Mixed Up Metaphors

Scalia Compares Gay Marriage Ruling to Overcooked Meat Loaf

The Supreme Court struck down DOMA in a 5-4 vote this week. That means legally married same-sex couples are now entitled to the same federal benefits as straight couples. And guess who’s not happy about it?

Justice Antonin Scalia.

The homo-hating Justice, who has a history of making bizarre metaphors when it comes to describing homosexuality (in the past he has likened it to murder, polygamy, bestiality, incest,  and animal abuse, among other things), offered a scathing dissent to Wednesday morning’s ruling, making the unusual point of reading from the bench, which means: He’s piping hot mad, people!

His latest metaphor is perhaps less inflammatory then previous ones, but what it lacks in offensiveness it makes up for with absurdity.

In his dissent, the 77-year-old Justice called the ruling “jaw-dropping” then compared it to an overcooked loaf of meat.

Or maybe a loaf of bread.

It’s unclear precisely what kind of loaf the beefy Justice is talking about, but it’s a loaf nonetheless.

Said Scalia:

“Some might conclude that this loaf could have used a while longer in the oven. But that would be wrong; it is already overcooked. The most expert care in preparation cannot redeem a bad recipe.”

In Scalia’s defense, he’s a judge, but not a poet. (Evidently he’s also a chef.)

Staying true to homophobic form, he also said:

“In the majority’s telling, this story is black-and-white: Hate your neighbor or come along with us. The truth is more complicated. It is hard to admit that one’s political opponents are not monsters, especially in a struggle like this one, and the challenge in the end proves more than today’s Court can handle. Too bad.”

On the contrary, it seems he’s the one having a hard time admitting his opponents–gay people and their supporters–aren’t monsters.

But here’s the real kicker from his statement:

“Some will rejoice in today’s decision, and some will despair at it; that is the nature of a controversy that matters so much to so many. But the Court has cheated both sides, robbing the winners of an honest victory, and the losers of the peace that comes from a fair defeat. We owed them both better.”

Honest victory? The Court is supposed to protect vulnerable minorities from the overreach of the majority. Did Scalia skip James Madison’s Federalist Papers at Harvard Law School? Because that’s precisely what happened yesterday–a victory for equality. Which is why it feels so damn good!

Sounds like someone could use a vacation. Good thing the Court is now in recess.

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  • 1EqualityUSA

    Scalia sounds as though he’s going senile. He’ll be seeping through his super pants, glued to a geri chair shortly.

  • balehead

    He should retire already…he’s out of step with the times…..

  • LaTeesha

    Based on his weight he’s been eating a lot of loaves.

  • Ottoman

    Big thanks to Scalia for spelling out exactly how marriage equality will happen nationwide in his dissent yesterday. He layed out the framework for a future case quite nicely. Also thanks to John Boener for defending DOMA. Without those moron republicans we never would have gotten the case to the Supreme Court. And the equal protection language in the decision was a huge plus. Taxpayer money well spent.

  • Cam

    The same victimology that the bigots have been engaging in since the Mormons were screaming about Prop 8.

    Their thinking is that they want to attack gays, force them into hiding, prison, second class status….and if you disagree with them, then YOU are the attacker and they are the victim.

    Scalia is just upset because people are rightfully labeling him a bigot.

  • lelandt

    Ironically, Scalia voted with the majority in the Prop 8 case. Without his vote we might still have Prop. 8. (The Prop 8 case was decided by a legal technicality which had nothing to do with same-sex marriage.) I look forward to the day when Obama or Hillary (fingers crossed) gets to appoint Scalia’s replacement. Scalia is an abomination to freedom, equality and democracy.

  • ponchito1933

    Scalia is, himself, an overcooked meatloaf.

  • Rock Star

    Sounds like someone needs a permanent vacation. In my opinion there are at least 3 SCJ that should face impeachment on the grounds that they are mentally disturbed prejudice and incoherent in their briefs and statements. He seems very bitter in what he says like an old man on a porch that yells at passerby’s that the end is neigh. Hopefully his end as a Justice will come very soon. And I can’t end my thoughts without mentioning the worst appointee ever. Thomas. Just a horrible horrible man.

  • Polaro

    @ponchito1933: Bingo. My thoughts exactly.

  • RomanHans

    Mr. Scalia abandoned logic long ago, now just throwing out miscellaneous words like a crazy carnival barker. I thought we couldn’t sink any lower than the idiot Thomas on the Supreme Court but I never figured we’d find a guy who couldn’t even string a sentence together.

  • dvlaries

    Thomas is (relatively) quieter because 23 years later, even he can’t believe that an aggrieved demeanor and throwing around the dog-whistle phrase ‘high-tech lynching’ got him a cushy job for life that he in no way is fit for. Both he and Scalia must have Blackmun and Marshall spinning in their graves.

  • alterego1980

    @lelandt: I believe that Kennedy, Breyer and others who voted in the minority on Prop 8 did so because they wanted to rule it unconstitutional and leave no doubt where they stand on the issue. The conservative justices had no choice but to dismiss it because they feared that ruling Prop 8 unconstitutional at the federal level would bring 38 other state marriage equality ban cases to them in the next few years.
    But of course, that doesn’t explain Kagan’s decision. If she knew they had the votes for DOMA, and she was the swing vote for Prop 8, why go the other way?

  • jwrappaport

    @alterego1980: Because it’s possible a ruling on the merits of Prop 8 would have gone the other way. We’ll never know since Kennedy’s was the only dissenting opinion, and it was all procedural.

  • jwrappaport

    Kagan could very well have prevented an adverse ruling on Prop 8 on the merits. Either way, Scalia is angry about DOMA, so I’m pleased.

  • Teleny

    He is so old and out of touch. Those elderly old men just don’t understand America has changed.

  • Scott Rose

    Does this turd Scalia understand the word “Plaintiff” who is not a loaf? A specific Plaintiff sued the government for unconstitutional discrimination. Edie Windsor ain’t no “loaf,” you moron.

  • stanhope

    Oh Ms. Scalia. History has shown time and time again the most vitriolic homophobes are the biggest queens behind the scenes. Somebody give that bitch a big old dildo and shove it up her ass, if you don’t fall in, and show her the light of day. I wouldn’t be surprised if she and Ms. Thomas were doing the nasty.

  • tjr101

    Does anyone recognize that none of the gay republicans comment on articles like this but infest everyone that involves President Obama?

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