This is an essay that I never wanted to write, especially after my most recent Huffington Post article on unity within the LGBT. Sadly, life has a way of interfering with one’s intentions, and that is what has happened on this occasion. Only a couple of days ago a prominent transgender activist and writer with whom I had previously conversed, decided to attack me after I voiced a contrary opinion to a piece that was highly critical of citizen journalism.
At first I was simply shocked at what I was seeing in my inbox, but within moments my shock turned to abject horror. Parker Molloy, someone I had looked to for advice on occasion and supported through her fundraising for surgery, was telling me to kill myself. Not only was she telling another trans woman to die, she was giving her instructions ranging from cutting herself to drinking bleach, and what’s more, demanding that she do it.
Rather than Molloy writing from social conviction it would seem that her body of work of late, such as her writing against RuPaul and Carmen Carrera, has been solely authored to co-opt the movement against the use of misogynistic and trans-misogynistic slurs in order to further her grip on becoming a spokeswoman within mainstream organizations rather from any deep-seated belief. The first thing that she wrote against another trans woman in this particular case, were the misogynist slurs “c-nt” and “wh-re” — hardly what I would have expected from a writer who publicly crusades against the use of those words in particular.
As a journalist, I battled for several hours with the question of whether or not I should address the attack publicly, since it was made to me in private, but after letting her words sink in I made the difficult decision to publish what she had said to me despite the backlash that will no doubt transpire from the Parker Cult within the community. Her behavior, and the behavior of those who follow blindly because they feel that she rallies against privilege, is violent, hypocritical and damaging to themselves and the greater transgender community. There are clear parallels between Parker Molloy and Susan Stanton. For readers who might not recall, Susan was an inauthentic transgender spokesperson who was once lauded by the mainstream, and who allowed herself to become a puppet for the policies of those supporting her, in much the way as Molloy now appears to be doing.
Stanton said that transgender women don’t deserve employment protection, that this would be putting transgender women at risk. What Parker did was worse, however, as she attempted to trigger another transgender woman into directly committing self-harm. Unfortunately, it became apparent that she has done this before, and, sadly, with much more success. A transgender woman whom I shall call Jane for fear of backlash, told me that she had attempted to commit suicide after a discourse with Parker that migrated from public social media to a private chat. Jane videoed her attempt, and the police arrived, and in her words she was “5150’d”, which means that she was placed in Involuntary Psychiatric Hold in the State of California.
I have already seen the reaction of a substantial number of people in transgender community who either told me that I was wrong for reporting what Parker said or asked me to take my posts down because I was “shaming” her for her supposed issues. The speed at which she began trying to re-write the narrative as if it were one of her article drafts, claiming that she was the aggrieved party because her “private” chat to me was exposed, with barely an acknowledgement of what she herself had done, is shocking.
The transgender community is a collection of people who are often denied adequate medical care, and who have varying degrees of dysphoria often coupled with other socioeconomic pressures. The result is that we are at a 48 percent risk of committing suicide or attempting to commit suicide. A transgender person should never tell another to kill herself or use a similar tone. It doesn’t matter if that person is an influential and gifted writer or not, words do matter and no transgender woman should ever attempt to trigger another’s dysphoria, since the result may be fatal. In some parts of the world, someone advocating that someone should kill themselves frequently results in a murder or attempted murder charge for the enabler if the victim. Molloy’s behavior is simply unconscionable.
The collective transgender narrative is full of stories of suicide and attempted suicide, and no one should know this more than someone who frequently writes about such topics as Parker Molloy herself. If you have a platform in the LGBT community, you do not have power over others, you have a responsibility to the community that is holding you up as an example. If you abuse that trust, members of the community can also withdraw their support, especially if you are only using your platform to feed your ego by being cruel to those you perceive as lesser or may be seen on the same pedestal as you.
The transgender community needs people who love and support their brothers and sisters. It does not need an abusive Parker Molloy.
Kelsie Brynn Jones is an activist and writer whose work has been published on Huffington Post.
Ms. Jones, I read your piece on unity at HuffPo and I LOVED it. And I am with you concerning Ms. Malloy. She IS dangerous. I didn’t realize she was THIS dangerous though, so thank you for pointing this out. I have had a beef with her ever since her piece that attempted to alienate gay males called “Gay Guys Can You Just Not…” but this goes far beyond that. I am sorry that she treated you this way.
@DarkZephyr: And that would be Molloy* and not Malloy.
@Dawn Ennis – Not really sure why this would preturb you or why you feel that you need to add your $0.02 to this. This is an issue between these two women that really doesn’t require your service as a spokeswoman for either, don’t you think? You’ve made your affiliation to Parker quite clear in your comment, to quote you, ‘by design, I guess.’
As both women have various media outlets to voice their opinions, I think we can search out Parker’s version of the story on our own, if we choose to do so.
Why are the claws so sharp? Is it that trans-folk face such ugly treatment that they’ve sharpened their defenses, at the same time honing the tools that will also come in handy for attack?
Print, text messages, Facebook, all lack some of the best qualities of face-to-face or — if it’s all that is available — voice-to-voice communication: intonation, inflection, facial expression and body language.
This is a war of words. Someone be big and strong enough to say this is too important a conversation to have online and needs a face-to-face conversation.
Based on how tactless she is over text message, I’m assuming Molloy avoids face-to-face discussions. I can’t imagine what those texts would have looked like in real life.
I realize that depression afflicts many people, that many people function normally through treatment, etc. However, if Molloy was always this unstable to begin with, how could she have really ever been considered a valid trans activist? And why should anybody ever give her a chance again, when there are other, more stable trans activists to take her place?
I mean, it’s just surprising how she broke so easily over something that occurred between somebody on her own side of the activism pool. If she’s going to apply offensive slurs and calls for suicide to anybody, and I’m not saying she should have, but shouldn’t it be somebody she doesn’t agree with at all ideologically?
How one behaves in private is a reflection of her true character. Had it not been acceptable to Ms. Molloy to behave this way before now, she would not have done so. Therefore, she is not apologizing because she is truly sorry, but because she was exposed for her behavior.
She is someone who was socialized as a Caucasian, cisgender, heterosexual male, and her frustration with the loss of that privilege is evident in her activism: ignoring the validity of other trans experiences and identities, and attempting to bully those who dissent into silence.
That she is reportedly stepping-away from activism is good for everyone involved.
Isn’t everyone sick-to-death of all the trans-attention-wh*re c*nts??? They’re not homos, and have nothing in common with us. I’m STILL for removing “T” from LGBT. And, please, everyone save the time telling me how insensitive I am, and all that BS.
Please tell me again why this trans tempest in a tea cup is being highlighted on a website for gay men and women? And why, specifically, does Queerty devote so much time this Parker Molloy person who, from what I can tell, is merely some random freelance writer with a bullying manner on social media and what appear to be deeply, deeply seated emotional issues?
Parker Molloy, Dawn Ennis, your fellow trans travelers, plus assorted acolytes and adherents: Your inside baseball concerns are relevant to a micron-thin sliver of the community, if that. Please take the excuse-filled apologia and rationlizations by allies and vacate — and leave Kelsie Brynn Jones (and the rest of us) alone.
I’m with Flaneur. What is this all about? Are we supposed to know who all these people are? Reading this piece (and some of the comments) felt like listening in on a private conversation – one that probably belongs on another ([email protected]) website.
This line in the article strikes the tone
“If you have a platform in the LGBT community, you do not have power over others, you have a responsibility to the community that is holding you up as an example.”
Parker, regardless of her motivations, took a step far beyond what was simple objection. These private messages were abhorrent and inexcusable.
@Dawn Ellis, it’s good that you’re sticking up for your friend Parker, but she needs to distance herself from the activism for quite a while, get some help, and work on that filter. This is 3rd grade behavior at best and certainly not acceptable for someone who claims to have a national voice on a very topical social subject as Trans activism.
We’re all human, one way or another, and we make mistakes. Our biggest advantage is that we can learn from them and just do better. Parker can redeem herself in time, but once you lose trust, it’s terribly hard to get it back. She’s lost the trust of the activist community and she’s got a very long uphill climb to get back what she threw away.
Charlie in Charge
@DickieJohnson: Can we kick you out of the community while we’re at it?
Trans people belong in the LGBT community. All LGBT people do. It’s too bad that non-binary people and trans men and trans women are lumped together where lesbians and gay guys and bisexual people aren’t. Maybe that’ll come in time.
I choose to believe that Molloy got in over her head. It’s good that she’s stepping down. Sometimes infamy shows you the value of being unknown and living a simple life. A lot of miserable narcissists out there never step down, constantly trying to get more and more attention like a black hole of neediness. I hope Molloy lives a good, happy, fruitful life, whether or not she later wears her activist hat again.
Kelsie and Dawn are too close to the situation to provide objective reporting, but who cares? You really want to tell me that this is less professional than talking about Zac Efron’s dick over and over and over again? Or praising Aaron Schock… This is has much more legitimacy as queer news than they do.
I commend Molloy for trying, leveraging her privileges in order to push for a fairer world for her trans community. Good intentions don’t always result in good actions, that doesn’t mean nobody should try. She had victories. And, she might redeem herself.
I commend Kelsie for her transparency. It’s a hard thing to do. When a community is oppressed, it’s easy to let others in the community get away with abuse, but it isn’t the right thing to do. Vulnerability isn’t always easy, either.
I just don’t know why it is that everybody is so eager to hate. But, I’ve never quite been able to understand that instinct. When you’re in miserable pain, sure. When your life settles… Stop hating. Maybe people just don’t have the guts to put themselves out there like she did, and they’re just happy to see her fail (so they don’t have to challenge themselves). Who knows.
More Trans drama. If they are not telling others what words to use they are trying to shut down pride dance parties and now telling others to kill themselves. Maybe Parker Malloy should just STFU.
The worst part is that you have transpeople actually defending this psycho. They’re actually ‘commending’ her. This is, by the way, the same Molloy who has repeatedly gotten away with using the ‘f2ggot’ slur and not once has apoogized for it. And not once has any of the trans people commending her called her out for it. It took for Molloy to mess with another trans activist to receive some criticism, and even then most trans people are commedning her. There’s nothing any trans person can do or say that their fanatical followers won’t eagerly ingore or forgive. Molloy is rabidly homophobic, there’s abundant evidence of it. She is also a bully and, apparently, a psycho and yet none of our ‘trans brothers and sisters’ is calling her out for it. It’s disgusting.
@Dawn Ennis: Nothing in your post contradicts the author’s point that Parker Molloy is DANGEROUS with a capital D. Thank GOD she is retiring from Trans Activism for awhile. I am sick of her self righteousness, the disrespect she shows for other Transwomen (this is by far NOT the first time as has been indicated) and her clear hatred of gay males is the absolute worst.
@Flaneur: With all due respect, this blogsite is called “Queerty.com” and the word “Queer” covers every aspect of the LGBT spectrum. Queerty often covers Trans* issues.
@jayj150: A-freaking-men! Parker Molloy is a big homophobe and she almost NEVER gets called out for it by other Trans-activists, just ass kissed. The ones who do call her out for it, like Calpernia Addams and Andrea James get a WHOLE bunch of shit for it from fellow Transwomen like the nasty weasel who authored this:
What these Molloy-ites need to realize is that we gays and lesbians will NOT tolerate this kind of bull shit. Molloy is BAT SHIT CRAZY, homophobic and I suspect misandristic and this NEEDS to be trumpeted LOUD AND CLEAR from the rooftops so that her foot soldiers can pull their heads out of their asses and actually do some genuine good for the Trans* community.
superiority complex + victim complex = parker molloy
Given that this is not the first time she has been so hateful with her words, I wouldn’t expect any kind of epiphany and change. A tiger doesn’t change its stripes. I’ll bet money she’ll be back at it within a month. She lives for this shit. There’s no way she’s going to gracefully exit the stage.
At one point, Perez Hilton realized what he was doing through his out-of-control attacks on others and he actually changed. On the other hand, there is Ann Coulter who tries to outdo herself with everything she writes. ….. From what I can read, Parker Molloy is at a similar juncture in her life and career. I hope she chooses wisely.
Why was she surprised? This is par for the course with Parker the Troll. She’s proven she’s not worthy of acknowledgement time and time again by her attacks on others. That she continued to talk with her only set Kelsie up for the virtual acid attack that is Parker’s normal conversational tone.
Sorry-if you joined in on attacking Calpurnia and only call out Ms Malloy when you get attacked, then your moral stance is weak. She’s done this kind of thing over and over and was always protected by a larger trans community. Even now, the tone is–poor thing, why are you being mean to her. Queerty may be trashy but the on-line version of the Advocate has really been a sad thing.
Malloy’s behaviour has been condoned/over-looked/encouraged by the larger trans community for too long. It was obvious she had anger and boundary issues. Maybe this will be the trigger to change things.
I am a 23 y.o., progressive, openly gay man and I want to say that there is no such thing as LGBT. Kelsie wants LGBs to believe that LGBT is a thing because she wants us to be responsible for trans activists’ long list of unpopular demands and to be obligated to fight their battles. But if you read her HuffPo piece, you can see that she cannot articulate a coherent defense of LGBT.
She says that “we face many of the same issues.” She provides no evidence, but even if it were true, so what? Having a common enemy or a common issue is the basis of a working group or alliance, not an identity. In the 20th century, the US formed an alliance called NATO with countries like Italy and the UK and Norway to contain a common threat, the USSR. But it didn’t pretend to be one nation with Italy and the UK and Norway. It didn’t inform Americans one day that henceforth they must call themselves “NATO people”. And having a common enemy wouldn’t have been the basis for such a change. An identity has to be based on something fundamental, a organic bond, not an ephemeral external threat. That is why LGB makes sense, and LGBT does not.
Moreover, if LGBs did have to merge with some other group for the wrong reasons, transgenders should be at the bottom of the list of prospects. Their ethics and values are alien to most people. Their tactics are horrific and cruel. Their demands grow more bizarre by the day.
Just this week, the actress Martha Plimpton was swarmed by angry trans activists who instructed her not to use the word “vagina” to describe vaginas. Apparently, this could upset “transmen”. So from now on, women must refer to their genitalia as “front holes.” They are now trying to dictate to over 50% of the world’s population how to describe their own bodies. Google it. This happened. You can’t make this sh*t up. It’s like something out of an insane asylum.
Look at the malice and cruelty in this dispute among trans activist “friends”. I can barely untangle it. Don’t LGBs have enough on their plate without having to take on this craziness?
And as for the violent threats directed at Kelsie, that’s sort of par for the course for trans activists:
– There was a trans activist who had to resign from a high-level position in a state “LGBT” org when he threatened (or as he claimed “joked”) to bash in the the head of a lesbian with a baseball bat.
– Trans activists stormed a book-signing of an author they didn’t like and the police had to be called.
– Trans activists threatened and bullied gay film maker Diego Luna.
– Trans activists track Dan Savage’s public appearances and attack him. One of them threw a heavy glass jar at his head. That is a hate crime.
– Just a few days ago, Laverne Cox, the grand dame of the trans world, got caught up in a scandal when she did a video supporting a convicted child killer.
And of course they have a long and growing list of enemies, including celebrities, gay activists, writers, artists, etc. But all the hate and rage are directed at LGBs and progressive straights like Savage or HRC or Piers Morgan or Roseanne Barr or Jared Leto. I have never seen trans activists unleash their rage against Uganda or Scott Lively or the American Family Association.
I say we can work with the trans community in a limited way on certain issues, like homelessness and bullying. We can certainly be friends with transgenders on an individual basis. But LGBT is a false construct. It pretends that 2 groups are really 1, and that falsehood should not be honored.
@Dawn Ennis: You’re not a “journalist” and you’re not a “writer.” You’re a Facebook and Twitter hack of Parker Molloy’s. Please stop trying to pretend you’re remotely objective in this situation.
@Jacob23: I wish there were a “like” button,
@DawnEnnis : The apology you posted from Ms. Molloy clearly indicates that this did need to be made public, as I sincerely doubt that she would have reached this revelation of a need to re-enter therapy without the consequence of a negative public backlash. The tell-tale comment is “casual references to self-harm.” While she may have intended that to indicate that she made those comments without thought of their impact, her choice of the word casual when her actual comments were pointed, direct, and advocating Ms. Jones harm and/or kill herself speaks volumes to the negative place Ms. Molloy is in emotionally and cognitively.
@Jacob23 : And I am a 38 year old, progressive, openly gay man who once thought like you . . . and then I grew up when I realized that the idea of separating out Trans* people from the LGB is a ridiculous conceit, and the complete opposite of a progressive attitude. Especially given how many Ts are also L, G, or B. Mature a bit and try broadening your perspective. Maybe you can start by engaging in some true progressive cognition . . . not holding an entire group responsible for the behavior of a relatively small percentage of radicals within that group.
This is personal. It is not NEWS.
People are just catching on that Molloy is a self serving narcissistic loon?
@Jacob23: I understand your frustrations at the things you pointed out, but you have to understand that the homophobic Transwomem that you described are not ALL Transwomen. Those Transwomen that you described make me just as angry. But the “T” being attached to “LGBT” is not a “false construct”. Transwomen were present at Stonewall, this is simply a fact. Homeless youth is not the only common issue that we face and Transphobia and Homophobia have the same genesis. Please don’t turn into the gay male version of Parker Molloy because of the actions of SOME Trans-activists OK? It serves NO purpose. Parker Molloy and her shock troops ARE a problem, I agree. But we should stand in solidarity with our Trans sisters like Calpernia Addams, Andrea James, Jane County, Our Lady J, etc. who are huge supporters of their LGB brothers and sisters and as a result are under attack by Parker Molloy and her foot soldiers. Not to mention the HUGE number of Trans men and women who ARE Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual who do *not* count themselves among Parker Molloy’s minions.
@QJ201: This was well established a LONG time ago.
@Mischiefwolf: If there was a like button I would like YOUR post.
@DarkZephyr: You are simply dismissing Jacob23’s arguments without addressing them because YOU consider Transpeople to be our brothers and sisters. You say we should ‘stand in solidarity’ with people like Calpernia Adams and Andrea James; have these people EVER come out in our support and condemned the horrifically homophobic policies of countries like Uganda, Iran and India?. Even when these supposed allies have something to say about gay people, it’s always about something that directly involves them: like the ridiculous controversy about the word ‘t3anny’ by Drag Queens. When has ANY TRANS ACTIVIST ever come out and publicly condemned Iran’s policy of FORCING GAY MEN TO BE CASTRATED AND TRANSITION INTO WOMEN?. Have they condenmed the harrasment and assault of gay activists like Dan Savage by transpeople?. Have they publicly condemned that shameful defense of a child killer by Laverne Cox?. Jacob articulated it extremely well: they have nothing but contempt for us, and the only reasaon why they tag along is so we fight their fights, and so that we become the recipient of hatred for their crazy rethoric, philosohpy and tactics. By placing along, they get to difuse the criticism by making us the target of it. And NO, the fact there are ‘gay trans people’ does not make all transpeople part of our community. There are gay ALL KINDS of people: black gay people, Asian gay people, overweight gay people, disabled gay people, and they’re already included in our community by being LGB, we don’t have to include a ‘B’, and and ‘A’, and a ‘D’ simply because some LGB people also belong to those groups. What I found most unfair and disrespecful of your post wast that you would dare to compare him to that psychotic Molloy simply because you are unable to refute his his arguments.
Why would Ms. Jones be surprised at Molloy’s behavior? The point of her writings all recently seem to be violence, lashing out, attacking people, and ramping up massive amounts of hypocritical self righteous outrage at anybody that doesn’t agree with every single word out of her mouth.
Her contribution to the movement has been to attack any and everybody. There is no concern about other transgener people in her writings, merely the self aggrandizement of herself and abuse of others. That seems to be the end goal in her world.
One day the LGBT community will realize that the T doesnt belong there. The needs of the trans community do not intersect with those of the gay community. Plus the hormone imbalace makes a lot of trans people a little off. I have yet to meet one who wasnt dying to be offended.
Burn the witch
I think this highlights a big problem with minority activism, mainly that there is nothing like a democratic process in choosing those that end up mouthpieces of a movement- it’s all about how loud, how crazy, and how appealing to the majority one can be. I don’t know what stroke of misfortune ended up with Parker as some kind of leader when she obviously doesn’t have the chaps to be anything other than a miserable little troll. The sooner people stop giving her attention the better. She is awful and I’m pissed I have to be even remotely associated with her since we both fall under the LGBT umbrella……..
@jayj150: We don’t live in Iran or India, and they’ve certainly spoken out against homophobic abuses in the U.S., which is where they live. Maybe part of the problem is too many Americans ranting about the awful conditions for gay and lesbian people elsewhere in the world (though doing nothing about it) an ignoring conditions at home—ego is the great American disease, frankly. See: Molly, Parker.
From what I have read elsewhere in my transgender news feed Parker has posted an apology of her own for her actions. I had followed Parker for some months on Twitter but broke that connection about 3 weeks ago when her rhetoric grew increasingly divisive and laced with profanity. I have done this with other transgender commentators as well whose comments didn’t belong on public computers.
While I did not encounter her urging self-harm upon another apart from today’s reports, this certainly raises red flags that she needs to seek psychological help, pronto.
Parker has been a strong writer on transgender issues. This is a meltdown that most of us could realistically face who are transgender and confronting a bigoted world. If we honestly assessed ourselves, we might have done at least as badly as he had when in her circumstances, though telling another to drink bleach is inexcusable.
I hope in her case this has not proven fatal to her career as a writer. It will take a lot from her, more than a written apology, for the trans community at large and allies to regain the confidence we all had invested in her. This is a serious loss for us all.
Who are these peploe rly? Is this an article reporting on another article made by people who are supposedly having a private conversation. Wtf?
About the trans issue, I think the messages gets confused sometimes. Being gay or straingh isn’t a condition that can be changed or even needs to be change, is who we are, and the message is precely that. Trans people is another issue. They struggle because they don’t see themselfs in their on body. It’s isn’t about someone’s sexualaty, so sometimes is hard to see them together because the messages can get mixed, and that’s a bad thing for gay people…
I just want to go on record here as a transgender woman. I think that what Parker did was essentially tell someone who she couldn’t get to stop bothering her to ‘take a long walk off a short pier’ with harsher language. It was done in private messaging. I believe Keslie’Drako’, ‘Darko’ or ‘Brynn Jones’ is being ridiculously vindictive and over the top melodramatic.
Kelsie was a FB friend and early on I messaged her pleading for understanding. Her response: “Sorry you can’t see that we have a cancer in the community that needs I be cut out” followed by immediately unfriending me. This was on August 25th, so it’s clear that the vendetta was on hot and heavy from day one.
The attacks often start with ‘I never wanted to write this’ or ‘it is with a heavy heart that I must do this’ or other intelligence insulting nonsense. This is dishonest. They go out of their way to convince the reader that they’re good, decent reasonable people who are just doing the right thing. They’re being dishonest with themselves first and then with us.
Parker has definitely proved to be as adept at making ruthless enemies as she is at writing. The consequences of getting nasty with Kelsie whoever she is have been nauseating. She did me a favor by unfriending me. Count me among the disgusted. Disgusted with her and disgusted with the Transgender Violence Tracking Project.
Wow…where to begin. There are some things that automatically go to strike 3…with one strike. Advocating non-defensive violence on anyone, no matter the offender or the victim is a strike 3 offense. Although I have a trans history, I am far from sexually “straight”, so I have one foot in the LGB and another in the T. My personal work history affirms this.
I had the greatest admiration for Parker’s eloquence. Now, I wonder if she is whom she claims to be. Some things deserve no 2nd chance, and perhaps this means that she, by her own doing, has relegated herself to irrelevance. Time will certainly tell, for one thing is certain: she lacks a mature grasp of her emotions. I agree with her on many counts, but never on lateral or other TERF-like attacks. RuPaul remains wrong and so too do C. Adams and A. James for advocating in favor of trans-bigoted speech. There is never any justification for attempting to make homo/trans phobic speech in vogue…ever. Such speech has emitted from the mouths of LGBT far too often and far too violently to convince me otherwise, no often it has “safe” use elsewhere.
No group should ever be judged by the actions of the few, especially those with clearly emotional issues, and we in the trans community who advocate for civil discourse and peace deserve not different. This tragic story reminds me of how correct I have been in socializing with but one trans person: myself. I attend no support groups for my faith in them is also zero. For me, Kelsie’s body of work as a trans activist is stellar…superb…an A+. Kelsie, by maintaining her composure during this onslaught demonstrated her tremendous asset to our community. I wish Parker peace and rest……
@Dee Omally: Correction: P/graph 3: “Such speech has emitted from the mouths of LGBT [bigots] far too often…” and “…[even if] it has safe use elsewhere.
Anyone who defends Mr. Molloy’s actions is no better than him.
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