Short of Divine playing the role of Peter, we aren’t sure Peter Pan could get any gayer than last night’s live telecast. Unfortunately, that ended up being our favorite aspect of the very long, very tedious show.

Need proof?

Well for starters, Allison Williams makes a very cute lesbian.

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Christopher Walken’s eyebrows deserve their own credit. Each of them. Screen Shot 2014-12-05 at 12.44.38 PM

And how about that line he repeats with all the pirates — “A hook for every boy and a boy on every hook.” Calm down, sailors.

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And these pirates look a bit too elated doing a side shuffle.Screen Shot 2014-12-05 at 12.44.55 PM

Then there’s Tiger Lilly and her band of native twinks.
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Edit: band of flexible native twinks. Where are the female natives, by the way?
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And for even more smooth faces and pouty lips, there’s the lost boys.
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There’s gotta be a porn out there that starts like this.
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Yeah, there definitely is.
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They’re even into light bondage.Screen Shot 2014-12-05 at 12.46.08 PM

And then there’s the native twinks vs. the lost boy twinks, which really just speaks for itself.
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So basically…

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