SMOOTH RIDER

WATCH: Ryan Lochte Shaves His Entire Body, “Even The Bits You Don’t See!”

Screen shot 2013-05-02 at 1.31.59 PMRyan Lochte may not come across as the most intelligent being on Earth, but when you have a body like that, who the hell cares?

In the latest episode of What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, this stunt queen let the cameras inside his bathroom to film the most homoerotic thing we’ve seen all week: a muscular straight man shaving his legs with gold-plated razors.

More importantly, he’s answering the burning question that’s been on everyone’s mind since the first time he entered the pool at the 2008 Olympics. Yes, Ryan Lochte shaves every inch of his body—even “the bits you don’t see”!

But honestly, you would too if you had a set of three custom-made, gold-plated razors.

The job takes roughly four-five hours to complete, which is about the same amount of time we spent replaying this clip this morning. Now excuse us while we watch it again.

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37 Comments

  • fredo777

    four to five hours?

  • jamesbarnette

    Heterosexual?

    I’m glad you guys cleared that one up because I was under the impression pretty boys always find other pretty boys attractive.

  • jamesbarnette

    K, just watched it and, sorry, but the girl he’s with is butcher than he is.

  • Polaro

    Dumb as a stump. And I would so date him. It might take him a few date to figure out that it really isn’t a really big clit.

  • miagoodguy

    A bag of rocks is smarter than this guy (or the viewers of this show), though he is a great swimmer.

  • miniskull

    First I wondered: “Who the fuck would watch this stupid shit?”. But then I realized it’s on E! Channel- the house of those stupid Armenian trashes and bunch of reality fame-whores. Gosh, I wish they can ban E! for dumbing down Americans.

  • ted72

    @miagoodguy: He’s man of the night as well as man of the morning. :) LOL

  • ted72

    @miniskull: You and I both! So many stupid Americans out there. And I’m an American.

  • Sweet Boy

    Smooth bottom guys are the latest fad…that´s why

  • QJ201

    So many straight guys are shaving off their pubes…my sister had to yell at my nephews who were shaving their crotches long before their beards came in.

    He is okay attractive, but those speedos…not worth a second look if you know what I mean. He’s no John Hamm.

  • alterego1980

    You know what; I’m glad he has a TV show. I can’t stand him (though i’ll look at pics of him all day where he can’t talk back), and i’ll never watch the show. But don’t forget that he’s a good Olympic athlete. I always thought that our Olympic medalists should be paid more. So often they struggle to finance their own training. So, good for him for cashing in.

  • B Damion

    Poor thing. He’s just like a little baby boy. Just alitte baby walking around bumping into things don’t know what to do.hhhooo..jesus take the wheel!

  • mz.sam

    I desperately tried to watch Ryan’s premiere episode…but had to quickly change the channel.
    There is more seismic wave activity in the water he swims in than the catatonic neurons in his brain…Duh!

  • mz.sam

    @miagoodguy: Sounds like a ‘MENSA’ to me…Mental Shit Alert.

  • Charles175

    A guy that deliberately shaves every square inch of his body butterball smooth is a sexual turn off for me. In my mind, having some to moderate body hair naturally adds to his handsomeness and air of masculinity. In this, smooth boys need not apply, LOL!

  • Teleny

    He’s so stupid that I find him unattractive.

  • Charlie in Charge

    @Charles175: But swimmers shave so they can swim faster.

  • Kieran

    I guess it would be asking too much to see the video of Ryan shaving his ass huh?

  • Bartz

    I am not a fan of big feet, but something about Ryan makes me want to lick him from head to toe and specailly stop and work the head in the middle of his bod!!

  • Elmwoodmac

    I wouldn’t be surprised if this creepy dumb ass saves all his pubes too.

  • jack512

    So many people say Ryan is dumb. As they keep talking his bank account keeps growing.

  • 2eo

    @jack512: This shows what exactly?

    What an idiotic statement, but then given the standard of those defending him for his idiocy is entirely not surprising in the least.

  • fredo777

    @2eo: “but then given the standard of those defending him for his idiocy is entirely not surprising in the least.”

    who is defending him for his idiocy, exactly, when the majority of comments are talking about how dumb he is + this one comment didn’t really defend him as much said that while he’s attacked for being dumb, he’s still successful. what it shows, i assume jack meant, is that regardless of his critics, the guy will still be successful.

  • rextrek

    eeeegads…..I cant stand Over-shaved/groomed men…….give me a furry guy anyday….

  • Kieran

    Let me help translate some of these posts from bitchy queen into standard English:

    He’s so dumb = He’d never dream of having sex with somebody like me.

  • Kathukid

    After watching his show for 5 minutes and listening to him speak, all I can say is it’s a good thing he can swim. As they say in the south, “Bless his heart.”

  • Niall

    He’s one of those people who should be seen but no heard tbh

  • Niall

    *not

  • MK Ultra

    This is pop-culture wasteland territory.
    The guy can swim. That doesn’t warrant a tv producer’s fictional presentation of his life.
    In fact, I think it cheapens his accomplishments.

  • Markajv

    Ahh Ryan! We need you back because you make me laugh my ass off. I know head injuries are nothing to laugh at but you never had one and still the craziest shit comes outta you!

  • baggins435

    @QJ201: 1)How does your sister know the boys are shaving down there? 2) How is it any of her business anyway?

  • baggins435

    4 to 5 hours? Not buying it. I’m a full on hairy guy and the one time I shaved completely took maybe a little over an hour because I had never done it before and I have cherry angiomas on my chest that are difficult to shave around, which is why I usually just trim. In the ’90s I worked with a guy who was a wannabe body builder. He shaved everything below his head. He didn’t even know what he looked like with body hair since he started shaving his arms, legs, and crotch before he started growing chest hair. When the women laughed at him and called him high maintenance he said it took him about 30 minutes tops for everything.

  • Mykey

    I don’t get gay guys’ obsession with straight men!

  • Darsithis

    “but when you have a body like that, who the hell cares?”

    Thank you for continuing the notion that looks > personality. Looks fade, for everyone. Some might maintain their looks longer than others, but in the end, we all look the same down the road.

  • captainburrito

    4-5 hours? Some guys would have to start the process all over again once that time elapsed! lol

  • WEBOne

    He is very good at what is essentially a useless skill.

    Personally, I don’t see the attraction…
    He’s ok In a suit, but take the shirt off and I lose interest quickly…

Comments are closed.