Last month, adult film performer Tegan Zayne came forward with rape allegations against fellow adult film performer, Topher DiMaggio.
Zayne shared his story on Twitter after he felt male victims of sexual assault were being excluded from the #MeToo movement:
I think it’s time I tell a #metoo story, I have so many but this one really takes the cake, because of how recent it was and especially because the guy responsible is still thriving in the porn industry while i suffered
— ?EG?? (@TeganZayne) January 21, 2018
#metoo pic.twitter.com/3RsGzLnVIa
— ?EG?? (@TeganZayne) January 21, 2018
And I’m not looking for attention or sympathy. Just telling my story
— ?EG?? (@TeganZayne) January 21, 2018
The alleged incident took place in a hotel room the night before the guys were scheduled to shoot a scene together.
Zayne claims DiMaggio left him feeling “belittled and degraded” after coercing him into having bareback sex and ejaculating inside of him against his protests.
“I haven’t told anyone else because I’ve struggled with the idea that maybe he didn’t rape me, and maybe I did enjoy it,” Zayne wrote. “Maybe I’m wrong for pointing this out. Does it even matter? Does anyone care?”
Related: Adult star Tegan Zayne accuses co-star Topher DiMaggio of rape
It turns out, people didn’t care. At least, not as much as Zayne was hoping. He believes his claims weren’t taken as seriously because he’s a sex worker.
“I have been sitting on this, processing it, analyzing it, dissecting it,” he tells HuffPo in a candid new interview. “Men can be victims, too. Sex workers can be victims, too.”
Despite his story not getting the attention he feels it serves, Zayne says he hopes by continuing to talk about it he can “expand the views and discussion on the issue.”
“I knew I was speaking my truth, and I’ve accepted that I don’t need other people to make it their own in order for me to feel justified in my actions,” he says. “Abusive traits exist anywhere our egos allow them to.”
Related: Andrew Christian suspends model Topher DiMaggio “indefinitely” amid sex assault accusations
JaredMacBride
In this case I think they had trouble believing that he WAS a “victim” of sexual assault. For a lot of people his account did not have a ring of truth.
Brian
I don’t think it was that his account didn’t ring true, it was that the incident as he described it was clearly consensual.
Tony1129
Tegan told his story alright, just not buying it. You accused Topher of rape, maybe rape? But you went on and filmed with him the next day. Hum??
jkthsnk
It’s not just that he’s male, it’s the sex work. Both are areas where Americans are sniveling, cowrdly hypocrites.
NCSilverBear
I think some people (not all) have “trouble believing male victims of sexual assault” Because there is more than one answer. It’s complicated by the way our society views males and maleness. Perhaps this situation is particularly complicated by the way gay culture views gay porn and gay porn “stars”. But, more than these two factors, gay culture has no base — no real family system that teaches young gay males how to take care of themselves, to be proud of self — we are not (usually) brought up in a family system with a “mom”, “dad”, “sisters”, “brothers”, “grandmas”, grandpas”, “aunts and uncles”, etc. We have no family tree that gives us our sense of being and life. Once we begin to realize our “differentness”, each one of us has to make that “family tree” up as we begin to sense our gayness and then come out (or not). This whole life process is completely different from most “straights” and it informs us, our peers and those “others” in our lives about how we are viewed and treated. The fact that a great many of us still use the model of “party & play” as our foothold into gay society, continues to inform us and them about who we are. Not who we wish we were.
We are beginning to change. Hopefully as we make better choices then those who come out behind us — our gay youth — will not have such a hard time of it. It will take more people like Tegan Zane — many more — who decide enough is enough and who decide it’s time to change direction.
CastleSF
Another outdated thinking that casts gays as victims as if their plight ia so much worse than the extreme poor children or the handicapped people. It continues to encourage gays to carry the victimhood mentality and use it as their calling card when they behave badly, do drugs, or lead a fucked-up life.
Cylest Brooks
Just a heads up, Queerty changed it’s comment policy on 3/14/2018. This comment would be deleted under the new comment policy, so make sure you give it a read. We value your opinion, and encourage you to continue commenting according to our new policies!
https://www.queerty.com/queertys-comment-policy
ChrisK
Maybe if you’d of put up some kind of resistance. I just don’t buy this..no no. Well, ok but just don’t cum in me.
PinkoOfTheGange
Negotiation and acquiescence isn’t consent.
CastleSF
@Pink. Unless you are intoxicated and drugged or unless resisting an unwanted touch greatly endangers your physical safety, you have to man up and put up a fight to protect your honor as a man. You cannot be indecisive or give the other person mixed signals.
Juanjo
I have no idea what happened during the time these two men were alone in that room. None of us do. I read his account and it is certainly believable. However this idea that a person being assaulted has to put up some sort of resistance in order to be a real victim is disgusting. It is sexist frankly. Would anyone expect the same of a woman in the same situation? Other than a complete neanderthal? There is no reason to expect a man or a woman to “protect their honor”. If someone refuses to accept know and continues a sexual assault, they have committed a crime.
Sam6969
@ CastleSF
Your statement seems to be made in the framework of a cartoonish macho fantasy world, where “real men”, whoever they are and whatever the circumstances (except on drugs or threatened to death, as you suggest) can fight back to defend their “honor as men” (quoting you).
Let me tell you it is a black and white, stereotypical vision, disconnected from a much more complex reality. Men have long been conditioned to see themselves as invulnerable machos. That is why most of those machos (or not), who have endured sexual assaults have kept it secret, because it goes against that mythology. Now that some men talk, it is unbearable for the machos (or people influenced by this conditioning) to accept the possibility for people like them (“real men”) to be vulnerable. So, to cope with it, there must be two camps: the real men and the others…
Within this mental framework, you cannot hear that when the assault comes from a close partner you trust, particularly if the professional partnership implies sexual contacts, some men start talking to defuse the assault, saying they are not interested and may even resort to negotiation, because it is their personality to be soft with those they are close, and avoid conflicts. It is their defense mechanism and that is not yours, but you are not the World of men.
Also, if they are sleepy in a shared bedroom, when their partner, a muscular top, comes in and assert himself physically and psychologically on them, then all those things together at the same time make it credible a sexual assault by coertion. It is just beyond your representation of the world.
chris33133
Back when I was growing up, TV was black and white; and in those days, if a woman wasn’t bruised and bleeding, didn’t have black eyes, and/or didn’t show other signs of physical trauma (preferably, shot or stabbed), many/most people – even/especially the police — did not believe that she had been raped and they expressed as horrible sentiments as I’ve read about Zayne’s and other men’s claims involving diMaggio. A woman’s background, especially if she was a sex worker and/or if she was “promiscuous,” was interpreted as casting doubt on her story of being raped. When I read the reactions here and in other gay pubs to Zayne’s claims, I’m transported back to those days.
Slowly, certainly more slowly than it took TV to switch over to living color, we’ve come to accept that a woman’s sexual background and/or lack of signs of physical trauma do not invalidate her claims of having been raped. I’m hoping that I live to see the day when a man’s claims to being raped are treated similarly; though I am not optimistic about living that long.
Donston
There’s a difference between not believing men in general and not having complete faith in the word of sex workers. Selling your body and your sexuality does put you at a higher risk of assault and rape. And because of that many tend to have less sympathy. Also, people who indulge sex work are more likely to have certain personality disorders, more likely to be extremely promiscuous of course and are more likely to have already suffered from psyche damaging assault, rape and/or molestation. Because of these things people are more likely to question their perspective or agenda. It is what it is.
Another unfortunate reality is that gay, gay-leaning and “queer” men are in general a bit more likely to suffer from assault, rape and/or molestation at some point in their lives. And that can have different affects on how they look at sexual assualt and sexuality as a whole. It can make some more sensitive and sympathetic to those things. But it can also lead to internalized homophobia and/or misandry, which can make someone indifferent to the problems of men or gay men. Or it can give people certain paraphilias and instincts, which either gives them those same vulgar, abusive, megalomaniac and/or manipulative ways or makes them more sympathetic to those types of people.
Finally, the line between being a bit aggressive and flat-out assualt can be blurry in some cases. And of course, people will always argue, “You’re a man. You could have put up a better fight”, which is always nonsense, since many women who are assaulted or raped don’t completely exert themselves physically. So, it’s all very complicated from both a psychological and socialogical standpoint. It is a conversation we need to keep having.
Sam6969
Some great answers in the comments: it is refreshing.
“Step by step”, as they say.
Also, prejudice against sex workers are what they are and may change in the future, but in the case of Tegan Zayne, it is not as if other people, who are not sex workers themselves had not come forward…
What Tegan Zayne did was right and he not only helped the current and future gay male victims, sex workers or not, but he also took part in the long enlightening process on the matter in the society and particularly in the gay community.
Everyone should read carefully the Huffington post article: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tegan-zayne-gay-porn-rape-accusation_us_5a7b761ee4b08dfc92ffb740
Particularly, quotes from Dr David Lisak are reported. The article reads: “While there’s “a prevailing idea that, somehow, sex workers cannot be sexually assaulted,” he added, they’re actually more likely to. Indeed, one recent study found that sex workers have a 45 to 75 percent chance of experiencing sexual violence at some point in their careers.”
It should make Tegan Zayne’s critics think twice before undermining his testimony.
crowebobby
With men it’s just a way of convincing themselves it couldn’t happen to them. I have a friend who is VERY intelligent and he insists he wouldn’t get raped in prison because he would just keep on fighting. He got so defensive about it I didn’t point out that two heavyweight boxers could beat him too senseless to resist despite the fact that he’s a very big and butch guy. Or that I’m sure Rohypnol is just as easy to get in prison as all other drugs are. Not only is he very smart but he has a degree in psychology; it couldn’t happen to me is an irrefutable argument.
Paco
I suppose everyone has a different definition of what defines sexual assault. If it had been me in his position, I wouldn’t have considered it to be assault, and if I was dead against having sex with Topher, it wouldn’t have happened at all unless I was drugged, tied up or beaten up and ripped open from forced penetration.
I am male with the average strength that males generally have. I also still retain the ability to clench things tightly closed. It would take a great deal of effort to sexually assault me.
Notright
Because most male ‘victims’ of sexual assault come off to me as attention whores or seeking a payday. I mean look at this case. In the tweet he said he wasn’t attention seeking but later in the article he was upset because he didn’t get as much attention as he wanted. What does that tell you?
The reason female claims of sexual assault are taken more seriously is because the average man can easily overpower the average woman which is why we as a society seek to protect women more than men. With man on man that’s not necessarily the case.
That being said I’m growing weary of the female #metoo movement as well. I’m starting to believe some of these females are just trying to jump on a gravy train. I mean some of these stories like “oh he touched my butt 20 years ago and it wasn’t a problem until now” gimme a break…
seaexpat
One of the most galling things about these so-called “silence breakers” is that, assuming their accusations are true (and I believe that 80% are not), they should be the ones to be ashamed for not saying anything at the time (10, 20, 30 years ago) to prevent the accused from continuing to violate others. They are the ones that the other so-called “victims” should be suing because their silence hurt many many more. And those who claim they said nothing for fear of ruining their career are as much as admitting that they prostituted themselves to get ahead. And being that so many of them are absolute unknowns, they are pissed because they prostituted themselves for nothing.
miserylovedme24
So let me get this straight. There was no force, the guy literally agreed to be topped, and yet we’re somehow supposed to classify this as rape or sexual assault? Really? This is getting so ridiculous when people are complaining because they literally chose to have sex.
Black Pegasus
All of them are liars. The MeToo movement has apparently convinced some attention whorish gay men to join the campaign of destruction. Ruin someone’s career and reputation with just a simple allegation. That’s all it takes with the current failed media complex.
seaexpat
Absolutely!!!
o.codone
This discussion comes around once a year and for me it’s always worth a quick comment. I don’t need to tell the whole story again, but when I was in the military (not USA) we had a frat/naked/military smoke and drink party and I passed out. Cold. Later, when I’m shit*tin’ out cum it turns out that two soldiers cummed in my ass “for fun”. The hard part is my CO said to me “nothing happened”. And that was that. Nothing happened. When i told my story on Queerty the readership commented that I was begging for the dick and putting my ass out there naked was an invite to get fuc*ked. The world has trouble wrapping their head around male victims, but IT HAPPENS, and it ain’t easy to deal with. Victims are very alone.
GayEGO
That is horrible. I was a musician in the Navy and played the flute. As you can imagine, I received some harassment, but none as bad as you did. I hope you were able to move on and push the sexual molesters out of your mind. It is really offensive when those trolls make it sound like we gays are looking for them to abuse us.
Sam6969
o.codone: have you heard about EMDR? It is an effective (and short) therapy to treat trauma, helping the person to rewire the brain and get out of characteristic loops. There are professional therapists around the world.
To know more about it:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/therapy-types/eye-movement-desensitization-and-reprocessing-therapy
o.codone
GayEGO, Sam6969, thanks guys.
GayEGO
At work, I had married straight guys bump their knees against mine under tables while reviewing documents. I ignored them and moved my knees away from them. I followed the rule, never mix business with pleasure, and it worked. I was honorably discharged in the Navy and I retired from 45 years of working as a software engineer with 4 parties for me.
baal61
I was drugged and gang raped in the Castro’ well Twin peaks’ at nineteen’ I contracted syphilis and of course’ grids’ ” HIV soon after by 1985 T cells below to hundred’ I’m sure some of the men are dead’ I’m far past caring what people’ especially other gay men think’ I had to survive’ and I did!
DuMaurier
If the story is that a 19 year-old college guy got raped in Rikers by a 250 lb skinhead, people will believe it. Other than that, people do not look at guys the same way as women and that’s how it always will be. The most you can do is shame people into PRETENDING it’s the same. A teacher “has sex” with his 12 year-old female student and the nation (rightly) howls for his head. Mary Kay Letourneau does the same thing with a male student and Bill Maher cracks, “I didn’t know a 12 year-old could have that much suave!” and the studio audience howls with laughter.
It seems perfectly right for us to tell DiMaggio’s alleged victims that they let it happen because they didn’t do this or that, but if you say that to one of Weinstein’s victims you’d be a misogynist rape enabler (and no, the differential in strength between male and female has nothing to do with it) You can’t change thousands of years of cultural conditioning with a hashtag.
chris33133
Here’s hoping that the hashtag marks the beginning of that change.
Sam6969
DuMaurier, start by reviewing the History of Human Rights for black people, women and LGBTQ, before writing things never change because of thousands of years of cultural conditioning.
STS
The #MeToo campaign is about more than sexual assault, it’s about men in power trying to force less powerful individuals (mostly women, but not only women) into sexual situations for a chance to work and advance in their careers. There are #MeToo stories from male actors and male models that are more compelling, more believable, and better aligned to the entirety of what #MeToo is about. People who are truly affected by the issues surrounding the #MeToo campaign had to make a choice about continuing to work and advance in their careers or report what had happened to them, this issues are deeper and heavier and the cost of speaking up was very high. Tegan’s story isn’t about a man forcing him to do things in exchange for work and advancement, it’s a story about sexually aggressive guy who didn’t take no for an answer.
If Tegan felt he’d been violated he should have reported it to the proper authorities. Even if reporting it only amounted to Topher getting a legal slap on the wrist it would have given him the wake up call he needed. (that’s not to say he would have heeded the warning) It would have also put Topher’s behavior on record. Twitter is not the correct forum to air this kind of thing, if you are a victim of sexual assault, I get that it’s probably hard to do, but “Man Up” (or “Woman Up”) and file the report, if it is not important enough to the victim to make an official report (again I know coming forward is hard and can even be dangerous for some victims) then it amounts to just a rumor.
Sam6969
You conveniently avoid mentioning that Tegan Zayne said he was raped (or sexually assaulted) by a co-worker (not someone he knew outside the workplace) and that he complained about that to the people in charge on the set and they did nothing. He may have lost the contract to which he was maybe tied and others to come if he had refused the very next day to perform with his rapist on set.
You and me do not know the details, but the pressure was clearly there…it may be not enough for you and the vision you have of a perfect #MeToo assault, but, you know, power and powerlessness in the workplace have multiple faces…
Last but not least, he suggested his aggressor, who happens to be his coworker has exerted his power through physical and psychological coercion. Work, power and sexual assault are all there in his testimony. YOU just did not see them.
Also you state he should have reported the assault to the Police and you might be right, but he did not report like all the women we heard about in the Weinstein scandal…or even in the #MeToo campaign. It is so easy for you to tell people in their situation to “man up” or “woman up”. It is intellectually and morally so easier.
Btw, Tegan Zayne wrote: “Don’t be afraid to say no and get violent If you have to”. In the moment, you may not know how to respond to a close co-worker assaulting you, but once you come through such an “experience”, you probably would be more prepared to face a similar situation again. Now that he is talking, it is easier for others to figure out what would be their options (during and after) if it happened to them some day (even if it always depends on the actual circumstances).
Greg
It’s hard to take Tegan’s story seriously because of the things he said happened. He was in the room that he and Topher were sharing before their big scene. Topher came home and wanted to have sex. Tegan ended up letting Topher top him, but if he didn’t want to, he didn’t have to let him. His own story made it seem like he just didn’t feel like telling him NO. Then he doesn’t make him wear a condom and just tells him don’t cum in me. Then he wants to cry rape? The following day, Topher complained about the head Tegan gave and he felt bullied or hurt or something. The stories sound made up or enhanced to make it seem like they were raped. Like the story about the guy who says Topher went up to him turned him around and started eating his ass in the club, while the guy just let him. Come on.
Sam6969
Actually he did tell him “no” repeatedly, according to his testimony.
The fact you clearly know little about physical and psychological coercion (or cannot conceive it) does not mean it did not happen.
The same applies to the other story: it is not because you cannot conceive that surprise and other factors (difference in strenght, clothes, etc.) can leave the rapist some precious seconds to start committing his misdeed, that it did not happen.
o.codone
^ truth.
radiooutmike
I think people get hung up on the word assault. Assault means different things legally vs. how we use it everyday.
Sam6969
We are obviously talking about sexual assault here.
“Sexual assault is an act in which a person sexually touches another person without that person’s consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will.[1] It is a form of sexual violence which includes rape (forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration or drug facilitated sexual assault), groping, child sexual abuse or the torture of the person in a sexual manner”
source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assault
DHT
It’s weird, I have been so societally conditioned that the only way I can often analyze things like this is by giving it the “vagina” test…in other words…if this happened to a woman how would we view it (I know perverse isn’t it, but this is the world we live in)? I think that if this had happened to a woman then people would no doubt say she was sexually assaulted, even probably a lot of the guys who are posting that they don’t believe Tegan was. I think a gay man who preys on other gay men is the worst kind of coward, I think they cannot face rejection due to their insecurities and assert power using fear. Yet sadly there are a lot of gay men out there who do things like this and worse.
crowebobby
One of John Wayne Gacy’s potential victims escaped and went to the police. As soon as they found out he had willingly gone with Gacy they refused to check into his story. Neighbors of Gacy also complained of hearing screams coming from Gacy’s home and, again, this time probably because Gacy was known for contributing to police funds and it was males who were screaming, the cops did nothing. How many of those young men who were tortured and murdered could have been saved if the cops hadn’t been so wrapped up in their macho bullshit.