How vers guys ‘scratch the itch’ when dating strict tops or bottoms

Versatility in the bedroom can be a selling point “like a six-figure income or well-defined lats,” as a New York Magazine columnist once observed — but that doesn’t mean being versatile is always easy.

Take the vers Reddit user who says he’s dating a “Strictly Bottom.”

“He’s tried to top me but can’t keep the hard-on,” he writes. “I’m not one to get f*cked often, but I still have the desire. How do you guys manage?”

Related: Flip it and reverse it: The joys of being versatile in bed

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As you might expect, the question sparked a flurry of replies, multiple of which suggested bringing toys into the equation.

“Him wearing a buttplug while f*cking you will likely do wonders for him staying hard,” wrote one commenter, who also recommended self-loving: “Get you a dildo and then either play with yourself when you’ve got some privacy or have him drive it.”

Others wrote to say they’ve been in similar situations. “The last time I was in a relationship like this, he became vers, but it ended up being primarily oral,” one said.

Another dude explained that he ended up breaking up with his strict boyfriend. “It was less about the actual sex and more about his absolute refusal to even try,” he wrote. “He was kind of a selfish d*ck in a lot of ways, I found out”

Meanwhile, another commenter advised doing some consumer research before buying the car, so to speak. “I just don’t get myself into these situations,” he wrote. “I’d know if he could do both before it became a relationship.”

Related: Sex club under fire for charging vastly different admission prices for “tops” and “bottoms”

This, of course, isn’t a unique problem. In 2016, Thought Catalog’s resident advice columnist fielded a question from a guy in the opposite position: a bottom whose vers boyfriend wanted to be topped. The columnist told the fella to use toy if his erection wouldn’t go the distance, cynically adding, “If you don’t f*ck your man in his ass, at least every once in a while like he’s asking, I promise you someone else will.”

Similarly, the Redditor who proposed using a buttplug also suggested the vers guy might want to scratch his itch elsewhere — with the consent of all involved, of course. “FB/FWB pinch hitting assuming your BF is comfortable with it,” he wrote. “Threeways are also a thing.”

And what about guys who aren’t into top or bottoming? Turns out, there’s a Reddit conversation about that, too.