GROWING PAINS

Sharon Needles & Alaska Split! Plus Nine More Gay Celebrity Breakups

Screen Shot 2013-12-19 at 7.57.31 PMDim the lights and cue that depressing exit track, for another high-profile gaylebrity breakup sashayed to center stage and took its final bow this week.

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4 winner Sharon Needles and Season 5 finalist Alaska announced the end of their four-year relationship via press release yesterday, insisting their split was “a mutual decision” and is happening “on good terms.” They sound like they’ll remain friends and simply change the ‘boy’ in boyfriend to ‘best,’ which is great. You haven’t seen an ugly breakup until you take away half a drag queen’s wardrobe.

Only time will tell what becomes of the first Drag Race relationship-turned-friendship, but hopefully these ladies can keep it classier than some of the ‘mos before them.

As a refresher course, let’s look back on some of the most high-profile (and disastrous) gay celebrity splits:

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Rosie O’Donnell & Kelli Carpenter

Power lesbian Rosie O’Donnell says she and ex-wife Kelli Carpenter were living in separate homes for more than two years before their official split in October 2009—they tried to make things work for the sake of their four kids, of course. What she called her “new beginning” began with an honest tell-all in O Magazine, in which she cited her rage, lack of estrogen (uh?) and age difference as the reason for the relationship’s demise.

This year, O’Donnell has her hands busy with new wife Michelle Rounds and a new baby.

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Marc Jacobs & Harry Louis

Like the true wife of a fashion mogul, former porn star Harry Louis announced his breakup with designer Marc Jacobs this year on Instagram. It’s nearly impossible to know the exact number of times this on again, off again couple has called it quits, but it sure sounds real this time! No more nearly naked photoshoots at the beach, and certainly no more free chocolates for Marc.

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Nick Gruber & Calvin Klein

What could possibly go wrong when a 71-year-old leather bag plucks a young twink from obscurity, alters his face with thousands of dollars in plastic surgery, feeds his coke habit and expects nothing in return but “epic” sex? Well, everything, for starters.

Though nobody really knows when the Nick Gruber/Calvin Klein split officially happened, it’s safe to say their relationship is officially over. Klein lost his former lover to heterosexuality this year, and if there’s one thing we’re to take away from this torrid love affair, it’s that Nick Gruber is terrible in bed.

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David Tutera & Ryan Jurica

And what comes right after “50 year age difference” in the guide to ruining your relationship? Sex addiction, of course. It was David Tutera’s animalistic urges that allegedly drove him away from a 10-year relationship with former partner Ryan Jurica. The couple announced their split earlier this year and became role models for horrible parents everywhere by literally dividing custody of their twin children by each is taking one. Oy.

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Cheyenne Jackson & Monte Lapka

Broadway babe Cheyenne Jackson split from his husband of nearly two years in July and moved cross-country to settle in with a brand new boyfriend (along with some new tattoos, a mustache, and a recording device). If he ever considers a career pivot, I’d recommend this man as a top-notch publicist. The way he managed to spin a nasty divorce, sex tape, and young lover into a boost for album sales is truly brilliant.

Jane Lynch, Lara Embry

Jane Lynch & Lara Embry

The award-winning Glee star learned about prenups the hard way this year after filing for divorce from Dr. Lara Embry, her wife of three years. “It’s better to go apart than stay together,” she told Larry King in an interview. I imagine Dr. Embry feels exactly the same way, as she is now receiving almost $100K/month in spousal support.

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Zachary Quinto & Jonathan Groff

Another Glee relationship came to an end this year when Jonathan Groff and Zachary Quinto announced their split after nearly a year of being the most adorable gay power couple on the WeHo circuit. Things remained mum in the wake of their brief affair, but sources claim things were “far from amicable between them.” No love lost here — there are thousands of gay men willing to take these sloppy seconds.

Media mogul David Geffen and Jeremy Lingvall arrive for state dinner in honor of India's PM Manmohan Singh at White House in Washington

David Geffen & Jeremy Lingvall

“Whoops” is what I imagine 27-year-old Jeremy Lingvall muttered when his 69-year-old billionaire boyfriend of six years, media mogul David Geffen, broke up with him in 2012. I suppose screaming “shit!” at the top of his lungs also happened at some point. The Daily News dropped the bomb on this high-profile, well-funded breakup and even suggested Lingvall search Grindr for a new billionaire boyfriend. The jokes. Since the split, he’s found work as a DJ and was even featured on the Scissor Sisters’ “Shady Love.”

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Ellen Degeneres & Anne Heche

In what became one of the first gay divorce stories to see mass media coverage, Ellen Degeneres ended her three-year relationship with actress Anne Heche in 2000. The reason? The media!

Ellen once said she’d thought the two would “grow old together,” but the media circus surrounding her life after publicly coming out was too much to handle. “Everyone was watching us like we were the only lesbians on the planet. That alone made being together difficult.”

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