personal promises

Queerty‘s New Year’s Resolutions For: Tweens and Teens

It’s already January 4. What do you mean you haven’t come up with any New Year’s resolutions? Or rather, New Decade resolutions? We’re not big fans of using arbitrary dates to set life goals, but now is as perfect a time as any to make promises to yourself to do good, to try harder, to effect change, and grow stronger. We’ve been floating a few ideas around Queerty HQ, thinking of realistic ways to improve our own lives, and the vast demographics of our readers, and we think we’ve found a few. Today, we’re going to present some reasonable New Year’s resolutions for young people. And throughout the week, we’ll have tips as we move up the age bracket. Of course, your collective wisdom is better than ours, so suggest any we’ve missed (and there are many!).

Come out. You don’t have to tell your parents, or even your siblings or aunts, that you’re questioning your sexuality (or that you’ve firmly concluded you’re gay or otherwise). But tell your secret to someone you trust. A friend. A school counselor. And if that’s too much, try your own reflection in the mirror. Talking about your sexuality, or those feelings of “being different,” will make it less confusing, and less of an onerous part of your identity. Even if you’re growing up in a conservative household in a small town in the Bible Belt, put out feelers for at least one person who you can confide in.

Be safer on the Internet. Facebook. MySpace. And even Adam4Adam and Grindr. All these social networking tools have great purposes, but giving up all of your privacy — and your home address and telephone number — shouldn’t be among them. They also shouldn’t be tools for meeting older strangers at a local park. It’s easier than ever for young, isolated queers to find an online community that feels like home. But don’t confuse connectedness with inviting personal harm. Nobody will be able to convince gay, bi, and trans tweens and teens to never meet an Internet stranger in person, and for these folks, we insist: Tell a trusted friend or family member exactly where you’re going, who you’re meeting (even email your friend the photos you received), when you’re expected back, and even arrange to call to check in every hour. Or, better yet, bring someone along to your meet.

Stand up to bullying, in and out of school. If you’re a victim, tell your guidance counselor or teacher. If you’re comfortable, tell your parents. There is no reason to sit in silence any longer as you’re teased and tormented. And if you happen to witness someone else being bullied? Stand up for this person, even if he won’t. Report the harassment, and follow up. You could change your classmate’s life.

Have your first kiss. It’s a terrible thing to leave high school and head to college without getting your first queer smooch. We’re not saying get to third base here, but if you find someone you fancy, and they’re receptive, give it a go. And then learn about the risks of doing anything more than kissing.

Give yourself a history lesson. There’s a reason you can be a 14-year-old boy and say you’re “interested in: men” on Facebook, and that’s because of the LGBT heroes, from pre-Stonewallers like Bayard Rustin to the Dan Chois of today, who refused to let little things like sexuality and gender identity get in the way of humanity. Learn about these people, and how history is on our side. Particularly because your textbooks won’t.

Meet Justin Bieber. Jonas who?

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #2010 #children #kids stories and more


  • gen y

    START a mass protest with intentions to dissolve everyone over 30 from society and lets start over!!!! happy new year

  • kiltnc

    Great advice Queerty! Good stuff.

  • Fitz

    And avoid letting Queerty put you in MG for one more year.

  • terrwill

    Good idea Queerts, few more ideas:

    Don’t be ascared to check out the local Gay community center.
    Almost every locale has one nearby. Check them out, there
    are others similar to you and they have strict procedures
    in place to insure your privacy if you need……..

    Usually the ones who bully the Gay kids are the biggest
    freakin closet cases……… : P

    And chances are pretty good that your family already knows
    Perfect example episode from Glee few months ago when Kurt
    came out to his Father, and he replied “I knew when you
    were three”…………..

  • spiritedrandy

    I like the list a lot.

    The only suggestion would be to emphasize more “learn about the risks of doing anything more than kissing” which you stuck at the end of “first kiss.” I think it’s really important for all teens, not just queer.

    Less important, but still worthy of considering, is to join/start a gay/straight alliance at school. It’s a proactive way of standing up to bullying.

  • gay-kinda-sorta

    I like all the suggestions except the last. Bieber is a total tool :P

    I’ve actually done most of that (my history lesson is a lacking atm though, any notable people you recommend knowing about?)

  • Peter

    The decade will start in 2011. 2010 is the 10th year of this decade.

    However, the new year’s resolutions are good for the first of every month of the year.

  • JuciyBoots

    @ Peter

    not to start anything, but i’ve always considered 1990 part of the 90’s, not the 80’s. what makes this year any different?

  • Thom

    “It’s a terrible thing to leave high school and head to college without getting your first queer smooch. We’re not saying get to third base here, but if you find someone you fancy, and they’re receptive, give it a go.”

    If only it were that easy… I don’t even know where to look or how to look for that matter. More than likely I will be the one going to college without my first gay kiss.

  • terrwill

    No. 9 · Thom: Check out my post #4 check out a Gay
    community center……….

  • Michael

    @1, Gen Y: So you would do away with all of us who’ve been involved in the struggle for equal rights since Stonewall? That’s a bit short sighted.

  • Suburban

    @Glen Y, I hope you’re kidding, everyone over 30 dissolved. That doesn’t leave much diversity in the world and think of the stories from people older than you you’ll never hear. I hate that this country is SO youth obsessed.

  • Dasher

    “Have your first kiss”, that’s right up near the top of the list as far as I’m concerned. Teenage girls today think that two boys kissing is sexy, especially if the boys are hot; that’s a big change from when I was growing up. This YT vid of two boys kissing has gotten more than 3 million views, and just look at the comments;

  • Martin

    I had my first gay kiss last year (I’m a senior in high school), and it led to nothing but heartbreak. But I’m sure many kisses do. Still, looking back, it’s still worth having a first queer kiss while you’re still in high school.

  • Johnny

    It’s half way through my Senior year and kiss-less as it seems. I’ve grown up with no gay mentors, no gay role models, no one to show me around. I’ve been flirting around the guys who have bleeped up onto my gaydar, though I have no idea if my said gaydar is working properly or not. Could what I have perceived as flirting back be some sort of fraternal bonding unbeknownst to me and nothing more? Or am I just into that whole hard-to-get, mysterious, cute guy thing and just not trying hard enough? I’m not the most fem guy around nor am I the butch, but I do want that kiss. Oh Queerty, help?

  • Suburban

    @Martin, I wish I had those experiences in HS and I won’t say when that was but I’m enjoying them now as an adult, sucking, fucking, etc…@Johnny #15, It might help if you have a computer or have great friends to support you (maybe some gay). Don’t be in a hurry and it’ll happen when you least expect.

  • FakeName

    not to start anything, but i’ve always considered 1990 part of the 90’s, not the 80’s. what makes this year any different?

    There was no Year 0 so the first decade AD — or CE for the non-religious — ran from 1 to 10. The second decade ran from 11 to 20. And so on through the decades and centuries until we get the the last decade of the 20th Century running from 1991 to 2000. So the first decade of the 21st Century runs from 2001 to 2010. But we love our round numbers so the majority of people ignore numerical fact in favor of using the wrong date spans.

  • Thom


    I feel the same way more or less. there’s this one guy but I can’t be 100% sure if he’s gay or bi.

  • JSP

    I really have to bite my tongue about what is a decade but cannot any longer. Certainly the whole “there wasn’t a year zero” is novel and I understand the logic. Just as there wasn’t any such number as 30 B.C. either. Nevertheless, “modern” society considers a decade as 10 years, beginning with the year 00 through 09, a total of 10 years — hence the Roaring 20s, Gay Nineties, etc. One would be hard pressed to find any reference to the “Roaring 20s, but not 1920, 1921 through 1930, but ignore the 30 part please, because I mean the 20s.”

  • terrwill

    No. 15 · Johnny
    No. 18 · Thom ……..Nothing ventured, nothing gained : P

  • Fitz

    Johnny (and other youngin’s), if you aren’t out, and it isn’t safe to be out– try meeting guys your age through any local good group, like PFLAG is great, as are a lot of local GLBT centers that have under-21 fun things. (well.. kinda fun, but you get to meet people). There is a huge range of kinda-sorta gay to queen of the decade.. and people change back and forth a little at that age.. so between your own ups and downs and their’s… gaydar is notoriously off for your age group. Just keep it light and friendly and work like hell to get into a nice college where you can really let loose, in a good way. Good stuff is heading your way.

  • Bob Lablah

    I strongly suggest to anyone do NOT compare your life with that of someone else. We are born to our parents and have no more control over whether they (our parents) are liberal professors of rocket science or simply lost individuals who make barely more than minimum wage that mistakenly turned to religion to “straighten out” their lonely lives and didn’t realize the mistakes and miscalculations that came with their decisions in life. (Marching at the beck and call of religious leaders without questioning the motives of the “leader” is just ONE example).

    The day will come when you HAVE to look back at not only how they treated you but WHY they treated you and your siblings the way they did. And you will one day ask yourself if you had THEIR education level and life experiences how would you have reacted were you them and had kids in tow.

  • hyhybt

    On counting decades: it depends on what you call them. “The 20th century” ran from 1901 to 2000, but “the 1900’s” ran from 1900-1999. Both names are fairly common for centuries, but since ABSOLUTELY NOBODY calls them “the xxxth decade” we can safely say that the 00’s have ended and leave off arguing about it until 2100 approaches.

  • Chuck Martens

    Your New Year’s resolution should be to hire an editor! And sorry to inform you, but the new decade doesn’t start until NEXT year, meaning the current decade doesn’t end until 2010 is over!

  • Taylor Siluwé

    @ 13 Dasher — That was a HOT kiss. More of a teaser actually. 3 million hits(!!!) , just goes to show what really matters to the mankind. ;-)

    This is great advice though, especially Terrwill addition about he community center. I was 19 when I kissed my first boy (though I’d been wrestling them to the ground and attempting to diddle for a lot longer), and that was back in the eighties (almost Jurassic by todays standards).

    Yes, to today’s teens I say go for yours, and screw what anybody else thinks. Because 20 years goes by in a blink…..

  • Matthew DH

    Have my first kiss? Yup that’s so easy right? I mean hell, it is 2010 and if I “fancy” someone it should work out no matter where I live! ugh this little article is corny and nothing but fantastical fluff.

  • Ethan

    Had my first kiss in High School when I was 16, with another guy around my age. Sigh the memories. MAGICAL.

    If you can try and have it with someone else who has never been kissed (or few times) so you can both enjoy the magic of your first few kisses.
    Most important i think, don’t go in expecting anything. Just go with it.

  • Dasher

    @25 Taylor Siluwé – Glad you liked the YT vid. Got the web address from a 15-year-old girl who likes boy-on-boy kisses, and watches these vids all the time with her BFF’s. She told me she wishes she were a boy, because all the good-looking boys at school are gay. She is also an Adam Lambert fan, because “he is smokin’ hot”, and she would like to spend a night with him (another reason for wishing she were a boy). She is very good looking, so maybe she will land a str8 boy if she is willing to settle for someone more realistic.

    @15 Johnny – It might give you better results to put away the gaydar, and consider having it with bi-boys and str8 boys also. Some of them are actually more available than gay boys, and some are (IMO) attractive, despite what many teenage girls say.
    If they are interested in you, they may let you know in a very direct and crude way, so don’t be put off. It won’t be rainbows and moonbeams… you will probably skip first base, and go directly to second or third. Any kissing, if there is any, will come later. They will take the initiative, and flirt with you. You will have to seize the moment, and say something back, like, “Wanna rub your pri*k against my a**?” Remember, you can say anything, if you say it with a smile. But be prepared for them to actually do it. Lots of kids in school want to get off and have some kind of contact with another person, and even str8 boys will wander off the reservation some times. Especially if all the desireable girls in school are obsessing over the prettiest gay boys.

  • Scott

    Thank you so much, Queerty…this post made my day, it’s SO cute!

  • The Intolerance Exterminator

    No. 1 · gen y wrote: “START a mass protest with intentions to dissolve everyone over 30 from society and lets start over!!!! happy new year”

    Gen Y, your comments have been noted. We have tracked you down and, when you reach the ago of 30, we will ensure that you are dissolved from society, as per your suggestion.

    Happy New Year to you!

Comments are closed.