Everybody knows

When your most private selfies are found by the worst people imaginable

It’s time we hunker down and have a tough talk about you and your nudes. What kind of nudie hoarder are you? The type who sends out a compromising photo on some social app, and then quickly locks your virtual nudie vault, wondering if it’s already fallen into the quivering hands of your boss, your sweet auntie, your most loathed nemesis, and that scowling bullethead bartender who rolls his eyes every time you order a drink?

Related: “Slutty Halloween Costume” Guy Is Back With A New Array Of Looks

Or are you the type who’s come to terms with the fact that we’re all softcore porn stars (at least) in today’s age of apps; the kind of footloose, fancy-free fellow who’s fully accepted that the entire gay community has already collected all your nudes, compared them, critiqued them, and filed them away into their complicated color-coded system of archival nudes?

Popular Youtube personality Jack Merridew — aka, the admirably manic, undeniably inspired, and altogether a-bit-much “Slutty Halloween Costume” guy — is coming clean about a recent cachet of nude photographs that got hijacked from his iCloud, venting his, erm, most secret feelings about the aftermath of said leak.

Now, let us sit back and listen to him reveal every gory detail of this certifiable kerfuffle and count the seconds until our own private photos infiltrate the public domain, if they haven’t already.

Which, let’s face it, they have.

Watch:


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29 Comments

  • Xzamilloh

    “Hijacked”… more like “Hi, Jack, this is your agent. Leak some nudes for attention on your waning channel.”

  • kurt_t

    I’m sure it has a lot more cachet than my collection of nude selfies, but I believe what you’re referring to is a cache.

  • PinkoOfTheGange

    They still manufacture film for your Granddad’s Polaroid Land camera.

  • jayjay333

    After watching a few sad minutes of this narcissistic guy desperately hamming it up and trying to be funny, my main peeve is the improper use of the word “literally” which is an epidemic these days. As in, “Like, literally I’ve never taken pictures of my hole”.

    That’s lovely but there is no need to say “literally”. Just say “I’ve never…”. It makes no sense to use the word “literally” that way. It drives me insane!!!! I hear it all day along from the 22-year-olds I work with,

    • kurt_t

      Well, and then there’s “literally” used to modify a verb that’s clearly being used figuratively. “Latrice Royale literally mopped the floor with Kenya.”

      Well, no she didn’t.

      I mean, I imagine she could if she wanted to, but Latrice didn’t mop the floor literally. She mopped the floor figuratively.

      Honestly people, if you have no respect for the English language, you can at least have some respect for Latrice Royale.

    • montserrat

      You are actually completely incorrect. Language is fluid and constantly evolving which means that the definitions of words are also changing with time. The definition of the word literally has actually changed to emphasize or exaggerate a statement. So, don’t be mad at the 22 year-olds but rather learn to accept change.

    • kurt_t

      @montserrat, no. The expanding definition of the word “interface” is an example of language evolving in a thoughtful, functional way. The widespread misuse of words such as “literally,” “penultimate,” “decimate,” and “cachet” is a sign that our nation’s institutions of higher learning have produced an alarming overabundance of Gender Studies majors.

    • He BGB

      It drives me crazy too, so thank you! I hear news anchors using literally incorrectly now! People who use words for a living! Journalists. It’s being used like the word “like” and ” I mean”, a nervous go to word or phrase that they hear used so much they pick it up, too. I saw someone on tv using it, every other word! I was about ready to scream! Would correcting people help or just make us look like aholes? Will it run it’s course?

    • kurt_t

      It’s out of our hands, He BGB. It won’t stop until Pansy Division records a thumping obscenity-laden headbanger song about it.

  • Giuseppe

    HOW many times can this guy say “LIKE”????????????? The curse of the millennial is to insert that word in EVERY SENTENCE 5x!!

  • 1898

    dont put anything on the internet — that includes private albums on apps, text messages, snapchats, etc — unless you’d be fine with it appearing on the front page of a newspaper. it’s that simple

    • kurt_t

      And, if you are reading this from a place in the time space continuum where it’s still 1975, and the Internet has not been invented yet, do NOT streak Rip Taylor’s birthday party.

      Because, for one thing, he will expect you to do it every year.

  • crowebobby

    You were quite sure you locked it because the screen went black?! THAT was your asshole, dummy. You have almost as many photos of Marlin as you have pumpkins.

  • bobcatg

    Gosh. I find Mr. Merridew’s video genuinely funny and cute. Lovely guy. Hey we can’t all spend our lives desiccated and frumpy about cute boys and colloquialisms. Proper English is helpful- that’s it’s intent but being a grammar Nazi became old hat a loooong time ago. This is entertainment and life-sharing not finals week. I think.

    • kurt_t

      Oh no you did NOT just include an apostrophe in a possessive pronoun.

    • Luna1979

      For some of us, there’s no going back; for I am an English teacher. It is my job–nay, my passion– to rip everyone’s grammar apart. Autocorrect is the bane of my existence.

  • jlizze

    I couldn’t stand more than 10 seconds of his voice. Sorry. Bottom line, don’t take nudes

  • Ari Gold

    This guy is so annoying. Everything from his voice to his overly detailed story telling. Having watched his videos, I truly feel like some of his “stories” are completely made up. Just click bait for people to listen to him talk about his nude photos and leave desperate comments about how they wanna take some with him. #SeriousValidationWhore

    • geb1966

      And yet you gave him the validation he wanted simply by commenting…ironic, huh…or maybe just hypocritical?

  • OzJosh

    This guy will say anything to drive views of his channel. He’ll make any outrageous claim, and put provocative headlines on the dullest of rants. There are vloggers who push the limits, and then there are attention whores who will trash themselves and trash perceptions of their gay brothers for the sake of a few likes. He is the latter.

  • Sam6969

    There is no private life on the Internet. People need to realize that.

  • Daniel-Reader

    They forgot to include hastag #firstworldproblems.

  • Bob LaBlah

    The fact that video adds ten pounds to a person still does not hide your breaded buns and average size (at best) dick appearance. You are what you are, a narcissistic little twink looking for an audience. Ten years or so ago you would have been the talk of bars and the club scene but nowadays the entire world is flooded with dime a dozen twinks like you. NEXT.

    • Luna1979

      Omg brutal!! But it took all my strength to get through a video spoken entirely in Millenial. My eyes crossed, world leaders came and went, I learned to macramé… and there never was a good part of the story.

  • He BGB

    Why did queerty include this? He should be doing Get your title back with title max commercials.

  • Doctor Benway

    I guess now i know Queerty is mainly commented by old frustrated gay men.

    • kurt_t

      That’s because we can’t figure out how to use the Twitter.

    • Nahald

      Would that explain why you are here?

  • Nahald

    Do not want your selfie naked pics splashed all over the internet, DON’T POST THEM in the first place ! And use an actually camera, NOT the one on your phone that’s connected to the web.

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