Pope Francis Condemns Same-Sex Couples As Not Part Of God’s Plan


Just in case you were wondering, yes, the “cool” pope is still really grossed out by queers. 

“As for proposals to place unions between homosexual persons on the same level as marriage, there are absolutely no grounds for considering homosexual unions to be in any way similar or even remotely analogous to God’s plan for marriage and family,” wrote the pope this week in a statement (that was probably really written by underlings and then signed by him).

“No union that is temporary or closed to the transmission of life can ensure the future of society,” the pope (or whoever) went on.

Also, abortions are still bad, ladies. “So inalienable the right to life of an innocent child growing in the mother’s womb, that no alleged right to one’s own body can justify a decision to terminate that life,” he said. Sorry, that jiggling cluster of cells in you is an “innocent child.”

The church’s ban on contraception remains in place, because of course it does.

But there’s also good news for straight people — divorce is bad, but we shouldn’t treat divorced people badly, he wrote. Well, isn’t that kind.

It’s a disappointing but not surprising stand for the pope to take, as the pope has repeatedly stood in opposition to LGBT equality in the past.

But he still has at least one friend eager to stand by him: Bernie Sanders, who will travel to the Vatican next week to delivery a speech on social justice. Hey, Bernie, maybe throw in a few words about equality?