Scuzzball GOP Senate Hopefull Raises “We’ll Be Marrying Our Pets Next” Canard About Gay Marriage

Don’t let the brassy blond hair, blue eyes and big smile fool you: GOP hopeful Wendy Long is as vicious and anti-gay as her sister-in-Clairol Ann Coulter. In an interview, Long compared two people of the same sex tying the knot to her marrying her invalid mother or the family dog.But she didn’t mean anything nasty by it!

Long, one of three Republicans vying for Democratic Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand’s seat in New York, originally told right-wing talk show host Laura Ingraham in August 2010 that the overturning of California’s Prop 8 in the courts would start America on a slippery slope where people would marry relatives and prized pooches.

“Who says I can’t marry my mother?” Long said to Ingraham. “You and I love our dogs. Who says we can’t marry our dogs?”

Um, because no dog would have you?

Of course now Long is running for office in a state that has marriage equality and she doesn’t want to look like quite such a spiteful harridan. So she tried to backpedal on Friday’s episode of Capitol Tonight.

Talking to Liz Benjamin, Long claimed she was merely putting on her lawyer cap and theorizing that if marriage wasn’t defined as between a man and a woman, there would be no barrier to Fido or Mr. Whiskers entering into the institution.

“I was just doing a legal analysis saying, you know, if you say there’s no rational basis for the voters to define marriage as between one man and one woman, you can’t really say there’s no rational basis for defining it some other way,” Long told me.

“And, in my own personal life for example, someone very dear to me, whom I love very much, my mother, who was dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease and was having terrible problems with health insurance. I loved her very much. I would have loved to have legally married her so that we could have cured a lot of her insurance problems.”

“I was just saying there’s no rational basis to forbid me from doing that. So it was just a legal analysis. I wasn’t suggesting that we would have ended up with any of these other arrangements that we’re discussing.”

Well, we didn’t go to law school, but her argument makes very little sense—it sounds like it boils down to “if you change something then it won’t be the same anymore.”

Yes, that’s true—but laws are altered all the time and somehow the floodgates aren’t opened and chaos doesn’t reign supreme.

But seriously, Wendy, if you want to stand out in the June 26 Republican primary you’re gonna have to do better than say gay marriage leads to bestiality. Your chief rival, Nassau County Comptroller George Maragos, already said that.

Maragos also said he believed in evolution, so maybe you score some points by claiming cavemen rode dinosaurs through the fruited plains a few thousand years ago.

Photo: Beowulf Sheehan

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  • jason

    Both Wendy Long and Ann Coulter seem insecure about their faces. It’s probably why they’ve grown their hair so long. Women who are insecure about their faces usually grow their hair long to distract from plain features.

  • Andrew

    she is so fugly she looks like someone in her family DID marry their dog.

  • Keith

    It’s easy to see how she can make that leap, since people can leave their money and stuff to their pets. What a tool!

  • n900mixalot

    She clerked for Clarence Thomas… nuff said.

    She is a flaming idiot, and the fact that she went to Northwestern and graduated from Harvard is spot on. Can we pkease stop touting these schools as the “top” schools? Their product is awful.

  • Jose Rodriguez

    Will log cabin republicans vote for this woman? Maybe. That is what frustrates me about them.

  • Marcel

    Silly republicans, universal healthcare covers your relatives’ lack of health care, not marriage equality.

  • anon

    Just about the last sentence: you can’t “believe” or “not believe” in evolution, because it’s not an object of belief. It’s a scientific theory, you can “subscribe” or “not subscribe” to it, or better “demonstrate” or “disprove” it (if you’ve got evidence).

    I am sick of this choice of word everybody makes. It compares the theory of evolution to an unfounded belief it’s fine to brush away. It’s exactly the same as speaking of homosexuality as a choice or a lifestyle.

    Words matter, because they are not free of undertones. Our enemies, as well as the enemies of science (often the same), know this and make use of it.

  • Spike

    They are back to the marrying their pets argument AGAIN? Gotta love how desperate the christian republican taliban have become when they can’t come up with any legitimate opposition to marriage equality.

  • JimD

    Is it just me, or does it look like someone has already married a dog?

  • randalaw

    One more time, Ms. Long. Dogs (and other non-human animals) do not have the mental capacity to enter into legal contracts of any kind, including marriage contracts. To put it in terms that you might more easily grasp, until dogs (etc.) have opposable thumbs to hold a pen, they can’t sign their little names. So, until evolution solves that little problem, we’re safe!

  • Jorval

    This woman is a lawyer? Must be one Hell of a dumb one. Marriage is a contract. Last I checked, animals cannot sign contracts… They should focus more on how blatantly stupid she is, rather than her stance on marriage equality…

    You know, if she was a candidate running in a red state, I’d be concerned, but come on Queerty – she’s running in NY. Gillibrand’s seat isn’t in any danger… NY is a solid bule state with a very popular Dem Governor and if worse come to worse, they can always call Hillary or Bill in to make a few campaign appearances for Kirsten….

  • tjr101

    Apparently even the Republicans in dark blue states are batshit crazy. The GOP establishment knows they can’t beat Gillibrand so they’re letting the animals on the far right run just for the fun of it

  • MDH

    Shouldn’t she take marriage more seriously? You can’t just marry someone in order to get them health insurance! What kind of marriage is that? If so then why bi-national couples have to go through hassle process to prove validity of their marriage? (Can you just marry someone to get them a green card!?)
    Is she sexually attracted to her mom? Ewww

  • Spike

    @JimD: HA HA HA, good one, thanks for the the laugh!

  • Desdemona

    ENOUGH with the ‘slippery slope to bestiality’ arguments- even with polygamy- these things are NOT what the gay rights movement is about! It’s just fear mongering. Polygamists can fight their own fight, and animals are not tax paying citizens and cannot sign a damn marriage license!! It’s so annoying and insulting when idiots like this woman compare two consenting adults to man and animal.

  • trustinfig

    What I don’t understand is why so many people want to make this argument and think they wont be complete morons. Marriage is between 2 Consenting Adults. An animal cannot consent to a marriage, thus negating the bestiality issue. Incest is a completely separate issue. This is about 2 men or 2 women who are in love with each other, of non familial relation. If an incestual couple decides to want to get married, they can do the same thing we are doing, and fight for it. However, I have an idea that they would meet up with less opposition than we are, because it would probably fall under “At least its one man and one woman” and be done with… “sigh” the world we live in

  • Belize

    “Who says we can’t marry our dogs?”

    Well, I’m not really surprised that a bitch wants to marry a dog. They deserve rights too. :)

  • Geoff

    @anon: Extremely well written. My sister does not “believe” in evolution or gay people. Ten years ago she told her two siblings (both gay) that we would not be good role models for her children. Children mostly grown now and we have a nice relationship with them. Sister never recanted her homophobia, so we don’t “believe” in her anymore.

  • DouggSeven

    I dunno, my dog is kinda hot.

    Didn’t interracial marriage opponents back in the day use the same argument?

  • Camote

    “Don’t let the brassy blond hair, blue eyes and big smile fool you”

    Are blue eyes and blond hair supposed to engender trust?

  • JayUVA

    TThe idea of marrying one’s pet is something these politicians should seek psychiatric help for.

  • Matt

    Closeted self-loathing lesbian!

  • 1equalityUSA

    Polygamy is banned for everyone across the board, gay and straight, whereas, marriage is withheld from one segment of Americans, deemed unpopular due to other Americans’ religious doctrines and beliefs. Animals cannot give consent. Now, I’m going back to petting my Girlie-Q’s (above the waist of course.) Hi, my love…yes, you’re so pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty. I want to meowy you, but can’t find a wedding ring small enough to fit on your claw… Republicans are laughable. I’m so glad that the internet will serve as a permanent record for all of these inane words oozing from their faces. Princeton’s Robert P. George, Nancy “wiggling” Elliott of New Hampshire, Maggie Gallagher will be the subjects of documentaries, books, and songs. What a legacy. Wendy Long, welcome to the club.

  • Harold

    She hasn’t got a prayer in New York; her rival is an extremely popular incumbent senator!

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