which you wish. But first:
I do not fear drag queens, actually I enjoy a good drag show and catch at least 2-3 a year. Ms Varla Jean KILLS me and I once drove 200 miles just to see her show. So there goes that theory of yours.
As I said Im out and have been for quite some time. I’m a member of the GLBT Speakers Bureau and go out to share my story and my experiences to school groups, corporations, colleges etc. I help to educate people in the challenges and victories the GLBT community has faced. I also am very active in the HIV/Aids community as well as the GLBT groups here on campus. Another theory of your gone.
Yes, I work in a mainstream (as mainstream as Higher Ed can be) office. What you dont know is that my personal office space has a 5ft Skull & crossbones flag, photos of my suspensions (you know, hanging from hooks) as well as pictures of my husband and I. On any given day you will hear punk and hardcore music blazing out of my speakers and did I mention I also rock 00 Gauge ear plugs and a stunning selection of tattoos (some of which are quite visible, despite my conformist shirt and tie) Soooooo, Your theory of my being a mindless conformist seems to not hold up too well here either.
Perhaps Im just a bit more street smart than you? Having not grown up privileged (as you previously suggested I had.. oops another theory shot to hell) but growing up in a harsh neighborhood of Boston, in a single parent household and attending an all boy catholic high school. Toning down the gay was a means of survival. This was the point I had originally made, which you have chosen to ignore. I don’t do it often, but given the type of music I enjoy I often find myself in some sketchy bars/clubs. Bars and music that are frequented by skinheads, bikers and drunk frat boys. So yes, in these situations I can and do pass myself as straight; out of concern for my own safety. Mind you Robert, many of the above mentioned have become friends. I did eventually come out to them and can comfortably be myself around them. In doing so I believe I effectively changed their personal perceptions of what “gay” is.
I am well read, but there’s a huge difference between book smart and life smart. I have not read E.L. Doctrow’s “World’s Fair”. I will pick it up and check it out. I do enjoy a good biography. I firmly believe what we learn from others experiences make us that much of better a person
I may scare you Robert, but you sadden me. The fact that you have felt it necessary to attempt to browbeat me into falling inline with your beliefs by creating this self loathing, closeted, bigoted, shrinking flower persona for me. Your broad generalizations and speculations of who I am have no basis in fact. You have become what you fear, what you despise…you sadly are a bully.
I live well, I live loud and proud. I enjoy the theater, gardening, trail biking, photography, rock climbing, I snow board and paint and I travel. As I said before…I am so much more than just “gay”. I am a complete person with all aspects of my personality working in harmony to make me someone who is loved and respected and a hell of a good time to be around.
I hope some day you can reach this balance in your life.. dont forget “you have a surprisingly short period of time to spend on this planet”
“what I was saying is nobody (rightfully) is going to take you seriously if your wearing a feather boa and dark sunglasses and you have named yourself Zinnia.”
Rightfully? What I’m saying is that if you’re really unable to listen to what I’m actually saying for the aforementioned reasons, this is more of your problem than mine. The reason I don’t see this as a valid excuse is because I know of a great many people for whom this is not an obstacle at all. If you decide to use this sort of thing as a rationale for ignoring someone, that doesn’t make it their problem.
I can’t stand to read any more of these hate comments directed towards Onision. Do you really believe he’s so bad? Do you really believe it’s so wrong to try to help youth defend themselves in a harsh, ignorant world? In regards to his views on sexuality, he is not asking people to hide it. He is not a biggot. He simply wants everyone to make sure that they are absolutely, 100% sure of their own sexuality, as it is a very complicated subject. I completely agree with him. I happen to have a friend who’s come out as a lesbian, only to claim she’s bisexual, and then go back to being completely straight, and continue the cycle. She shouldn’t have ever come out at all, because she’s obviously not sure of her own sexuality. Almost no one takes her seriously anymore. Had she followed advice like Onision’s, she wouldn’t be a huge joke. And, in my opinion, people like her make legitimate homosexuals look like jokes as well, like it’s a choice. Homosexuality is not a choice, and it is not a game. So I completely agree with Onision: you must be ABSOLUTELY sure of your own sexuality before you come out, no matter what age that is, otherwise you risk looking like a moron.
i mean excuse me if i sound self righteous or “misuderstandin” but “the people who are changin for there situations of need” or liars or failures in life or maybe even both would the redneck not change himself for a job interview sayin that DON’T YOU!!! haha its funny those who do not act accordin wil never live up accord to the system we as the people made would a thief act lik a thief if he’s tryna get into your home would a failin banker try to act positive in front of investors!!! its all jus wat you need and WAT YOUR WILLING TO GIVE UP OR TRADE FOR IT. because i doubt all of you act the same in front of your wife as you do your preacher
Zinnia loses cred hiding behind the mirror shades that reveal her “true thoughts” scrolling by on a tele-prompter. What’s up with that?
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