BAD SEX

Pervy Town Employee On Trial For Frantically Masturbating In Front Of DirecTV Salesman

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51-year-old John Anderson

When DirecTV salesman Errol Flynn (not to be confused with the late Hollywood actor who died in 1959) rang John Anderson’s doorbell last July, the door mysteriously opened on its own.

“I can’t see a body,” Flynn told a district court in Derry, New Hamshire on Tuesday. “All I see is an arm beckoning me.”

That should have been the first sign something might be up. But Flynn had a job to do. Ignoring his better judgement, he followed the arm into the home where he testified that 51-year-old Anderson was waiting for him, completely naked.

Anderson, a former town administrator in Derry, is now being charged with two counts of indecent exposure and lewdness for exposing himself to the 41-year-old salesman.

“My assumption was I caught him in the shower,” Flynn said, innocently.

Ever the professional, he averted his gaze and began making his DirecTV sales pitch. Halfway through the presentation, Anderson interrupted to inform him he was in a “nudist home.”

“Nobody’s nude but you,” Flynn replied.

“You are more than welcome to get naked, too,” Anderson cooed.

Flynn ignored the comment and continued with his pitch.

Moments later, Anderson interrupted him again, this time to ask whether Flynn was a homosexual. Flynn said “no” and carried on with his speech.

“I’m trying to push forward, but I’m starting to get uncomfortable with it because I didn’t understand what he was alluding to,” he told the court.

Then, he says, he heard a noise. He turned to see Anderson frantically masturbating.

“In my mind, I’m like ‘What do I do right now because I’m totally offended,'” Flynn said. “He’s, like, smirking at me, smiling and I’m, like, ‘I’ve never been in a situation like that.'”

Flynn described it as “the most disrespectful thing that has ever happened to me.”

That’s when he finally decided to exit. But not before leaving a sales brochure on the table, writing down his name and number so Anderson could get in touch with him later should he be interested in signing up for DirecTV.

Anderson, who is openly gay, had a slightly different version of the story.

During Tuesday’s six-hour court proceeding, he testified that it was a stifling 94 degrees the day Flynn knocked on his front door. Since his home doesn’t have air conditioning, he had stripped down to his underwear and fallen asleep on the sofa while watching TV. When the doorbell rang, it startled him awake, causing him to spill a glass of water on himself. Rather than answer the door in soaking wet skivvies, he decided to remove the underpants.

Anderson told the court that Flynn displayed no signs of uneasiness with him being naked during the sales presentation, nor did he avert his gaze as claimed.

“Did he do anything to indicate discomfort with nudity?” attorney James Rosenberg asked.

“He did quite the opposite,” Anderson replied. “He stated he couldn’t get naked right then because he was working, but he might be able to stop back later.”

He continued: “My inference from that was that he was interested in pursuing something, but he couldn’t do it then because he had another half-hour of work.”

Judge Lucinda Sadler took under advisement a request to dismiss one of the two charges, saying she would issue a decision later. If convicted, Anderson could face up to two years in a county jail.